1 00:00:01,439 --> 00:00:03,779 As you start to reregulate your nervous system 2 00:00:04,080 --> 00:00:05,379 and practice integration, 3 00:00:05,839 --> 00:00:08,179 that there is hope that arises 4 00:00:08,639 --> 00:00:11,859 from moments of wholeness and moments of safety. 5 00:00:14,845 --> 00:00:17,565 Welcome to Boundless Bee, the Hemophilia Bee Podcast, 6 00:00:17,565 --> 00:00:19,484 the podcast standing with you from a family 7 00:00:19,484 --> 00:00:22,065 like yours, presented by the Coalition for Hemophilia 8 00:00:22,285 --> 00:00:24,704 Bee and in partnership with Balancing Life's Issues. 9 00:00:24,845 --> 00:00:27,000 Today, I'm here with Doctor Charlene Kendrick, an 10 00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:30,759 applied neuroscience expert, creator of the neuro relational 11 00:00:30,759 --> 00:00:33,320 integration model. And why are we here talking 12 00:00:33,320 --> 00:00:35,159 with you today? Well, this time of year 13 00:00:35,159 --> 00:00:37,479 brings joy, but also a lot of pressure. 14 00:00:37,479 --> 00:00:39,894 And for families living with hemophilia b, the 15 00:00:39,894 --> 00:00:42,394 holidays can trigger deep emotional, physical, 16 00:00:42,695 --> 00:00:45,734 and logistical stress. So today, we're gonna explore 17 00:00:45,734 --> 00:00:48,074 science back ways to calm the nervous system 18 00:00:48,134 --> 00:00:50,310 and stay prepared so you can navigate the 19 00:00:50,310 --> 00:00:52,710 holidays with more resilience and peace. So welcome 20 00:00:52,710 --> 00:00:53,450 to the podcast. 21 00:00:53,990 --> 00:00:56,710 Thank you for having me, Kai. Absolutely. So 22 00:00:56,710 --> 00:00:58,870 let's just start broad. Why do the holidays 23 00:00:58,870 --> 00:01:01,510 trigger such stress? Oh, gosh. There's a myriad 24 00:01:01,510 --> 00:01:03,109 of reasons, but let me back up really 25 00:01:03,109 --> 00:01:04,575 quick so I can give a little context 26 00:01:04,655 --> 00:01:06,354 here. So I apply neuroscience 27 00:01:06,655 --> 00:01:09,375 to help people access intelligences that they didn't 28 00:01:09,375 --> 00:01:11,375 even know they had. Meaning, most of us 29 00:01:11,375 --> 00:01:13,795 were trained to think our way through everything, 30 00:01:13,935 --> 00:01:14,435 including 31 00:01:14,894 --> 00:01:16,894 the stress of the holidays and including the 32 00:01:16,894 --> 00:01:18,894 fear of the world that we now live 33 00:01:18,894 --> 00:01:20,560 in today. So my job is to help 34 00:01:20,560 --> 00:01:21,060 people 35 00:01:21,439 --> 00:01:23,840 access the wisdom that is in our body 36 00:01:23,840 --> 00:01:26,079 and our spirit, not just our mind, so 37 00:01:26,079 --> 00:01:28,640 that we can navigate our human experience, such 38 00:01:28,640 --> 00:01:30,659 as holiday stress. So 39 00:01:31,439 --> 00:01:33,920 holiday stress, what it's happening and why it's 40 00:01:33,920 --> 00:01:34,899 happening. Listen, 41 00:01:35,314 --> 00:01:37,075 you all, it's hard to be human. And 42 00:01:37,075 --> 00:01:38,615 whenever humans get together 43 00:01:38,995 --> 00:01:41,314 in large groups of being human, it just 44 00:01:41,314 --> 00:01:43,314 gets harder. So a lot happens in the 45 00:01:43,314 --> 00:01:46,275 holiday. As Kai said, there's so much hope 46 00:01:46,275 --> 00:01:48,915 and shared tradition and co regulating that happens 47 00:01:48,915 --> 00:01:50,375 in the holidays. And, also, 48 00:01:51,020 --> 00:01:51,920 one of my favorite 49 00:01:52,459 --> 00:01:54,620 idioms is the root of all anger is 50 00:01:54,620 --> 00:01:55,600 unmet expectations 51 00:01:56,060 --> 00:01:57,420 that a lot of us go into the 52 00:01:57,420 --> 00:02:00,620 holidays expecting them to be filled with just 53 00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:03,020 hope and beauty and joy. And while that 54 00:02:03,020 --> 00:02:05,475 is true, holidays are not separate from the 55 00:02:05,475 --> 00:02:07,895 human experience, which includes stress, 56 00:02:08,354 --> 00:02:11,794 relationship stress, physical stress. So mixed in with 57 00:02:11,794 --> 00:02:13,955 the hope and the joy is always going 58 00:02:13,955 --> 00:02:16,455 to be the pain and suffering and just 59 00:02:17,155 --> 00:02:17,655 hardness 60 00:02:18,034 --> 00:02:19,094 of being human. 61 00:02:19,490 --> 00:02:21,750 Yeah. A lot of it, honestly, is expectations. 62 00:02:21,889 --> 00:02:23,189 We want a break 63 00:02:23,569 --> 00:02:24,469 from the stress, 64 00:02:24,770 --> 00:02:26,449 and yet when we met when we come 65 00:02:26,449 --> 00:02:28,530 in together for the holidays, we realize the 66 00:02:28,530 --> 00:02:30,289 human experience is still on the holidays as 67 00:02:30,289 --> 00:02:33,270 well. And the human experience still includes stress. 68 00:02:33,645 --> 00:02:35,004 Absolutely. And I I think one of the 69 00:02:35,004 --> 00:02:36,525 things that I always think about is, like, 70 00:02:36,525 --> 00:02:38,284 oh, wow. Coming up on on a nice 71 00:02:38,284 --> 00:02:40,525 little break, and do you actually take a 72 00:02:40,525 --> 00:02:43,324 break during the holidays, right, in, like, recharge 73 00:02:43,324 --> 00:02:43,905 the battery? 74 00:02:44,205 --> 00:02:46,604 Yeah. And we want a break listen. We 75 00:02:46,604 --> 00:02:48,439 want a break from being human and a 76 00:02:48,439 --> 00:02:50,439 break from humaning. And then we get into 77 00:02:50,439 --> 00:02:51,959 the holidays, and we realize we still have 78 00:02:51,959 --> 00:02:53,959 to be human and do the peopling thing 79 00:02:53,959 --> 00:02:55,500 in the holidays. Yeah. 80 00:02:56,280 --> 00:02:57,479 You know, and on top of that, for 81 00:02:57,479 --> 00:03:00,199 the hemophilia b community, it's not just the 82 00:03:00,199 --> 00:03:02,840 kind of shared stress of the holidays that 83 00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:04,995 can, you know, bring for so many people. 84 00:03:04,995 --> 00:03:07,574 In addition, it's, you know, medication storage, emergency 85 00:03:07,715 --> 00:03:10,754 treatment plans. Yes. You know, maybe memories of 86 00:03:10,754 --> 00:03:12,594 of a of a holiday that didn't go 87 00:03:12,594 --> 00:03:13,955 so so well or, you know, of a 88 00:03:13,955 --> 00:03:15,814 loved one who's not here with us anymore. 89 00:03:16,230 --> 00:03:17,830 So I think what I wanna do is 90 00:03:17,830 --> 00:03:18,969 you've taken all these 91 00:03:19,270 --> 00:03:21,909 stressors and these words and these triggering things 92 00:03:21,909 --> 00:03:23,750 that might happen during the holidays and talk 93 00:03:23,750 --> 00:03:25,610 to us about some practical tools 94 00:03:25,909 --> 00:03:27,830 that we can use to help regulate our 95 00:03:27,830 --> 00:03:29,370 nervous system at these times. 96 00:03:29,685 --> 00:03:30,585 Yes. So friends, 97 00:03:31,284 --> 00:03:33,444 your body has a nervous system. It actually 98 00:03:33,444 --> 00:03:34,965 has three, but we're gonna just talk about 99 00:03:34,965 --> 00:03:37,125 the central nervous system today. So one of 100 00:03:37,125 --> 00:03:38,965 the things that we can do is to 101 00:03:38,965 --> 00:03:41,465 recognize the first step of managing, 102 00:03:42,360 --> 00:03:45,879 honestly, stress and fear and anxiety is to 103 00:03:45,879 --> 00:03:47,979 first pause and become aware 104 00:03:48,680 --> 00:03:51,159 of your body being stressed and anxious and 105 00:03:51,159 --> 00:03:53,879 afraid. There is such incredible power in being 106 00:03:53,879 --> 00:03:56,125 awareness. So the first part of what we 107 00:03:56,125 --> 00:03:56,705 would call, 108 00:03:57,085 --> 00:03:57,965 neuro relational, 109 00:03:58,365 --> 00:03:58,865 intelligence 110 00:03:59,165 --> 00:04:01,425 is to stop and to be aware 111 00:04:01,805 --> 00:04:03,504 of what's going on with your body. 112 00:04:03,965 --> 00:04:05,645 So once you start to realize, oh my 113 00:04:05,645 --> 00:04:07,805 gosh, my heart rate is up. I'm snapping 114 00:04:07,805 --> 00:04:09,885 at people. I'm moving around in a lot 115 00:04:09,885 --> 00:04:11,400 of fear once you start noticing some of 116 00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:14,040 those reactive patterns kick in. And for all 117 00:04:14,040 --> 00:04:16,120 of us, our reactive patterns are different. Mine 118 00:04:16,120 --> 00:04:17,960 tend to be more aggressive, and my partners 119 00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:20,040 tend to be more withdrawing. So once you 120 00:04:20,040 --> 00:04:22,360 start to become aware of your reactive patterns, 121 00:04:22,360 --> 00:04:24,839 one of the first and honestly simplest things 122 00:04:24,839 --> 00:04:25,580 you can do 123 00:04:25,884 --> 00:04:28,925 is breathe. It's the face heart connection. The 124 00:04:28,925 --> 00:04:31,245 scientific name is your ventral vagal break, which 125 00:04:31,245 --> 00:04:33,485 is a fun name to say. But just 126 00:04:33,485 --> 00:04:35,504 stopping and taking a deep breath 127 00:04:35,884 --> 00:04:38,685 is going to help you calm your nervous 128 00:04:38,685 --> 00:04:40,605 system and help move you back into a 129 00:04:40,605 --> 00:04:42,479 place of rest, curiosity, and 130 00:04:43,019 --> 00:04:43,519 relaxation. 131 00:04:44,459 --> 00:04:47,259 Along with that, there are really beautiful grounding 132 00:04:47,259 --> 00:04:49,099 techniques that are easy to do. You can 133 00:04:49,099 --> 00:04:51,899 do them quickly, simply with your children, with 134 00:04:51,899 --> 00:04:54,620 your family, with your partner, with your puppy. 135 00:04:54,860 --> 00:04:57,495 And the first one is just 54321. 136 00:04:57,574 --> 00:05:00,055 Just count backwards. And here's here's how this 137 00:05:00,055 --> 00:05:03,514 works. Just notice I'm stressed, I'm having sensory 138 00:05:03,574 --> 00:05:06,394 overload. Whatever the stressor might be, stop. 139 00:05:06,694 --> 00:05:08,375 And I just want you to look around 140 00:05:08,375 --> 00:05:11,095 and notice five things. So think about engaging 141 00:05:11,095 --> 00:05:13,480 your site. You look at five things in 142 00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:14,220 your environment 143 00:05:14,520 --> 00:05:16,600 that when you're moving really quick and you're 144 00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:18,839 in a reactive state, you're not noticing. This 145 00:05:18,839 --> 00:05:21,800 is just simple mindfulness, being present. So notice 146 00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:22,540 five things 147 00:05:23,080 --> 00:05:25,725 and really look at them, like notice them. 148 00:05:25,964 --> 00:05:28,045 The next thing is maybe start to close 149 00:05:28,045 --> 00:05:28,785 your eyes 150 00:05:29,404 --> 00:05:32,045 and you start to listen to four sounds 151 00:05:32,045 --> 00:05:34,524 that you can hear and really hear them. 152 00:05:34,524 --> 00:05:36,845 Maybe it's a bird chirping. If you're really 153 00:05:36,845 --> 00:05:38,045 quiet, you can get in a place where 154 00:05:38,045 --> 00:05:40,060 maybe you can hear your heart actually beating. 155 00:05:40,060 --> 00:05:41,580 If you happen to be holding on to 156 00:05:41,580 --> 00:05:44,060 your child or in in a embrace, a 157 00:05:44,060 --> 00:05:45,900 lot of times a ventral vagal embrace or 158 00:05:45,900 --> 00:05:47,819 a hug with deep pressure, you can start 159 00:05:47,819 --> 00:05:50,060 to just feel and hear the body of 160 00:05:50,060 --> 00:05:51,420 the person with you and next to you 161 00:05:51,420 --> 00:05:52,400 as you co regulate. 162 00:05:53,324 --> 00:05:55,964 And then the three part is start to 163 00:05:55,964 --> 00:05:58,605 think of three things that you can smell. 164 00:05:58,605 --> 00:06:00,365 As funny as that sounds, is it can 165 00:06:00,365 --> 00:06:02,525 you smell your hair? Can you smell your 166 00:06:02,525 --> 00:06:05,085 clothes? What what scent is in the air? 167 00:06:05,085 --> 00:06:07,025 What is it that you are your sensory 168 00:06:07,165 --> 00:06:08,519 of smell is picking up? 169 00:06:09,079 --> 00:06:11,160 And then the two things is touch. What 170 00:06:11,160 --> 00:06:12,680 are two things that you can touch and 171 00:06:12,680 --> 00:06:14,699 pay attention to really noticing 172 00:06:15,319 --> 00:06:17,979 that touch is really soft or that's scratchy? 173 00:06:18,120 --> 00:06:20,279 But really focusing, bringing all of your mental 174 00:06:20,279 --> 00:06:21,659 attention on what you're touching 175 00:06:21,959 --> 00:06:22,459 helps 176 00:06:23,055 --> 00:06:26,095 slow your regulation down regulation, basically, and it 177 00:06:26,095 --> 00:06:28,254 does slow your nervous system down. And then 178 00:06:28,254 --> 00:06:30,254 the last one is just taste. What's one 179 00:06:30,254 --> 00:06:32,254 thing you can taste? And maybe you just 180 00:06:32,254 --> 00:06:34,254 had coffee, maybe you're eating a cookie, maybe 181 00:06:34,254 --> 00:06:34,995 it's peppermint. 182 00:06:35,550 --> 00:06:39,230 By just noticing what you're sensing actually calms 183 00:06:39,230 --> 00:06:40,210 sensory overload, 184 00:06:40,670 --> 00:06:42,270 which is really helpful. And it's so simple, 185 00:06:42,270 --> 00:06:44,370 and you can do it anywhere with anyone 186 00:06:44,670 --> 00:06:46,509 at any time. I love that. And I 187 00:06:46,509 --> 00:06:47,870 just wanted to point out a couple of 188 00:06:47,870 --> 00:06:50,324 things. One, that was about two minutes 189 00:06:52,324 --> 00:06:52,645 to three minutes of you taking us to 190 00:06:52,645 --> 00:06:53,225 that exercise. And 191 00:06:53,685 --> 00:06:55,444 imagine being able to step away from that 192 00:06:55,444 --> 00:06:58,004 moment that's triggering you for that amount of 193 00:06:58,004 --> 00:06:58,504 time, 194 00:06:58,805 --> 00:07:00,965 and imagine coming back to that place in 195 00:07:00,965 --> 00:07:03,060 a better state of mind. Right? And and 196 00:07:03,060 --> 00:07:04,419 the other thing too I wanted to point 197 00:07:04,419 --> 00:07:05,540 out, maybe you could talk about a little 198 00:07:05,540 --> 00:07:08,439 bit is what happens when we start bringing 199 00:07:08,740 --> 00:07:11,160 this sense of calm and peace to triggering 200 00:07:11,220 --> 00:07:11,720 moments 201 00:07:12,259 --> 00:07:13,939 in the future. Right? Because it's a practice, 202 00:07:13,939 --> 00:07:15,914 and we know this is very difficult. Mhmm. 203 00:07:15,914 --> 00:07:18,334 It's not gonna happen overnight. It's a lifelong 204 00:07:18,794 --> 00:07:19,294 journey, 205 00:07:19,914 --> 00:07:22,235 the the mental health awareness and and being 206 00:07:22,235 --> 00:07:24,235 mindful in these moments. So talk to us 207 00:07:24,235 --> 00:07:26,394 about what's gonna happen to this moment in 208 00:07:26,394 --> 00:07:27,834 the future if I start bringing peace to 209 00:07:27,834 --> 00:07:30,430 those moments. Oh, friends. This is cyclical integration. 210 00:07:30,430 --> 00:07:32,829 So first of all, just taking two minutes 211 00:07:32,829 --> 00:07:35,310 to do a quick grounding exercise, access is 212 00:07:35,310 --> 00:07:37,870 it, it basically lights up and engages your 213 00:07:37,870 --> 00:07:40,189 gut brain. That's your second brain. Your enteric 214 00:07:40,189 --> 00:07:42,990 nervous system connected to your central nervous system, 215 00:07:42,990 --> 00:07:45,495 it's your second brain. So two hours of 216 00:07:45,495 --> 00:07:45,995 stress 217 00:07:46,535 --> 00:07:49,335 can be calmed and metabolized in just two 218 00:07:49,335 --> 00:07:50,875 minutes of grounding exercises. 219 00:07:51,175 --> 00:07:53,014 So the more that you do this, think 220 00:07:53,014 --> 00:07:54,694 about it. The first couple of times when 221 00:07:54,694 --> 00:07:57,335 you start doing grounding exercises, they seem long 222 00:07:57,335 --> 00:08:00,470 and arduous. But once you relearn how to 223 00:08:00,470 --> 00:08:00,970 participate 224 00:08:01,350 --> 00:08:03,529 in reregulating your nervous system, 225 00:08:04,310 --> 00:08:06,789 like practice and like any routine or ritual, 226 00:08:06,789 --> 00:08:08,169 you'll start to reregulate 227 00:08:08,709 --> 00:08:10,754 quicker, faster, more often. 228 00:08:11,235 --> 00:08:13,095 So what happens is once you consciously 229 00:08:13,634 --> 00:08:15,095 participate in regulation, 230 00:08:15,875 --> 00:08:17,334 then you are retraining 231 00:08:17,714 --> 00:08:19,555 your gut brain and your head brain to 232 00:08:19,555 --> 00:08:20,455 be in communication, 233 00:08:20,915 --> 00:08:23,395 and that will begin to happen more often 234 00:08:23,395 --> 00:08:24,214 and faster 235 00:08:24,915 --> 00:08:26,375 below the level of consciousness. 236 00:08:26,810 --> 00:08:28,970 So you'll be able to start regulating faster 237 00:08:28,970 --> 00:08:31,230 without even bringing your conscious awareness to it. 238 00:08:31,290 --> 00:08:33,210 Yeah. And I just as someone who has 239 00:08:33,210 --> 00:08:35,610 had a a journey through therapy, you know, 240 00:08:35,610 --> 00:08:37,450 I have had I was when I would 241 00:08:37,450 --> 00:08:39,450 be triggered, I would I would become aggressive, 242 00:08:39,450 --> 00:08:41,850 unfortunately. And that was ten to twelve years 243 00:08:41,850 --> 00:08:43,754 ago. And because of therapy and be and 244 00:08:43,754 --> 00:08:45,934 because of exercises like this today, 245 00:08:46,394 --> 00:08:47,375 I'm still triggered. 246 00:08:47,754 --> 00:08:49,835 Right? Yeah. I still have those things that 247 00:08:49,835 --> 00:08:51,934 get to me. But to your point, 248 00:08:52,315 --> 00:08:54,794 it went from hours of being withdrawn and 249 00:08:54,794 --> 00:08:56,254 and frustrated to 250 00:08:57,355 --> 00:08:57,929 a second 251 00:08:58,330 --> 00:08:58,830 because 252 00:08:59,210 --> 00:09:00,889 I'm able to move through it more quickly 253 00:09:00,889 --> 00:09:02,750 because I'm not in fight or flight. Right? 254 00:09:02,889 --> 00:09:04,730 Right. And so you're talking about so when 255 00:09:04,730 --> 00:09:07,129 I love this, it's growth, in system theory, 256 00:09:07,129 --> 00:09:08,889 it's called first order change where you just 257 00:09:08,889 --> 00:09:10,509 become better at doing something. 258 00:09:10,934 --> 00:09:13,894 But second order change, that's actually evolution and 259 00:09:13,894 --> 00:09:16,455 it happens through neuroplasticity, epigenetics. We won't get 260 00:09:16,455 --> 00:09:18,154 into that here. But you actually 261 00:09:18,535 --> 00:09:20,794 evolve and become a more complex 262 00:09:21,335 --> 00:09:24,350 human able to do new things quicker and 263 00:09:24,350 --> 00:09:27,549 faster because you reorganized your whole system. Mhmm. 264 00:09:27,549 --> 00:09:29,070 So even what you're talking about, Kai, is 265 00:09:29,070 --> 00:09:31,649 actually you participating in your own evolution 266 00:09:32,190 --> 00:09:35,070 in real time. Absolutely. So let's talk about 267 00:09:35,070 --> 00:09:37,070 how I can include my family or a 268 00:09:37,070 --> 00:09:38,289 loved one or a partner 269 00:09:38,625 --> 00:09:41,764 in this exercise because you're gonna be at 270 00:09:41,825 --> 00:09:44,225 the thing the the holiday table. You're gonna 271 00:09:44,225 --> 00:09:46,144 be celebrating, and you're gonna have these feelings. 272 00:09:46,144 --> 00:09:47,985 How do I, like, signal maybe to a 273 00:09:47,985 --> 00:09:49,504 partner that, hey. I need to step away 274 00:09:49,504 --> 00:09:51,389 or I'm not doing so well? Oh, this 275 00:09:51,389 --> 00:09:53,309 is huge. Okay. So friends, we're gonna access 276 00:09:53,309 --> 00:09:54,909 our third brain, which is our heart brain. 277 00:09:54,909 --> 00:09:56,269 You have 40,000 278 00:09:56,269 --> 00:09:58,509 neurons in your cardiac nervous system around your 279 00:09:58,509 --> 00:10:02,370 heart that are your relational attuners. It's exactly 280 00:10:02,429 --> 00:10:04,914 what Kai is talking about. When you start 281 00:10:04,914 --> 00:10:07,654 to whether you start to notice yourself disregulating 282 00:10:07,954 --> 00:10:10,115 or you're noticing a child, a partner, a 283 00:10:10,115 --> 00:10:11,174 sister, a friend, 284 00:10:11,794 --> 00:10:13,475 this is my most favorite thing. In the 285 00:10:13,475 --> 00:10:15,954 polyvagal theory, they call it polyvagal partnerships. We 286 00:10:15,954 --> 00:10:18,069 call them strong words. Isn't that fun? Who 287 00:10:18,069 --> 00:10:20,490 doesn't love a good, like, alliteration? Right? Right. 288 00:10:20,949 --> 00:10:23,449 And so to have a polyvagal partnership, meaning 289 00:10:23,750 --> 00:10:26,069 you start to have some type of call 290 00:10:26,069 --> 00:10:27,990 it like a safe signal, if you will, 291 00:10:27,990 --> 00:10:29,829 and you're saying, hey. My nervous system is 292 00:10:29,829 --> 00:10:32,595 starting to dysregulate. It just means that your 293 00:10:32,595 --> 00:10:35,475 body is registering threat, whether it is actual 294 00:10:35,475 --> 00:10:38,595 or imaginary. K? And so a safety signal, 295 00:10:38,595 --> 00:10:40,995 it could be anything. My husband and I, 296 00:10:40,995 --> 00:10:42,914 we kinda do the, like, and this is 297 00:10:42,914 --> 00:10:44,274 makes for bad radio. Right? When I'm doing 298 00:10:44,274 --> 00:10:45,634 a hand signal and you can't say it. 299 00:10:45,634 --> 00:10:47,519 But I kinda do the, like yeah. I 300 00:10:47,519 --> 00:10:49,040 kinda do the, like, I put my hand 301 00:10:49,040 --> 00:10:50,240 up in the air and I kinda wave 302 00:10:50,240 --> 00:10:52,240 it back and forth. Like, okay. It looks 303 00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:53,920 like it's saying I have an idea, but 304 00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:55,600 what I'm really saying is I need help. 305 00:10:55,600 --> 00:10:58,000 I need help. I'm dysregulating. I need to 306 00:10:58,000 --> 00:10:59,294 go step away for 307 00:10:59,695 --> 00:11:02,414 two minutes to twenty minutes. I am activated, 308 00:11:02,414 --> 00:11:03,934 as Kai said, and I need a moment 309 00:11:03,934 --> 00:11:06,254 to reregulate. Or or can you come over 310 00:11:06,254 --> 00:11:08,254 and help me relate? And so we do 311 00:11:08,254 --> 00:11:09,774 a lot of twenty second hugs in our 312 00:11:09,774 --> 00:11:10,274 house. 313 00:11:10,894 --> 00:11:12,815 Whether it's so here's I'll make the sign. 314 00:11:12,815 --> 00:11:14,879 And my kids can actually tell when I'm 315 00:11:14,879 --> 00:11:17,840 activated. One of my daughters who's, 15 with 316 00:11:17,840 --> 00:11:19,940 autism and it's oh, she's the most incredible 317 00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:22,800 human ever, the most empathetic human. And she'll 318 00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:24,340 come up to me and she'll say, mom, 319 00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:26,480 do you need a twenty second hug to 320 00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:26,980 reregulate? 321 00:11:28,085 --> 00:11:29,684 And it stops me in my tracks. A 322 00:11:29,684 --> 00:11:31,445 lot like Kai, I tend to be aggressive. 323 00:11:31,445 --> 00:11:34,325 My reactive patterns, I power up. And so 324 00:11:34,325 --> 00:11:36,085 when my daughter and for the record, this 325 00:11:36,085 --> 00:11:37,524 is not my daughter's job to do this. 326 00:11:37,524 --> 00:11:39,684 It's my job to co regulate her. And 327 00:11:39,684 --> 00:11:42,164 also, because I have co regulated my daughter 328 00:11:42,164 --> 00:11:42,904 so often, 329 00:11:43,360 --> 00:11:46,080 she returns the favor and that's mutuality. And 330 00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:48,820 so when I watch her start to dysregulate, 331 00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:50,000 I'll go up to her and I'll go, 332 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:51,840 hey, love. Do you need a twenty second 333 00:11:51,840 --> 00:11:53,759 hug? And she'll say, yes, mom. And so 334 00:11:53,759 --> 00:11:55,440 it's been so sweet to have her come 335 00:11:55,440 --> 00:11:57,404 up and start doing that with me. And 336 00:11:57,404 --> 00:11:59,485 so any type of safe signal and then 337 00:11:59,485 --> 00:12:02,764 figuring out what types of coregulation practices work 338 00:12:02,764 --> 00:12:04,365 with you and your loved one, with you 339 00:12:04,365 --> 00:12:06,764 and your child. Sometimes, some deep pressure or 340 00:12:06,764 --> 00:12:08,845 twenty second hugs do not feel safe. You're 341 00:12:08,845 --> 00:12:10,789 gonna have to find something else. But we 342 00:12:10,789 --> 00:12:12,789 also have eventual bagel playlist. Like, one of 343 00:12:12,789 --> 00:12:14,789 my other daughters is not into hug, but 344 00:12:14,789 --> 00:12:15,929 she loves music. 345 00:12:16,309 --> 00:12:18,389 So whenever we have a signal, we'll say, 346 00:12:18,389 --> 00:12:19,750 hey. Do you need to go listen to 347 00:12:19,750 --> 00:12:21,909 your your eventual bagel playlist? And she'll go, 348 00:12:21,909 --> 00:12:22,245 yes. 349 00:12:22,725 --> 00:12:24,245 I love that. So, you know, I mean, 350 00:12:24,245 --> 00:12:26,485 the holidays, you know, I think there's also 351 00:12:26,485 --> 00:12:28,964 a sense of perfection. Right? The table needs 352 00:12:28,964 --> 00:12:31,284 to be perfect. The tree decorated if you 353 00:12:31,284 --> 00:12:32,565 have one. And I think we put a 354 00:12:32,565 --> 00:12:34,245 lot of pressure on ourselves. So how talk 355 00:12:34,245 --> 00:12:36,149 to us about how we can shift our 356 00:12:36,149 --> 00:12:38,709 mind from, you know, perfectionism to board being 357 00:12:38,709 --> 00:12:40,549 in that moment. Well, first of all, we 358 00:12:40,549 --> 00:12:42,549 come from a long centuries of histories of 359 00:12:42,549 --> 00:12:45,029 western thought aimed at perfectionism. And and part 360 00:12:45,029 --> 00:12:48,149 of that is recognizing that the underlying need 361 00:12:48,149 --> 00:12:50,845 to be perfect a lot of times comes 362 00:12:50,845 --> 00:12:52,285 from the need to not be in pain 363 00:12:52,285 --> 00:12:53,965 or suffering anymore. A lot of times we 364 00:12:53,965 --> 00:12:55,725 think of that if it's perfect, then I 365 00:12:55,725 --> 00:12:57,485 won't there won't be hurting. And so my 366 00:12:57,485 --> 00:12:59,485 encouragement is to shift what we would call 367 00:12:59,485 --> 00:13:01,825 your ultimate concern. Instead of perfection, 368 00:13:02,365 --> 00:13:03,904 look for wholeness making. 369 00:13:04,250 --> 00:13:05,629 Humans are neurobiologically 370 00:13:06,409 --> 00:13:10,250 relationally wired for wholeness within ourselves and with 371 00:13:10,250 --> 00:13:12,570 each other. In fact, our greatest sense of 372 00:13:12,570 --> 00:13:15,210 power and value come this is just plain 373 00:13:15,210 --> 00:13:15,710 neuroscience, 374 00:13:16,089 --> 00:13:19,629 comes from your felt sense of inherent value, 375 00:13:19,985 --> 00:13:21,904 which is connected to your felt sense of 376 00:13:21,904 --> 00:13:24,144 wholeness. So when you're setting the table, when 377 00:13:24,144 --> 00:13:26,625 you're cooking, when you're decorating the trees, when 378 00:13:26,625 --> 00:13:29,024 you're pulling the turkey out, instead of thinking, 379 00:13:29,024 --> 00:13:31,445 is this meal look perfect? Start thinking, 380 00:13:31,904 --> 00:13:34,725 is this facilitating a wholeness making experience 381 00:13:35,319 --> 00:13:36,059 for myself 382 00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:38,360 and for my loved ones gathered in this 383 00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:40,440 space? I'm assuming that that is a big 384 00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:40,940 yes 385 00:13:41,799 --> 00:13:44,360 Yeah. Most of the time. Right? Yes. You're 386 00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:46,440 already doing it. My great hope is to 387 00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:48,894 give you science and language for actually what 388 00:13:48,894 --> 00:13:51,934 you're already practicing and already doing. Because our 389 00:13:51,934 --> 00:13:52,674 our neurobiological 390 00:13:53,134 --> 00:13:55,455 bodies, we are bent in this direction. We 391 00:13:55,455 --> 00:13:57,315 crave wholeness making experiences. 392 00:13:58,095 --> 00:13:59,695 We just tend to mess them up with 393 00:13:59,695 --> 00:14:01,440 wanting them to be perfect. Yeah. Absolutely. 394 00:14:02,160 --> 00:14:04,080 Miss them because they can be so ordinary. 395 00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:06,080 Right. It's gonna go by so fast. Right? 396 00:14:06,080 --> 00:14:08,720 So fast. Yeah. So be looking for and 397 00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:10,800 honestly, that is another way to manage stress. 398 00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:13,040 If you maybe even create a game in 399 00:14:13,040 --> 00:14:15,274 your house, we're going on a wholeness making 400 00:14:15,274 --> 00:14:17,915 scavenger hunt and start to notice what types 401 00:14:17,915 --> 00:14:20,335 of things, what types of rituals, traditions, 402 00:14:20,715 --> 00:14:22,014 practices, moments 403 00:14:23,195 --> 00:14:24,894 can you go. This feels whole. 404 00:14:25,274 --> 00:14:27,355 Not whole like a noun, but whole like 405 00:14:27,355 --> 00:14:29,519 a verb. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. 406 00:14:30,059 --> 00:14:31,740 So awesome. Thank you so much. Those are 407 00:14:31,740 --> 00:14:32,879 some great tips, 408 00:14:33,259 --> 00:14:34,860 and tricks to kind of add to our 409 00:14:34,860 --> 00:14:37,740 tool bag on how to help better regulate 410 00:14:37,740 --> 00:14:39,580 our nervous systems in those times. And and 411 00:14:39,580 --> 00:14:41,019 I wanted to offer one more. You know, 412 00:14:41,019 --> 00:14:43,225 we interviewed, Danny's Dose, the the founder of 413 00:14:43,225 --> 00:14:46,184 Danny's Dose a few episodes ago about being 414 00:14:46,184 --> 00:14:48,985 prepared for emergencies. And just wanted to offer 415 00:14:48,985 --> 00:14:51,945 that is a form of regulating our nervous 416 00:14:51,945 --> 00:14:53,544 system when you can go into a situation 417 00:14:53,544 --> 00:14:54,904 being prepared because we know a lot of 418 00:14:54,904 --> 00:14:57,225 our families are gonna be traveling and that's 419 00:14:57,225 --> 00:14:59,919 higher unpredictability. Right? So just some key points 420 00:14:59,919 --> 00:15:00,500 to remember 421 00:15:01,039 --> 00:15:03,519 as you're traveling, this season is keep a 422 00:15:03,519 --> 00:15:06,179 treatment authorization letter on hand at all times, 423 00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:08,879 ensure your child's or your own medical ID 424 00:15:08,879 --> 00:15:11,759 is current and visible, share your emergency medication 425 00:15:11,759 --> 00:15:14,384 plan with family, school staff, and caregivers that 426 00:15:14,384 --> 00:15:17,024 you'll be traveling with. Know your closest treatment 427 00:15:17,024 --> 00:15:19,664 facility, especially when traveling. And, you know, you 428 00:15:19,664 --> 00:15:21,825 can talk to your EMS department in advance, 429 00:15:21,825 --> 00:15:24,785 if possible, about your condition and medications. And, 430 00:15:24,785 --> 00:15:26,544 again, if you need help kind of sorting 431 00:15:26,544 --> 00:15:28,485 through those ideas and refreshing yourself, 432 00:15:28,790 --> 00:15:30,389 go back and listen to that episode with 433 00:15:30,389 --> 00:15:32,470 with the founder of Danny's Dose. So you've 434 00:15:32,470 --> 00:15:33,910 been May I add to that real quick? 435 00:15:33,910 --> 00:15:35,590 Go for it. When my daughter we lived 436 00:15:35,590 --> 00:15:37,590 in and out of children's hospitals for five 437 00:15:37,590 --> 00:15:41,105 years, and one of our preparation tips was 438 00:15:41,105 --> 00:15:43,264 we had a hospital go bag at the 439 00:15:43,264 --> 00:15:45,985 ready complete with fuzzy socks. You are in 440 00:15:45,985 --> 00:15:48,565 and out of medical facilities, urgent cares, 441 00:15:48,944 --> 00:15:51,824 emergency departments. Gosh. Friends, keep a keep a 442 00:15:51,824 --> 00:15:53,504 go bag at the ready and fill it 443 00:15:53,504 --> 00:15:55,610 with your favorite things. Absolutely. Yeah. I think 444 00:15:55,610 --> 00:15:57,370 the last one I had made was in 445 00:15:57,370 --> 00:15:59,769 preparation of our child being born. So Yeah. 446 00:15:59,929 --> 00:16:01,210 I know for a month, there was a 447 00:16:01,210 --> 00:16:03,289 duffel bag Uh-huh. Right next to the door 448 00:16:03,289 --> 00:16:04,889 for that moment that it was gonna happen. 449 00:16:04,889 --> 00:16:06,889 So absolutely. Well, thank you so much for 450 00:16:06,889 --> 00:16:09,289 being here. You've been so wonderful. I think 451 00:16:09,289 --> 00:16:10,455 as we kinda wrap up, 452 00:16:11,014 --> 00:16:13,014 what's your general reflection that you kind of 453 00:16:13,014 --> 00:16:14,934 wanna share and and, like, what's a message 454 00:16:14,934 --> 00:16:16,554 of hope that can help families 455 00:16:16,934 --> 00:16:19,254 get through the holidays having taken a break 456 00:16:19,254 --> 00:16:19,754 maybe? 457 00:16:20,134 --> 00:16:22,855 Yeah. There's hope in every moment. Every moment 458 00:16:22,855 --> 00:16:25,289 is undetermined. Every moment, there is hope for 459 00:16:25,289 --> 00:16:28,090 new possibility and a new reality. And so 460 00:16:28,090 --> 00:16:30,190 once you start noticing dysregulating, 461 00:16:30,730 --> 00:16:32,809 that as you start to reregulate your nervous 462 00:16:32,809 --> 00:16:34,909 system and practice integration, 463 00:16:35,289 --> 00:16:37,629 that there is hope that arises 464 00:16:38,250 --> 00:16:41,335 from moments of wholeness and moments of safety. 465 00:16:41,335 --> 00:16:43,254 You don't need to live in a constant 466 00:16:43,254 --> 00:16:45,414 state, but there is hope in what we 467 00:16:45,414 --> 00:16:48,375 would call dynamic balance. So find the hope 468 00:16:48,375 --> 00:16:50,455 in the next moment. Look for the tiny 469 00:16:50,455 --> 00:16:52,549 things that you are grateful for for because 470 00:16:52,769 --> 00:16:55,090 where you place the energy in your mind 471 00:16:55,090 --> 00:16:56,850 is the reality that will start to be 472 00:16:56,850 --> 00:16:58,710 created for you and for your loved ones. 473 00:16:59,009 --> 00:17:01,409 Fantastic. And thank you so much, Erud, for 474 00:17:01,409 --> 00:17:03,090 for tuning in. This has been Boundless Bee, 475 00:17:03,090 --> 00:17:06,035 the Hemophilia Bee Podcast, the podcast standing with 476 00:17:06,035 --> 00:17:08,195 you from a family like yours, presented by 477 00:17:08,195 --> 00:17:10,434 the Coalition for Hemophilia Bee and in partnership 478 00:17:10,434 --> 00:17:12,434 with Balancing Life's Issues. Thank you so much 479 00:17:12,434 --> 00:17:14,355 for being here. Thank you. I'm so grateful. 480 00:17:14,355 --> 00:17:16,835 Happy holidays, friends. Until next time, everybody. Take 481 00:17:16,835 --> 00:17:17,335 care.