1 00:00:01,714 --> 00:00:05,564 Hey, everybody. Welcome to the addiction unlimited podcast, 2 00:00:05,942 --> 00:00:07,776 where you get to learn everything you wanna 3 00:00:07,776 --> 00:00:09,690 know about addiction and recovery. 4 00:00:10,264 --> 00:00:13,300 I'm your host, Angela Pew, c founder of 5 00:00:13,460 --> 00:00:17,135 Kansas City recovery, life coach, and recovering alcoholic. 6 00:00:17,628 --> 00:00:19,299 To learn more about me, you can listen 7 00:00:19,299 --> 00:00:21,925 to episode 0 on your podcast app or 8 00:00:21,925 --> 00:00:24,494 find us on the web at addiction unlimited 9 00:00:24,551 --> 00:00:25,108 dot com. 10 00:00:26,954 --> 00:00:29,660 Hello, my friends. I'm your coach Angela pew. 11 00:00:30,137 --> 00:00:32,764 If we haven't met, I'm a master coach, 12 00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:34,196 national speaker, 13 00:00:34,848 --> 00:00:38,924 founder of my recovery toolbox, entrepreneur and recovering 14 00:00:39,139 --> 00:00:39,377 alcoholic. 15 00:00:40,093 --> 00:00:43,192 In today's episode, we're gonna talk about the 16 00:00:43,192 --> 00:00:43,564 relapse 17 00:00:44,002 --> 00:00:44,955 roller coaster. 18 00:00:45,432 --> 00:00:48,610 And my top 3 reasons that land you 19 00:00:48,610 --> 00:00:50,859 in that cycle of up and down 20 00:00:51,327 --> 00:00:54,031 sober then relapse over and over, 21 00:00:54,667 --> 00:00:55,167 feeling 22 00:00:55,542 --> 00:00:56,917 like you're getting nowhere. 23 00:00:57,689 --> 00:00:59,915 My top 3 reasons people get stuck on 24 00:00:59,915 --> 00:01:00,552 the roller coaster. 25 00:01:01,203 --> 00:01:01,703 1 26 00:01:02,317 --> 00:01:04,546 expectations. You think it's gonna be quick and 27 00:01:04,546 --> 00:01:04,944 easy. 28 00:01:05,422 --> 00:01:08,128 2, lack of direction you don't plan or 29 00:01:08,128 --> 00:01:10,197 create a toolbox or have support. 30 00:01:10,929 --> 00:01:13,476 Or 3 escape, you think you're craving a 31 00:01:13,476 --> 00:01:14,613 drink, but really 32 00:01:15,228 --> 00:01:16,343 you're craving escape. 33 00:01:17,139 --> 00:01:17,856 That's a big 1. 34 00:01:18,652 --> 00:01:19,152 So 35 00:01:19,623 --> 00:01:21,080 Let's start with number 1 36 00:01:21,536 --> 00:01:24,508 expectations. 1 of my favorite sayings is 37 00:01:25,284 --> 00:01:26,581 expectations are pre 38 00:01:27,357 --> 00:01:27,835 resentment. 39 00:01:28,487 --> 00:01:30,873 And the more you think about this phrase 40 00:01:30,873 --> 00:01:31,612 in different 41 00:01:32,067 --> 00:01:34,851 situations, the more you realize how accurate it 42 00:01:34,851 --> 00:01:35,011 is. 43 00:01:35,981 --> 00:01:38,050 It can be as simple as I walk 44 00:01:38,050 --> 00:01:40,597 into my regular Aa meeting, and I see 45 00:01:40,597 --> 00:01:41,234 someone there. 46 00:01:41,871 --> 00:01:44,281 And immediately in my head, I create this 47 00:01:44,577 --> 00:01:46,904 expectation of how they're gonna greet me. This 48 00:01:46,904 --> 00:01:47,803 is a 49 00:01:48,419 --> 00:01:50,892 split second thing that happens. In my head, 50 00:01:50,972 --> 00:01:53,125 it flashes this picture of my friend being 51 00:01:53,125 --> 00:01:55,372 super happy to see me come across the 52 00:01:55,372 --> 00:01:57,038 room to say hello or give me a 53 00:01:57,038 --> 00:01:58,863 hug and it's gonna be all happy. 54 00:01:59,894 --> 00:02:01,029 But what happens 55 00:02:01,402 --> 00:02:01,902 is 56 00:02:02,608 --> 00:02:04,062 My friend is in the middle of a 57 00:02:04,119 --> 00:02:05,710 conversation with someone else and just gives me 58 00:02:05,710 --> 00:02:07,301 a slight wave from across the room. 59 00:02:08,017 --> 00:02:08,972 Well, all of a sudden, 60 00:02:09,543 --> 00:02:11,931 The committee kicks in and starts talking trash. 61 00:02:12,170 --> 00:02:14,558 Right? Do they not like me anymore? I 62 00:02:14,558 --> 00:02:15,831 thought they'd come over and be happy to 63 00:02:15,831 --> 00:02:17,423 see me Did I do something wrong? Did 64 00:02:17,503 --> 00:02:18,856 I do something to make the mad? 65 00:02:19,587 --> 00:02:22,052 And I'll start going over in my head, 66 00:02:22,290 --> 00:02:25,152 all the conversations we've had to see if 67 00:02:25,152 --> 00:02:26,981 there's some reason they don't like me anymore. 68 00:02:28,192 --> 00:02:29,388 Like I legit do this. 69 00:02:30,744 --> 00:02:33,137 The truth of the situation is, they're just 70 00:02:33,137 --> 00:02:34,892 in the middle of a conversation and didn't 71 00:02:34,892 --> 00:02:36,806 have time to come over before the meeting 72 00:02:36,806 --> 00:02:37,045 started. 73 00:02:38,500 --> 00:02:39,959 This can also get 74 00:02:40,259 --> 00:02:41,400 much more complicated 75 00:02:42,579 --> 00:02:43,879 and it can 76 00:02:44,180 --> 00:02:44,680 completely 77 00:02:44,979 --> 00:02:46,120 derail your best 78 00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:46,739 intentions. 79 00:02:47,473 --> 00:02:48,270 For example, 80 00:02:49,227 --> 00:02:51,380 you have an expectation that as soon as 81 00:02:51,380 --> 00:02:53,134 you quit drinking, your life is gonna get 82 00:02:53,134 --> 00:02:55,526 easy and your problems will start to disappear. 83 00:02:56,892 --> 00:02:58,105 When you have this 84 00:02:58,477 --> 00:03:00,167 expectation, you stop drinking 85 00:03:00,618 --> 00:03:03,155 and you get irritated when it doesn't feel 86 00:03:03,155 --> 00:03:03,472 easy, 87 00:03:04,122 --> 00:03:06,422 because you thought alcohol was the problem. 88 00:03:07,692 --> 00:03:08,644 Here's a truth bomb. 89 00:03:10,389 --> 00:03:13,740 Alcohol and drugs are a symptom of the 90 00:03:13,740 --> 00:03:14,137 problem. 91 00:03:15,171 --> 00:03:16,705 The problem is 92 00:03:17,159 --> 00:03:17,897 we don't 93 00:03:18,431 --> 00:03:21,532 understand or cope with feelings well. 94 00:03:22,183 --> 00:03:23,876 So we use substances 95 00:03:24,887 --> 00:03:26,399 to numb the feelings, 96 00:03:26,797 --> 00:03:28,547 so we don't have to feel them. 97 00:03:30,073 --> 00:03:33,413 The reality is you drink to manipulate feelings 98 00:03:33,413 --> 00:03:34,628 and dodge responsibility. 99 00:03:35,321 --> 00:03:36,912 So when you quit drinking, 100 00:03:37,483 --> 00:03:39,095 All those habits don't magically 101 00:03:39,469 --> 00:03:42,090 disappear, then you get mad because you thought 102 00:03:42,090 --> 00:03:43,917 putting down the drink was gonna solve your 103 00:03:43,917 --> 00:03:46,221 problems, but in truth, it's just the tip 104 00:03:46,221 --> 00:03:46,936 of the iceberg. 105 00:03:48,065 --> 00:03:50,293 I'll give you another example for myself and 106 00:03:50,293 --> 00:03:52,123 how I get caught in the same trap. 107 00:03:52,601 --> 00:03:53,738 Many of you know 108 00:03:54,113 --> 00:03:56,341 about 5 years ago, I gained some weight 109 00:03:56,341 --> 00:03:58,750 in my eating habits got way out of 110 00:03:58,750 --> 00:03:58,909 control. 111 00:03:59,627 --> 00:04:01,702 So for the past 5 years, I have 112 00:04:01,702 --> 00:04:03,697 been on the roller coaster with weight and 113 00:04:03,697 --> 00:04:04,096 food. 114 00:04:05,068 --> 00:04:07,213 And I've always fluctuate weight a little bit 115 00:04:07,213 --> 00:04:09,119 like 5 or 7 pounds. And as a 116 00:04:09,119 --> 00:04:11,900 younger person, I could drop those few extra 117 00:04:11,900 --> 00:04:14,362 pounds, super easy with little effort. 118 00:04:15,092 --> 00:04:18,289 But this time, I gained 20 pounds. 119 00:04:19,217 --> 00:04:21,439 The weight doesn't just fall off like it 120 00:04:21,439 --> 00:04:22,787 did when I was 25. 121 00:04:23,596 --> 00:04:25,740 So I would get serious about losing the 122 00:04:25,740 --> 00:04:28,280 weight and changing my habits to eat healthier, 123 00:04:28,836 --> 00:04:30,503 and I would start going to the gym. 124 00:04:31,074 --> 00:04:33,381 And when I didn't have big results in 125 00:04:33,381 --> 00:04:36,244 a week, I would get mad and depressed 126 00:04:36,244 --> 00:04:36,983 and say. 127 00:04:38,567 --> 00:04:39,704 Because I had this 128 00:04:40,240 --> 00:04:42,870 expectation that I was gonna work hard for 129 00:04:42,870 --> 00:04:45,260 5 minutes and get results, 130 00:04:45,897 --> 00:04:47,571 but it doesn't work that way. 131 00:04:48,779 --> 00:04:51,324 It took me about a year to put 132 00:04:51,324 --> 00:04:53,494 on those 20 pounds. So now 133 00:04:53,869 --> 00:04:56,039 I look at it as a long term 134 00:04:56,428 --> 00:04:57,406 healing process 135 00:04:57,781 --> 00:04:59,451 that it should take me a year to 136 00:04:59,451 --> 00:05:02,315 heal and change my lifestyle and change my 137 00:05:02,315 --> 00:05:02,815 mindset 138 00:05:03,444 --> 00:05:06,078 to support the healthier lifestyle I want. 139 00:05:07,115 --> 00:05:08,472 That's how I want you to look at 140 00:05:08,472 --> 00:05:09,110 your recovery. 141 00:05:09,669 --> 00:05:11,105 This is a long game. 142 00:05:11,838 --> 00:05:13,993 Not quick or instant results. 143 00:05:14,632 --> 00:05:15,690 You are healing. 144 00:05:16,387 --> 00:05:17,526 You are changing 145 00:05:18,702 --> 00:05:22,228 lifestyle habits. In retraining your brain to have 146 00:05:22,228 --> 00:05:24,245 a positive and healthy mindset. 147 00:05:26,139 --> 00:05:28,470 You know the person you wanna be and 148 00:05:28,470 --> 00:05:30,889 the life you wanna have and that isn't 149 00:05:30,949 --> 00:05:31,930 going to magically 150 00:05:32,310 --> 00:05:34,629 appear just because you put down your bottle 151 00:05:34,629 --> 00:05:35,189 of wine. 152 00:05:36,004 --> 00:05:38,233 It takes work and it takes time. 153 00:05:39,985 --> 00:05:42,771 Now that I've reached a new level in 154 00:05:42,771 --> 00:05:44,227 my healthy lifestyle 155 00:05:44,539 --> 00:05:45,978 I can look back on the things I 156 00:05:45,978 --> 00:05:48,375 was doing last year and 2 years ago, 157 00:05:49,094 --> 00:05:51,012 and I see how little effort I was 158 00:05:51,012 --> 00:05:53,464 really putting in. I see where I was 159 00:05:53,824 --> 00:05:55,262 totally half ass it. 160 00:05:55,981 --> 00:05:57,121 I was totally 161 00:05:57,579 --> 00:06:00,317 half ass the whole thing with literally 162 00:06:00,696 --> 00:06:01,495 0 commitment. 163 00:06:02,309 --> 00:06:04,487 It's like I would kind of 164 00:06:04,866 --> 00:06:07,903 half ass try for 5 or 6 days, 165 00:06:08,463 --> 00:06:11,634 then drown my disappointment in resentment in ppe 166 00:06:11,753 --> 00:06:12,387 an ice cream. 167 00:06:13,338 --> 00:06:15,161 My workouts were total Bs, 168 00:06:15,716 --> 00:06:18,673 I was doing the absolute bare minimum 169 00:06:19,045 --> 00:06:21,720 to and my commitment level was terrible 170 00:06:22,180 --> 00:06:24,259 because I was still committed to being lazy. 171 00:06:25,540 --> 00:06:27,639 I didn't want to be uncomfortable 172 00:06:28,194 --> 00:06:29,491 I didn't wanna be 173 00:06:29,948 --> 00:06:30,448 inconvenience. 174 00:06:31,463 --> 00:06:33,775 I'm so lazy that I want everything to 175 00:06:33,775 --> 00:06:35,449 be super easy where I don't have to 176 00:06:35,449 --> 00:06:36,645 put in any effort. 177 00:06:37,699 --> 00:06:40,199 And I definitely don't wanna be uncomfortable. 178 00:06:41,300 --> 00:06:43,699 Now that I got off the relapse roller 179 00:06:43,699 --> 00:06:44,180 coaster, 180 00:06:44,833 --> 00:06:47,697 I can see so much more clearly. I'm 181 00:06:47,697 --> 00:06:50,401 looking at this change as a long term 182 00:06:50,401 --> 00:06:50,901 process 183 00:06:51,848 --> 00:06:53,543 and I'm managing my 184 00:06:54,158 --> 00:06:54,397 expectations, 185 00:06:55,034 --> 00:06:56,866 and I want you to do the same. 186 00:06:57,504 --> 00:06:58,959 Don't have unrealistic 187 00:06:59,973 --> 00:07:02,620 expectations of quick and magical healing. 188 00:07:03,339 --> 00:07:05,734 There is no question when you quit drinking, 189 00:07:05,893 --> 00:07:07,091 you will feel better. 190 00:07:07,650 --> 00:07:10,100 Your anxiety will go down. You'll start to 191 00:07:10,298 --> 00:07:12,844 sleep better, you'll have more energy because you're 192 00:07:12,844 --> 00:07:14,912 not poisoning yourself anymore. 193 00:07:16,105 --> 00:07:16,605 And 194 00:07:17,394 --> 00:07:19,631 you will have to do some work to 195 00:07:19,631 --> 00:07:20,610 heal the wounds 196 00:07:21,309 --> 00:07:24,125 and retrain the bad habits into good habits 197 00:07:24,836 --> 00:07:27,804 and it is going to be uncomfortable sometimes, 198 00:07:28,498 --> 00:07:30,988 and it is going to be hard sometimes. 199 00:07:32,494 --> 00:07:33,613 And some days, 200 00:07:34,092 --> 00:07:36,569 you're gonna feel like crap. It's just that 201 00:07:36,569 --> 00:07:37,049 simple, 202 00:07:38,327 --> 00:07:40,165 and it's okay. 203 00:07:41,860 --> 00:07:43,379 You aren't alone in this. 204 00:07:44,180 --> 00:07:45,779 You are super strong. 205 00:07:46,579 --> 00:07:48,680 You already survived poisoning 206 00:07:49,060 --> 00:07:52,197 yourself so surely you can survive recovery. 207 00:07:53,363 --> 00:07:54,871 Listen, get real here. 208 00:07:55,427 --> 00:07:56,721 People who have cancer 209 00:07:57,110 --> 00:07:59,990 and have to do chemotherapy and radiation don't 210 00:07:59,990 --> 00:08:02,009 stop their treatment because it's uncomfortable. 211 00:08:03,990 --> 00:08:06,069 And we've all heard the horror stories and 212 00:08:06,229 --> 00:08:08,341 I'm sure some of you have experienced at 213 00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:11,114 firsthand. We've all heard the horror stories of 214 00:08:11,114 --> 00:08:13,667 chemotherapy and radiation and how awful it is 215 00:08:13,667 --> 00:08:14,646 and uncomfortable 216 00:08:15,118 --> 00:08:16,789 and how your whole life is put on 217 00:08:16,789 --> 00:08:17,187 hold. 218 00:08:18,301 --> 00:08:20,052 But those people aren't saying, 219 00:08:20,609 --> 00:08:22,439 you know what? I changed my mind. I 220 00:08:22,439 --> 00:08:23,712 think I'll just keep the cancer. 221 00:08:24,523 --> 00:08:24,922 Right? 222 00:08:26,516 --> 00:08:30,740 The treatment for any illness is uncomfortable and 223 00:08:30,740 --> 00:08:34,100 has difficult side effect. Our illness is no 224 00:08:34,100 --> 00:08:34,577 different. 225 00:08:35,930 --> 00:08:37,066 Don't have crazy 226 00:08:37,680 --> 00:08:40,465 expectations that turn into resentment when things don't 227 00:08:40,465 --> 00:08:43,204 go your way. Be realistic in your 228 00:08:43,577 --> 00:08:47,782 expectations. You're playing a long game for long 229 00:08:47,782 --> 00:08:48,710 term results 230 00:08:49,147 --> 00:08:51,478 and you are a warrior. 231 00:08:52,410 --> 00:08:53,865 Be a warrior. 232 00:08:55,116 --> 00:08:57,663 Look discomfort in the face and tell it 233 00:08:57,663 --> 00:08:58,792 to f off. 234 00:08:59,669 --> 00:09:02,218 When the committee starts talking trash, 235 00:09:02,855 --> 00:09:05,484 tell it to f off and tell it, 236 00:09:05,882 --> 00:09:07,258 you're a freaking warrior 237 00:09:07,809 --> 00:09:09,398 and we're not messing around here. 238 00:09:11,146 --> 00:09:12,100 Real change, 239 00:09:12,974 --> 00:09:14,825 real relief that lasts 240 00:09:15,694 --> 00:09:18,811 takes real time and energy. So let's do 241 00:09:18,811 --> 00:09:19,210 that. 242 00:09:20,968 --> 00:09:23,126 And this takes me right into number 2, 243 00:09:23,526 --> 00:09:24,745 lack of direction 244 00:09:26,252 --> 00:09:27,685 You know you wanna be sober, 245 00:09:28,561 --> 00:09:30,710 you know drinking is ruining your life. 246 00:09:31,267 --> 00:09:32,381 You know you wanna stop, 247 00:09:33,033 --> 00:09:35,898 but you don't have a plan or a 248 00:09:35,898 --> 00:09:38,762 clear direction. The only thing you planned was 249 00:09:38,762 --> 00:09:41,084 not taking the next drink. And that plan 250 00:09:41,084 --> 00:09:42,357 is not gonna get you far. 251 00:09:43,311 --> 00:09:45,379 When you quit drinking, it leaves a lot 252 00:09:45,379 --> 00:09:46,912 of hours uno 253 00:09:47,923 --> 00:09:49,673 because we spend a lot of hours drinking. 254 00:09:50,958 --> 00:09:52,783 When you are changing a habit, 255 00:09:53,259 --> 00:09:56,060 you'll be much more successful if you 256 00:09:56,512 --> 00:09:57,940 exchange the habit. 257 00:09:59,067 --> 00:09:59,567 Meaning 258 00:10:00,340 --> 00:10:02,488 if you are taking something away, 259 00:10:03,045 --> 00:10:04,636 add something in its place. 260 00:10:06,639 --> 00:10:10,159 Swap your alcoholic beverage for a new non 261 00:10:10,215 --> 00:10:10,930 alcoholic beverage. 262 00:10:12,042 --> 00:10:13,631 If you used to sit in your living 263 00:10:13,631 --> 00:10:16,187 room in your favorite chair, drinking your life 264 00:10:16,187 --> 00:10:18,726 away, don't just stop sitting in the chair 265 00:10:18,726 --> 00:10:20,076 and never go in the living room again, 266 00:10:21,425 --> 00:10:23,583 either move the chair to a different spot 267 00:10:23,583 --> 00:10:25,594 in the room or get a new chair 268 00:10:26,049 --> 00:10:28,674 or create a whole new space for yourself 269 00:10:28,674 --> 00:10:30,106 to sit and enjoy your evenings. 270 00:10:30,997 --> 00:10:33,626 I have 1 client who created a beautiful 271 00:10:33,626 --> 00:10:36,335 little space center her bedroom with 2 chairs 272 00:10:36,335 --> 00:10:38,486 and a small table to sitter coffee on 273 00:10:38,486 --> 00:10:39,782 ride inside the window 274 00:10:40,174 --> 00:10:42,726 so she gets this great sunlight coming in, 275 00:10:43,205 --> 00:10:45,757 and that became her new spot instead of 276 00:10:45,757 --> 00:10:47,352 sitting in the living room where she used 277 00:10:47,352 --> 00:10:48,947 to sit in front of the Tv drinking 278 00:10:48,947 --> 00:10:49,586 bottles of wine. 279 00:10:51,997 --> 00:10:52,956 Exchange habits. 280 00:10:54,314 --> 00:10:56,391 If you used to hang out in bars 281 00:10:56,391 --> 00:10:57,190 on the weekends, 282 00:10:57,922 --> 00:11:00,072 switch it up and start hanging out at 283 00:11:00,072 --> 00:11:02,063 the coffee shop or the bookstore or the 284 00:11:02,063 --> 00:11:02,302 gym. 285 00:11:03,177 --> 00:11:05,407 My gym has this great little cafe where 286 00:11:05,407 --> 00:11:07,895 they have healthy food and protein drinks and 287 00:11:07,895 --> 00:11:09,491 coffee. It's like a little restaurant. 288 00:11:10,129 --> 00:11:12,683 And in the evenings, it's full of people 289 00:11:12,683 --> 00:11:13,801 hanging out connecting. 290 00:11:14,851 --> 00:11:16,306 Connecting in a healthier 291 00:11:16,919 --> 00:11:18,907 lifestyle and a healthier place. 292 00:11:20,179 --> 00:11:22,326 Also, I think because the gym has childcare 293 00:11:22,326 --> 00:11:24,888 care, so everyone can work out then then 294 00:11:24,888 --> 00:11:26,164 go hang out in the cafe Ave for 295 00:11:26,164 --> 00:11:28,397 a little while before getting the kids and 296 00:11:28,397 --> 00:11:29,434 heading home for the evening. 297 00:11:30,870 --> 00:11:32,566 And don't create unrealistic 298 00:11:33,023 --> 00:11:33,980 expectations here either. 299 00:11:34,554 --> 00:11:36,552 Don't think, oh, I'm gonna go hang out 300 00:11:36,552 --> 00:11:38,150 at the coffee shop and meet people and 301 00:11:38,150 --> 00:11:40,148 have a great time. And you go once, 302 00:11:40,468 --> 00:11:42,066 and you don't talk to anyone, and then 303 00:11:42,066 --> 00:11:44,159 you decided it didn't work and you're disappointed 304 00:11:44,159 --> 00:11:45,279 so you don't do it anymore. 305 00:11:46,959 --> 00:11:47,679 Wrong answer. 306 00:11:48,639 --> 00:11:50,339 You have to do something 307 00:11:51,039 --> 00:11:51,939 at least 308 00:11:52,254 --> 00:11:53,634 5 or 10 times 309 00:11:54,095 --> 00:11:56,414 just to get through the initial discomfort of 310 00:11:56,414 --> 00:11:57,394 being uncomfortable. 311 00:11:58,335 --> 00:12:00,174 If you try a new Aa meeting, 312 00:12:00,668 --> 00:12:02,738 Make a deal with yourself to go at 313 00:12:02,738 --> 00:12:05,684 least 7 times before you decide, 314 00:12:06,480 --> 00:12:08,152 you like that 1 or not. 315 00:12:09,042 --> 00:12:11,349 If you wanna create a new habit of 316 00:12:11,349 --> 00:12:14,133 spending time in healthier places where there are 317 00:12:14,133 --> 00:12:15,406 non drinking people, 318 00:12:16,136 --> 00:12:19,178 make a commitment to trying 5 different places 319 00:12:19,314 --> 00:12:20,983 and go to each of them 5 to 320 00:12:20,983 --> 00:12:21,801 7 times 321 00:12:22,174 --> 00:12:23,207 before you make a decision. 322 00:12:24,733 --> 00:12:27,279 And if you wanna meet people, then you 323 00:12:27,279 --> 00:12:29,666 have to smile and make eye contact and 324 00:12:29,666 --> 00:12:30,860 say hello to people. 325 00:12:32,229 --> 00:12:35,505 You know this was an extremely challenging issue 326 00:12:35,505 --> 00:12:38,242 for me because my anxiety was so 327 00:12:38,700 --> 00:12:39,100 bad. 328 00:12:39,514 --> 00:12:41,919 When I was new in sobriety. It felt 329 00:12:42,530 --> 00:12:45,150 excruciating just to walk into a meeting and 330 00:12:45,150 --> 00:12:47,691 even worse to push myself to connect with 331 00:12:47,691 --> 00:12:47,929 people. 332 00:12:48,979 --> 00:12:50,577 But this is what I mean about having 333 00:12:50,577 --> 00:12:54,094 a clear direction. I know I wanna be 334 00:12:54,094 --> 00:12:54,973 connected to people. 335 00:12:55,532 --> 00:12:57,770 I know I want to have fun. 336 00:12:58,422 --> 00:13:00,172 I want sober friends. 337 00:13:00,729 --> 00:13:03,274 I want to go places and do things 338 00:13:03,274 --> 00:13:04,786 with people just like me. 339 00:13:05,519 --> 00:13:07,117 So if that's what I want, 340 00:13:07,836 --> 00:13:10,472 then I have to take action to create 341 00:13:10,472 --> 00:13:10,712 that. 342 00:13:11,511 --> 00:13:14,470 And that means going to places where sober 343 00:13:14,470 --> 00:13:17,830 people are and saying hello to sober people 344 00:13:18,044 --> 00:13:18,941 and accepting 345 00:13:19,474 --> 00:13:21,959 invitations to do things with sober people 346 00:13:22,349 --> 00:13:25,058 even if they aren't things I would normally 347 00:13:25,058 --> 00:13:25,376 do. 348 00:13:26,811 --> 00:13:28,563 That's how I started making friends when I 349 00:13:28,563 --> 00:13:29,201 was brand new, 350 00:13:29,855 --> 00:13:30,835 I was invited 351 00:13:31,455 --> 00:13:33,695 to dinner with a group of women I 352 00:13:33,695 --> 00:13:36,014 didn't know, and of course, I didn't wanna 353 00:13:36,014 --> 00:13:39,057 go. The committee was screaming at me to 354 00:13:39,057 --> 00:13:39,533 say no. 355 00:13:40,406 --> 00:13:42,469 But I knew I had to go against 356 00:13:42,469 --> 00:13:44,928 the committee for sure because the committee isn't 357 00:13:44,928 --> 00:13:45,428 trustworthy 358 00:13:46,533 --> 00:13:48,526 and I knew if I wanted to have 359 00:13:48,526 --> 00:13:51,078 sober friends and a fun sober life then 360 00:13:51,157 --> 00:13:53,071 I had to be willing to be uncomfortable 361 00:13:53,071 --> 00:13:54,586 and hang out with sober people. 362 00:13:56,035 --> 00:13:57,787 I went to the dinner. I sat in 363 00:13:57,787 --> 00:14:00,596 my car cried for probably 20 minutes 364 00:14:01,052 --> 00:14:03,043 before I went in because my anxiety was 365 00:14:03,043 --> 00:14:03,735 so bad 366 00:14:04,091 --> 00:14:06,629 but I did it. I stayed 30 minutes 367 00:14:06,629 --> 00:14:07,581 that it was nice. 368 00:14:08,056 --> 00:14:10,197 It wasn't life changing, like, I had the 369 00:14:10,197 --> 00:14:10,990 time of my life. 370 00:14:11,879 --> 00:14:14,776 But it was life changing in the way 371 00:14:14,836 --> 00:14:17,552 that I was putting the time and energy 372 00:14:17,552 --> 00:14:19,410 into breaking old habits 373 00:14:19,963 --> 00:14:23,538 and creating new healthier ones that were in 374 00:14:23,538 --> 00:14:25,922 line with the life I wanted to build 375 00:14:25,922 --> 00:14:26,637 for myself. 376 00:14:29,116 --> 00:14:29,616 Micro 377 00:14:29,991 --> 00:14:30,309 decisions. 378 00:14:30,866 --> 00:14:35,323 Those split second choices will change your life. 379 00:14:36,612 --> 00:14:39,240 This is exactly why we're doing the Sober 380 00:14:39,240 --> 00:14:41,709 vision workshop to get clear on that direction 381 00:14:41,709 --> 00:14:43,462 you wanna go and get clear on what 382 00:14:43,462 --> 00:14:45,709 you need to do to accomplish the life 383 00:14:45,709 --> 00:14:46,269 you want. 384 00:14:47,789 --> 00:14:50,990 No lifestyle is built overnight. It has taken 385 00:14:50,990 --> 00:14:53,070 me years to become who I am today. 386 00:14:53,404 --> 00:14:56,301 In every single year, I see massive growth 387 00:14:56,520 --> 00:14:58,038 because I have a clear direction. 388 00:14:58,677 --> 00:15:00,195 That's what I want you to have. 389 00:15:01,245 --> 00:15:02,778 And this will help with 390 00:15:03,232 --> 00:15:06,116 expectations too, being accurate with your 391 00:15:06,570 --> 00:15:09,272 expectations and having a clear direction, 392 00:15:09,923 --> 00:15:12,566 will help you feel that sense of accomplishment 393 00:15:13,257 --> 00:15:15,639 rather than getting stuck in the trap of 394 00:15:15,798 --> 00:15:17,227 I should be better than this by now. 395 00:15:17,385 --> 00:15:19,493 I should feel better. I should be farther 396 00:15:19,551 --> 00:15:19,869 along. 397 00:15:20,905 --> 00:15:23,374 First of all, every sober person has those 398 00:15:23,374 --> 00:15:25,843 same thoughts. I think it at least once 399 00:15:25,843 --> 00:15:27,294 a week about something. 400 00:15:27,933 --> 00:15:31,289 I have to catch myself and remind myself 401 00:15:31,289 --> 00:15:33,526 that everyone feels that way, and I am 402 00:15:33,526 --> 00:15:34,805 exactly where I'm supposed to be. 403 00:15:36,413 --> 00:15:38,325 Okay. Last 1. Number 3, 404 00:15:38,963 --> 00:15:39,441 craving, 405 00:15:40,238 --> 00:15:40,477 escape. 406 00:15:41,672 --> 00:15:42,889 Here's a huge 407 00:15:43,902 --> 00:15:44,402 misconception 408 00:15:45,593 --> 00:15:48,150 especially when we use the word craving. 409 00:15:49,588 --> 00:15:51,127 You are not craving 410 00:15:51,586 --> 00:15:52,305 a drink. 411 00:15:52,799 --> 00:15:54,098 You are craving 412 00:15:55,037 --> 00:15:55,276 escape. 413 00:15:57,114 --> 00:15:58,014 We drank 414 00:15:58,472 --> 00:15:59,372 to numb 415 00:15:59,751 --> 00:16:00,730 and avoid 416 00:16:01,043 --> 00:16:01,543 feelings. 417 00:16:02,550 --> 00:16:03,526 We drank 418 00:16:03,899 --> 00:16:04,875 to numb 419 00:16:05,247 --> 00:16:05,723 anxiety, 420 00:16:06,437 --> 00:16:07,548 numb, guilt, 421 00:16:08,357 --> 00:16:08,857 numb 422 00:16:09,392 --> 00:16:09,790 insecurity, 423 00:16:10,427 --> 00:16:13,451 numb in indecision, numb, fear. 424 00:16:14,964 --> 00:16:17,590 When you get sober, you have no escape. 425 00:16:18,882 --> 00:16:19,382 You 426 00:16:19,919 --> 00:16:22,712 now have to provide the escape for yourself. 427 00:16:23,829 --> 00:16:25,766 You have to find out 428 00:16:26,157 --> 00:16:28,614 what makes you feel better and gives you 429 00:16:28,614 --> 00:16:28,852 relief. 430 00:16:29,644 --> 00:16:32,205 And you have to be realistic in your 431 00:16:32,814 --> 00:16:33,314 expectations 432 00:16:33,623 --> 00:16:35,793 because the activities we enjoy sober 433 00:16:36,327 --> 00:16:39,032 are not anesthesia like alcohol. 434 00:16:40,954 --> 00:16:43,176 Alcohol is a natural an aesthetic, 435 00:16:43,731 --> 00:16:46,825 and it numb physical and emotional pain. 436 00:16:48,270 --> 00:16:50,101 Sobriety does not do that, 437 00:16:50,818 --> 00:16:52,331 so don't expect it to. 438 00:16:53,923 --> 00:16:55,299 You will be uncomfortable 439 00:16:55,849 --> 00:16:57,203 and you will survive. 440 00:16:58,319 --> 00:17:01,050 You have to build your survival muscles 441 00:17:01,506 --> 00:17:02,860 because you haven't used them in a long 442 00:17:02,860 --> 00:17:05,251 time because you used alcohol to survive everything. 443 00:17:06,779 --> 00:17:09,886 And building muscles takes time and energy and 444 00:17:09,886 --> 00:17:10,285 practice. 445 00:17:11,957 --> 00:17:14,912 You are per capable of being uncomfortable in 446 00:17:14,912 --> 00:17:15,626 getting through it, 447 00:17:16,737 --> 00:17:19,039 especially if you follow all the strategies and 448 00:17:19,039 --> 00:17:20,786 plans I map out for you with this 449 00:17:20,786 --> 00:17:21,262 podcast, 450 00:17:21,753 --> 00:17:23,664 If you follow along and put the things 451 00:17:23,664 --> 00:17:26,074 in place that I suggest you will definitely 452 00:17:26,210 --> 00:17:28,439 be able to get through those uncomfortable times. 453 00:17:30,128 --> 00:17:32,762 Don't get caught up in a craving and 454 00:17:32,762 --> 00:17:34,677 convince yourself you're craving a drink. 455 00:17:35,476 --> 00:17:37,870 What you are craving is an escape. 456 00:17:38,603 --> 00:17:41,236 And relief from whatever you're feeling. 457 00:17:42,114 --> 00:17:43,630 When a craving pops up, 458 00:17:44,667 --> 00:17:45,305 label it, 459 00:17:46,039 --> 00:17:48,057 label what you are feeling 460 00:17:48,916 --> 00:17:50,355 that you want to escape. 461 00:17:51,074 --> 00:17:53,152 The drink is just the fastest way to 462 00:17:53,152 --> 00:17:55,310 not feel. It's not the drink you want, 463 00:17:56,521 --> 00:17:58,912 It's the not feeling that you want. 464 00:17:59,550 --> 00:18:01,941 You wanna numb, and the drink is what 465 00:18:01,941 --> 00:18:03,615 you've always used to numb. 466 00:18:04,266 --> 00:18:06,250 Keep that in mind, the alcohol is only 467 00:18:06,250 --> 00:18:06,805 the tool, 468 00:18:07,361 --> 00:18:09,900 and now you have to find new tools. 469 00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:13,896 If you wanna feel better than find things 470 00:18:13,896 --> 00:18:15,412 you enjoy and go do them. 471 00:18:16,050 --> 00:18:18,841 If you want friends, go make them. If 472 00:18:18,841 --> 00:18:20,835 you want hobbies, go find them. 473 00:18:21,804 --> 00:18:23,471 If you want sober people to hang out 474 00:18:23,471 --> 00:18:25,217 with, go where sober people are. 475 00:18:26,964 --> 00:18:29,107 Sober people aren't going to get on a 476 00:18:29,107 --> 00:18:30,953 bus and show up at your house asking 477 00:18:30,953 --> 00:18:32,312 to hang out and be friends with you. 478 00:18:33,830 --> 00:18:35,748 A ferry is not going to show up 479 00:18:35,748 --> 00:18:36,648 on your doorstep 480 00:18:37,027 --> 00:18:39,440 with a perfect life in a box where 481 00:18:39,440 --> 00:18:41,119 all your problems are solved and you are 482 00:18:41,119 --> 00:18:41,440 happy. 483 00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:44,500 It's not anyone else's responsibility 484 00:18:44,799 --> 00:18:47,839 to build you or build your life. It's 485 00:18:47,839 --> 00:18:48,240 yours. 486 00:18:49,054 --> 00:18:51,611 That means you have to invest the time 487 00:18:51,611 --> 00:18:55,127 and energy and sometimes money to explore new 488 00:18:55,127 --> 00:18:56,825 things in different things 489 00:18:57,219 --> 00:19:00,409 to break down your anxiety to find activities 490 00:19:00,409 --> 00:19:02,882 you like to do to feel better and 491 00:19:02,882 --> 00:19:03,520 have fun. 492 00:19:04,716 --> 00:19:06,631 No 1 can do your work for you. 493 00:19:07,679 --> 00:19:09,504 I promise you if I could do all 494 00:19:09,504 --> 00:19:11,170 the work for everybody. I would do it 495 00:19:11,170 --> 00:19:12,757 in a split second. I would do it 496 00:19:12,757 --> 00:19:13,471 for everybody. 497 00:19:15,156 --> 00:19:16,749 It's your life, 498 00:19:17,307 --> 00:19:19,697 create it to be whatever you want, 499 00:19:20,255 --> 00:19:22,428 but don't expect to sit around the house 500 00:19:22,645 --> 00:19:23,703 complaining about everything 501 00:19:24,094 --> 00:19:26,911 and not taking any action and wonder 502 00:19:27,290 --> 00:19:29,607 why you don't feel good and you aren't 503 00:19:29,607 --> 00:19:30,326 having any fun. 504 00:19:31,538 --> 00:19:33,310 And in this process, 505 00:19:33,923 --> 00:19:36,070 think about how you can help others. 506 00:19:37,184 --> 00:19:39,990 What can you do to make someone else's 507 00:19:40,047 --> 00:19:41,001 journey feel better? 508 00:19:41,731 --> 00:19:43,878 How can you make someone else a little 509 00:19:43,878 --> 00:19:44,673 more comfortable. 510 00:19:45,309 --> 00:19:47,081 Think about the people around you 511 00:19:47,615 --> 00:19:50,398 and think about that their anxiety is bad 512 00:19:50,398 --> 00:19:50,636 too. 513 00:19:51,367 --> 00:19:54,075 So maybe you smile at them first to 514 00:19:54,075 --> 00:19:56,702 offer some comfort instead of only thinking about 515 00:19:56,702 --> 00:19:58,772 yourself and how bad your anxiety is. 516 00:19:59,903 --> 00:20:02,615 Be mindful of the people around you. 517 00:20:03,652 --> 00:20:05,885 Maybe you see someone in the grocery store 518 00:20:05,885 --> 00:20:08,118 who looks tired or stressed out or their 519 00:20:08,118 --> 00:20:09,315 kids are acting like animals. 520 00:20:10,049 --> 00:20:11,967 And you can see they're embarrassed. 521 00:20:12,526 --> 00:20:14,764 Take 3 seconds to say a few kind 522 00:20:14,764 --> 00:20:16,841 words or give them a compliment or offer 523 00:20:16,841 --> 00:20:20,384 some empathy about our children acting like animals 524 00:20:20,837 --> 00:20:22,584 because we can all feel that pain. 525 00:20:23,933 --> 00:20:25,759 I don't have my own kids, but I 526 00:20:25,759 --> 00:20:28,403 have a very clear understanding that those little 527 00:20:28,403 --> 00:20:31,512 people are completely irrational and wild. 528 00:20:32,708 --> 00:20:34,143 I just saw a girl at the gym 529 00:20:34,143 --> 00:20:34,643 yesterday 530 00:20:35,354 --> 00:20:37,752 the day is right next to the women's 531 00:20:37,752 --> 00:20:39,190 locker. So I'm walking out of the locker 532 00:20:39,190 --> 00:20:40,629 room and she had just gotten her kids 533 00:20:40,629 --> 00:20:41,348 out of day. 534 00:20:42,227 --> 00:20:44,385 And her little baby, probably 7 or 8 535 00:20:44,385 --> 00:20:46,330 months old was screaming 536 00:20:46,704 --> 00:20:48,451 at the top of her lungs. 537 00:20:49,245 --> 00:20:51,786 And the poor mom was chasing her other 538 00:20:51,786 --> 00:20:53,868 1 who was about 2 or 3, chasing 539 00:20:53,868 --> 00:20:54,982 her down the hallway. 540 00:20:55,857 --> 00:20:57,289 If this poor girl was young. I mean, 541 00:20:57,449 --> 00:20:59,279 she was in her early to mid twenties, 542 00:20:59,438 --> 00:21:00,791 and you could tell she was just about 543 00:21:00,791 --> 00:21:01,586 to lose her grip. 544 00:21:02,399 --> 00:21:04,960 And her kid was screaming, and I just 545 00:21:04,960 --> 00:21:06,319 looked at her and smiled, and I said, 546 00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:08,559 I totally understand where she's coming from. I 547 00:21:08,559 --> 00:21:10,295 feel the same way about 3 times at 548 00:21:11,607 --> 00:21:13,516 And we both got laugh for a second. 549 00:21:14,073 --> 00:21:15,743 I wanted her to have a moment of 550 00:21:15,743 --> 00:21:17,572 empathy and a moment of relief and to 551 00:21:17,572 --> 00:21:19,916 take the edge off and instead of ob 552 00:21:20,051 --> 00:21:22,434 about myself and whatever thing I'm complaining about 553 00:21:22,434 --> 00:21:24,818 in the moment and thinking about keeping my 554 00:21:24,818 --> 00:21:26,883 head down because my anxiety is so bad. 555 00:21:27,854 --> 00:21:29,772 Stop only thinking about yourself, 556 00:21:30,411 --> 00:21:32,889 Lift your head up, make someone else's day 557 00:21:32,889 --> 00:21:34,407 better, be of service. 558 00:21:35,446 --> 00:21:36,485 Okay. Let's recap. 559 00:21:38,096 --> 00:21:38,336 1, 560 00:21:39,293 --> 00:21:39,613 expectations. 561 00:21:41,129 --> 00:21:42,347 Expectations are pre 562 00:21:42,725 --> 00:21:44,775 resentment don't have unrealistic 563 00:21:45,687 --> 00:21:48,146 expectations about what you will get or how 564 00:21:48,146 --> 00:21:50,051 fast you will get it in sobriety. 565 00:21:50,923 --> 00:21:52,907 You're playing the long game. 566 00:21:53,558 --> 00:21:55,633 Not the instant gratification game. 567 00:21:56,431 --> 00:21:58,585 You will definitely have some relief when you 568 00:21:58,585 --> 00:21:59,224 quit drinking, 569 00:21:59,782 --> 00:22:00,681 and we want 570 00:22:00,994 --> 00:22:04,173 continued relief for the long term, so we 571 00:22:04,173 --> 00:22:06,557 are going for lifestyle change. 572 00:22:07,431 --> 00:22:09,417 It's so funny to me how quickly we 573 00:22:09,417 --> 00:22:09,869 expect 574 00:22:10,306 --> 00:22:11,361 results in our lives 575 00:22:11,814 --> 00:22:14,987 when we get sober, when really, usually, we've 576 00:22:14,987 --> 00:22:15,487 dedicated 577 00:22:16,178 --> 00:22:16,678 years 578 00:22:17,384 --> 00:22:18,363 to our 579 00:22:18,741 --> 00:22:19,858 demise. Right? 580 00:22:20,417 --> 00:22:23,130 It took years of drinking to get where 581 00:22:23,210 --> 00:22:25,938 I got, and it only makes sense that 582 00:22:25,938 --> 00:22:28,093 my healing will take time also. 583 00:22:28,812 --> 00:22:31,685 Don't get frustrated, just know there isn't a 584 00:22:31,685 --> 00:22:33,282 fast and easy solution. 585 00:22:34,732 --> 00:22:37,593 Make sure you manage your expectations so you 586 00:22:37,593 --> 00:22:40,452 aren't getting upset when things don't go your 587 00:22:40,452 --> 00:22:40,691 way. 588 00:22:41,977 --> 00:22:44,679 Some days are going to be fantastic. In 589 00:22:44,679 --> 00:22:47,777 some days are going to be not fantastic. 590 00:22:48,492 --> 00:22:49,923 We can't control life. 591 00:22:50,574 --> 00:22:53,608 But we can control how we respond to 592 00:22:53,608 --> 00:22:53,768 it. 593 00:22:54,646 --> 00:22:57,280 If something feels off or isn't going the 594 00:22:57,280 --> 00:22:58,717 way you thought it would or the way 595 00:22:58,717 --> 00:22:59,515 you wanted it to. 596 00:23:00,168 --> 00:23:02,872 Take a second and reevaluate the situation and 597 00:23:02,872 --> 00:23:05,099 see what you can do to shift it? 598 00:23:05,894 --> 00:23:07,723 Could you be doing more? Do you need 599 00:23:07,723 --> 00:23:09,971 to be more patient, are you being lazy? 600 00:23:10,131 --> 00:23:11,328 Are you being entitled? 601 00:23:11,807 --> 00:23:13,085 Could you be trying harder? 602 00:23:13,963 --> 00:23:14,862 Manage your 603 00:23:15,320 --> 00:23:17,555 expectations and be kind to yourself? 604 00:23:18,129 --> 00:23:19,803 This is a hell of a journey you're 605 00:23:19,803 --> 00:23:21,876 on, give yourself some grace. 606 00:23:23,551 --> 00:23:26,762 Number 2, lack of direction. If you don't 607 00:23:27,153 --> 00:23:27,945 have a plan, 608 00:23:28,579 --> 00:23:30,640 create a toolbox and support, 609 00:23:31,353 --> 00:23:33,518 you will fl with little 610 00:23:33,889 --> 00:23:34,206 success. 611 00:23:35,895 --> 00:23:38,368 Having the understanding that this is going to 612 00:23:38,368 --> 00:23:41,079 take time, you're going to have to be 613 00:23:41,079 --> 00:23:43,175 patient and make your decisions with 614 00:23:43,632 --> 00:23:44,132 intention 615 00:23:44,524 --> 00:23:45,664 to live your life 616 00:23:46,203 --> 00:23:46,682 intentionally, 617 00:23:47,561 --> 00:23:49,799 this will serve you very well. 618 00:23:50,678 --> 00:23:52,696 Here's what I mean when I say live 619 00:23:52,915 --> 00:23:53,235 intentionally. 620 00:23:53,887 --> 00:23:56,585 That means you think about each part of 621 00:23:56,585 --> 00:23:59,838 your day and you choose what actions to 622 00:23:59,838 --> 00:24:00,076 take. 623 00:24:00,710 --> 00:24:01,766 You choose 624 00:24:02,234 --> 00:24:05,367 what things you will decline and you choose 625 00:24:05,505 --> 00:24:08,936 what boundaries you set with people and situations. 626 00:24:10,390 --> 00:24:12,869 Remember the daily routine checklist I made for 627 00:24:12,869 --> 00:24:13,029 you. 628 00:24:13,750 --> 00:24:14,950 This is what it's all about. 629 00:24:16,630 --> 00:24:19,509 Intentionally, choosing what steps you take and when 630 00:24:19,509 --> 00:24:21,416 you're going to take them. I break it 631 00:24:21,416 --> 00:24:23,403 down into 3 parts of the day. Right? 632 00:24:23,642 --> 00:24:25,326 Morning noon and night. And then I have 633 00:24:25,326 --> 00:24:27,314 a list of things to choose from, and 634 00:24:27,393 --> 00:24:29,302 I make sure I do some of those 635 00:24:29,302 --> 00:24:32,244 things from the list in those different times 636 00:24:32,244 --> 00:24:33,835 of day. Easy peasy. 637 00:24:34,883 --> 00:24:36,865 For me, I'm always gonna make sure I 638 00:24:36,865 --> 00:24:38,133 do something for my sobriety. 639 00:24:38,847 --> 00:24:40,908 I'm always gonna make sure I do something 640 00:24:40,908 --> 00:24:42,097 to be of service to others. 641 00:24:42,826 --> 00:24:44,807 I'm always gonna make sure I do something 642 00:24:44,807 --> 00:24:45,680 healthy for my body. 643 00:24:46,472 --> 00:24:48,851 Super simple, and there's a million ways to 644 00:24:48,851 --> 00:24:49,723 do all of those things. 645 00:24:50,694 --> 00:24:53,255 The key is you have to have direction. 646 00:24:53,654 --> 00:24:55,974 You have to know what you want your 647 00:24:55,974 --> 00:24:58,708 life to look like. The person you wanna 648 00:24:58,708 --> 00:25:00,385 be, how you wanna feel. 649 00:25:01,024 --> 00:25:03,282 So you know what activities to choose 650 00:25:03,980 --> 00:25:04,480 intentionally 651 00:25:04,953 --> 00:25:06,623 to get you going in that direction. 652 00:25:07,657 --> 00:25:08,929 Number 3, escape. 653 00:25:09,803 --> 00:25:12,347 You think you're craving a drink, but you're 654 00:25:12,347 --> 00:25:13,404 really craving 655 00:25:13,858 --> 00:25:14,097 escape. 656 00:25:14,908 --> 00:25:16,424 Don't get this confused. 657 00:25:16,982 --> 00:25:20,174 What you're craving is an escape. You want 658 00:25:20,174 --> 00:25:21,471 to numb your feelings 659 00:25:21,864 --> 00:25:23,938 and the drink is the method you always 660 00:25:23,938 --> 00:25:26,650 used before and it's the fastest way to 661 00:25:26,650 --> 00:25:26,889 escape. 662 00:25:27,766 --> 00:25:29,840 When that craving creeps in, take a minute, 663 00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:31,355 figure out what you're feeling. 664 00:25:31,930 --> 00:25:33,690 Once you know what you're feeling, 665 00:25:34,330 --> 00:25:36,910 then do something to cope with that feeling 666 00:25:37,769 --> 00:25:39,049 instead of trying to escape it. 667 00:25:40,259 --> 00:25:42,645 You aren't craving a drink. Don't let the 668 00:25:42,645 --> 00:25:43,838 committee fool you with this. 669 00:25:44,793 --> 00:25:45,611 You're probably 670 00:25:46,798 --> 00:25:47,298 uncomfortable, 671 00:25:47,833 --> 00:25:49,130 bored, lonely, 672 00:25:49,746 --> 00:25:50,224 tired, 673 00:25:50,781 --> 00:25:51,998 overwhelmed, angry, 674 00:25:52,455 --> 00:25:52,955 confused 675 00:25:53,570 --> 00:25:55,801 or a thousand other things. 676 00:25:56,532 --> 00:25:59,179 And you don't have any experience dealing with 677 00:25:59,315 --> 00:26:02,256 emotions, so your go to move is to 678 00:26:02,256 --> 00:26:05,776 numb them and escape responsibility of having to 679 00:26:05,776 --> 00:26:06,335 deal with them. 680 00:26:07,372 --> 00:26:10,427 A drink is not your solution. Don't fool 681 00:26:10,486 --> 00:26:10,805 yourself. 682 00:26:11,923 --> 00:26:12,721 Okay, my friends. 683 00:26:14,253 --> 00:26:17,609 Another episode together. I love you guys. 684 00:26:18,088 --> 00:26:20,725 Thank you for all your support and love 685 00:26:20,725 --> 00:26:23,293 and kind words, I'm so happy that we 686 00:26:23,293 --> 00:26:26,325 are in this together and supporting 1 another. 687 00:26:26,644 --> 00:26:29,133 And if you enjoyed this episode take a 688 00:26:29,133 --> 00:26:31,449 second and share it with someone you know 689 00:26:31,449 --> 00:26:32,566 who will love it also. 690 00:26:33,125 --> 00:26:35,999 I hope you are having a fantastic day, 691 00:26:36,398 --> 00:26:38,568 and I will see you next week. 692 00:26:40,239 --> 00:26:42,468 You've reached the end of another great episode 693 00:26:42,468 --> 00:26:44,321 of the addiction unlimited podcast, 694 00:26:44,776 --> 00:26:48,015 candid an honest conversation about addiction and recover 695 00:26:48,610 --> 00:26:50,357 Be sure to visit us at addiction on 696 00:26:50,357 --> 00:26:53,239 unlimited dot com to join the conversation and 697 00:26:53,454 --> 00:26:55,598 access show notes and links to everything we 698 00:26:55,598 --> 00:26:56,049 talked about 699 00:26:56,730 --> 00:26:59,850 Love this episode, please take 30 seconds to 700 00:26:59,850 --> 00:27:02,330 subscribe rate and review on itunes to help 701 00:27:02,330 --> 00:27:04,901 us improve and give you the information you 702 00:27:04,901 --> 00:27:07,687 want. Thanks for listening. See you next week.