1 00:00:00,170 --> 00:00:04,450 There's plenty of talk everywhere about what to do when you're scared, 2 00:00:04,830 --> 00:00:09,540 but whatever happened to strength that's this week on the badass agile podcast, 3 00:00:17,380 --> 00:00:21,980 greetings team, welcome to the badass agile podcast. I'm your host, 4 00:00:21,980 --> 00:00:23,020 Chris Williams, 5 00:00:30,980 --> 00:00:33,980 Greetings friends. And welcome back this week. 6 00:00:33,980 --> 00:00:37,260 I want to talk to you about something that's really important to me, 7 00:00:37,460 --> 00:00:42,060 which is creating heroes, developing your strength, 8 00:00:42,060 --> 00:00:43,580 your grit, your resilience, 9 00:00:43,770 --> 00:00:48,490 especially in times when you're afraid and governed by negative 10 00:00:48,490 --> 00:00:49,810 emotion. But first, 11 00:00:49,810 --> 00:00:53,810 let's take a moment to remember why we're here to create an elite tribe of 12 00:00:53,810 --> 00:00:58,210 leaders who truly serve their clients and communities by doing what matters and 13 00:00:58,210 --> 00:01:03,210 what works relentlessly chasing value in excellence, like a badass. 14 00:01:03,220 --> 00:01:07,290 There's so many resources out there about what you need to do to be agile, 15 00:01:07,290 --> 00:01:11,570 but we're focused on who you need to become in order to lead teams. 16 00:01:12,060 --> 00:01:16,410 So let's hammer down those fundamentals to create a truly unique and powerful 17 00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:20,170 force in this industry. And remember, if this helps you, 18 00:01:20,170 --> 00:01:21,570 please share it with your friends. 19 00:01:22,300 --> 00:01:25,520 You can also find me in the badass agile listener lounge on Facebook. 20 00:01:25,660 --> 00:01:28,800 And don't forget to sign up for my new premium podcast. 21 00:01:29,380 --> 00:01:33,640 The badass agile entrepreneur, all the links are in the show notes below. 22 00:01:34,290 --> 00:01:37,410 We'll tell you what I get to spend an awful lot of time meeting people, 23 00:01:37,540 --> 00:01:41,600 hearing about their challenges and problems. More importantly, 24 00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:45,360 hearing about their ambitions, their desire for greatness. 25 00:01:45,540 --> 00:01:48,680 And that's really how this whole thing started. Five years ago, 26 00:01:48,870 --> 00:01:52,520 I wanted to do something that helped expose everyone's inner hero. 27 00:01:52,520 --> 00:01:57,000 Starting with myself. I came from a place of being not confident enough, 28 00:01:57,000 --> 00:02:01,520 not certain enough afraid and hindered by my 29 00:02:01,630 --> 00:02:04,120 emotions. Now years ago, 30 00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:08,000 with the help of some experts in the field of managing fear, 31 00:02:08,710 --> 00:02:13,670 I was able to overcome many of those challenges and it was overcoming those 32 00:02:13,670 --> 00:02:18,070 challenges that I think enables me to speak to you with authority today, 33 00:02:18,450 --> 00:02:21,030 but I'm noticing a trend and I think we're all noticing it. 34 00:02:21,030 --> 00:02:25,790 I spent a lot of time on social media and between those that I coach those that 35 00:02:25,790 --> 00:02:29,790 I help and those that I don't. I see a lot of dialogue out there, 36 00:02:29,860 --> 00:02:33,630 people talking about what triggers them, what holds them back. 37 00:02:33,980 --> 00:02:35,870 Most importantly, how it's very, 38 00:02:35,870 --> 00:02:40,390 very important to be patient with and gentle with yourself. And I agree, 39 00:02:40,810 --> 00:02:41,870 but something's missing. 40 00:02:42,070 --> 00:02:46,670 Being gentle with yourself might help you to address and avoid 41 00:02:46,670 --> 00:02:51,110 facing the things that are difficult for you, but it doesn't help you grow. 42 00:02:51,610 --> 00:02:52,750 I'm certain that awareness, 43 00:02:53,160 --> 00:02:57,710 empathy and self care must be balanced with strength, 44 00:02:58,280 --> 00:03:02,310 resolve and resilience. Some people have had really, 45 00:03:02,310 --> 00:03:04,590 really hard experiences in life. 46 00:03:04,840 --> 00:03:08,390 They've gone through things that most of us never have to go through. 47 00:03:09,100 --> 00:03:14,090 So I'd never want to discount somebody's experience and say that your fears or 48 00:03:14,090 --> 00:03:16,930 your challenges are not valid, but I will say this. 49 00:03:16,930 --> 00:03:21,650 I've never seen anyone grow their success by avoiding the things that 50 00:03:21,650 --> 00:03:26,290 challenge them by being sensitive to the words, thoughts, ideas, 51 00:03:26,290 --> 00:03:31,050 and expressions of other people and asking them to stop doing it so that they 52 00:03:31,050 --> 00:03:33,850 can feel safe or comfortable. I say this a lot, 53 00:03:33,990 --> 00:03:37,050 but safety is not something that others grant you. 54 00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:39,930 It is something that you must claim for yourself. 55 00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:42,090 It's fine to acknowledge your experiences. 56 00:03:42,800 --> 00:03:47,490 It's understandable to experience suffering and to struggle to move past that 57 00:03:47,490 --> 00:03:51,560 suffering. But what won't work is leaving it that way forever. 58 00:03:51,940 --> 00:03:56,000 And if the only negative impact was to the sufferer, that would be one thing, 59 00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:58,440 but this is becoming a bit of an epidemic. 60 00:03:59,330 --> 00:04:03,400 It constrains what we feel free to think and to say, 61 00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:05,160 to contribute and to offer. 62 00:04:05,460 --> 00:04:09,680 And it forces most of us into comfortable agreeable 63 00:04:10,480 --> 00:04:15,440 language thinking and routines more and more we're feeling boxed 64 00:04:15,440 --> 00:04:16,720 in. And in some cases, 65 00:04:16,750 --> 00:04:21,280 anyone who Daress to say otherwise is subject to attack and 66 00:04:21,280 --> 00:04:24,640 repercussions themselves, self righteousness, 67 00:04:25,020 --> 00:04:29,960 and the power of anonymity arm. People on both sides of the debate. 68 00:04:30,100 --> 00:04:33,360 And all you see is not diversity of viewpoint, 69 00:04:33,660 --> 00:04:36,200 but dissection and division. 70 00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:41,920 We're more focused on being right in our own realm than we are about 71 00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:45,960 being great, being good, making society, better, 72 00:04:45,960 --> 00:04:49,080 making our community better, making each other better. 73 00:04:49,750 --> 00:04:54,570 And I believe we're better poised to help each other. When we are strong. 74 00:04:55,440 --> 00:04:59,210 This means we need to be as good at facing our challenges, 75 00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:02,530 leaning into the difficult feelings, 76 00:05:03,610 --> 00:05:05,210 choosing to accept, embrace, 77 00:05:05,210 --> 00:05:08,930 and attack the hard things as we are at listening, 78 00:05:09,050 --> 00:05:12,330 being empathetic and being kind to ourselves, 79 00:05:12,780 --> 00:05:15,730 nothing in nature exists without balance. 80 00:05:16,620 --> 00:05:18,080 You can't go all the way, 81 00:05:18,080 --> 00:05:21,320 one way without expecting some kind of diminishing return. 82 00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:26,240 Remember that inherent in my vision statement are the final words to create 83 00:05:26,350 --> 00:05:27,183 heroes. 84 00:05:27,630 --> 00:05:32,000 I was put on this earth to help people find the best in themselves to gain 85 00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:36,600 courage where they need it to build certainty and to make progress in every 86 00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:41,000 dimension of their lives by choosing to do what others won't. 87 00:05:42,180 --> 00:05:43,730 So let's talk about strength. 88 00:05:44,280 --> 00:05:47,130 I realize that not everyone can be strong every day. 89 00:05:47,130 --> 00:05:51,050 And I realize that not everyone will be ready for this message when you hear it. 90 00:05:51,050 --> 00:05:55,730 But let me offer this strength is not about ignoring. What's difficult for you. 91 00:05:55,960 --> 00:06:00,030 It's not about just shouldering the hard times for the sake of shouldering them. 92 00:06:00,740 --> 00:06:05,590 It's about being self-aware enough to understand the things that are difficult 93 00:06:05,590 --> 00:06:09,260 for you. It may be about understanding past pain, 94 00:06:09,630 --> 00:06:14,460 or it may simply be about understanding your unconscious patterns and beliefs 95 00:06:15,010 --> 00:06:17,580 either way, knowing what holds you back, 96 00:06:17,670 --> 00:06:22,180 knowing what causes you to procrastinate, to avoid, to reject, 97 00:06:22,750 --> 00:06:26,540 to dismiss, and then understanding that without strength, 98 00:06:26,680 --> 00:06:31,220 you will never make time or find energy to address the things that are holding 99 00:06:31,220 --> 00:06:34,740 you back so that you can break through and get different results. 100 00:06:36,280 --> 00:06:38,760 Everyone listening to this wants to be a better leader, 101 00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:43,400 wants to be more powerful. Internally wants more confidence, wants more courage, 102 00:06:43,400 --> 00:06:48,270 wants more certainty, wants to be more influential. Now, 103 00:06:48,270 --> 00:06:49,230 if you want those things, 104 00:06:49,410 --> 00:06:54,030 you have to recognize that the natural order that is to say what's printed 105 00:06:54,360 --> 00:06:58,870 in our DNA is to reach, is to stretch. Look around you. 106 00:06:58,900 --> 00:07:03,750 Everything grows muscle doesn't build until you tear it as a 107 00:07:03,750 --> 00:07:05,750 human being. You start out small and weak, 108 00:07:05,930 --> 00:07:09,510 and then through constantly pushing and expanding your limits. 109 00:07:09,510 --> 00:07:12,630 You build the necessary muscle, the necessary intelligence, 110 00:07:12,630 --> 00:07:16,790 the necessary size that's required to survive in the world. 111 00:07:17,790 --> 00:07:21,070 Strength is not about angrily pushing through challenge and difficulty. 112 00:07:21,640 --> 00:07:25,110 It is in fact about first acknowledging what scares you. 113 00:07:25,110 --> 00:07:26,150 What's difficult for you, 114 00:07:26,570 --> 00:07:31,310 but then making the conscious decision to learn from it and to grow into it. 115 00:07:31,680 --> 00:07:35,710 Go back to my episode, where I interview ex Navy sealed David Rutherford, 116 00:07:35,710 --> 00:07:39,830 and he reminds me that fear is not something you conquer or eliminate. 117 00:07:39,840 --> 00:07:43,430 It is simply something that you learn to live with and to manage. 118 00:07:43,610 --> 00:07:47,350 And for each of us, that's done very much in our own way. 119 00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:52,390 We begin then by asking the question, what are the things that I wish I had? 120 00:07:52,390 --> 00:07:53,230 If I'm being honest, 121 00:07:53,260 --> 00:07:58,070 I truly wish I had not because the world expects me to not 122 00:07:58,070 --> 00:08:02,470 because my parents told me I should not because the education system told me 123 00:08:02,470 --> 00:08:04,070 that's what makes me a good person, 124 00:08:04,070 --> 00:08:08,790 but what are the things that I truly want somewhere in each of us' that 125 00:08:08,790 --> 00:08:13,480 desire to fulfill and to serve. If you're an agile coach or a scrum master, 126 00:08:13,670 --> 00:08:18,080 it's not unlikely that you are designed to make impact on people that you want 127 00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:22,400 to help others grow and reach full potential. Hell. If you're in this business, 128 00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:26,920 you are probably helping companies or clients reach outcomes more 129 00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:27,520 specifically. 130 00:08:27,520 --> 00:08:31,040 You're probably trying to help them reach outcomes more efficiently, 131 00:08:31,490 --> 00:08:35,960 or with better reliability or better quality than they ever have been able to 132 00:08:36,070 --> 00:08:36,903 before. 133 00:08:37,490 --> 00:08:41,960 So you are designed to help your teams or help others expand and grow, 134 00:08:42,060 --> 00:08:45,280 get better, improve, be more right. 135 00:08:45,500 --> 00:08:47,520 But before you teach others to do that, 136 00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:52,160 you are gonna have to help yourself do it because you need some experience in 137 00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:55,040 becoming limitless and overcoming challenges and boundaries. 138 00:08:55,700 --> 00:09:00,200 How else do you expect to be truly empathetic and a servant to others if you've 139 00:09:00,200 --> 00:09:01,320 never gone through it yourself? 140 00:09:01,770 --> 00:09:04,520 So what is it that you really desire that you really want, 141 00:09:04,520 --> 00:09:06,040 that you wish you were better at? 142 00:09:06,430 --> 00:09:09,400 What is it that you wanna serve the world with? 143 00:09:09,660 --> 00:09:11,480 And how are you doing on those goals? 144 00:09:12,220 --> 00:09:15,840 You might decide that you need to be a better facilitator, better presenter, 145 00:09:15,870 --> 00:09:18,240 better negotiator, a better speaker. 146 00:09:18,830 --> 00:09:21,230 Maybe you need to influence team members more. 147 00:09:21,550 --> 00:09:25,950 Maybe you need to deal with rejection of change with conflict, 148 00:09:26,220 --> 00:09:27,670 with differences, in opinion, 149 00:09:28,030 --> 00:09:32,270 maybe you need to be more confident expressing your unique viewpoint. 150 00:09:32,510 --> 00:09:35,830 Maybe you want to be in better physical shape. Maybe you wanna learn more. 151 00:09:35,830 --> 00:09:38,470 Maybe you wanna go back to school. Maybe you want more respect. 152 00:09:38,590 --> 00:09:42,590 Maybe you just want more income or a better role within your organization. 153 00:09:43,270 --> 00:09:44,990 Whatever the things are that you really want. 154 00:09:44,990 --> 00:09:48,670 What's keeping you from getting them look specifically for the things that you 155 00:09:48,670 --> 00:09:51,910 wish you had, the things that you need to do that, you know, 156 00:09:51,910 --> 00:09:53,270 you need to work on that. 157 00:09:53,270 --> 00:09:57,190 Then get caught up in a loop of procrastination and avoidance. 158 00:09:58,030 --> 00:10:00,500 If you need to lose a couple of pounds, you know, 159 00:10:00,500 --> 00:10:02,100 you need to go to the gym or get moving. 160 00:10:02,890 --> 00:10:06,510 And every day it might be in your plan might be in the back of your mind that 161 00:10:06,510 --> 00:10:09,630 you have to, that you must, and yet it doesn't get done. 162 00:10:10,180 --> 00:10:12,310 I heard this one the other day. What about your teams? 163 00:10:13,110 --> 00:10:16,750 Maybe your teams know that they need to get better at communicating with 164 00:10:16,750 --> 00:10:20,990 managers and expressing how blockers are holding them up and screwing up the 165 00:10:20,990 --> 00:10:21,790 dependency chain. 166 00:10:21,790 --> 00:10:26,470 And yet we never do the difficult work of addressing that problem 167 00:10:26,580 --> 00:10:29,070 face on having the hard conversation, right? 168 00:10:29,390 --> 00:10:34,150 These are the easiest and clearest signs that despite having a 169 00:10:34,150 --> 00:10:35,230 desire to go somewhere, 170 00:10:35,230 --> 00:10:38,830 that you're not yet willing to do the difficult work of getting there. 171 00:10:39,210 --> 00:10:43,950 And in that realization must be some element of avoidance or 172 00:10:43,950 --> 00:10:46,870 fear, procrastination, excuse making, 173 00:10:47,210 --> 00:10:52,190 and general failure to show up full out like a hero and do what must 174 00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:54,540 be done. Here's the simple truth. 175 00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:59,310 Anytime you have a challenge to overcome, the solution is usually finite. 176 00:10:59,720 --> 00:11:03,990 There's something that if you do it and do it consistently, you'll see progress. 177 00:11:03,990 --> 00:11:05,830 You might not see instant results, 178 00:11:06,250 --> 00:11:09,510 but you will see positive change and progress. 179 00:11:10,380 --> 00:11:14,210 So once we've identified what the problem is and knowing that there's a finite 180 00:11:14,210 --> 00:11:18,770 number of solutions that could work all that's left for us to do is to 181 00:11:18,770 --> 00:11:22,330 boldly experiment and say, I wanna be better. I wanna be stronger. 182 00:11:22,560 --> 00:11:26,210 I wanna be able to navigate the tough times and come out victorious. 183 00:11:26,590 --> 00:11:30,170 I'd like to beat this. I'd like to crack the code. And then we say, 184 00:11:30,310 --> 00:11:33,210 but starting tomorrow. And then tomorrow becomes the next day. 185 00:11:33,210 --> 00:11:33,730 And the next week. 186 00:11:33,730 --> 00:11:38,210 Now we all have things like this in our lives while it's fine to acknowledge 187 00:11:38,290 --> 00:11:40,450 them. I think it's a mistake to celebrate them. 188 00:11:40,820 --> 00:11:45,730 There's no need to beat yourself up about your failure to wrangle a nasty, 189 00:11:45,760 --> 00:11:49,490 gnarly problem. Look, I have a bunch of them. Fitness is one of my big ones. 190 00:11:49,620 --> 00:11:53,050 So is a consistent songwriting and creativity practice. 191 00:11:53,340 --> 00:11:55,120 I'm happy to say that in the past year, 192 00:11:55,120 --> 00:11:57,680 I've made significant dents on both of them. 193 00:11:57,920 --> 00:12:02,440 These will always be a struggle for me because deep down I have a fear 194 00:12:02,630 --> 00:12:05,480 that I'm not good enough to get the result. 195 00:12:06,230 --> 00:12:10,210 I'm worried about what would happen if I show up as a writer, as a songwriter, 196 00:12:10,210 --> 00:12:13,090 as a producer and as a quote, unquote, 197 00:12:13,140 --> 00:12:16,610 healthy athletic person. And I can't do it. 198 00:12:17,050 --> 00:12:20,100 What if I'm not strong enough? What if I'm not creative enough? 199 00:12:20,100 --> 00:12:23,540 What if I'm not clever enough? What if I don't have it? 200 00:12:23,730 --> 00:12:27,340 What would that say about me? Would that not shatter my self image? 201 00:12:27,500 --> 00:12:32,140 Would that not destroy my future dreams and ambitions and highlight 202 00:12:32,260 --> 00:12:36,100 myself as someone who's not capable of reaching for my dreams? 203 00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:41,100 Now that stuff is scary. At least to me. And the only advice I can offer, 204 00:12:41,100 --> 00:12:45,100 the only way I've been able to transform it is to say, because it's difficult. 205 00:12:45,570 --> 00:12:48,980 I must all caps must. 206 00:12:49,820 --> 00:12:51,120 And earlier in my life, 207 00:12:51,190 --> 00:12:55,960 I thought that the best way to influence myself is to say it is a must 208 00:12:56,090 --> 00:12:56,923 or else. 209 00:12:57,390 --> 00:13:02,040 Here is a list of all the negative consequences that will occur if I fail to 210 00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:06,080 act. And sometimes that worked and sometimes it didn't more recently, 211 00:13:06,080 --> 00:13:11,080 I've learned that it's helpful to see this as a must because I want the outcome 212 00:13:11,080 --> 00:13:12,360 more specifically. 213 00:13:12,750 --> 00:13:17,600 I want the master skill of taking the hard challenges and being good 214 00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:21,160 at facing them head on and wrangling them to the ground. 215 00:13:22,280 --> 00:13:26,140 The ability to work with my challenges, to stay the course, 216 00:13:26,670 --> 00:13:30,660 to do the hard things and to find success in it. Because once I've done that, 217 00:13:30,890 --> 00:13:35,660 I have proof positive ingrained in my soul that 218 00:13:35,660 --> 00:13:39,140 I can that even though things will scare me, 219 00:13:39,330 --> 00:13:43,980 I know that I'm capable of summoning the courage and leaning in just a little 220 00:13:43,980 --> 00:13:48,660 bit at a time, just to start just something to make forward momentum. 221 00:13:49,090 --> 00:13:50,100 Once you've done that, 222 00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:53,820 you realize that nothing actually stops you not permanently. 223 00:13:54,420 --> 00:13:59,400 And so when I see myself avoiding difficult situations, doing the accounting, 224 00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:04,120 having a hard conversation with an employee or a coworker, a manager, a boss, 225 00:14:04,120 --> 00:14:08,840 or anyone who's getting in my way or violating my boundaries or not playing at 226 00:14:08,840 --> 00:14:13,200 the level that I need them to, or they themselves need to. 227 00:14:13,710 --> 00:14:17,800 I can realize I can be aware that I'm avoiding the conversation. 228 00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:22,080 I'm avoiding the tough action. Then I can say, but you must, 229 00:14:22,460 --> 00:14:27,280 you must because this is the person that you most wish to be someone who 230 00:14:27,280 --> 00:14:31,560 faces their challenges head on and learns how to make progress, 231 00:14:32,020 --> 00:14:37,000 how to work with the fear so that I can be an example to other people who are 232 00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:40,440 trying to do the same. And in that respect, 233 00:14:40,710 --> 00:14:45,680 it's possible that our strength becomes a beacon to others who truly 234 00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:49,790 need it. You know, you hear a lot that it's never beneficial or helpful to say, 235 00:14:49,790 --> 00:14:53,960 well, just be strong. Just stay the course, hang in there. Be tough. 236 00:14:54,670 --> 00:14:56,280 I agree. That's probably not helpful, 237 00:14:56,460 --> 00:15:00,240 but I think most people are looking for an example, a mentor, 238 00:15:00,410 --> 00:15:01,560 an inspiration, 239 00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:06,440 someone who can show them that strength is possible and that sometimes strength 240 00:15:06,570 --> 00:15:08,240 is necessary. 241 00:15:09,020 --> 00:15:11,640 And I believe that if we can do this for ourselves, 242 00:15:11,640 --> 00:15:15,200 we can give it as a gift to others. And in giving that gift, 243 00:15:15,210 --> 00:15:19,280 we could transform the world, starting with our teams, real humans, 244 00:15:19,280 --> 00:15:23,960 who no doubt are struggling with all kinds of fear and experiences 245 00:15:24,180 --> 00:15:25,080 and background. 246 00:15:25,750 --> 00:15:29,610 And then we can radiate that light out to the rest of the world. 247 00:15:29,610 --> 00:15:31,730 And I'll tell you something really important friends. 248 00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:36,290 I think it's never been more important than it is right here. Right now. 249 00:15:37,330 --> 00:15:41,160 We need the gift of true courage, true grit, 250 00:15:41,670 --> 00:15:45,880 true strength, not the kind that comes from bullying and arrogance, 251 00:15:45,980 --> 00:15:50,730 but the kind that comes from balancing our fear and our 252 00:15:50,730 --> 00:15:53,450 desires to create a moment of realization, 253 00:15:53,560 --> 00:15:57,890 a realization of where our gaps are and then the resolve 254 00:15:58,460 --> 00:16:01,810 to address it one tiny step at a time. 255 00:16:02,460 --> 00:16:06,430 Now what could be more agile than that? My friends, 256 00:16:06,430 --> 00:16:09,670 I hope this one inspired you. I appreciate you tuning in as always. 257 00:16:09,670 --> 00:16:11,710 You can find me@badassagile.com. 258 00:16:11,730 --> 00:16:16,230 You can check me out on Instagram at badass agile and on Twitter at badass 259 00:16:16,230 --> 00:16:17,510 underscore agile. 260 00:16:17,700 --> 00:16:22,110 I look forward to seeing you next time and until then stay badass.