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Announcer: This is
a Getty podcast.

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[Theme music begins]

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Host: Have you ever
felt misunderstood?

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Well, imagine feeling
that way for 240 years.

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Welcome to If Objects Could
Talk, the podcast where art

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and artifacts come alive to
share their side of the story.

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Today, we hear from a
sculpture with a lot on

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his mind, and on his face.

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That’s partially because the
sculpture is mostly face.

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This guest is a bust, meaning
a sculpture of the head and

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neck, sometimes with a bit
of chest and shoulders, too.

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And this particular bust
has an extreme expression.

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Furrowed brow, squinting eyes,
scrunched nose, and a jaw so

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strained [voice groans] it
looks like he’s trying to crack

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a walnut with those teeth.
[nut cracks] 

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Ugh, he makes me feel tense 
just looking at him.

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He was made by German sculptor
Franz Xaver Messerschmidt

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in the 1770s and ’80s.

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Messerschmidt never gave
him an official name.

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Now, everyone just calls
him “The Vexed Man.”

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[clears throat] I said “The
Vexed Man.” That’s your cue.

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[growly voice with 
New York accent speaks]

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The Vexed Man: Yes, all 
right, I heard you.

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I was thinking.

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That is what I do.

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Let me get something out
of the way first, since

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apparently no one can look
at me for five seconds

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without making assumptions.

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[Light classical music plays]

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This face, this face,
is not one of anger.

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No, no, no, I am not angry.

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I have not smelled a skunk
[child says “Ew!”] or tasted

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a lemon, [voice says “Ugh”]
nor do I look like I am,

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uh, what do the children
say, “going number two”.

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[toilet flushes] Those children
in Vienna thought that one

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was particularly funny.

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So many children!

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I mean, not as many as I
see now in the gallery, but

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still, a lot of children.
[children chatter]

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Even now, children are always
trying to recreate my face.

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[child laughs and
blows raspberry]

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And assuming something
other than the reality.

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The reality is just that I
am thinking, deeply, and I

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would appreciate it if people
could figure that out before

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jumping to conclusions.

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No, I do not need
more fiber in my diet.

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[bite from apple] I am
a sculpture after all.

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[clay crumbling]

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And what does my definitely
not-angry, definitely

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not-pooping face look like?

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The stone skin between the
eyebrows is pushed together

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because my brow is furrowed,
like when you are stuck on a

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very hard homework problem and
your brain is not cooperating.

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[Child says “Hmm.”]

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[Mysterious music plays]

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My eyes squint.

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My nose scrunches.

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My jaw is set.

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My neck and cheek
muscles are tense.

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My hairline is,
uh, receding, yes.

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Oh, why did I say that part?

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This is a podcast!

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You would’ve never known.

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Well, unless you looked
up my photograph.

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Well, never mind.

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There are also natural cracks
running through the alabaster

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that I am carved from.
[cracking stoneware] 

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The stone itself has aged and

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settled over the centuries and
turned a touch more yellow.

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The lines in the material
enhance the lines on my face.

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Two and a half centuries.

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I think it suits me. [laughs]

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[Classical music plays]

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I was made during a great
time of intellectual curiosity

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called the Enlightenment Era.

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Should you need to picture
it further, think powdered

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white wigs on men, corsets
and billowing skirts on

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women, heeled shoes on
everyone, and horse-drawn

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carriages for travel.

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[crowd chatter and
horses pulling carriages]

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The Enlightenment was when
people got very serious about

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understanding things: science,
reason, asking questions

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and pursuing the answers.
[crowd chatter] 

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Coffee houses, 
newspapers, and

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literary salons, places
where people could mingle,

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debate, and share new ideas
flourished during this time.

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It was also a time of social
and political revolution.

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[Star Spangled Banner plays]
In what is now called the

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United States, Thomas Jefferson
and his friends wrote the

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Declaration of Independence
based on the bold new idea

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that people should, uh, have
rights just for being people.

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[Classical music resumes]

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My creator was Franz Xaver
Messerschmidt, a German

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sculptor working in Austria, a
country right next to Germany.

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Messerschmidt was interested
in the idea of looking at

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a person’s expression to
understand something true

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about their inner life.
[voice says “Hmm.”] 

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Their feelings, 
their character.

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He would stand in front of a
mirror and pull his face into

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the most extreme expressions
he could manage: [voice

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grunting] grimacing, straining,
even howling. [warewolf howl]

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And you, what can your face do?

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Can you scrunch your
nose, cross your eyes,

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and puff out your cheeks?

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Go ahead.

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Try to make the most
extreme face you can think

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of, and do not worry!

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While I might be permanently
stuck this way, your

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grandparents are incorrect.

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If you are not made of
stone, your face won’t

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get stuck like that.

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Yeah.

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Faces are so interesting.

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That is probably why
Messerschmidt, my sculptor,

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made at least 49 of us,
dozens and dozens of character

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heads, as they called us,
all different expressions,

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all feeling something.

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I am, objectively speaking,
very well made, out

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of alabaster, no less.

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Alabaster is a smooth,
almost creamy white stone.

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It is soft enough that a
skilled sculptor can work

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it with wooden hand tools
like chisels and files.

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To make a head like mine,
first you start with a ball of

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alabaster, then you refine it.

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A flat chisel for the broad
planes of the forehead

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and cheeks, smaller
tools for the detail.

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Each pass of the tool removes
a little more material.

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You cannot put it back.

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Every cut is a decision, as soft
alabaster hardens over time.

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Then comes the finishing.

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Alabaster can be polished almost
to a glow [harp chord] with

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increasingly fine abrasives:
sand, then pumice, then cloth.

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The result is that soft, warm
quality you can see in me.

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[Classical violin music plays]

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Oh, Messerschmidt would’ve
worked on a face like mine

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for weeks, months perhaps,
given how much is happening,

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you know, on my face.

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Every wrinkle, every tensed
muscle, every squint and crease

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around the eye had to be carved
deliberately by hand in stone

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that does not forgive mistakes.

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Oh, he was
extraordinarily skilled.

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While he also worked with marble
and bronze, I personally think

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the alabasters were his best.

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[Music ends]

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Many have admired the
craftsmanship that went

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into making my face.

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For a number of years, I was
displayed in Vienna’s amusement

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park, the Prater, [crowd
chatter and carnival music] as

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kind of a sideshow attraction.

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The Prater was a place
to see and be seen.

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Viennese society
strolled and promenaded.

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They rode carousels
and went bowling.

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They experienced the new,
the curious, and the strange.

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And at this time, I was
considered very strange.

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Huh.

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[Spooky, mysterious music plays]

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I was in a room with other
character heads, including the

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Yawner, Childish Weeping, the
Incapable Bassoonist, and, uh,

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um, Afflicted With Constipation.

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[people laugh] Now, I’ll never
understand how people could

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mistake my expression for his.

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Ah, at any rate, visitors
could even buy painted replicas

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of the heads in plaster or
wax as a type of souvenir.

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[child says “Cool!”]
Adults and children passed

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through the booth where
I sat, and without fail,

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someone always acknowledged
my presence by making an

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exaggerated face of their own.

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[children yelling in hallway]
There were the children who

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would stop, look at me, study
me, and then scrunch the

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whole face in one go: brow
down, nose up, eyes squinting.

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My face on their face!
[children laughing] 

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Oh.

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Younger children would wobble
over, look at me, and do

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their own version: cheeks
puffed out, mouth twisted.

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Rather committed
to it, actually.

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[baby laughs] Then the silliest
children, they would stick out

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their tongues and cross their
eyes in the exact same way.

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[child blows raspberry] Now,
I cannot raise an eyebrow.

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I cannot smile; I am alabaster.

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But if I could have
laughed, I would have

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laughed every single day.

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Those children sticking their
tongue out, I nearly cracked.

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[laughs] Uh, figuratively 
speaking. [rocks crumble]

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Funny thing, isn’t it?

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You can look at a face and be
completely, thoroughly wrong

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about what’s going on inside it.

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Have you ever felt fine
or even happy, but your

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face didn’t show it?

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Have you ever been so wrapped
up in something that someone

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asked if you were all right
and you were, uh, surprised?

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That is what I am talking about.

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Alas, a sculpture is frozen
in one moment, one expression.

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That is all I get.

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But you, you are not
a sculpture, so why

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don’t you loosen up?
[mallet hits a bell]

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But first, let’s get tense.

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Well, like me.

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Scrunch those shoulders up to
your ears, close those eyes

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good and tight, furrow those
brows, and make a face as if

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you need a bathroom right away
and more fiber in your diet.

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Notice your face.

206
00:10:05,869 --> 00:10:06,889
Yeah, right now.

207
00:10:07,750 --> 00:10:09,069
Is your brow pushed down?

208
00:10:09,419 --> 00:10:12,229
Are your teeth pressed
together, your jaw clenched?

209
00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:13,960
Yes, I can tell.

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Now, let it go.

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[Calm piano music begins]

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Smooth it out.

213
00:10:20,250 --> 00:10:24,459
How completely and
totally can you relax?

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00:10:25,509 --> 00:10:28,459
All right, let’s see if
you can relax even further.

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00:10:28,959 --> 00:10:29,969
Try using your breath.

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00:10:30,869 --> 00:10:33,149
Breathe in through
your nose slowly.

217
00:10:33,919 --> 00:10:34,470
Count with me.

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One, two, three, four.

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Hold your breath.

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One, two, three, four.

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And breathe out, through
your mouth, all the way out.

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One, two, three,
four, five, six.

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Let your shoulders drop.

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Let your hands open.

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Let your face just rest.

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Now try one yourself.

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[Music plays]

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There, that wasn’t so 
difficult, was it?

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You can do that whenever
you need to, you know.

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Whenever you notice your
face or even your whole body

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tensing up more than you’d
like it to, feeling anxious,

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frustration bubbling up.

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Has someone annoyed
you by bringing up your

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ever-receding hairline again?

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Feel that emotion,
then take a breath.

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Tighten up, and then relax.

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It works, right?

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[Theme music begins]

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00:12:00,833 --> 00:12:02,170
Host: I hope you
enjoyed learning about

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alabaster and relaxation.
[voice sighs] 

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Join us next time when 
an observant griffin

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00:12:09,750 --> 00:12:12,350
shares her perspective.
[wings flying]

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00:12:12,350 --> 00:12:12,350


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To see photographs of The
Vexed Man, visit our website

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at getty dot edu slash IOCT.

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We’ve also got a listening
guide with discussion questions

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and related activities there.

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This episode was written
by Tocarra Elise and

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produced by Zoe Goldman.

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Andy Lipshultz
voiced the sculpture.

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Theme music, mixing, and sound
design by Alexandra Kalinowski.

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Christopher Sprinkle
is executive producer.

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Special thanks to curators
Anne-Lise Desmas and

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Miriam Schefzyk, as
well as Rebekkah Hart.

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These stories are
historical fiction.

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They’re based on historical
facts and deep research,

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but we’ve filled in the
gaps to make a good story.

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If you have questions about
what you’ve heard, write to us

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at podteam at getty dot edu.

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Catch you next time!