1 00:00:01,714 --> 00:00:05,564 Hey, everybody. Welcome to the addiction unlimited podcast, 2 00:00:05,942 --> 00:00:07,776 where you get to learn everything you wanna 3 00:00:07,776 --> 00:00:09,690 know about addiction and recovery. 4 00:00:10,264 --> 00:00:13,300 I'm your host, Angela Pew, c founder of 5 00:00:13,460 --> 00:00:17,215 Kansas City recovery, life coach, and recovering alcoholic, 6 00:00:17,630 --> 00:00:19,310 To learn more about me, you can listen 7 00:00:19,310 --> 00:00:21,949 to episode 0 on your podcast app or 8 00:00:21,949 --> 00:00:24,530 find us on the web at addiction unlimited 9 00:00:24,589 --> 00:00:25,149 dot com. 10 00:00:26,682 --> 00:00:28,670 Hey, everybody. Thank you for hanging out with 11 00:00:28,670 --> 00:00:30,579 me today and listening to the pod. I'm 12 00:00:30,579 --> 00:00:32,885 your coach, Angela Pew helping you get that 13 00:00:32,885 --> 00:00:34,158 sober life you want. 14 00:00:34,968 --> 00:00:38,968 So your struggle is changing your thinking, loving 15 00:00:39,104 --> 00:00:39,422 yourself. 16 00:00:40,138 --> 00:00:42,143 You feel like you're never enough. It's a 17 00:00:42,143 --> 00:00:45,493 daily struggle not only to eliminate alcohol from 18 00:00:45,493 --> 00:00:48,684 your life, but to learn how to think 19 00:00:48,684 --> 00:00:51,475 in a way that's more supportive and positive. 20 00:00:52,367 --> 00:00:54,601 And 1 of our online recovery meetings the 21 00:00:54,601 --> 00:00:57,472 other day, 1 of our members said, she 22 00:00:57,472 --> 00:01:01,003 knows whatever her first thought is, it's usually 23 00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:01,301 wrong. 24 00:01:02,191 --> 00:01:02,588 She said, 25 00:01:03,304 --> 00:01:05,767 she's just come to terms with the fact 26 00:01:05,767 --> 00:01:07,913 that when she recognizes her first thought in 27 00:01:07,913 --> 00:01:11,369 a situation, she automatically does the opposite. And 28 00:01:11,587 --> 00:01:13,341 I know I chuckle, but you guys it's 29 00:01:13,341 --> 00:01:14,139 so true, 30 00:01:14,697 --> 00:01:17,250 and I was exactly the same way. So 31 00:01:17,250 --> 00:01:19,643 this so resonated with me when she started 32 00:01:19,643 --> 00:01:20,281 talking about it. 33 00:01:21,173 --> 00:01:23,167 You've heard me tell the story of my 34 00:01:23,167 --> 00:01:24,225 early sobriety 35 00:01:24,682 --> 00:01:27,155 when someone approached me at a meeting and 36 00:01:27,155 --> 00:01:28,910 invited me to a girl's dinner right with 37 00:01:28,910 --> 00:01:30,345 several ladies from May. 38 00:01:31,395 --> 00:01:32,588 I was literally like, 39 00:01:33,304 --> 00:01:35,611 2 weeks sober and scared to death. I 40 00:01:35,611 --> 00:01:37,282 may have only been 1 week sober. No. 41 00:01:37,853 --> 00:01:39,683 I think I was 2 weeks sober, but 42 00:01:39,683 --> 00:01:42,649 it was my first week going to Aa 43 00:01:42,865 --> 00:01:43,365 because 44 00:01:43,820 --> 00:01:45,967 my first week really sober. Remember I had 45 00:01:45,967 --> 00:01:48,292 a car act. Accident. So my whole face 46 00:01:48,292 --> 00:01:49,726 and head was all busted up. 47 00:01:50,363 --> 00:01:53,549 So my first week sober, I was just 48 00:01:53,549 --> 00:01:55,915 resting at my house. I couldn't really 49 00:01:56,272 --> 00:01:58,102 drive and do those kind of things. So 50 00:01:58,102 --> 00:02:01,125 my first A meeting. I was already 7 51 00:02:01,125 --> 00:02:02,238 days sober. 52 00:02:03,128 --> 00:02:04,719 So I think that's where I get confused 53 00:02:04,719 --> 00:02:06,151 in my head. So I was probably 2 54 00:02:06,151 --> 00:02:08,140 weeks sober what was my first week in 55 00:02:08,299 --> 00:02:08,617 Aa. 56 00:02:09,572 --> 00:02:11,004 Anyway, I don't know why I just had 57 00:02:11,004 --> 00:02:12,394 to go through all that. But 58 00:02:13,166 --> 00:02:14,598 so you guys know because you need to 59 00:02:14,598 --> 00:02:15,393 know every detail. 60 00:02:16,189 --> 00:02:18,257 So you've heard me tell the story. She 61 00:02:18,257 --> 00:02:20,007 approached me, asked me to go to dinner 62 00:02:20,007 --> 00:02:23,212 and Remember, I'm an introvert anyway, and I 63 00:02:23,212 --> 00:02:25,786 was new so my anxiety was 64 00:02:26,643 --> 00:02:27,143 unbearable. 65 00:02:28,014 --> 00:02:30,564 And the only places I wanted to be 66 00:02:30,564 --> 00:02:31,462 were home 67 00:02:31,919 --> 00:02:34,230 or at my Aa group. I didn't wanna 68 00:02:34,230 --> 00:02:37,191 go anywhere else for a long time because 69 00:02:37,191 --> 00:02:38,622 those were my safe places. 70 00:02:39,259 --> 00:02:41,088 And I was pretty freaked out. I know 71 00:02:41,168 --> 00:02:42,655 I don't talk about this too much, but 72 00:02:42,934 --> 00:02:45,248 I was pretty freaked out after my car 73 00:02:45,248 --> 00:02:45,567 accident. 74 00:02:46,445 --> 00:02:48,062 I was really freaked out 75 00:02:48,839 --> 00:02:52,142 about the whole thing. I had... Crazy anxiety 76 00:02:52,198 --> 00:02:52,834 and fear. 77 00:02:53,469 --> 00:02:54,843 I had major 78 00:02:55,217 --> 00:02:56,749 fear about driving. 79 00:02:57,441 --> 00:02:59,283 And I was kind of a mess for 80 00:02:59,283 --> 00:03:01,454 a little while. I was just very, very 81 00:03:01,591 --> 00:03:03,739 uneasy and kind of scared of everything. 82 00:03:04,216 --> 00:03:06,842 Probably just shock and trauma and all of 83 00:03:06,842 --> 00:03:07,558 that stuff. Right? 84 00:03:08,369 --> 00:03:09,803 So she invites me to this dinner. 85 00:03:10,520 --> 00:03:11,817 I don't know anyone 86 00:03:12,352 --> 00:03:13,490 in the committee 87 00:03:14,105 --> 00:03:14,605 immediately 88 00:03:14,982 --> 00:03:16,188 says, hell, 89 00:03:16,664 --> 00:03:18,011 no. We're not doing that. 90 00:03:18,645 --> 00:03:20,706 And and as soon as I heard the 91 00:03:20,706 --> 00:03:22,529 committee in my head, say, hell, no. 92 00:03:23,179 --> 00:03:25,093 I immediately knew I had to do it. 93 00:03:25,332 --> 00:03:26,449 So I looked at her and I said, 94 00:03:26,529 --> 00:03:27,406 yeah, I'd love to. 95 00:03:28,124 --> 00:03:30,517 I went that evening to the restaurant. I 96 00:03:30,517 --> 00:03:32,692 sat in my car and cried 97 00:03:33,243 --> 00:03:35,096 for probably 15 minutes 98 00:03:35,551 --> 00:03:36,666 before I went inside, 99 00:03:37,621 --> 00:03:40,430 my anxiety was out of control 100 00:03:41,139 --> 00:03:43,372 but I knew I had to must the 101 00:03:43,372 --> 00:03:44,648 courage to go inside. 102 00:03:45,526 --> 00:03:48,158 So even though my anxiety was crazy, and 103 00:03:48,158 --> 00:03:51,283 the committee was begging to leave and and 104 00:03:51,283 --> 00:03:52,420 giving me every 105 00:03:53,512 --> 00:03:55,104 rationalization in the world as to why it 106 00:03:55,104 --> 00:03:56,458 was okay for me to leave, 107 00:03:57,492 --> 00:03:58,766 I knew I had to do it. 108 00:03:59,497 --> 00:04:00,211 And I did it. 109 00:04:01,482 --> 00:04:04,499 So why is it that our first response 110 00:04:04,499 --> 00:04:06,961 is usually wrong? Why is it that? We 111 00:04:06,961 --> 00:04:10,426 want to numb and treat every discomfort from 112 00:04:10,484 --> 00:04:12,478 boredom to sadness with booze? 113 00:04:13,195 --> 00:04:15,588 And why doesn't it change when we stop 114 00:04:15,588 --> 00:04:15,907 drinking? 115 00:04:17,037 --> 00:04:18,626 You know drinking is the problem, 116 00:04:19,183 --> 00:04:21,646 So why doesn't everything becomes super simple when 117 00:04:21,646 --> 00:04:22,123 you stop? 118 00:04:22,917 --> 00:04:23,712 It's your thinking. 119 00:04:25,402 --> 00:04:26,780 When we're compulsive 120 00:04:27,477 --> 00:04:31,489 and impulsive and unhealthy and dependent and 121 00:04:31,947 --> 00:04:32,266 insecure, 122 00:04:33,399 --> 00:04:35,792 And those are the things we are when 123 00:04:35,792 --> 00:04:38,424 we have substance issues, we are all of 124 00:04:38,424 --> 00:04:38,743 that. 125 00:04:39,540 --> 00:04:42,114 And when we function from those places, 126 00:04:42,571 --> 00:04:45,218 we make decisions for all the wrong reasons. 127 00:04:45,856 --> 00:04:46,573 Are you with me? 128 00:04:47,929 --> 00:04:51,140 We function from a place of instant 129 00:04:51,596 --> 00:04:51,836 gratification, 130 00:04:52,725 --> 00:04:54,389 instead of doing what is best in the 131 00:04:54,389 --> 00:04:54,865 long run. 132 00:04:55,657 --> 00:04:57,956 We want what feels good now rather than 133 00:04:57,956 --> 00:04:59,303 what is actually good. 134 00:05:00,034 --> 00:05:01,154 Our motives are off. 135 00:05:02,354 --> 00:05:03,254 Most of us 136 00:05:03,634 --> 00:05:06,694 spent years living like that, training our brains 137 00:05:07,074 --> 00:05:09,175 to make decisions in a certain way 138 00:05:09,728 --> 00:05:12,438 choose the date because the attention feels really 139 00:05:12,438 --> 00:05:14,112 good right now. Even if you know that 140 00:05:14,112 --> 00:05:15,945 isn't the type of person you wanna be 141 00:05:15,945 --> 00:05:16,981 with long term, 142 00:05:18,033 --> 00:05:19,810 but the attention and 143 00:05:20,427 --> 00:05:21,624 companionship and lust, 144 00:05:22,182 --> 00:05:24,257 all feel great in that moment so we 145 00:05:24,257 --> 00:05:24,736 go for it. 146 00:05:25,389 --> 00:05:26,529 We're not capable 147 00:05:27,068 --> 00:05:29,465 of thinking about the long term. We act 148 00:05:29,465 --> 00:05:32,262 on that feeling in the moment. What feels 149 00:05:32,262 --> 00:05:34,740 good right now instead of being a grown 150 00:05:34,740 --> 00:05:36,826 up in thinking big picture. 151 00:05:38,498 --> 00:05:41,364 Here's a great example of that instant gratification 152 00:05:41,364 --> 00:05:41,864 thinking 153 00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:43,329 where I was just 154 00:05:43,845 --> 00:05:46,543 absolutely ridiculous. Right? And I tell you this 155 00:05:46,543 --> 00:05:49,320 story as so you can see how deep 156 00:05:49,320 --> 00:05:51,224 seated this thought process is. Right? 157 00:05:52,033 --> 00:05:53,623 It infiltrate every area. 158 00:05:54,736 --> 00:05:56,643 Okay. This was many years ago. I was 159 00:05:56,643 --> 00:05:57,143 probably 160 00:05:57,995 --> 00:06:00,777 in my first year of sobriety maybe second. 161 00:06:01,666 --> 00:06:03,970 I was buying furniture for my bedroom, and 162 00:06:04,129 --> 00:06:06,194 I had found this incredible bed online that 163 00:06:06,353 --> 00:06:06,909 I really wanted. 164 00:06:07,624 --> 00:06:09,610 There was only 1 store in my city 165 00:06:09,610 --> 00:06:11,063 that sold that bed 166 00:06:11,614 --> 00:06:14,351 So like a good alcoholic, I drop everything 167 00:06:14,410 --> 00:06:16,008 and I go directly to the store, 168 00:06:16,567 --> 00:06:18,005 determined to get my bed. 169 00:06:19,452 --> 00:06:21,599 When I got there, they informed me that, 170 00:06:21,758 --> 00:06:23,428 yes, they do sell that bed, 171 00:06:24,223 --> 00:06:25,893 but they don't keep it in stock. 172 00:06:26,608 --> 00:06:27,801 It has to be ordered. 173 00:06:29,485 --> 00:06:31,391 It takes 6 to 8 weeks to come 174 00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:31,630 in. 175 00:06:32,662 --> 00:06:34,807 And I remember thinking where the f is 176 00:06:34,807 --> 00:06:37,285 this damn bed coming from exact clean like, 177 00:06:37,682 --> 00:06:39,588 what in God's name takes 6 to 8 178 00:06:39,588 --> 00:06:39,905 weeks. 179 00:06:40,779 --> 00:06:42,526 You guys I couldn't handle it. 180 00:06:43,638 --> 00:06:45,783 I said ef you, I can't wait that 181 00:06:45,783 --> 00:06:46,914 long. And I left. 182 00:06:47,555 --> 00:06:49,394 You know what I did? I went to 183 00:06:49,394 --> 00:06:51,794 another store, and I bought a bed that 184 00:06:51,794 --> 00:06:53,634 was not nearly as amazing as the 1 185 00:06:53,714 --> 00:06:55,967 I wanted, just because they could deliver it 186 00:06:55,967 --> 00:06:56,367 immediately. 187 00:06:57,086 --> 00:06:57,825 I needed 188 00:06:58,204 --> 00:06:59,343 that instant 189 00:07:00,121 --> 00:07:00,281 gratification. 190 00:07:01,733 --> 00:07:03,645 And ladies, you will totally get this to 191 00:07:03,645 --> 00:07:05,876 you. I can't tell you how many items 192 00:07:05,876 --> 00:07:08,107 of clothing I've purchased in my life that 193 00:07:08,107 --> 00:07:11,269 weren't even my size or a color that 194 00:07:11,469 --> 00:07:14,101 I didn't like or didn't fit exactly right, 195 00:07:14,659 --> 00:07:16,515 but I thought I can make it work 196 00:07:16,574 --> 00:07:19,604 just because I wanted that little high of 197 00:07:19,604 --> 00:07:20,104 instant 198 00:07:20,482 --> 00:07:20,641 gratification. 199 00:07:21,374 --> 00:07:22,093 Are you with me? 200 00:07:23,212 --> 00:07:25,049 It's so silly you guys. 201 00:07:26,088 --> 00:07:28,665 We do this in so many ways 202 00:07:29,138 --> 00:07:32,169 getting into relationships or getting married even when 203 00:07:32,169 --> 00:07:34,344 there are a thousand red flags 204 00:07:34,881 --> 00:07:37,911 because we want the instant gratification, we want 205 00:07:37,911 --> 00:07:40,980 to be in that feeling in that moment 206 00:07:41,756 --> 00:07:42,655 instead of thinking 207 00:07:43,033 --> 00:07:45,188 what's right for the big picture for the 208 00:07:45,188 --> 00:07:45,746 long term. 209 00:07:46,718 --> 00:07:48,941 Driving to an meeting and sitting in the 210 00:07:48,941 --> 00:07:51,403 parking lot, too afraid to go in and 211 00:07:51,403 --> 00:07:52,221 you leave 212 00:07:52,674 --> 00:07:54,914 because the instant gratification of getting back to 213 00:07:54,914 --> 00:07:56,666 your comfort zone is all you want in 214 00:07:56,666 --> 00:07:57,326 that moment 215 00:07:58,180 --> 00:07:58,680 or 216 00:07:59,534 --> 00:08:00,910 avoiding a tough 217 00:08:01,287 --> 00:08:03,836 conversation with your kids or boss or partner, 218 00:08:04,648 --> 00:08:06,405 because you don't want them to be upset 219 00:08:06,405 --> 00:08:07,922 with you or have a fight. 220 00:08:08,640 --> 00:08:09,699 The instant 221 00:08:10,237 --> 00:08:13,351 gratification of feeling good and safe and getting 222 00:08:13,351 --> 00:08:13,851 along 223 00:08:14,245 --> 00:08:16,884 is more important than having a crappy and 224 00:08:16,884 --> 00:08:17,384 difficult 225 00:08:17,925 --> 00:08:18,084 conversation. 226 00:08:19,204 --> 00:08:21,944 Then you end up keeping everything inside, not 227 00:08:22,004 --> 00:08:24,496 advocating for yourself not telling your kids or 228 00:08:24,496 --> 00:08:25,933 partner or boss, what you need, 229 00:08:26,652 --> 00:08:28,110 then you're miserable, 230 00:08:28,728 --> 00:08:31,362 then you get resent and wanna blame them 231 00:08:31,362 --> 00:08:32,240 for all your problems. 232 00:08:32,975 --> 00:08:34,254 Enough my friends enough. 233 00:08:36,334 --> 00:08:38,414 Or how about that yummy food or dessert? 234 00:08:38,575 --> 00:08:41,154 We love to partake in so often 235 00:08:42,027 --> 00:08:42,527 instant 236 00:08:42,904 --> 00:08:43,404 gratification 237 00:08:44,100 --> 00:08:45,934 because you know you don't feel great after 238 00:08:45,934 --> 00:08:46,412 you have it. 239 00:08:47,289 --> 00:08:49,681 If I'm having too many sweet treats in 240 00:08:49,681 --> 00:08:51,445 a week, I do not feel good about 241 00:08:51,445 --> 00:08:53,746 it because I know I'm being impulsive and 242 00:08:53,746 --> 00:08:54,222 compulsive. 243 00:08:55,571 --> 00:08:58,879 Not to mention the physical and emotional effect 244 00:08:58,999 --> 00:09:02,106 of those foods and choices too. Just like 245 00:09:02,106 --> 00:09:03,858 drinking, it's instant gratification. 246 00:09:04,814 --> 00:09:07,204 You get uncomfortable. You want the feelings to 247 00:09:07,204 --> 00:09:07,943 go away 248 00:09:08,573 --> 00:09:10,165 You want the committee to shut the f 249 00:09:10,165 --> 00:09:10,563 up, 250 00:09:11,518 --> 00:09:13,747 and the drink is the fastest route to 251 00:09:13,747 --> 00:09:14,145 freedom, 252 00:09:15,100 --> 00:09:15,998 but only 253 00:09:16,469 --> 00:09:18,787 in that instant, definitely not in the long 254 00:09:18,787 --> 00:09:20,865 term. Because you're gonna wake up the next 255 00:09:20,865 --> 00:09:23,901 day, feeling like a failure hating yourself, wondering 256 00:09:23,901 --> 00:09:25,754 what the f is wrong with you, that 257 00:09:25,754 --> 00:09:27,430 you can't get control of this thing. 258 00:09:29,425 --> 00:09:30,643 In those moments 259 00:09:31,340 --> 00:09:31,840 of 260 00:09:32,617 --> 00:09:33,415 contemplating a drink, 261 00:09:34,464 --> 00:09:37,246 The decision really is about what kind of 262 00:09:37,246 --> 00:09:38,757 life you want for yourself. 263 00:09:39,393 --> 00:09:41,403 Do you want a life you love 264 00:09:41,794 --> 00:09:44,349 being a person you're proud of, or do 265 00:09:44,349 --> 00:09:47,004 you want a life you hate where you're 266 00:09:47,063 --> 00:09:49,538 be braid yourself and cursing yourself all day 267 00:09:49,538 --> 00:09:50,017 every day? 268 00:09:51,549 --> 00:09:53,387 And here we are back at micro decisions. 269 00:09:53,787 --> 00:09:55,566 You hear me say it on almost every 270 00:09:55,625 --> 00:09:58,662 episode. Your life, your reality is a collection 271 00:09:58,662 --> 00:10:02,351 of the little split second tiny decisions you 272 00:10:02,351 --> 00:10:04,106 make a hundred times a day. 273 00:10:05,223 --> 00:10:07,776 Be sad or take action to counteract the 274 00:10:07,776 --> 00:10:08,175 sadness. 275 00:10:08,990 --> 00:10:11,069 Sit in anxiety or look for relief. 276 00:10:11,870 --> 00:10:14,429 Feel overwhelmed or call someone and talk through 277 00:10:14,429 --> 00:10:17,230 it. Ob obsessed over drinking or not drinking. 278 00:10:18,284 --> 00:10:19,641 Or go to a meeting and get love 279 00:10:19,641 --> 00:10:21,397 and support from like minded people. 280 00:10:22,116 --> 00:10:24,910 Do things to grow your recovery or get 281 00:10:24,910 --> 00:10:26,267 complacent and watch at Vanish. 282 00:10:27,718 --> 00:10:29,629 Each moment is a choice. 283 00:10:30,743 --> 00:10:32,893 And what you have to practice is not 284 00:10:32,893 --> 00:10:34,906 getting caught up in the instant 285 00:10:35,282 --> 00:10:35,782 gratification 286 00:10:36,412 --> 00:10:39,996 because instant is almost never the best choice. 287 00:10:41,749 --> 00:10:44,058 Are you stuck in instant gratification? 288 00:10:45,189 --> 00:10:47,420 Are you ready to start taking better care 289 00:10:47,420 --> 00:10:48,956 of yourself and making 290 00:10:49,332 --> 00:10:51,585 more solid and stable choices? 291 00:10:53,329 --> 00:10:55,077 Fear plays a huge role in this too, 292 00:10:55,474 --> 00:10:56,904 and it's okay to have fear. 293 00:10:57,539 --> 00:11:00,717 What you wanna practice is having fear and 294 00:11:00,717 --> 00:11:01,693 moving forward 295 00:11:02,067 --> 00:11:02,226 anyway. 296 00:11:02,957 --> 00:11:03,674 That's courage. 297 00:11:04,949 --> 00:11:07,760 We all have fear. There's nothing weird or 298 00:11:07,897 --> 00:11:09,889 unusual or uncommon about that. We all have 299 00:11:09,889 --> 00:11:12,041 fear. We all have anxiety, which is fear. 300 00:11:13,964 --> 00:11:16,191 It's when you get to a place that 301 00:11:16,191 --> 00:11:16,929 you can 302 00:11:17,463 --> 00:11:19,610 acknowledge the fear, accept the fear, 303 00:11:20,564 --> 00:11:21,541 let it be 304 00:11:22,644 --> 00:11:25,263 and still move forward and do the next 305 00:11:25,263 --> 00:11:27,960 right thing for you in spite of the 306 00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:28,278 fear. 307 00:11:31,072 --> 00:11:31,572 Instant 308 00:11:31,949 --> 00:11:34,020 gratification is a trap because it keeps you 309 00:11:34,020 --> 00:11:34,977 in your comfort zone. 310 00:11:35,614 --> 00:11:37,686 And if you are anything like me, 311 00:11:38,418 --> 00:11:40,570 my comfort zone was drunk. 312 00:11:41,366 --> 00:11:42,105 It was 313 00:11:42,641 --> 00:11:42,960 drunk, 314 00:11:43,757 --> 00:11:45,054 crippled by fear 315 00:11:45,923 --> 00:11:48,409 I was held hostage by instant 316 00:11:48,862 --> 00:11:52,063 gratification and lacking the ability to to escape 317 00:11:52,119 --> 00:11:53,628 because drinking made me weak. 318 00:11:54,438 --> 00:11:56,109 I just didn't have the strength, 319 00:11:56,586 --> 00:11:59,291 the mental capacity to figure out how to 320 00:11:59,291 --> 00:11:59,928 get out of there. 321 00:12:00,962 --> 00:12:02,871 In my sobriety on the other hand, 322 00:12:03,683 --> 00:12:04,582 I get to 323 00:12:04,959 --> 00:12:06,475 regain my mental clarity. 324 00:12:07,033 --> 00:12:09,107 So I can see things in a new 325 00:12:09,107 --> 00:12:11,819 way, and I can begin to challenge myself 326 00:12:11,819 --> 00:12:14,865 to take actions that feel very scary, 327 00:12:15,582 --> 00:12:17,816 but no, I can get through it and 328 00:12:17,816 --> 00:12:19,172 know that I will be okay. 329 00:12:20,288 --> 00:12:22,841 Man, addiction hates that you guys. 330 00:12:23,414 --> 00:12:26,211 It hates when you believe in yourself and 331 00:12:26,211 --> 00:12:28,927 trust yourself because it knows it's losing control 332 00:12:28,927 --> 00:12:31,005 of you. It's losing power over you. 333 00:12:31,819 --> 00:12:33,500 I want you to start thinking about this 334 00:12:33,500 --> 00:12:36,860 is instant gratification. Your initial thoughts aren't usually 335 00:12:36,860 --> 00:12:39,671 wrong because something is wrong with you they're 336 00:12:39,671 --> 00:12:43,008 usually wrong because we're used to making decisions 337 00:12:43,008 --> 00:12:44,280 based on the wrong reasons. 338 00:12:44,836 --> 00:12:47,220 You make your life choices based on comfort 339 00:12:47,220 --> 00:12:49,305 and instant vacation and fear. 340 00:12:50,422 --> 00:12:53,612 Well, that's a pretty shitty criteria, honestly. 341 00:12:54,010 --> 00:12:54,409 I mean, 342 00:12:55,047 --> 00:12:56,881 you're probably not gonna get far with that. 343 00:12:57,773 --> 00:12:59,604 1 of the ways I started making this 344 00:12:59,604 --> 00:13:03,050 shift is thinking about everything in delayed 345 00:13:03,506 --> 00:13:06,887 gratification. The greatest feelings in life come with 346 00:13:06,944 --> 00:13:07,444 delayed 347 00:13:07,898 --> 00:13:08,057 gratification. 348 00:13:08,931 --> 00:13:09,567 Think about it. 349 00:13:10,283 --> 00:13:12,747 The things you most appreciate are probably the 350 00:13:12,747 --> 00:13:15,132 things you had to work hard for plan 351 00:13:15,132 --> 00:13:18,262 for study for, you had to be committed 352 00:13:18,262 --> 00:13:19,081 and dedicated 353 00:13:20,100 --> 00:13:23,297 or that big purchase like your house or 354 00:13:23,297 --> 00:13:24,916 dream car or a handbag. 355 00:13:25,629 --> 00:13:28,023 Maybe you really had to work hard and 356 00:13:28,023 --> 00:13:30,656 follow a budget and save money to afford 357 00:13:30,656 --> 00:13:31,454 what you wanted. 358 00:13:32,012 --> 00:13:34,440 But you did it and it felt 359 00:13:35,053 --> 00:13:35,553 amazing. 360 00:13:36,564 --> 00:13:37,700 That's delayed 361 00:13:38,631 --> 00:13:38,870 gratification. 362 00:13:40,142 --> 00:13:43,260 Start thinking about this in every area of 363 00:13:43,260 --> 00:13:43,919 your life 364 00:13:44,374 --> 00:13:46,920 when your drunk friends invite you to do 365 00:13:46,920 --> 00:13:49,330 something, and you know you will be uncomfortable 366 00:13:49,546 --> 00:13:51,633 and it will trigger alt kinds of feelings, 367 00:13:51,792 --> 00:13:53,309 and it will put you in a position 368 00:13:53,309 --> 00:13:53,947 to drink, 369 00:13:54,905 --> 00:13:55,544 say no. 370 00:13:57,060 --> 00:13:59,295 Instant gratification makes you wanna say yes, 371 00:14:00,029 --> 00:14:01,787 because you wanna be with your friends, you 372 00:14:01,787 --> 00:14:04,744 wanna feel included and cared about. You wanna 373 00:14:04,744 --> 00:14:06,742 do something exciting and not be bored, 374 00:14:07,861 --> 00:14:09,060 but you know better. 375 00:14:10,349 --> 00:14:11,088 You know 376 00:14:11,463 --> 00:14:12,338 big picture, 377 00:14:13,054 --> 00:14:14,884 that's not the best choice for you. 378 00:14:16,889 --> 00:14:18,589 So go for the delayed 379 00:14:19,129 --> 00:14:22,169 gratification, the feeling that will come the next 380 00:14:22,169 --> 00:14:24,809 morning when you wake up and feel good. 381 00:14:25,625 --> 00:14:26,365 Not hungover, 382 00:14:26,985 --> 00:14:30,424 and you're proud of yourself for taking initiative 383 00:14:30,424 --> 00:14:33,544 for making a healthy choice in protecting yourself, 384 00:14:34,357 --> 00:14:35,632 That's self love. 385 00:14:36,589 --> 00:14:38,262 You guys ask me a lot about how 386 00:14:38,262 --> 00:14:40,414 to learn to love yourselves more, and this 387 00:14:40,414 --> 00:14:41,450 is 1 of those ways. 388 00:14:42,262 --> 00:14:45,612 Building self esteem and learning to care for 389 00:14:45,612 --> 00:14:47,446 yourself means you do the things that are 390 00:14:47,446 --> 00:14:48,164 right for you. 391 00:14:48,881 --> 00:14:50,476 Not what feels good in the moment. 392 00:14:51,289 --> 00:14:53,527 But what is best for you as a 393 00:14:53,527 --> 00:14:53,927 human? 394 00:14:55,445 --> 00:14:58,082 That means sometimes I stay home and give 395 00:14:58,082 --> 00:15:00,774 myself a facial and binge watch Tiger King 396 00:15:01,212 --> 00:15:03,439 instead of meeting my friends or scheduling client 397 00:15:03,439 --> 00:15:05,030 calls or working on my website. 398 00:15:05,826 --> 00:15:07,178 I love doing all those things. 399 00:15:08,068 --> 00:15:10,930 And when my battery is dying, I have 400 00:15:10,930 --> 00:15:13,417 to recharge and that is my responsibility. 401 00:15:15,381 --> 00:15:17,074 When you catch yourself being 402 00:15:18,103 --> 00:15:19,222 impatient or snip. 403 00:15:19,781 --> 00:15:21,858 It's usually because you aren't getting what you 404 00:15:21,858 --> 00:15:22,098 want. 405 00:15:22,737 --> 00:15:24,909 It's not going fast enough. It's not coming 406 00:15:24,909 --> 00:15:26,350 when you want it to, you have to 407 00:15:26,350 --> 00:15:28,669 wait and you don't like to. People won't 408 00:15:28,669 --> 00:15:30,429 do what you want them to or act 409 00:15:30,429 --> 00:15:31,789 the way you want them to or say 410 00:15:31,789 --> 00:15:33,230 the things you want them to. 411 00:15:34,044 --> 00:15:36,277 At the core of all of this is 412 00:15:36,277 --> 00:15:39,547 instant gratification and selfish and control, of course. 413 00:15:40,903 --> 00:15:43,136 I want what I want when I want 414 00:15:43,136 --> 00:15:43,296 it. 415 00:15:45,381 --> 00:15:49,278 Practice being okay with things just as they 416 00:15:49,278 --> 00:15:49,676 are. 417 00:15:51,043 --> 00:15:51,543 Practice 418 00:15:52,154 --> 00:15:52,654 acceptance 419 00:15:53,027 --> 00:15:55,329 that things aren't going your way, and they 420 00:15:55,329 --> 00:15:56,361 aren't supposed to. 421 00:15:57,472 --> 00:15:59,242 It's not the world's responsibility 422 00:15:59,948 --> 00:16:02,676 to make sure you get what you want 423 00:16:02,971 --> 00:16:04,164 exactly the way you want it. 424 00:16:05,199 --> 00:16:07,744 It's your responsibility to do that. 425 00:16:09,193 --> 00:16:10,870 And getting what you want for the long 426 00:16:10,870 --> 00:16:15,340 term, the big picture means making healthy and 427 00:16:15,340 --> 00:16:18,055 stable choices in your life each day. 428 00:16:18,869 --> 00:16:20,867 Don't get caught up in instant gratification. 429 00:16:22,066 --> 00:16:24,064 Don't spend your money on the new jeans, 430 00:16:24,303 --> 00:16:26,301 then be panicked and pissed off when you 431 00:16:26,301 --> 00:16:27,500 don't have money for your phone bill. 432 00:16:28,790 --> 00:16:31,013 When you really want the new genes, think 433 00:16:31,013 --> 00:16:31,569 it through. 434 00:16:32,284 --> 00:16:34,428 Think about the consequences of that decision, 435 00:16:35,143 --> 00:16:36,732 a week or 2 weeks down the road, 436 00:16:36,891 --> 00:16:37,708 think about 437 00:16:38,018 --> 00:16:40,403 how badly you'll feel when you're in a 438 00:16:40,403 --> 00:16:42,073 panic about the phone bill and having to 439 00:16:42,073 --> 00:16:44,061 run around, like, a crazy person, trying to 440 00:16:44,061 --> 00:16:45,753 come up with a hundred dollars and 441 00:16:46,064 --> 00:16:48,221 possibly having to borrow money from someone. 442 00:16:49,340 --> 00:16:50,458 All of a sudden and then, 443 00:16:51,018 --> 00:16:52,136 those new genes, 444 00:16:53,509 --> 00:16:55,590 You get a little resent a little resentment 445 00:16:55,590 --> 00:16:56,250 for them 446 00:16:56,790 --> 00:16:58,710 because you're mad, Adam because you're mad at 447 00:16:58,710 --> 00:17:00,149 yourself because you spend the money the wrong 448 00:17:00,149 --> 00:17:00,309 way. 449 00:17:01,509 --> 00:17:02,470 Been there done that. 450 00:17:03,201 --> 00:17:04,258 And that definitely 451 00:17:04,792 --> 00:17:05,929 doesn't feel good 452 00:17:07,020 --> 00:17:09,700 or go on 1 of the consignment sites 453 00:17:09,899 --> 00:17:12,552 posh marker or something and get the jeans 454 00:17:12,610 --> 00:17:14,683 anyway for a much smaller price. 455 00:17:16,357 --> 00:17:18,271 If you wanna live a drama free life 456 00:17:18,271 --> 00:17:21,736 then you have to make drama free choices. 457 00:17:22,990 --> 00:17:25,084 I pay my bills on time now 458 00:17:25,620 --> 00:17:27,135 because I don't wanna be in a panic, 459 00:17:27,627 --> 00:17:30,492 and feel all that an and shame of 460 00:17:30,492 --> 00:17:32,561 being late because I blew my money like 461 00:17:32,561 --> 00:17:34,255 an irresponsible kid 462 00:17:34,948 --> 00:17:36,381 because that's what I used to do. 463 00:17:37,032 --> 00:17:39,179 Over and over and over. 464 00:17:40,690 --> 00:17:42,144 I would absolutely 465 00:17:42,996 --> 00:17:44,053 buy a handbag 466 00:17:44,745 --> 00:17:46,358 instead of paying the cable bill 467 00:17:46,750 --> 00:17:48,269 because I knew I could work an extra 468 00:17:48,269 --> 00:17:49,789 shift and make that money back and pay 469 00:17:49,789 --> 00:17:50,750 the cable bill late. 470 00:17:52,590 --> 00:17:54,369 Of course, I didn't have 471 00:17:54,683 --> 00:17:56,995 healthy self esteem behaving like that. 472 00:17:57,633 --> 00:18:00,183 I was just jumping around my life from 473 00:18:00,183 --> 00:18:02,096 1 instant gratification to the next. 474 00:18:02,988 --> 00:18:06,420 I wasn't making smart choices for myself or 475 00:18:06,420 --> 00:18:07,697 thinking things through. 476 00:18:08,496 --> 00:18:09,554 I was chasing 477 00:18:09,932 --> 00:18:10,571 the high. 478 00:18:11,623 --> 00:18:12,920 Whether it was a handbag, 479 00:18:13,696 --> 00:18:17,046 a guy, a trip, a new car, a 480 00:18:17,046 --> 00:18:18,902 drink. It was all 481 00:18:19,439 --> 00:18:20,715 moment to moment. 482 00:18:21,048 --> 00:18:22,240 With no plan. 483 00:18:23,591 --> 00:18:25,974 When I got the ability to slow down 484 00:18:25,974 --> 00:18:28,937 a bit and start to see 485 00:18:29,803 --> 00:18:32,906 how being that impulsive was not serving me. 486 00:18:34,019 --> 00:18:35,928 That's when I got to start making better 487 00:18:35,928 --> 00:18:36,406 choices. 488 00:18:37,690 --> 00:18:39,991 That's when I could see that the guys 489 00:18:40,070 --> 00:18:42,211 I liked, were not the healthiest choice for 490 00:18:42,211 --> 00:18:44,433 me, even though all that fun, 491 00:18:45,003 --> 00:18:47,547 and lust and in infatuation felt great. 492 00:18:48,103 --> 00:18:49,636 I always ended up sad 493 00:18:50,090 --> 00:18:52,872 because I didn't intentionally choose people that were 494 00:18:52,872 --> 00:18:54,876 a good fit for me. I chose people 495 00:18:54,876 --> 00:18:56,151 based on how good it felt in the 496 00:18:56,151 --> 00:18:56,469 moment. 497 00:18:57,983 --> 00:18:59,518 Then I could see 498 00:18:59,895 --> 00:19:01,271 that when I was so 499 00:19:01,807 --> 00:19:03,240 impatient and didn't have... 500 00:19:03,971 --> 00:19:06,279 The ability to wait for the furniture I 501 00:19:06,279 --> 00:19:08,268 really wanted. I ended up with furniture. I 502 00:19:08,268 --> 00:19:09,939 didn't love, and I felt disappointed. 503 00:19:10,908 --> 00:19:12,818 It would have been way better if I 504 00:19:12,818 --> 00:19:14,273 would awaited the 6 weeks 505 00:19:14,728 --> 00:19:16,319 and had what I wanted, so every time 506 00:19:16,479 --> 00:19:17,911 I walked in the room, I felt proud 507 00:19:17,911 --> 00:19:19,104 and happy and grateful. 508 00:19:20,554 --> 00:19:22,390 Instead, I was a little pissed off every 509 00:19:22,390 --> 00:19:23,826 time I saw it because it was just 510 00:19:23,826 --> 00:19:25,503 a reminder that it wasn't what I really 511 00:19:25,503 --> 00:19:25,822 wanted. 512 00:19:27,019 --> 00:19:29,255 It's so ridiculous when you think about it. 513 00:19:30,229 --> 00:19:32,626 I started to see the value in paying 514 00:19:32,626 --> 00:19:34,864 the bills on time because I got to 515 00:19:34,864 --> 00:19:37,761 live without the stress and embarrassment of being 516 00:19:37,900 --> 00:19:38,380 irresponsible. 517 00:19:39,749 --> 00:19:40,783 Let me tell you something, 518 00:19:41,340 --> 00:19:42,238 bill collectors 519 00:19:42,932 --> 00:19:44,126 destroy my serenity, 520 00:19:44,763 --> 00:19:46,329 and I've had a few times in my 521 00:19:46,688 --> 00:19:49,001 where things were incredibly difficult financially. 522 00:19:50,118 --> 00:19:52,431 It's certainly the story of every entrepreneur for 523 00:19:52,431 --> 00:19:55,063 sure. When you take big risks and take 524 00:19:55,063 --> 00:19:58,184 big action, It doesn't always go well, you 525 00:19:58,184 --> 00:20:00,332 know, it is certainly even if it does 526 00:20:00,332 --> 00:20:02,559 go well, it doesn't go well quickly usually. 527 00:20:03,434 --> 00:20:04,866 Just because you start a business, 528 00:20:05,359 --> 00:20:07,037 doesn't mean the money is rolling in every 529 00:20:07,037 --> 00:20:08,555 day. That's far from the truth. 530 00:20:09,274 --> 00:20:11,111 And I've had some hard lessons in the 531 00:20:11,111 --> 00:20:14,080 last few years. I've started 2 companies by 532 00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:15,935 myself, and there have been times that 533 00:20:16,393 --> 00:20:19,025 between the Irs and credit card debt. I 534 00:20:19,025 --> 00:20:20,540 felt like I just wanted to crawl under 535 00:20:20,540 --> 00:20:21,896 my bed and never come out. 536 00:20:22,707 --> 00:20:24,159 But what I know is 537 00:20:24,532 --> 00:20:25,746 crawling under the bed 538 00:20:26,277 --> 00:20:28,125 or avoiding the calls 539 00:20:28,498 --> 00:20:30,401 gives me a rep reprieve in that moment. 540 00:20:31,294 --> 00:20:33,530 But it doesn't make me feel good about 541 00:20:33,530 --> 00:20:33,770 myself. 542 00:20:35,048 --> 00:20:37,365 What allows me to feel good about myself, 543 00:20:38,098 --> 00:20:40,247 is when I step up and handle my 544 00:20:40,247 --> 00:20:40,724 business. 545 00:20:41,441 --> 00:20:44,783 When I show myself that I believe in 546 00:20:44,783 --> 00:20:46,954 myself to do what I need to do 547 00:20:47,423 --> 00:20:48,457 to be well. 548 00:20:50,207 --> 00:20:51,957 And when all of that was going on, 549 00:20:52,276 --> 00:20:54,759 I had to really push myself to do 550 00:20:54,759 --> 00:20:56,119 things that were uncomfortable. 551 00:20:56,679 --> 00:20:58,359 I had to have the courage to call 552 00:20:58,359 --> 00:21:01,019 the Irs even when I felt humiliated 553 00:21:01,559 --> 00:21:03,810 by how far behind I was I felt 554 00:21:03,810 --> 00:21:06,374 like a failure. I felt weak. I felt 555 00:21:06,509 --> 00:21:06,827 ashamed. 556 00:21:07,859 --> 00:21:09,764 And I had to push myself through that 557 00:21:09,764 --> 00:21:12,797 and tell myself over and over again. How 558 00:21:12,797 --> 00:21:14,968 important it is to face the consequences 559 00:21:15,344 --> 00:21:16,458 of my actions. 560 00:21:17,493 --> 00:21:19,664 I am my responsibility, 561 00:21:20,772 --> 00:21:21,670 my consequences 562 00:21:22,205 --> 00:21:23,660 are my responsibility. 563 00:21:25,628 --> 00:21:28,175 Then I had to make some hard decisions. 564 00:21:28,589 --> 00:21:30,421 And I had to get committed to my 565 00:21:30,421 --> 00:21:32,015 goal on a whole new level. 566 00:21:32,732 --> 00:21:34,644 I had to make the decision to get 567 00:21:34,644 --> 00:21:37,289 my shit together, to handle my business and 568 00:21:37,289 --> 00:21:38,427 be 100 569 00:21:38,725 --> 00:21:40,479 percent dedicated to it. 570 00:21:41,277 --> 00:21:43,270 And that's what I did. You guys have 571 00:21:43,270 --> 00:21:45,518 heard me talk about this before When I 572 00:21:45,518 --> 00:21:48,070 lost a business many years ago, I cut 573 00:21:48,070 --> 00:21:49,825 my lifestyle down to nothing. 574 00:21:50,383 --> 00:21:53,733 Bare minimum cell phone, tiny ugly apartment working 575 00:21:53,733 --> 00:21:55,581 6 and 7 days a week I didn't 576 00:21:55,581 --> 00:21:57,810 so much as buy a coffee for over 577 00:21:57,810 --> 00:21:58,446 a year. 578 00:21:59,322 --> 00:22:01,471 That's what it looks like to be committed 579 00:22:01,471 --> 00:22:02,028 to something. 580 00:22:02,999 --> 00:22:05,574 That's what it looks like to chase 581 00:22:05,951 --> 00:22:06,451 delayed 582 00:22:07,068 --> 00:22:08,686 gratification with huge 583 00:22:09,143 --> 00:22:09,643 lifelong 584 00:22:10,101 --> 00:22:10,420 rewards. 585 00:22:11,152 --> 00:22:13,799 Rather than get caught up in instant 586 00:22:14,174 --> 00:22:17,277 gratification, creating more shitty consequences for myself. 587 00:22:19,122 --> 00:22:20,235 Does this all make sense? 588 00:22:22,145 --> 00:22:24,452 Instant gratification can be avoidance? 589 00:22:25,503 --> 00:22:27,257 Avoid the elephant in the room, Don't face 590 00:22:27,257 --> 00:22:29,570 it. Don't talk about it because it doesn't 591 00:22:29,570 --> 00:22:30,129 feel good. 592 00:22:30,926 --> 00:22:32,384 But it creates consequences 593 00:22:33,080 --> 00:22:33,957 instead of rewards. 594 00:22:35,168 --> 00:22:36,523 And you know what addiction loves, 595 00:22:37,399 --> 00:22:39,811 it loves it when you feel shitty 596 00:22:40,267 --> 00:22:42,817 because you made some crappy decisions and created 597 00:22:42,817 --> 00:22:44,330 some consequences for yourself. 598 00:22:44,981 --> 00:22:46,490 It loves it when you feel bad like 599 00:22:46,490 --> 00:22:48,871 that. Because when you feel bad, it knows 600 00:22:48,871 --> 00:22:49,824 it can pray on you, 601 00:22:50,697 --> 00:22:53,079 feeling bad and embarrassed and ashamed, 602 00:22:53,967 --> 00:22:54,944 make you vulnerable 603 00:22:55,556 --> 00:22:59,209 and alcohol needs you to be vulnerable so 604 00:22:59,209 --> 00:23:00,639 it can lure you back in. 605 00:23:01,512 --> 00:23:02,942 Here's what I want you to do today. 606 00:23:03,990 --> 00:23:05,739 Think about 1 or 2 ways, 607 00:23:06,454 --> 00:23:08,544 you fall into the instant 608 00:23:08,919 --> 00:23:10,588 gratification trap over and over again. 609 00:23:11,559 --> 00:23:13,399 Maybe it's with dating. Maybe it's with money. 610 00:23:13,559 --> 00:23:14,599 Maybe it's with shopping. 611 00:23:15,079 --> 00:23:17,819 Maybe it's being fearful in staying in your 612 00:23:17,960 --> 00:23:19,319 unhealthy little comfort zone. 613 00:23:21,008 --> 00:23:22,698 Identify a couple of specific 614 00:23:23,626 --> 00:23:24,126 situations 615 00:23:24,896 --> 00:23:27,062 you can be in that are instant 616 00:23:27,514 --> 00:23:27,673 gratification. 617 00:23:29,038 --> 00:23:31,771 Then think about what action you can take 618 00:23:32,307 --> 00:23:33,445 to do that differently. 619 00:23:34,938 --> 00:23:36,692 Think through that moment. 620 00:23:37,663 --> 00:23:39,964 When your friends are on the phone, inviting 621 00:23:39,964 --> 00:23:40,598 you out. 622 00:23:41,788 --> 00:23:44,010 Think about how you can make a different 623 00:23:44,010 --> 00:23:45,041 healthier choice. 624 00:23:46,248 --> 00:23:47,066 Think about 625 00:23:47,441 --> 00:23:50,147 what you would say to someone else or 626 00:23:50,147 --> 00:23:51,977 what you would say to yourself depending on 627 00:23:51,977 --> 00:23:55,103 what your situation is, think through every detail 628 00:23:55,103 --> 00:23:56,221 of doing it differently. 629 00:23:56,940 --> 00:24:00,237 Think about the rewards of making healthy choices 630 00:24:00,376 --> 00:24:01,735 and how good you will feel. 631 00:24:02,943 --> 00:24:05,085 Think about the smile on your face when 632 00:24:05,085 --> 00:24:06,275 you get up the next morning, 633 00:24:06,910 --> 00:24:09,394 knowing you made a kick ass decision 634 00:24:09,704 --> 00:24:10,842 that was the best 635 00:24:11,379 --> 00:24:12,336 decision for you. 636 00:24:13,771 --> 00:24:16,266 Think about how strong you feel when you 637 00:24:16,324 --> 00:24:17,281 protect yourself, 638 00:24:17,999 --> 00:24:19,115 speak up for yourself, 639 00:24:19,846 --> 00:24:21,139 protect your sobriety. 640 00:24:22,067 --> 00:24:23,257 Then go do that. 641 00:24:24,209 --> 00:24:26,375 Make a commitment to do 642 00:24:26,841 --> 00:24:28,769 that be 100 643 00:24:28,983 --> 00:24:31,918 percent committed to your decision. Are you with 644 00:24:31,918 --> 00:24:32,156 me? 645 00:24:33,759 --> 00:24:34,636 I think you are. 646 00:24:35,273 --> 00:24:37,186 Think about what it looks like, like, how 647 00:24:37,346 --> 00:24:39,577 I just broke down that situation when I 648 00:24:39,577 --> 00:24:42,142 had all that debt to repay. Right? Cutting 649 00:24:42,142 --> 00:24:43,813 my lifestyle down to nothing. 650 00:24:44,529 --> 00:24:46,859 What are some commitments you can make 651 00:24:47,632 --> 00:24:50,576 to be that committed to your sobriety? 652 00:24:51,148 --> 00:24:53,297 What does that look like for you? Does 653 00:24:53,297 --> 00:24:55,683 that mean sometimes you need to stay home? 654 00:24:56,161 --> 00:24:58,627 Like me, the only 2 places I wanted 655 00:24:58,627 --> 00:25:00,869 to go when I was new the only 656 00:25:00,869 --> 00:25:03,095 2 places I was okay being was home 657 00:25:03,095 --> 00:25:03,890 or at my meeting. 658 00:25:04,685 --> 00:25:05,957 I guess I was okay at work too. 659 00:25:06,195 --> 00:25:08,358 I was pretty comfortable at work because that 660 00:25:08,358 --> 00:25:10,114 was a very safe place for me. They 661 00:25:10,114 --> 00:25:12,826 were all regulars. It was, like an extended 662 00:25:12,826 --> 00:25:15,713 family. They celebrated my sobriety with me. I 663 00:25:15,713 --> 00:25:17,385 guess, I felt okay there too. I just 664 00:25:17,385 --> 00:25:18,738 wasn't there very much. You know, Only worked 665 00:25:18,738 --> 00:25:19,773 a few days a week. So... 666 00:25:21,047 --> 00:25:23,378 But I knew to protect my sobriety 667 00:25:24,008 --> 00:25:26,163 I just needed to have a few places 668 00:25:26,163 --> 00:25:28,875 to go. And you heard Am talk about 669 00:25:28,875 --> 00:25:30,551 this on the episode a couple of weeks 670 00:25:30,551 --> 00:25:33,355 ago, and she talked about the same kind 671 00:25:33,355 --> 00:25:35,267 of thing where she... She didn't go anywhere. 672 00:25:35,745 --> 00:25:37,976 Right? Like, she was so protective of her 673 00:25:37,976 --> 00:25:39,729 sobriety. She didn't go anywhere. She went to 674 00:25:39,729 --> 00:25:40,606 work and she went home. 675 00:25:41,496 --> 00:25:44,517 And she built in an extra shower each 676 00:25:44,517 --> 00:25:46,186 day at at the end of the evening. 677 00:25:46,424 --> 00:25:48,785 Right, to have a little rep reprieve from 678 00:25:48,904 --> 00:25:50,659 kids and making dinner and being home and 679 00:25:50,659 --> 00:25:52,893 doing the family and mom thing. She would 680 00:25:52,893 --> 00:25:54,249 go take a shower to have a few 681 00:25:54,249 --> 00:25:55,786 minutes to res center 682 00:25:56,178 --> 00:25:57,610 get her anxiety and check. 683 00:25:58,325 --> 00:25:59,518 That's what you have to do. 684 00:26:00,154 --> 00:26:03,176 Put together some sort of little plan for 685 00:26:03,176 --> 00:26:03,494 yourself. 686 00:26:04,623 --> 00:26:07,569 That proves your commitment to your recovery. 687 00:26:08,445 --> 00:26:10,276 Does that mean not going and hanging out 688 00:26:10,276 --> 00:26:12,187 with some people right now, not going to 689 00:26:12,187 --> 00:26:14,507 certain place. This can be even friends that 690 00:26:14,507 --> 00:26:16,335 you talk to. Right? Put it in that 691 00:26:16,335 --> 00:26:18,797 perspective. It could even be a meeting you 692 00:26:18,797 --> 00:26:20,942 go to. If there's a particular meeting you 693 00:26:20,942 --> 00:26:22,474 go to where there's somebody 694 00:26:22,864 --> 00:26:24,934 that makes you uncomfortable or somebody hit on 695 00:26:24,934 --> 00:26:26,447 you or whatever the case may be and 696 00:26:26,447 --> 00:26:27,561 you don't wanna go there. Don't go there. 697 00:26:28,517 --> 00:26:30,109 Make a commitment to finding a new place 698 00:26:30,109 --> 00:26:30,507 to go. 699 00:26:31,399 --> 00:26:34,132 But find a new place. Don't just remove 700 00:26:34,669 --> 00:26:37,062 the healthy aspect of a meeting, just remove 701 00:26:37,062 --> 00:26:39,375 it and don't replace it. You have to 702 00:26:39,375 --> 00:26:40,810 replace it with something else healthy. 703 00:26:41,864 --> 00:26:42,982 But that's what I want you to think 704 00:26:42,982 --> 00:26:45,700 about. How can you be more committed to 705 00:26:45,700 --> 00:26:47,378 your sobriety? And what does that look like? 706 00:26:47,538 --> 00:26:48,357 What sacrifices 707 00:26:48,736 --> 00:26:50,195 are you willing to make 708 00:26:50,509 --> 00:26:54,025 to protect yourself and protect your sobriety. 709 00:26:55,384 --> 00:26:57,882 Thank you so much you guys for another 710 00:26:58,181 --> 00:26:59,080 great week 711 00:26:59,555 --> 00:27:02,275 Thank you for all your enthusiasm, your kind 712 00:27:02,275 --> 00:27:04,914 words. Thank you for supporting 1 another and 713 00:27:04,914 --> 00:27:06,994 being active in the comments in the Facebook 714 00:27:06,994 --> 00:27:09,980 group. I think honestly, we have the most 715 00:27:10,037 --> 00:27:13,143 powerful and amazing community of anyone out there. 716 00:27:13,461 --> 00:27:15,134 And I'm super proud of all of us 717 00:27:15,134 --> 00:27:15,873 and grateful 718 00:27:16,184 --> 00:27:17,861 that I get to engage with you guys 719 00:27:17,861 --> 00:27:19,138 and I get to meet you in real 720 00:27:19,138 --> 00:27:21,852 life in our online meetings. That's been really 721 00:27:21,852 --> 00:27:22,011 fun. 722 00:27:22,889 --> 00:27:25,180 If you love this episode, please take a 723 00:27:25,299 --> 00:27:27,619 whole 20 seconds and share it with someone. 724 00:27:28,019 --> 00:27:29,220 Alright. I'll put all the links in the 725 00:27:29,220 --> 00:27:30,580 show notes. I love you guys. I hope 726 00:27:30,580 --> 00:27:33,140 you are having a fantastic day, and I'll 727 00:27:33,140 --> 00:27:34,340 see you next week. 728 00:27:36,669 --> 00:27:38,823 You've reached the end of another great episode 729 00:27:38,823 --> 00:27:40,759 of the addiction unlimited podcast, 730 00:27:41,216 --> 00:27:42,354 candid an honest 731 00:27:42,731 --> 00:27:44,486 conversation about addiction and recovery. 732 00:27:45,059 --> 00:27:46,732 Be sure to visit us at addiction on 733 00:27:46,732 --> 00:27:49,702 unlimited dot com to join the conversation, and 734 00:27:49,840 --> 00:27:52,071 access show notes and links to everything we 735 00:27:52,071 --> 00:27:52,390 talked about. 736 00:27:53,121 --> 00:27:56,223 Love this episode, please take 30 seconds to 737 00:27:56,223 --> 00:27:58,689 subscribe rate and review on itunes to help 738 00:27:58,689 --> 00:28:01,330 us improve and give you the information you 739 00:28:01,330 --> 00:28:04,116 want. Thanks for listening. See you next week.