1 00:00:01,679 --> 00:00:04,740 Hey, everybody. Welcome to the Addiction Unlimited 2 00:00:05,040 --> 00:00:07,440 podcast, where you get to learn everything you 3 00:00:07,440 --> 00:00:09,699 wanna know about addiction and recovery. 4 00:00:10,224 --> 00:00:13,744 I'm your host, Angela Pew, cofounder of Kansas 5 00:00:13,744 --> 00:00:14,484 City Recovery, 6 00:00:14,865 --> 00:00:17,125 life coach, and recovering alcoholic. 7 00:00:17,589 --> 00:00:19,269 To learn more about me, you can listen 8 00:00:19,269 --> 00:00:21,829 to episode 0 on your podcast app or 9 00:00:21,829 --> 00:00:24,329 find us on the web at addiction unlimited.com. 10 00:00:26,625 --> 00:00:27,684 Hello, my friend. 11 00:00:28,144 --> 00:00:31,265 I'm your coach, Angela Pew, life coach, recovering 12 00:00:31,265 --> 00:00:31,765 alcoholic, 13 00:00:32,225 --> 00:00:32,725 entrepreneur. 14 00:00:33,344 --> 00:00:35,710 We talk about getting it together, leveling up, 15 00:00:35,710 --> 00:00:37,789 living better than you've ever lived before, and 16 00:00:37,789 --> 00:00:41,229 that is our goal. We have an awesome 17 00:00:41,229 --> 00:00:43,549 topic today. We're gonna talk about breaking habits, 18 00:00:43,549 --> 00:00:46,344 which of course, is super challenging 19 00:00:46,645 --> 00:00:47,465 for everybody, 20 00:00:48,164 --> 00:00:50,744 and we're all doing it all the time. 21 00:00:50,965 --> 00:00:51,465 Right? 22 00:00:51,844 --> 00:00:54,329 We are not only trying to break habits, 23 00:00:54,329 --> 00:00:56,909 change habits, but we are regularly 24 00:00:58,329 --> 00:00:58,829 adopting 25 00:00:59,370 --> 00:00:59,870 new 26 00:01:00,329 --> 00:01:00,829 habits. 27 00:01:01,385 --> 00:01:03,945 So, this is gonna be a good topic, 28 00:01:03,945 --> 00:01:06,504 I found this fantastic article, and I'm gonna 29 00:01:06,504 --> 00:01:07,625 share with you a lot of what it 30 00:01:07,625 --> 00:01:09,245 said, it's right up my alley, 31 00:01:09,829 --> 00:01:13,189 being very scientific and brain oriented in its 32 00:01:13,189 --> 00:01:15,349 action approach. And, you know, I love that. 33 00:01:15,349 --> 00:01:17,685 Everything I talk about on this show is 34 00:01:18,004 --> 00:01:21,064 science based. It's proven stuff, because for me, 35 00:01:21,524 --> 00:01:22,265 in the beginning, 36 00:01:23,204 --> 00:01:25,444 learning about my brain and how it worked 37 00:01:25,444 --> 00:01:26,829 is what made me feel like I was 38 00:01:26,829 --> 00:01:29,250 fixable. Like when I first got sober 39 00:01:29,870 --> 00:01:32,510 and I started to understand things on the 40 00:01:32,510 --> 00:01:34,510 brain level, like how my brain worked and 41 00:01:34,510 --> 00:01:36,954 how my brain was hijacked with alcohol, 42 00:01:37,655 --> 00:01:40,475 that's what allowed me to really understand 43 00:01:41,334 --> 00:01:42,795 that I could be fixed. 44 00:01:43,590 --> 00:01:46,629 Because my self esteem was so low, I 45 00:01:46,629 --> 00:01:48,890 felt like such a horrible 46 00:01:49,189 --> 00:01:50,090 human being, 47 00:01:50,495 --> 00:01:52,894 I didn't believe in my own ability to 48 00:01:52,894 --> 00:01:53,715 fix myself. 49 00:01:54,174 --> 00:01:56,494 But when I understood the science of it, 50 00:01:56,494 --> 00:01:58,894 I was like, oh, okay. So I can 51 00:01:58,894 --> 00:02:01,310 still be a crappy, horrible human, 52 00:02:01,849 --> 00:02:02,349 and 53 00:02:02,730 --> 00:02:03,790 I can be fixed. 54 00:02:04,969 --> 00:02:07,370 Those two things can live together. I can 55 00:02:07,370 --> 00:02:08,349 still be crappy, 56 00:02:08,985 --> 00:02:10,284 and I can be fixed. 57 00:02:10,664 --> 00:02:13,064 So that's my approach to everything. Right? I 58 00:02:13,064 --> 00:02:14,044 approach it from 59 00:02:14,344 --> 00:02:16,444 a science based brain 60 00:02:16,745 --> 00:02:19,150 kind of level. This is how we change 61 00:02:19,150 --> 00:02:19,889 our lives, 62 00:02:20,189 --> 00:02:23,650 change ourselves, change our perspectives and thought processes. 63 00:02:24,349 --> 00:02:26,509 And all of that is what helps you 64 00:02:26,509 --> 00:02:27,569 change your behavior. 65 00:02:28,115 --> 00:02:30,354 Right? And all of that is what helps 66 00:02:30,354 --> 00:02:32,775 you create the life you actually want 67 00:02:33,395 --> 00:02:34,294 instead of 68 00:02:34,914 --> 00:02:37,310 that shit show I created when I was 69 00:02:37,310 --> 00:02:38,610 drunk. I mean, 70 00:02:38,909 --> 00:02:40,830 that thing was a mess, you guys. That 71 00:02:40,830 --> 00:02:43,489 life I had before was a hot 72 00:02:43,949 --> 00:02:44,449 mess. 73 00:02:44,775 --> 00:02:46,395 So, of course, I wanna do it differently 74 00:02:46,455 --> 00:02:48,295 in my sober life. You know, I got 75 00:02:48,295 --> 00:02:50,314 this second chance to live, 76 00:02:50,615 --> 00:02:51,754 and I wanna live, 77 00:02:52,110 --> 00:02:54,270 and I wanna have the life I always 78 00:02:54,270 --> 00:02:55,409 dreamed of. 79 00:02:55,789 --> 00:02:58,689 So that's how we do it. Science based 80 00:02:58,750 --> 00:03:01,025 factual stuff. If you follow 81 00:03:01,405 --> 00:03:02,625 a kind of process, 82 00:03:03,485 --> 00:03:04,764 and you stick to it, and you have 83 00:03:04,764 --> 00:03:05,584 some good tools, 84 00:03:05,884 --> 00:03:07,485 there really is nothing on the planet you 85 00:03:07,485 --> 00:03:09,050 can't do, and that's what I want you 86 00:03:09,050 --> 00:03:12,090 to know and believe about yourself and your 87 00:03:12,090 --> 00:03:12,590 situation. 88 00:03:13,050 --> 00:03:15,069 It's all fixable, I promise you. 89 00:03:15,665 --> 00:03:17,985 If you want to get sober and stay 90 00:03:17,985 --> 00:03:18,485 sober, 91 00:03:18,944 --> 00:03:21,264 you might be moving toward that and doing 92 00:03:21,264 --> 00:03:23,365 really well and putting some time together, 93 00:03:23,669 --> 00:03:26,549 whether that's days or months. And you're doing 94 00:03:26,549 --> 00:03:28,409 it. Right? And then all of a sudden, 95 00:03:29,189 --> 00:03:30,009 you drink. 96 00:03:30,694 --> 00:03:31,514 Self sabotage, 97 00:03:32,375 --> 00:03:32,875 because 98 00:03:33,175 --> 00:03:34,715 you have some fear 99 00:03:35,175 --> 00:03:35,675 attached 100 00:03:36,775 --> 00:03:37,514 to sobriety. 101 00:03:38,629 --> 00:03:41,210 But what I know on the sober side 102 00:03:41,669 --> 00:03:44,469 is that it gets so much easier. It's 103 00:03:44,469 --> 00:03:45,370 not this 104 00:03:47,164 --> 00:03:49,405 concentrated level of attention that it takes in 105 00:03:49,405 --> 00:03:50,944 the beginning. Right? In the beginning, 106 00:03:51,324 --> 00:03:53,584 getting sober, I have to be so mindful. 107 00:03:54,189 --> 00:03:56,590 I have to be so aware of what 108 00:03:56,590 --> 00:03:57,409 I'm doing, 109 00:03:57,789 --> 00:04:00,669 where I'm going, who I'm hanging with, what 110 00:04:00,669 --> 00:04:02,585 kind of activities I'm partaking in, 111 00:04:03,064 --> 00:04:04,764 what am I doing for my recovery? 112 00:04:05,545 --> 00:04:07,625 It takes a lot of energy in the 113 00:04:07,625 --> 00:04:08,125 beginning, 114 00:04:08,665 --> 00:04:11,680 and your thoughts are going crazy because you 115 00:04:11,680 --> 00:04:13,780 haven't learned how to deal with those yet. 116 00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:16,160 Your feelings are going crazy because you haven't 117 00:04:16,160 --> 00:04:17,779 learned how to deal with those yet, 118 00:04:18,104 --> 00:04:20,264 and it feels like this kind of crazy 119 00:04:20,264 --> 00:04:23,004 manic thing sometimes in the beginning. 120 00:04:23,944 --> 00:04:25,964 It doesn't stay that way. 121 00:04:26,504 --> 00:04:27,564 You know what I mean? 122 00:04:28,170 --> 00:04:31,150 That's the part I want everybody to understand. 123 00:04:32,250 --> 00:04:33,150 Your whole 124 00:04:33,850 --> 00:04:36,410 rest of your sober life is not going 125 00:04:36,410 --> 00:04:38,894 to feel like it feels in the beginning, 126 00:04:39,675 --> 00:04:42,254 especially if you're doing good work on yourself, 127 00:04:42,875 --> 00:04:43,375 especially 128 00:04:43,834 --> 00:04:44,894 if you're working 129 00:04:45,439 --> 00:04:48,480 with a coach, or working a program, or 130 00:04:48,480 --> 00:04:49,459 doing things 131 00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:52,720 to be involved in consistent growth and self 132 00:04:52,720 --> 00:04:53,220 improvement. 133 00:04:53,914 --> 00:04:56,634 I always say one of my greatest keys 134 00:04:56,634 --> 00:04:59,534 to success in my life and my businesses 135 00:04:59,675 --> 00:05:00,175 is 136 00:05:00,794 --> 00:05:03,020 I have to have an understanding of what 137 00:05:03,020 --> 00:05:04,240 my shortcomings are. 138 00:05:04,620 --> 00:05:06,379 I have to know what I'm not good 139 00:05:06,379 --> 00:05:08,860 at, right? Because I have to put things 140 00:05:08,860 --> 00:05:11,115 in place to work around 141 00:05:12,214 --> 00:05:13,274 my weak spots. 142 00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:15,334 So if I know I'm not good at 143 00:05:15,334 --> 00:05:17,340 a certain part of business, then I have 144 00:05:17,340 --> 00:05:19,020 to put the right people in place to 145 00:05:19,020 --> 00:05:20,939 handle that part of business. I'm not gonna 146 00:05:20,939 --> 00:05:22,560 try to force myself to do it. 147 00:05:22,939 --> 00:05:24,699 I probably do for a little while, right, 148 00:05:24,699 --> 00:05:27,055 to see if if I'm teachable in that 149 00:05:27,055 --> 00:05:28,735 way, or if I get better at it, 150 00:05:28,735 --> 00:05:30,735 do I enjoy it more? If I have 151 00:05:30,735 --> 00:05:32,894 a good system or process in place, will 152 00:05:32,894 --> 00:05:34,029 I be better at it? 153 00:05:34,430 --> 00:05:36,029 I'll try those things for a little while 154 00:05:36,029 --> 00:05:38,509 because I always wanna challenge myself. But listen, 155 00:05:38,509 --> 00:05:40,269 if I just suck at something, I just 156 00:05:40,269 --> 00:05:41,870 suck at it. I gotta have somebody else 157 00:05:41,870 --> 00:05:43,954 do it. And that is one of the 158 00:05:43,954 --> 00:05:46,615 greatest understandings you can have about yourself 159 00:05:47,074 --> 00:05:49,074 is where you're not good because you have 160 00:05:49,074 --> 00:05:51,415 to provide reinforcements for yourself. 161 00:05:51,930 --> 00:05:53,149 If you know that 162 00:05:53,449 --> 00:05:54,430 you make it, 163 00:05:54,810 --> 00:05:57,449 you know, weeks or even some months at 164 00:05:57,449 --> 00:05:59,209 a time in sobriety, and then you fall 165 00:05:59,209 --> 00:05:59,709 off, 166 00:06:00,134 --> 00:06:02,455 well, then you better be thinking about some 167 00:06:02,455 --> 00:06:04,935 things you can do in that spot where 168 00:06:04,935 --> 00:06:06,314 you usually fall off. 169 00:06:06,855 --> 00:06:09,675 Like figure something out to support yourself. 170 00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:12,439 Don't just sit back and do it exactly 171 00:06:12,439 --> 00:06:13,879 the same as you've always done it before 172 00:06:13,879 --> 00:06:15,339 and expect a different result. 173 00:06:16,199 --> 00:06:18,285 You gotta do something. You gotta make a 174 00:06:18,285 --> 00:06:20,524 change. If I know I get to 2 175 00:06:20,524 --> 00:06:22,305 weeks, and then I drink again, 176 00:06:22,605 --> 00:06:24,845 then at 2 weeks, I'm gonna have some 177 00:06:24,845 --> 00:06:26,759 things in place. I'm gonna 178 00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:29,300 plan a call with a coach, or I'm 179 00:06:29,300 --> 00:06:30,120 gonna plan 180 00:06:30,819 --> 00:06:33,379 a coffee with my sponsor, or I'm gonna 181 00:06:33,379 --> 00:06:33,879 plan 182 00:06:34,654 --> 00:06:36,514 a lunch or 183 00:06:36,894 --> 00:06:39,454 a weekend away with my sober friends. I'm 184 00:06:39,454 --> 00:06:42,834 gonna put something in that weak spot 185 00:06:43,500 --> 00:06:45,980 to make it stronger. I mean that's only 186 00:06:45,980 --> 00:06:47,740 if you really wanna be successful, if you 187 00:06:47,740 --> 00:06:49,579 don't really wanna be successful then you won't 188 00:06:49,579 --> 00:06:51,654 do anything and you'll have the same result. 189 00:06:52,375 --> 00:06:53,894 So think about it like that, you have 190 00:06:53,894 --> 00:06:55,735 to know your weak spots so you can 191 00:06:55,735 --> 00:06:56,475 have reinforcement. 192 00:06:57,254 --> 00:07:00,000 One of the biggest things to under understand 193 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:01,620 in habits too is 194 00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:05,439 a habit is its own process in your 195 00:07:05,439 --> 00:07:07,220 brain, and it is largely 196 00:07:07,600 --> 00:07:08,579 an autopilot 197 00:07:09,115 --> 00:07:09,615 situation. 198 00:07:10,474 --> 00:07:12,714 And this is where you'll hear people talk 199 00:07:12,714 --> 00:07:13,214 about, 200 00:07:13,675 --> 00:07:15,274 you know, I'm driving home from work, and 201 00:07:15,274 --> 00:07:16,474 all of a sudden I was in the 202 00:07:16,474 --> 00:07:17,294 liquor store. 203 00:07:17,639 --> 00:07:19,740 Because your brain really does go on autopilot. 204 00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:23,100 It has a system. Habit is a system. 205 00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:25,420 And your brain is created 206 00:07:25,995 --> 00:07:27,214 to find shortcuts, 207 00:07:28,154 --> 00:07:29,454 to preserve energy. 208 00:07:29,914 --> 00:07:32,475 Right? So the less you have to think 209 00:07:32,475 --> 00:07:35,649 about something, remember how we've talked before about 210 00:07:35,649 --> 00:07:37,910 brain fatigue, decision fatigue, 211 00:07:38,290 --> 00:07:40,290 when your brain is making a 1000 decisions 212 00:07:40,290 --> 00:07:41,589 a day, it gets tired. 213 00:07:42,175 --> 00:07:42,915 So whatever 214 00:07:43,535 --> 00:07:45,555 shortcuts your brain can create 215 00:07:46,254 --> 00:07:48,175 to conserve energy, that's what it's gonna do, 216 00:07:48,175 --> 00:07:50,060 and that's really what a habit is. So 217 00:07:50,060 --> 00:07:52,460 when your brain recognizes that you're doing the 218 00:07:52,460 --> 00:07:53,680 same thing, you're repeating 219 00:07:54,139 --> 00:07:56,319 the same pattern over and over again, 220 00:07:56,939 --> 00:07:58,960 it creates a little habit wheel. 221 00:07:59,365 --> 00:08:01,305 And the habit wheel is 222 00:08:02,165 --> 00:08:05,444 cue routine reward. That's the basics of it. 223 00:08:05,444 --> 00:08:08,050 Right? Something cues you, we call it trigger 224 00:08:08,050 --> 00:08:09,829 a lot of times. Right? That's a cue. 225 00:08:10,529 --> 00:08:12,790 Something cues the thought process, 226 00:08:13,250 --> 00:08:15,964 your brain goes into autopilot into the 227 00:08:17,485 --> 00:08:20,384 routine, and then you have the reward, right? 228 00:08:20,685 --> 00:08:23,004 So take my little ice cream addiction for 229 00:08:23,004 --> 00:08:23,504 example. 230 00:08:24,329 --> 00:08:26,089 I can be sitting on the couch, just 231 00:08:26,089 --> 00:08:28,569 minding my own business, having a wonderful evening, 232 00:08:28,569 --> 00:08:29,709 and all of a sudden, 233 00:08:30,889 --> 00:08:32,914 literally, you guys, it could be anything. It 234 00:08:32,914 --> 00:08:33,575 could be 235 00:08:33,955 --> 00:08:35,975 the tiniest word. It could be 236 00:08:36,434 --> 00:08:38,134 a commercial on the television. 237 00:08:38,914 --> 00:08:39,815 It could be 238 00:08:40,169 --> 00:08:42,009 a smell. I mean, it could be anything 239 00:08:42,009 --> 00:08:44,090 can trigger me to want ice cream because 240 00:08:44,090 --> 00:08:45,690 there aren't very many moments that I don't 241 00:08:45,690 --> 00:08:48,649 want ice cream. So whatever the trigger is, 242 00:08:48,649 --> 00:08:49,389 the cue, 243 00:08:50,184 --> 00:08:51,565 then my brain immediately 244 00:08:52,105 --> 00:08:54,105 starts going to the routine. What is my 245 00:08:54,105 --> 00:08:55,784 routine for ice cream? What do I have 246 00:08:55,784 --> 00:08:57,464 to do? I have a few places I 247 00:08:57,464 --> 00:08:59,580 like to go. As much as I'm obsessed 248 00:08:59,580 --> 00:09:01,659 with ice cream, I really only eat a 249 00:09:01,659 --> 00:09:03,360 few different kinds. I'm very picky. 250 00:09:04,379 --> 00:09:05,899 None of them are really easy to get, 251 00:09:05,899 --> 00:09:06,879 which is fantastic 252 00:09:07,500 --> 00:09:08,000 because 253 00:09:08,495 --> 00:09:10,575 otherwise this would be a much more challenging 254 00:09:10,575 --> 00:09:11,075 battle. 255 00:09:11,615 --> 00:09:13,615 But anyway, see the cue or have the 256 00:09:13,615 --> 00:09:16,529 trigger, and my brain immediately goes into the 257 00:09:16,610 --> 00:09:17,981 routine. Okay, what do I do? Where do 258 00:09:17,981 --> 00:09:19,953 I have to go? Do I need to 259 00:09:19,953 --> 00:09:20,081 get ready? Obviously, I have to get in 260 00:09:20,081 --> 00:09:21,250 the car and go somewhere, so it's just 261 00:09:21,250 --> 00:09:22,930 my brain immediately goes into that process, the 262 00:09:22,930 --> 00:09:24,470 routine. Then the reward is, 263 00:09:25,575 --> 00:09:27,034 that process, the routine. 264 00:09:28,054 --> 00:09:28,955 Then the reward 265 00:09:30,534 --> 00:09:33,495 is whatever the ice cream brings me. Right? 266 00:09:33,495 --> 00:09:35,990 For me, it's not only that ice cream 267 00:09:35,990 --> 00:09:37,769 obviously tastes really good, 268 00:09:38,149 --> 00:09:39,450 but it's this whole 269 00:09:40,389 --> 00:09:41,450 comfort thing. 270 00:09:41,834 --> 00:09:43,294 Right? It's an internal 271 00:09:43,834 --> 00:09:46,574 thing. The reward is an internal thing 272 00:09:47,274 --> 00:09:49,214 that the habit satisfies. 273 00:09:50,480 --> 00:09:51,940 So it's this comfort 274 00:09:52,319 --> 00:09:53,459 thing for me, 275 00:09:53,839 --> 00:09:54,980 and this ritual 276 00:09:55,360 --> 00:09:57,299 of and I'm the same way with food. 277 00:09:57,360 --> 00:09:59,299 It's this ritual of 278 00:09:59,985 --> 00:10:00,804 getting home, 279 00:10:01,105 --> 00:10:02,485 getting really comfortable, 280 00:10:03,585 --> 00:10:04,965 cozy on the couch, 281 00:10:05,345 --> 00:10:07,125 turning the television on, 282 00:10:07,460 --> 00:10:10,899 and it's just this warm fuzzy feeling. It's 283 00:10:10,899 --> 00:10:13,139 a ton of fulfillment I get from those 284 00:10:13,139 --> 00:10:14,980 moments, right? And it can be food or 285 00:10:14,980 --> 00:10:15,720 ice cream. 286 00:10:16,100 --> 00:10:17,160 That's the reward. 287 00:10:18,084 --> 00:10:20,164 So the first thing you wanna do when 288 00:10:20,164 --> 00:10:22,004 you break a habit or you wanna change 289 00:10:22,004 --> 00:10:22,664 a habit 290 00:10:23,445 --> 00:10:26,029 is figure out those pieces. 291 00:10:26,330 --> 00:10:28,830 What's your cue? What's the routine? 292 00:10:29,210 --> 00:10:30,509 And what's the reward? 293 00:10:31,529 --> 00:10:33,549 And you guys have this in a 1,000 294 00:10:33,690 --> 00:10:34,184 ways 295 00:10:34,745 --> 00:10:36,745 that you already do every day. If you 296 00:10:36,745 --> 00:10:38,985 really start thinking about it, like I worked 297 00:10:38,985 --> 00:10:41,164 with a client a long time ago who 298 00:10:41,225 --> 00:10:43,144 was trying to stop eating candy at work 299 00:10:43,144 --> 00:10:45,289 because there was all these candy and donuts 300 00:10:45,289 --> 00:10:46,589 in his office building. 301 00:10:47,289 --> 00:10:50,490 And he had created this habit of after 302 00:10:50,490 --> 00:10:50,990 lunch, 303 00:10:51,345 --> 00:10:53,105 he would go down the hall to his 304 00:10:53,105 --> 00:10:55,504 buddy's office. He would sit at his buddy's 305 00:10:55,504 --> 00:10:57,345 office and chitchat for a few minutes, and 306 00:10:57,345 --> 00:10:58,404 he would eat candy 307 00:10:58,839 --> 00:11:01,000 out of his buddy's candy dish, and it 308 00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:02,679 just became this thing, or it just became 309 00:11:02,679 --> 00:11:03,659 a habit. Right? 310 00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:05,100 Now, the cue 311 00:11:05,559 --> 00:11:06,299 is lunch 312 00:11:07,175 --> 00:11:08,855 because he always goes to his buddy's office 313 00:11:08,855 --> 00:11:11,014 after lunch. So lunch is the cue. It's 314 00:11:11,014 --> 00:11:13,434 already putting that thought process in motion. 315 00:11:13,815 --> 00:11:14,955 The routine is 316 00:11:15,449 --> 00:11:18,089 going to his buddy's office after lunch and 317 00:11:18,089 --> 00:11:19,470 sitting down to chitchat. 318 00:11:20,490 --> 00:11:21,949 The reward is 319 00:11:22,649 --> 00:11:23,149 comfort, 320 00:11:23,529 --> 00:11:24,029 companionship, 321 00:11:25,644 --> 00:11:26,144 conversation. 322 00:11:26,684 --> 00:11:28,784 Right? All those things are the reward. 323 00:11:29,565 --> 00:11:32,125 So when we were working on breaking that 324 00:11:32,125 --> 00:11:33,985 habit or changing that habit, 325 00:11:34,429 --> 00:11:35,250 I had him 326 00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:38,509 start going for a walk after lunch instead 327 00:11:38,509 --> 00:11:40,129 of and I was like, get your buddy 328 00:11:40,190 --> 00:11:41,730 so you can still get the reward. 329 00:11:42,105 --> 00:11:44,345 Right? But go walk around the perimeter of 330 00:11:44,345 --> 00:11:46,904 your building. Go outside, stay inside. I don't 331 00:11:46,904 --> 00:11:48,825 care. Just make this your new habit instead 332 00:11:48,825 --> 00:11:51,085 of going and sitting down and eating candy. 333 00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:52,700 And it worked really well. 334 00:11:53,240 --> 00:11:54,779 But we had to identify 335 00:11:55,639 --> 00:11:57,720 the pieces, right, the cue, the routine, the 336 00:11:57,720 --> 00:11:58,220 reward. 337 00:11:59,634 --> 00:12:02,115 I know a big one for me with 338 00:12:02,115 --> 00:12:02,615 candy, 339 00:12:03,235 --> 00:12:04,695 and here we are back at sugar. 340 00:12:05,795 --> 00:12:07,429 A big one for me with candy is 341 00:12:07,429 --> 00:12:09,529 I had all of these routines 342 00:12:09,910 --> 00:12:12,070 in place in all the different places I 343 00:12:12,070 --> 00:12:12,730 would go. 344 00:12:13,110 --> 00:12:14,950 So if I'm stopping to get gas in 345 00:12:14,950 --> 00:12:15,690 my car 346 00:12:16,375 --> 00:12:18,615 at whatever place, I would have a certain 347 00:12:18,615 --> 00:12:20,615 candy that I would always get or a 348 00:12:20,615 --> 00:12:22,715 bag of chips or whatever the thing was. 349 00:12:23,254 --> 00:12:25,379 At every place, I started recognizing 350 00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:28,340 every single place I go. 351 00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:31,040 I even have places that I shop. You 352 00:12:31,040 --> 00:12:33,200 know that you know department stores how they 353 00:12:33,200 --> 00:12:36,394 have, like, all the shelves and stuff by 354 00:12:36,394 --> 00:12:38,254 the registers that are just full 355 00:12:38,875 --> 00:12:41,034 junk food. Now they have little coolers full 356 00:12:41,034 --> 00:12:41,615 of drinks, 357 00:12:42,069 --> 00:12:44,069 but chips and candy and everything by the 358 00:12:44,069 --> 00:12:46,009 registers. Even my clothing 359 00:12:46,309 --> 00:12:49,269 stores, I created these rituals, right, where I'm 360 00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:51,370 getting my favorite 12 flavored gummies. 361 00:12:52,284 --> 00:12:54,865 I'm getting my gummy at the clothing store. 362 00:12:55,004 --> 00:12:58,625 Now my whole shopping experience gets tied to 363 00:12:59,139 --> 00:13:00,440 an unhealthy habit. 364 00:13:00,980 --> 00:13:04,179 But I started noticing every place I went, 365 00:13:04,179 --> 00:13:06,644 I had these routines in place, And it 366 00:13:06,644 --> 00:13:09,524 was challenging, like, to really start breaking that 367 00:13:09,524 --> 00:13:10,345 was challenging. 368 00:13:10,964 --> 00:13:12,904 But you have to start with identifying. 369 00:13:13,500 --> 00:13:16,460 What's your cue? What's the routine? And what 370 00:13:16,460 --> 00:13:17,440 is the reward? 371 00:13:18,059 --> 00:13:20,860 When I recognized the reward for me, whatever 372 00:13:20,860 --> 00:13:22,720 the emotional thing was, 373 00:13:23,725 --> 00:13:26,384 when I could recognize that it wasn't anything 374 00:13:26,524 --> 00:13:29,404 that really was connected to the food or 375 00:13:29,404 --> 00:13:30,144 the candy, 376 00:13:30,629 --> 00:13:32,250 that made it a lot easier. 377 00:13:32,790 --> 00:13:35,910 Right? It's like, if I want comfort and 378 00:13:35,910 --> 00:13:37,529 connection of some sort, 379 00:13:37,904 --> 00:13:39,904 I can get that a 1,000 different ways, 380 00:13:39,904 --> 00:13:41,985 and that's how you start problem solving it. 381 00:13:41,985 --> 00:13:43,585 Right? It's like how can I create the 382 00:13:43,585 --> 00:13:44,404 same thing 383 00:13:44,865 --> 00:13:45,845 with a different 384 00:13:46,590 --> 00:13:47,090 routine? 385 00:13:47,629 --> 00:13:48,610 The other thing 386 00:13:49,309 --> 00:13:50,990 that's really big, and I do this with 387 00:13:50,990 --> 00:13:52,750 my 6 week clients, you guys have probably 388 00:13:52,750 --> 00:13:54,350 heard me talk about it before, is change 389 00:13:54,350 --> 00:13:55,090 your environment. 390 00:13:55,964 --> 00:13:58,764 This is huge. You need to create your 391 00:13:58,764 --> 00:14:01,825 environment to support what you're trying to do, 392 00:14:02,204 --> 00:14:03,345 your new lifestyle, 393 00:14:04,440 --> 00:14:05,259 rather than 394 00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:06,539 your environment 395 00:14:06,840 --> 00:14:08,379 supporting your old lifestyle. 396 00:14:09,559 --> 00:14:11,080 And there are a lot of different ways 397 00:14:11,080 --> 00:14:12,220 to do this. But 398 00:14:12,634 --> 00:14:14,175 one thing for me, 399 00:14:14,634 --> 00:14:16,795 like I just talked about the routine of, 400 00:14:16,795 --> 00:14:19,115 like, even stopping to get gas, I started 401 00:14:19,115 --> 00:14:20,735 going different places to get gas. 402 00:14:21,279 --> 00:14:23,279 And I know that sounds silly, but that's 403 00:14:23,279 --> 00:14:25,139 just what I did for a while because 404 00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:27,039 I didn't wanna already have it in my 405 00:14:27,039 --> 00:14:28,820 mind. I'm pulling up at the gas tank 406 00:14:29,325 --> 00:14:30,845 or at the gas pump, and I'm thinking 407 00:14:30,845 --> 00:14:33,245 about going inside and getting the candy because 408 00:14:33,245 --> 00:14:34,764 I know what candy is there, I know 409 00:14:34,764 --> 00:14:36,524 exactly where it is, and this is my 410 00:14:36,524 --> 00:14:37,024 routine. 411 00:14:37,519 --> 00:14:38,879 Well, if I switch it up, and I'm 412 00:14:38,879 --> 00:14:40,879 not going to that place, then I don't 413 00:14:40,879 --> 00:14:41,940 have to worry about 414 00:14:42,320 --> 00:14:44,100 that trigger and that routine. 415 00:14:45,075 --> 00:14:47,875 I'm switching things up, and that's your environment. 416 00:14:47,875 --> 00:14:50,035 It's everything around you. Think about changes you 417 00:14:50,035 --> 00:14:52,295 can make in your office to support 418 00:14:52,940 --> 00:14:54,320 what you're trying to do 419 00:14:55,019 --> 00:14:57,279 and support your new habit. 420 00:14:57,980 --> 00:15:00,699 They did a study with students changing their 421 00:15:00,699 --> 00:15:01,199 habits, 422 00:15:02,184 --> 00:15:05,884 and they found that the students who transferred 423 00:15:06,105 --> 00:15:07,165 to a new school 424 00:15:07,625 --> 00:15:10,399 were more likely to change their habits than 425 00:15:10,399 --> 00:15:12,500 the students that stayed at the same school, 426 00:15:12,799 --> 00:15:13,299 because 427 00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:15,220 they weren't exposed 428 00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:16,899 to the same 429 00:15:17,279 --> 00:15:17,779 familiar 430 00:15:18,160 --> 00:15:19,460 cues and triggers. 431 00:15:20,205 --> 00:15:21,345 All of that changed. 432 00:15:22,125 --> 00:15:23,184 That's your environment. 433 00:15:23,804 --> 00:15:24,705 The next one, 434 00:15:25,085 --> 00:15:27,345 reframe your goal as positive. 435 00:15:27,839 --> 00:15:28,659 This is a fantastic 436 00:15:29,600 --> 00:15:32,480 practice, and I learned it through law of 437 00:15:32,480 --> 00:15:35,299 attraction. I'm a big law of attraction person. 438 00:15:35,714 --> 00:15:37,235 Obviously, you guys hear me talk about the 439 00:15:37,235 --> 00:15:39,735 universe, that's my thing. Law of attraction is 440 00:15:39,794 --> 00:15:41,254 just an amazing lifestyle 441 00:15:41,875 --> 00:15:44,134 that really fits with my belief system. 442 00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:47,399 And in law of attraction, we always talk 443 00:15:47,399 --> 00:15:47,899 about, 444 00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:49,580 think about the thing 445 00:15:50,120 --> 00:15:51,179 you want to 446 00:15:51,514 --> 00:15:54,394 achieve, not the thing you want to get 447 00:15:54,394 --> 00:15:55,134 rid of. 448 00:15:55,675 --> 00:15:56,175 So 449 00:15:57,115 --> 00:15:58,014 when it comes 450 00:15:59,274 --> 00:16:00,335 to weight loss, 451 00:16:00,889 --> 00:16:02,570 I don't think, oh, I really wanna lose 452 00:16:02,570 --> 00:16:05,610 £5, lose £5, lose £5. I think, oh, 453 00:16:05,610 --> 00:16:06,750 I can't wait 454 00:16:07,450 --> 00:16:09,210 to be able to fit in those jeans 455 00:16:09,210 --> 00:16:09,710 again. 456 00:16:10,024 --> 00:16:12,904 Like, you always think about what you wanna 457 00:16:12,904 --> 00:16:14,125 move toward 458 00:16:14,584 --> 00:16:17,325 instead of what you wanna get away from. 459 00:16:17,544 --> 00:16:18,684 Does that make sense? 460 00:16:19,309 --> 00:16:21,809 So instead of thinking I'm gonna stop eating 461 00:16:22,269 --> 00:16:23,169 junk food, 462 00:16:24,029 --> 00:16:26,370 think I will start eating 463 00:16:26,830 --> 00:16:29,794 healthier food. Right? Always think in terms, reframe 464 00:16:29,794 --> 00:16:30,294 it, 465 00:16:31,475 --> 00:16:33,475 not the negative, what you wanna get away 466 00:16:33,475 --> 00:16:35,975 from, but the positive, what you're moving 467 00:16:36,434 --> 00:16:36,934 toward. 468 00:16:37,440 --> 00:16:38,659 I hope that makes sense. 469 00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:41,039 And this is a brain thing too, by 470 00:16:41,039 --> 00:16:41,620 the way. 471 00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:42,899 Your brain, 472 00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:45,700 the habit system in your brain 473 00:16:46,774 --> 00:16:49,115 doesn't understand negative goals. 474 00:16:49,894 --> 00:16:50,875 Your brain understands 475 00:16:51,975 --> 00:16:55,274 forward motion working toward a positive goal. 476 00:16:55,960 --> 00:16:59,019 And there's research behind this too that shows 477 00:16:59,320 --> 00:17:02,200 you're more likely to achieve a healthy eating 478 00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:03,625 goal than eliminating 479 00:17:04,804 --> 00:17:07,365 that I'm gonna stop eating junk food. Right? 480 00:17:07,365 --> 00:17:09,605 Your brain doesn't understand it. So when you 481 00:17:09,605 --> 00:17:11,865 reframe it in that positive way, 482 00:17:12,369 --> 00:17:14,529 research shows you're more likely to achieve that 483 00:17:14,529 --> 00:17:15,029 goal. 484 00:17:15,410 --> 00:17:17,890 And there's a whole emotional component to this 485 00:17:17,890 --> 00:17:18,390 also. 486 00:17:19,009 --> 00:17:21,029 When I was researching this episode, 487 00:17:22,115 --> 00:17:24,434 I found this piece that said, I'm gonna 488 00:17:24,434 --> 00:17:25,734 read this to you really quickly. 489 00:17:26,275 --> 00:17:30,700 Psychologists say pursuing negative goals is associated with 490 00:17:30,859 --> 00:17:32,159 feelings of incompetence, 491 00:17:33,259 --> 00:17:34,799 decreased self esteem, 492 00:17:35,259 --> 00:17:36,960 and less satisfaction 493 00:17:37,419 --> 00:17:38,319 with progress, 494 00:17:39,125 --> 00:17:40,345 and these emotions 495 00:17:40,884 --> 00:17:42,984 deter us from taking action. 496 00:17:43,684 --> 00:17:46,484 On the other hand, it's much easier to 497 00:17:46,484 --> 00:17:48,980 become excited by the thought of reaching 498 00:17:49,359 --> 00:17:52,100 a positive goal, which will increase our chances 499 00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:53,299 of achieving it. 500 00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:55,059 You see what I'm saying? 501 00:17:55,684 --> 00:17:58,005 Switch it to that positive, what you're moving 502 00:17:58,005 --> 00:18:00,164 toward, what you wanna achieve rather than what 503 00:18:00,164 --> 00:18:01,465 you wanna get away from. 504 00:18:01,845 --> 00:18:03,465 And on that same note, 505 00:18:04,029 --> 00:18:04,849 another reason 506 00:18:05,309 --> 00:18:08,450 your brain doesn't grasp negative goals is 507 00:18:08,909 --> 00:18:10,210 it's hard for 508 00:18:10,750 --> 00:18:13,464 your mind and your body to stop a 509 00:18:13,464 --> 00:18:13,964 habit 510 00:18:14,345 --> 00:18:14,845 altogether 511 00:18:15,625 --> 00:18:17,404 because it becomes so instinctual. 512 00:18:17,865 --> 00:18:19,944 Right? That habit wheel that I was talking 513 00:18:19,944 --> 00:18:22,444 about, the cue, the routine, the reward, 514 00:18:23,130 --> 00:18:25,470 it becomes very instinctual 515 00:18:26,250 --> 00:18:28,190 for us to complete the routine 516 00:18:28,890 --> 00:18:29,869 when your brain 517 00:18:30,250 --> 00:18:31,710 recognizes the cue 518 00:18:32,214 --> 00:18:33,835 and is craving the reward. 519 00:18:34,615 --> 00:18:35,994 So telling yourself 520 00:18:36,535 --> 00:18:38,954 you're just gonna stop doing it is not 521 00:18:39,430 --> 00:18:41,109 gonna cut it. And this is the next 522 00:18:41,109 --> 00:18:43,589 one. So rather than trying to cut out 523 00:18:43,589 --> 00:18:46,150 the habit, which almost never works, right, it 524 00:18:46,150 --> 00:18:48,375 kicks in this whole deprivation thing and all 525 00:18:48,375 --> 00:18:51,255 those psychological aspects I just talked about. The 526 00:18:51,255 --> 00:18:53,174 best way to do it is to to 527 00:18:53,174 --> 00:18:55,414 create a new routine to replace the old 528 00:18:55,414 --> 00:18:55,914 one. 529 00:18:56,620 --> 00:18:58,539 Again, this is another thing. I talk to 530 00:18:58,620 --> 00:19:00,140 I work with people in the 6 week 531 00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:02,620 program about how to do this. Right? It's 532 00:19:02,620 --> 00:19:04,539 always better when you remove one thing from 533 00:19:04,539 --> 00:19:06,325 your life, replace it with something. You don't 534 00:19:06,325 --> 00:19:07,625 wanna just take it away, 535 00:19:07,924 --> 00:19:10,025 but replace it with something happier. 536 00:19:10,565 --> 00:19:12,105 So when you have the cue, 537 00:19:12,485 --> 00:19:14,105 you wanna still get the reward, 538 00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:17,120 but you insert a new routine. Right? Like, 539 00:19:17,120 --> 00:19:18,880 I was talking about with my candy. Once 540 00:19:18,880 --> 00:19:21,519 I realized what the reward was, and I 541 00:19:21,519 --> 00:19:24,105 realized the reward doesn't really have anything to 542 00:19:24,105 --> 00:19:25,804 do with the food or the candy, 543 00:19:26,345 --> 00:19:28,184 then I could figure out a different routine. 544 00:19:28,184 --> 00:19:29,944 Instead of going in and getting the food 545 00:19:29,944 --> 00:19:32,150 or the candy, I could figure out something 546 00:19:32,150 --> 00:19:33,990 else to plug in there where I would 547 00:19:33,990 --> 00:19:35,289 still get the same reward. 548 00:19:35,910 --> 00:19:38,230 Next one, tell your friends about your progress. 549 00:19:38,230 --> 00:19:40,424 We always talk about this, the importance of 550 00:19:40,424 --> 00:19:43,065 a tribe in sharing your experience with people 551 00:19:43,065 --> 00:19:45,724 around you. This isn't only because 552 00:19:46,184 --> 00:19:48,980 it creates accountability for you. It also makes 553 00:19:48,980 --> 00:19:50,680 it more exciting. And 554 00:19:51,220 --> 00:19:53,380 the beauty of being a part of a 555 00:19:53,380 --> 00:19:55,000 tribe and having some accountability 556 00:19:55,714 --> 00:19:57,174 is your experience 557 00:19:57,795 --> 00:19:58,615 is helping 558 00:19:59,234 --> 00:20:01,414 your other tribe members also. 559 00:20:02,275 --> 00:20:05,140 We get so self centered and only thinking 560 00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:07,859 about what's what's it gonna do for me. 561 00:20:08,080 --> 00:20:09,380 You forget that 562 00:20:09,759 --> 00:20:13,200 you sharing yourself and sharing your experiences helping 563 00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:13,505 other 564 00:20:14,065 --> 00:20:16,065 people. Even if it doesn't seem valuable to 565 00:20:16,065 --> 00:20:16,565 you, 566 00:20:17,025 --> 00:20:17,845 it's valuable 567 00:20:18,545 --> 00:20:20,005 to the people around you. 568 00:20:20,464 --> 00:20:23,204 So create that tribe in whatever you're doing. 569 00:20:23,380 --> 00:20:24,359 Create the accountability. 570 00:20:24,740 --> 00:20:26,339 It makes it more fun. You get to 571 00:20:26,339 --> 00:20:28,839 share your experiences. You know you're not alone. 572 00:20:29,140 --> 00:20:30,974 You have to have a tribe, people. I 573 00:20:30,974 --> 00:20:32,494 know you're tired of hearing me say it, 574 00:20:32,494 --> 00:20:34,195 but I'm gonna keep saying it. 575 00:20:35,295 --> 00:20:37,215 And the last thing I'm gonna cover in 576 00:20:37,215 --> 00:20:39,154 this is be nice to yourself. 577 00:20:40,059 --> 00:20:40,880 Give yourself 578 00:20:41,420 --> 00:20:42,319 some grace. 579 00:20:43,500 --> 00:20:45,200 This is a long term 580 00:20:45,579 --> 00:20:46,079 journey. 581 00:20:46,700 --> 00:20:49,664 It's not going to be fast. Right? Changing 582 00:20:49,805 --> 00:20:50,305 habits 583 00:20:51,085 --> 00:20:52,545 doesn't happen overnight. 584 00:20:53,164 --> 00:20:54,865 This is not an instant gratification 585 00:20:55,244 --> 00:20:55,744 situation. 586 00:20:56,529 --> 00:20:58,470 Sometimes it will be. Right? Sometimes 587 00:20:58,850 --> 00:21:00,529 you'll do it, and you'll nail it, and 588 00:21:00,529 --> 00:21:02,450 you'll be like, heck yes, dude. Check me 589 00:21:02,450 --> 00:21:02,950 out. 590 00:21:03,534 --> 00:21:05,875 But the mind frame has to be, 591 00:21:06,255 --> 00:21:08,575 this is a journey. This is a long 592 00:21:08,575 --> 00:21:11,579 term goal that we're working on. There are 593 00:21:11,579 --> 00:21:13,819 going to be mistakes. There are going to 594 00:21:13,819 --> 00:21:14,640 be missteps. 595 00:21:15,420 --> 00:21:16,940 The only thing I don't wanna make a 596 00:21:16,940 --> 00:21:18,079 mistake in is drinking 597 00:21:18,414 --> 00:21:20,095 because I don't want any alcohol in my 598 00:21:20,095 --> 00:21:23,154 body, period. I will go to any length 599 00:21:23,295 --> 00:21:24,275 to not drink. 600 00:21:24,654 --> 00:21:27,740 But with my food stuff and just being 601 00:21:27,740 --> 00:21:29,920 a more health minded person, 602 00:21:30,299 --> 00:21:31,839 be more conscious of that, 603 00:21:32,140 --> 00:21:33,839 you guys I'm working on 604 00:21:34,444 --> 00:21:35,265 5 decades 605 00:21:35,805 --> 00:21:36,865 of bad habits. 606 00:21:37,404 --> 00:21:39,025 It is not going to change 607 00:21:39,404 --> 00:21:39,904 quickly, 608 00:21:40,285 --> 00:21:41,025 you know, 609 00:21:41,380 --> 00:21:43,619 And I have to give myself some grace. 610 00:21:43,619 --> 00:21:45,720 And I have to find progress 611 00:21:46,660 --> 00:21:49,799 in small ways because it's all progress. 612 00:21:50,585 --> 00:21:52,265 I don't just make the decision to be 613 00:21:52,265 --> 00:21:54,825 better and I'm magically better. I'm working on 614 00:21:54,825 --> 00:21:58,265 some really deeply ingrained things that, again, 5 615 00:21:58,265 --> 00:22:01,269 decades that I've been practicing bad habits. So 616 00:22:01,490 --> 00:22:03,410 it's gonna take some time. Be nice to 617 00:22:03,410 --> 00:22:03,910 yourself. 618 00:22:04,450 --> 00:22:06,549 Give yourself a little bit of wiggle room, 619 00:22:06,954 --> 00:22:09,054 and recognize your progress 620 00:22:09,515 --> 00:22:11,034 even in the moments that you don't do 621 00:22:11,034 --> 00:22:12,414 things exactly right. 622 00:22:13,115 --> 00:22:14,815 Progress, not perfection. 623 00:22:15,515 --> 00:22:16,654 Be kind to yourself. 624 00:22:17,579 --> 00:22:19,259 I love you guys. I hope you're having 625 00:22:19,259 --> 00:22:22,319 a fantastic day and I will see you 626 00:22:22,539 --> 00:22:23,440 next week. 627 00:22:24,464 --> 00:22:26,704 You've reached the end of another great episode 628 00:22:26,704 --> 00:22:28,724 of the Addiction Unlimited podcast. 629 00:22:29,105 --> 00:22:32,404 Candid and honest conversation about addiction and recovery. 630 00:22:32,849 --> 00:22:34,950 Be sure to visit us at addiction unlimited.com 631 00:22:35,650 --> 00:22:38,529 to join the conversation and access show notes 632 00:22:38,529 --> 00:22:40,444 and links to everything we talked about. 633 00:22:41,005 --> 00:22:43,964 Love this episode? Please take 30 seconds to 634 00:22:43,964 --> 00:22:46,684 subscribe, rate, and review on Itunes to help 635 00:22:46,684 --> 00:22:49,220 us improve and give you the information you 636 00:22:49,220 --> 00:22:52,279 want. Thanks for listening. See you next week.