Welcome to back pocket wisdom with Jackie and
Elizabeth where we are creating a space for
you to get real with yourself. So tune
in to feel like you're just chatting with
your friends about reachable mental health and just
having fun. We gotta have fun. And look
kinda good while doing it. Hell no.
Uh-huh.
Uh-oh.
Oh my gosh. Okay. So
I'm gonna tell you a little story Okay.
That I thought was way cool. Okay. And
I was like, I had a crush on
this kid named Beau. Beau Cooper, if you're
out there, what's up? Beau Cooper. What are
you doing now? I don't think he even
has hair anymore, but
I don't know. No Beau has hair. No
joke.
No joke.
Listen, I grew up with not a lot
of money, not a not not a huge
fashion.
I loved clothes, but we didn't have any
money to buy clothes. So,
I had the basics, you know, Kmart 101.
And so,
but I did get this,
is it was it a Morley shirt?
Yes. It was like a surf brand. Okay.
And this kid had a Morley shirt.
Oh, my gosh.
Every time my brother
had soccer practice Thursday nights,
I
freaking even if it was dirty, pull that
shit out and put that stinky ass shirt
on.
And then I'd go up to him and
I'm like, hey. What's up?
Thinking I had some You should've been like,
what's up? A mini. And I'm like, oh
my gosh. Morley is not even the the
Morley is the is the boutique guy. Shop
at now. Yeah. I don't
even know. I don't know what it was
called. It was some same shirt, whatever. Like
Maui I'm kidding. Gym or something. No. Whatever.
Not my gym either. Maui something. Whatever. Okay.
We had the same shirt. Same
we are sleeping. So same shirt. And when
I think about it, I'm like, oh my
gosh. I wear the same shirt every single
time you saw me and that is so
lame. Alright.
So Wait that's seriously so cute. That's so
wholesome. Okay. So think about this how wholesome
it is when you are an adult and
there is this woman Okay. No. It's not
wholesome when you're an adult. Oh, yeah. Consider
that woman
that wears
at the soccer field.
It's a mom,
and she wears this shirt
every for I I don't know if I've
ever seen her wear an audition. What is
the shirt? It says a 100% tired.
We got to make that's a statement. That's
a don't be a dick shirt. Wait. She
sounds fantastic.
I was like,
you wear that on the soccer field,
And but, like, you wanna reinforce? I'm a
100% tired. Like, don't be a dick I
wanna reinforce. But
every time I see that shirt, I crack
up because I'm like Honestly, really funny.
I'm like, me too.
I'm like, oh my god. That's how I
feel right now. And it just reinforces how
tired I am. So But you know what?
I think that it also is coming from
a perspective of, like, moms are doing so
much, and it's like we're all tired. Like,
we're all we all feel Well, evidently, you
don't do your laundry and you wear a
t shirt every time.
Maybe she's on a budget. Uh-oh. Okay. Well,
bless her heart.
So oh my gosh. I get like that
though. Like, I get hyper fixated on meals
too. We're, like, I'll make the same thing
for dinner for a month and a half
Yeah. And then I'll be sick
Yeah. Over it. I'll listen to the same
song. I'm like, is there a deeper problem?
Yeah. Maybe I should
I heard should I? I I actually heard
about the song. That means, like, that you
are actually high functioning because
you,
yeah, because you wanna listen to it over
and over again. Wait. No. Actually, because I
I do that, like, a lot. Yeah. No.
I mean, we're high functioning. I'm telling you.
I was thinking it was like a twitch.
You're like No. No. Means you're the most
beautiful girl in the world. Yeah. Yeah. Spoiler.
Well, and somebody Spoiler, Jackie. Something one of
my clients told me they were
teacher,
some sort, and,
said that,
I I said, yeah. I I have dyslexia,
but undiagnosed.
I just do. I know it. And
I just do got that. I do do.
I do do that. I mean, it it
got worse actually after some, after I had
my babies.
And,
it's gotten into the writing part too. So
I, like, transpose my writing. It's so crazy.
Yeah. So anyhoo,
always text me directly the numbers that you
need me to so I can press them
instead of write them. Yeah. Anyway, she said
that that was a sign of brilliance. And
I I took him I took that and
ran. I was like Well, I Sign me
up for being brilliant. I can even attest
to that. However
okay. This is so embarrassing. I don't think
I've ever even shared this story. So I
was a senior in high school, and
I was just like a naughty little angry
girl. Like, I just, like, didn't wanna be
there, and I neglected it, and I just
rebelled. And I just I mean, like, I
would every therapist that I had
would bring my mom in and be like,
she's an Advent perfectionist.
There's no way her grades aren't good. And
my mom goes, oh, no. She's got a
2.5
GPA.
She goes, I can't even get her to
go to class. And they look at me
and they go, what?
And I'm like, I don't like rules that
I don't wanna follow.
And so, anyway,
I 1st gen college student, didn't know what
I was doing. My mom is an entrepreneur,
but just started her own business from
interesting I totally am following in my mom's
footsteps. She just she gained her knowledge by
doing and learning, like, through working in companies.
And
she actually had a South African mentor.
Oh, there you go. Barunch. What's up with
South Africa? What's up, Johannesburg,
baby?
I it's funny. The other story, but I
had a roommate when I first moved down
here from Johannesburg.
No. Like, I love them. They're it's so
funny how
we're connected, my mom and me. Anyway
and she hired a college
coach for me because she didn't know how
to help. And he looked at me and
he goes, read this, and I read it.
And he goes, read this, and he I
read it. And then he goes, and read
this and don't say anything out loud, but
just read it in your head. And he
looked at my mom and she and he
goes, she's dyslexic.
And my mom goes, what? And he goes,
how long did it just take you to
read the page? I was like, well, I'm
just tired. He goes, your eyes shaking back
and forth. Yeah. He was like, your eyes
shake when you read too much. Mhmm. And
I go, yeah. And he goes, your headaches
are probably a result of that. Your brain's
working hard, whatever.
They had me do special testing.
Oh, wow.
No. This is, like, the latter end of
my senior year. This was, like,
you know, hoping that I can get a
scholarship. Yeah. Like or just maybe extra time
in college.
Because I also had
admin test anxiety where I would know everything,
and I would sit down. And the sweat
on my hands would make the pen slip
out of it. So
Oh gosh.
I go, and I'm thinking that I have
to do really bad on this test. Like,
it was, like came to find out it
was an IQ test.
And I'm thinking I have to do really
bad so that I could get more time.
And my mom goes, just do as bad
as you can and don't care. Don't even
really read it. Like, it's fine.
Oh my. It probably showed that my IQ
was, like, slim to none. Like, because I
remember the aide that looked at me and
she goes,
Jacqueline, like, your scores are really low.
Oh, wow.
It turns out I have a high IQ.
I'm pretty fine. But
I thought when I was, like, 17
that I
had to, like, really fail at to have
a shot at getting into college. So I
purposely
fucked it up, and I just looked like
I had
a lot more going on. Yeah.
Not good.
Well, you know And everyone just looked at
me and I go, told you guys I
didn't understand what you're saying.
You know?
They're like, babe, seriously. And my mom was
like, my mom oh my gosh.
She comes in for this. My mom's so
New York. And she comes in, she looks
in, she goes,
she gets her bag under her thing and
she's walking out with me. I go, how
did I do? She goes, yeah. Not good.
She goes, just walk. Just who cares? Just
keep walking. Just keep going. Back. It's not
good, though. It's not good. It's not good.
It's fine. It's fine. And I'm like, why?
Oh my gosh. So I hear you. But
I at work, if I have to type
in numbers and stuff,
I always get them backwards. And I end
up calling, like, why doesn't anyone's fucking phone
number work? Oh my god. That's probably why
I still don't have a renter.
Oh, what? A renter
in my in my,
office.
Why? I think I met I well, the
first person I sent my number to, I
done messed that one up. Why? What did
you do? I put an 8 instead of
a 7. Yeah. I do that. But my
fingers are fat.
Mine are too.
I, Oh my gosh. So funny. I think,
yeah. I mean, you just work around what
you got. Work around what you got. Talk
to me about that, JB. Talk to me
about that. Hell yeah. So the theme today,
it was, basically 100% tired.
Do you get 100% tired?
Tired.
That's kind it's kind of a theme. Yeah.
Definitely
this week. A lot of people are exhausted.
People are having a hard time keeping their
eyes open,
late for for sessions. The gym is, like,
not packed as much. I've noticed that.
My husband's real tired. I'm ex I like
I feel so sorry. It might be the
heat. Mhmm. I don't know what's going on,
but come 3 o'clock, I am Yeah. I
know. Though. I'm rough.
It is tough. I've been drinking more espresso
during the day. I mean, like, it's been
really difficult. Backfiring on me. Yeah. I mean,
it's not good. I but, I mean, it's
been difficult for me to even get out
of bed. Yeah. I think that
there is an element, and I'll only really
speak for myself because I don't know what's
your ring. But I don't know what your
problem is.
No one knows
what's in my brain. That's a shame.
Very.
But Spell Sox really fast. S o s
c gaz. S you
just you just dyslexic ed that.
No. I get it. Say it again?
Fuck off.
Well, I'm just saying. Okay. So that's what's
in my brain
at 3 o'clock in the morning. So is
EKS. It was EKS?
Because I heard a joke.
When you're like Rico Suave?
Yeah. And I'm like, if I say it
faster, I sound like I'm I'm Spanish and
that's awesome.
And I'm going to make I'm going to
just be like so sexy if I can
speak Spanish. I said, yes. And that's not
even a freaking evening. Do you know I
was speaking Spanish today and then I got
told I was really good? Si. And I
go, gracias. Si. Gracias. Gracias. Si.
Well, it is hot. Okay?
So I know. Stop doing that in front
no. I know. I know. All I have
to do is just look at people if
I need something and go
I'm kidding. Oh, yeah. But I used to
get a lot more attention when I told
people I was Colombian.
Well I still rock on that. Yeah. Yeah.
They go, are you? I go, well, I'm
not not Colombian, but I'm not Colombian. In
my heart.
Yeah. We will own land in Colombia one
day. Do you know? Okay. During the US
final
soccer game Uh-huh. We went to,
beer garden. That's rough. Uh-huh. And I I
looked at
this friend and I go, ugh, both of
my nationalities colliding.
And he's like, why? And I'm like,
Madrid
and, you know, my blood, kind of, Germany.
And he's like, what are the 2 have
to do with each other? I go,
Latina
is the soccer player,
and the schnitzel is in beer garden ordering
beer cheese and a burr and a beer.
And a burr. And a burger. And a
burger.
And he goes,
are you Spanish? I was like, seriously?
Walk away from me.
I was like,
now you're insulting me.
Why?
The fun you have. No. I really my
goal is It it's a good thing that
I'm I'm not I'm not your age. Yeah.
No. We would be in jail.
I would have had, yeah, definitely some cuffs
couple times.
Okay. Anyway, so how do how the fuck
do we get out? It's good to hear.
We so this was really cool. I go
to the gym this morning and I wake
up at, like, 3:48.
I know the exact time because I had
to use the bathroom. And I go, I
pee, I come back, I lay down. And
you know when you just lay down after
you wake up? And you're, like, not gonna
not gonna fall back asleep? S e c
k s. Yeah. S e c k s.
Exactly. And
the English version, Elizabeth is, like, still spelling
it.
Oh my god. We gotta start doing video.
You're just looking at me like your eyes
fixated, and I'm like, she's lost in thought,
and her hand shows in my, like like
like, matter of fact. And I'm like she
just felt it again.
Yeah.
And How did 348 go? 348.
I ended up falling back asleep at 5.
I nearly know that because right when I
started falling back asleep my alarm went off
at 5:30.
So I knew I needed to get to
the gym because we were gonna record this
tonight, whatever.
And
I get up, and I also was pretty
energetic. I was like, you know when you
don't sleep, so then you're just, like, wired.
And you're like, oh my god. Why don't
I just go see the world right now?
And then maybe I'll be tired, but then
wait. My day won't stop for me. So
we're gonna have to find some happy medium.
I have I I just call that quote,
unquote cracked out. Yeah. No. For real. Yeah.
Absolutely. It feels
I'm not distracted today. I'm cracked out. You're
cracked out. Yeah. But, I mean so
whenever I talk to anybody about how I
get up from the gym in the morning
crack people then. No. I mean, crack is
not whack if you do.
Yes. No. It is it is whack. Crack
is fine. Okay. Come on, Wendy. Alright.
Anyway, well,
silly, goofy girl. So
And I tell this to anybody that asks
me,
I guess, like, how I find motivation to
get up in the morning and work out.
And,
really, to be honest with you, when I
started doing it religiously, it took me about
4 months.
Did you hear that?
Your vibrator is moving in.
Silly.
Very.
What was that?
Okay. I don't think anybody can hear it.
It's still recording.
Okay. Tell me about how you got up,
out of bed this morning at 3:48
or 5.
So for everybody, that was my dishwasher
that we're recording in my apartment. And
I've just put it on, and it's been
making it's been speaking to me lately.
And it made a noise, and Elizabeth jumped.
Yeah. Sorry. I'm a little, cracked up. Yeah.
No. We're tired. Yeah. Anyway, I get up.
This happened. It took me probably 4 months
to get used to waking up so early
and getting the discipline and just routine in.
And I guess, forming a habit that it
just was second nature to me. It just
I know how much better I feel
because I've been doing it consistently now for
a while,
working out first thing in the morning opposed
to later on at night.
And
I use that to drive me because I
like to feel good. Right?
So
I get up, and it takes me a
little bit longer today because I'm kind of
struggling. And something that does help me is
I go in a child's pose,
like yoga child's pose, and I stretch. Oh,
I do that in bed. Me too. Yeah.
Yeah. But I do that to, like, get
out of my comfortable little nook that I'm
in. Otherwise, I'm never gonna get up. And
I go to the gym and I see
Elizabeth, and she looks bright eyed, bushy tailed.
And My asses are at 5:45
this morning. Get this. The owner of the
gym
told me and Elizabeth Mhmm.
And I quote,
we are
the fittest girls
that go to the gym. Holy smokes. And
that gym has a lot of fit chicks.
Yeah. There are some Like, some pretty badass.
And I was like, really? He's like, yeah.
You guys just are always here fucking working
hard. And I'm like,
okay. Say that again, and feel free to
add in anything else that you think of
me.
I'm amazing.
I'm just gonna hit record on my phone,
and then we're just gonna we're gonna send
it out to a few people.
It felt good, though. How did but, really,
seriously, how did you
flipping get up
from being 3:3 o'clock in the morning, 3:45?
Like, I have been okay. I'm doing I
think I probably announced this a 1000000 times,
but I'm doing more deep dive into learning
about perimenopause.
Did you, side note, did you know menopause
was only one moment in your life?
What? Yes. Is that why they call it
menopause?
No. It is really legitimately
it's 1 year for 1 year, you you
don't have menstruation.
One full year. That's the moment of menopause.
Everything else is either peri
before or post.
And everybody calls it symptoms though?
Very similar. So how do you know the
year?
You don't. It's a right it's very okay.
Hold on. We could have it. I I
will tell you what I learned, but not
in this one. Okay.
It it's just so to me so just
like how people call
postpartum
depression or postpartum anxiety or postpartum they just
call it postpartum?
Yeah. Well, we just call it menopause.
Very interesting. Fascinating. Yeah. So
I realized I don't I know jack shit
about menopause, and
I'm not there,
but I certainly am experiencing
perimenopause, It's
doesn't
have to be old. It It's doesn't have
to be old. It's it could be 10
years
before menopause.
Really? Yes. So I was taught that when
you have menopause, you're, like, you're almost 6
feet under.
No. That's how it was, like, really exciting.
What I'm saying to you. And so what
I'm learning is trying to,
get a better feeling around it because I
thought I'm like, great. I'm dying.
No. Yeah. That's what in my I remember
when my mom said it, she goes, fuck.
I go, what? She goes,
fuck. Yeah. And I go, what? She goes,
going through menopause.
And I go,
what? Is that, like, the end of
that's the end of your story? You know?
Like, I didn't get it. And she goes,
she's such a son of a bitch. And
I'm like, okay. Yeah. And, really,
it's,
fine. Used to tell me it happens when
you get older. Yes. Well, it does. Yeah.
But I also yeah. It's like I I'm
definitely in the possibilities of that. Is there
a way that I could be getting Peri?
Because I've been having hot flashes. Well, the
deal is That that I have Peri? Which
so well, I'm telling you. I'm reading this
book and I'm like You've seen me play
mom. Done. You've seen me get, like, my
whole body turns red, and I can't be
touched. I can't be near anything. Yes. And
I start, like, dry heaving.
And I'm thinking all these symptoms People are
gonna hear me after. Right? Like symptoms. And
I'm like and I'm like,
oh, well, this sounds like just being a
woman. I mean, really. I'm sorry. I didn't
I'm not knocking book. I'm not even gonna
tell you what I'm reading, but
it's it was it was like it keeps
saying symptoms over and over again. And I'm
like, oh, well, that just sounds like
every day. Yeah. You know? Or not
every day, but at least
20 days
of the month.
No. It's true. I mean, you're I have
2 good weeks, maybe. Yeah. Like, I really
probably have ideally one good week Mhmm. And
then a couple following over
of that I feel like rock star. I
could run a marathon today,
maybe a week. Well and that's why I
tell,
my clients. I'm like, I these are the
cycles I I follow.
I follow
my the moon, and I follow my menstruation.
Yeah. And and those are the things that
I think that affect me the most. And
Yeah. Then I also then take in consideration,
is rent due? Or, like, I mean, these
are, like, the, like Yeah. The different stressors
that are that could be happening too. Like,
at the end of the month, I'm usually
a little more agitated because I know that
my
every every bill is coming out of my
bank account by the 3rd. Ditto. Yeah. Oh,
my me too. 3rd is my cutoff day.
Yeah. That's my car insurance day. So I'm
like, yeah.
So those are these little these things that
are happening.
Yeah. That's actually really And the so I
look at it like, you know, grandfather clocks
with all the little gears? Yes. We talked
about this, and I I think we did
the first episode. And then I think your
friend mentioned the she loved the grandfather clock
story. Oh. I don't know why that just
came up. Yeah. But I know. Yeah. So
I I think about those The each cycle
is is adding and contributing to it. But
the main ones that I really focus on,
because I can't concentrate on all of them
at once,
is my menstruation
and, the moon cycle. And so when I'm
thinking, I'm like, okay. I'm in those 10
days.
I feel like a rock star,
and I'm feel powerful. I feel like I
could conquer the world. I almost feel like
I thought I felt manic, but I'm just
like, woah. I'm high on life. Whoo. Yeah.
And then the other other
days,
I I kinda decline. And
this is why that 100% tired thing kinda
cracks me up because
I remembered this
page in your workbook.
Mhmm. And it was from versus to, and
it was basically, like,
all the things that we
are from, which I'm I'm tired, was one
of them. And then and then you go
you're moving toward,
I feel good
and will do what I can. So you're
being nice to yourself, you still keep going.
So it's like even if you can't do
the gym for
60 minutes and or if I can't run
those 6 mile I used to be I
used to commit to 6 miles. If I
don't run 6 miles, I'm doing You didn't
do anything. Yep.
So but if you just can do a
little bit.
I wanna back it down. I mean, go
ahead. You said you gotta say So the
to versus the from or the from versus
the to and almost just how to explain
it. Because I explain it in, like, the
from is everything that you wanna avoid, essentially.
It literally is everything you wanna run from.
That you wanna wanna run away from, that
you don't really wanna acknowledge because it's icky
and it sucks
and excuse me.
And it also correlates to excuses in that
part.
So the from is like, what excuse do
I make that I don't so that I
don't have to confront it? So for example,
I don't have to go to the gym
because then I'm gonna have to get up,
and I really don't feel good because I
ate a pint of ice cream last night,
and I drank a bottle of wine or
whatever unhealthy thing that you did that day,
whatever reason why it's gonna stump you in
the morning,
and you're gonna have to acknowledge that you
did it and move through it. Mhmm. It's
difficult, and it poses just sort of a
mirror
of of you looking in yourself and saying
that wasn't a good way to treat my
body. Mhmm. I knew I had shit to
do. Mhmm. I drank too much wine last
night. Mhmm. That was mine. I didn't even
realize it. And I got up for the
gym this morning and as soon as I
walked in, you're like, you wanna film? I
go, no.
I drink so much wine. But I don't
do that every day. I'm just saying I
could have easily have been, like, you know,
I don't wanna go to the gym
and feel the effects big time of drinking
too much wine
and and have a less,
I guess, productive feeling workout. And then,
I don't know, just have the mirror held
to me of what what I did to
my body that wasn't
functional the night before.
I don't know if I'm doing a great
example with that. My my
I've been really
feeling,
like,
I wanna say down on myself.
I'm just because I think I'm so tired,
I'm just tired. So I'm like And it's
just a sleep. So I'm I'm like, oh
gosh.
And if I then I don't feel very
productive
and then I'm like, you're product and then
I say, Elizabeth, your productivity doesn't mean that
you're not a good human. Like, I mean,
I'm I'm trying to get this self
talk and getting myself motivated
and, you know, maybe splash water on my
face, all this stuff. I what I'm I
I wanna ask you this because
I I may know the answer or not.
I wanna know what you do
is if if the example is I'm too
tired,
and you're laying in bed,
and the alarm goes goes off because this
happened to me on Monday.
And my alarm went off, and I'm like,
oh my gosh. I know I can speak
to myself nicely. Yeah. It's time to get
up. You know that even if you did
15 minutes on the bike, you'll feel better
for the whole entire day or you can
pretend like you're gonna go to sleep, but
you're not even gonna go to sleep at
all again because it's impossible to go back
to sleep right now because you know you
gotta wake up. Yeah.
So
so there's this conversation
back and forth and back and forth, and
I just took a deep breath
and all of a sudden, not my brain,
but the inside of me said
really loudly. And I almost thought somebody said
something to me. That's how loud it was.
And it said, you know what to do.
Yeah.
And I I'm like, okay. And I got
up and then I just kept going. Yeah.
And I believe me, I got up. I
picked up my phone. I go put put
the phone down. Yeah. Brush your teeth. Yeah.
And I started doing military style on me
because I wasn't listening.
And so I don't know what that was
going on inside me. So But something was
really making it happen. And thank god. I
I I only did 20 minutes on the
bike, but holy crap. If I hadn't done
it,
I I don't know how my Monday would
have been. Yeah. Because it was a tough
Monday. So I I play different roles in
my head with myself. Okay. I do a
lot of this when I do my inner
child work.
And I I have found inner child work
is a continuous process for me. That's a
part of my healing process. That's something that
I do every day, honestly.
And I find
myself in different situations, obviously, every day. But
each situation is kind of relating to a
different part of who I was, and I'm
learning to rely on
on old parts of myself to help me
progress in my life. So, for example,
when I moved down here,
I had a little bit of an eating
disorder,
worked out way too much, didn't eat enough
at all, was obsessed with being skinny. It
was like this whole mumbo jumbo
unhealthy dynamic.
But Welcome to South Florida. Sure. But I
did feel good. This is what contradicted it.
Yeah. Because I felt good when I was
at the gym. I was so strong.
I I mean, I had, like, almost less
than 18%
body fat. Mhmm. And I was just, like,
shredded,
like, sick, like, lifting and doing this and
doing that. But then I was an asshole
to myself, and I wouldn't eat enough. And
I was
totally being a dick Mhmm. To myself.
Right? So when I'm training for my half
marathon, I was getting so anxious.
I was like, well, I don't wanna fall
back into that hole. Meanwhile, I wasn't realizing
that this is a self limiting belief.
I have to, you know,
not work out as hard because I have
to stay
a weight that's
heavier than I wanna be because
when I was skinny, I was unhealthy. So
skinny equals unhealthy for Jackie. Mhmm. Can't do
it. Sorry. Can only do this. Mhmm. Can
only do that. Mhmm. Can only run x
amount, and then I can eat whatever I
want. And it was this pattern of I
didn't know how to maintain a healthy weight.
I didn't know how to maintain
health. Mhmm. And it wasn't even just the
weight.
Sorry. I don't even think that was my
phone. It's the feeling. It wasn't even just
about the weight. It was about the feeling.
Right? Yeah. There was something in feeling shitty
that made me feel good because it was
my from. It was my excuse why I
didn't have to
run to
the other side of where I wanted to
be. It was my excuses why I didn't
have to look at myself in the mirror
and acknowledge the things that I was doing
didn't make me feel good. Okay?
I was running, and I was like, I
think I need to look at a program
to help me run. I think I need
to look at a diet program.
Who do I ask for help? I'm overwhelmed.
And this is why this is where running
really was providing me downloads, and this is
Yeah. Where it really festered up. And it
goes, you know who would know what to
do? And I go, who? And I go,
you.
5 years ago.
She wasn't healthy, but she knew her programs,
and she had fucking discipline.
So maybe you need to take discipline from
her chapter and apply it to yourself
Yeah. As a healthy person. Right?
So I'm playing different roles with myself, and
I share that example just because
I
I made excuses as to why I couldn't,
why I could never work out in the
morning, why I couldn't do this,
and I didn't look at it from a
healthy mindset. So there is a part where
I do mother myself,
right, where I nurture that person that was
hurting so bad.
But I I I reassure her. Yeah. You're
not a bad per you're not all bad.
Like, you're so great at discipline.
Your discipline is unmatched.
I just want you to know how worthy
you are where you don't have to feel
so sad, and that's what I can tell
myself now. Right? So now I can have
the 2 worlds existing in one almost.
So
I say that because now
I can acknowledge when I need a break
and not be an asshole. I could take
a break. Okay. I won't binge on my
break where I won't I'm gonna eat a
whole thing of ice cream and then drink
a whole bottle of wine and feel like
shit and then say, well, this is healthy
because I let myself do this. You know?
I can have the healthy regulation, if you
will.
And then there's also a coach
that I play in my head where, like,
what you just did, I know when I'm
making an excuse,
and I know when I need to get
my ass up. I know when I'm not,
you know, going through something. I know when
I don't have my period, and I just
am tired, and I just I I'm feeling
lazy. Yeah. And I know I need to
get it done. And that's when I'll turn
on the coach of, come on. Get up.
Yeah. Let's go. No. Like,
get out of your head. You know?
And that's why the to is so important
because it's something bigger than you're from. So
what you wanna avoid,
you don't wanna look at it sucks, and
you need something to motivate you. It's almost
like, what's your why? Right? Yeah. So I
when I'm in that funk,
I, a lot of the time, say,
how lucky are you, Jackie, that you have
the option Yeah. Of getting out of bed
alone? You don't need help getting out of
bed, 1st of all. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. How
lucky are you to have the fucking option
to go to the gym right now? To
use a car, to drive to the gym,
to use your legs? You have no problems.
You're so healthy.
And I sit there and I'm like, if
you don't get up right now,
you're really not taking advantage of everything that
you have in this life that you built.
Mhmm. You're not you're not respecting yourself, and
you're not giving yourself the credit that's credit's
due.
And I look at it that way, and
I I look at it as a a
practice of giving gratitude to myself of look
how far we've come. Yeah. I'm so proud
of you for showing up. Even if you
just did a 15 minute walk on Peloton,
treadmill, whatever it is,
you got up and you moved your body.
And there's also the part where
I don't feel good.
And, normally, if I woke up the way
I did last night, I would have let
myself sleep in. I just couldn't really
it wasn't working for me. My I was
having anxiety. Yeah. So I needed to help
myself rather than fester in it. Yeah.
But I think there's a huge portion of
self awareness where you have to just know
when you need a break and not be
a dick. And you have to know also,
be honest with yourself. Yeah. I just really
don't wanna fucking do that right now and
make yourself do it anyway. I love the
yeah. So key components that I'm hearing is
discipline
Mhmm. Gratitude,
honoring self, and listening.
Respect. Respect. Yeah.
And
the energy
when you're speaking of
around the,
I I don't know whose phone is.
The energy around speaking
the from Mhmm. Is
is actually,
like, yucky energy. It's low vibration. Yeah. Right?
And then when you are moving to or
toward your
your higher vibration.
So it's more positive
thinking. It's more encouraging.
It feels more nurturing. Can I even just
say, like, emphasis on the encouraging? Yeah. Because
that just hits so much home because it's
not pushing yourself and being an asshole. It's
not being a dick to yourself. It's nothing.
It's encouraging it. It's Yeah. Look at what
you can do. Yes. And that's where you
tied it with nurturing. So what else? Yeah.
That was really cool. Well, the encouraging oh,
let me caveat on that too. Yeah. For
me,
encouraging
sometimes
has to sound a little more military.
Yes. You know, for me. I came up
like that. I'm like,
yeah. Because I'm like,
oh,
You don't own it better. Yeah. Yeah. So
what I say is,
you know, maybe in the stern internal voice
of,
you know you'll feel great
Yeah. When you're through Yeah. No matter what
you do Yeah. As long as you do
something.
You know? And it's and it's a little
it's it's going it's playing that's what I
wanted to say, the playing the tape forward
because ultimately,
you know, if I was just living in
those 15 minutes Mhmm.
I'm staying in bed. I mean, I just
washed my sheets. They're nice and cozy. Too.
Yeah. I'm like, they're nice and cozy, and
I'm like, and I have the little warm
spot in the bed. Like, I'm like, sure.
This is the
best. And
at the same time, I I I go,
okay. 15 minutes is going to pass, and
you're going to be right in this position
still really struggling.
Yeah.
So
I asked and this is for all my
wonderful,
friends
in the addiction world too is, you know,
this is a rule that we have
out there of,
first off, you have
thought stopping.
So stop your thought of
I'm tired.
You know? Yeah. And you have to insert
it with something that so you you stop
your stop your thought. You pull it out
of your brain. You
insert with something else, which would be more
motivating,
more of the toward,
commenting
Mhmm. Or the encouragement.
And
you also have to play the tape
farther than 15 minutes. I love that. But
you gotta give yourself that 15 minutes to
so,
if we are up and at them and
we wanna have a drink and we don't
really wanna have a drink, we make a
cup of tea.
Good. You know, that would be like, I
want okay. Yes. I want a drink. Oh,
do you wanna drink? You know, I'm acknowledging
you wanna drink. Oh, no. But on my
alcohol well, no. We're good. Why don't we
have a cup of tea, and we're gonna
wait past that 15 minutes? And the 15
minutes Really cool. Yeah. If you can if
you can forward past the 15 minutes and
even
and think farther out and go, oh gosh.
You know? Once I'm through with this 15
minutes and I I make a healthier decision
for myself that's more loving and nurturing
and for me, exercise is loving and nurturing
because moving my body is loving and nurturing
for me. Really? It's freaking cool. So whether
it's stretching,
bicycle. I'm not I'm not talking about aggressive
stuff because I'm talking about 15 minutes. We're
not Yeah. This isn't crossfit every day. Crossfit.
And so then you're switching the the
the direction and where in in the focus
in your brain.
And
a lot of the time, this is one
of those things that, it's one of those
tricks that that helps our brains,
you know, move past something that's really hard
for us.
I
love that. I love the roll the tape
forward analogy that you use. I think it
paints a really beautiful picture because it's so
personal.
Right? Yeah. And you're really the author of
the way you want your life to be.
And it's just like what any what the
military says is you choose your suck. Pick
your suck. Yeah. It's gonna suck Yeah. If
you don't get up Yeah. And it's gonna
suck for 2 seconds of you getting up.
But the whole thing is you roll the
tape forward and you choose
what hard you wanna live through that day.
Yeah. Also,
you accomplish something hard right off the bat,
you dedicate
time for yourself
and you honor yourself
for 15 minutes before your day,
your day,
the shit that happens outside of you,
you know
it doesn't weigh as heavy because
your internal
is
operating
at a,
I guess, just a higher vibration, if you
will Mhmm. Of
I already I already showed myself how much
I love myself.
You can't bring me down.
I already showed myself how much I respect
myself.
You can't piss me off. I'm not giving
my energy to you. I gave my energy
to myself this morning of getting up. Yeah.
And
you you're choosing you're choosing
you're choosing you to how you wanna start
the day. You first now. You first now.
Oh, yeah. I don't know. I know. It's
Chandler's drop. Bam. Yeah. What? Yeah. Gosh. It's
such a good name. It's so good. It's
so good. No. It's so good. Yeah. That
slapped me in the head, man, when I
was running.
Really? Talk about downloads. That was one that
was one of those things that just downloaded.
I love it. My company's name was strength
and happiness. Yes. I remember you telling me
that. So,
and I'm running and I'm like,
gosh. I just feel like I'm always on
the back burner. Yeah. You know? And,
yeah. You first now. Bam. Right there. So
okay this is what I want to ask
everybody to do so we're gonna start making
merch
and I'm curious
to hear your guys' opinions of what,
I guess, article of material or clothing do
you prefer or do you wear the best?
Do you like hats, trucker hats, baseball caps,
T shirts, tank tops, shorts, pant whatever it
is.
Write us. Let us know what you like
because we're gonna have some really fucking awesome
things coming out
on them. I finally get to use my
fashion design. It's gonna be my face. It's
hot twist.
It's Elizabeth's face on
no underwear.
Yeah. Right.
Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, write us in.
Write us in. Let us know and
choose you first now. My name I love
that. Can't even That's funny. Can't even think
of anything else. Jackie,
this this
workbook is amazing, and I really tell us
where you can get this because
I think everyone
I mean, the price point is
insanely
Yeah. It's really inexpensive.
Okay. Well, you taught me also too with
the self care workshop. You're like, everybody should
have access
to this. Yeah. And that's how I felt
when I made it. It was like,
I don't wanna gatekeep it. Like, if my
if my true intention in my life is
to help people, then I will make this
accessible to anybody that wants to help themselves.
And it but it's, you know, you're the
author of the book. But that's the unique
part is you get to write your own
story on it. And you I keep do
redoing it. I keep rewriting stories for myself,
redoing the whole workbook. But it's $36.
Like, it's pretty good.
We could do a 3 month program. That's
more expensive. But But that's one on one
and you're getting coaching from yourself. That's a
coaching program. There's information on my website to
not from dot net. It's being sold on
Etsy right now. You can also just message
me, and I'll send you the the files
for it if that's easier.
Etsy
Estee. Estee. Uh-huh. For mom's dog. I always
mix the 2. So Estee.
Estee. Estee.
Mary, I love your doggy.
Etsy has been giving kind of a,
issue. Sometimes people that were downloading it, they
weren't getting the copy. So I just emailed
them
to the people that it happened to. So
if you want a copy, you can always
just message me and I'll send it to
you. You can message me on Instagram at
the back pocket wisdom. There you go.
Life's a burch.
You First Now, it'll be up on You
First Now with Yeah. The community.
We have really exciting things coming there too.
Oh my gosh. So many exciting things. Elizabeth,
tell me your workshop is when? Oh, September
3rd. So we're doing the self care workshop.
It's 8
people
and face to face and,
8 weeks.
So we have 5 more spots left at
this current moment,
and it's,
$1500.
It is a bargain.
No. I'm telling you too because we
I mean, I took it before I helped
delete it with everybody,
and it is life changing, dude. I mean,
I use this analogy for everything you carry
around your toolbox and you pick whichever tool
you need for the problem in your life.
Yeah. You construct
and you rebuild
your toolbox. So think like, this has helped
me so much, the healthy communication, I will
just say. Yes. Boundaries and everything, but the
healthy communication
is pulling in every aspect of my life
because I'm not pointing the finger at people.
I'm not blaming anybody. I'm telling you,
I feel
happy when you come over and you're on
time because what I think is that you
value my time. And what I would like
is to keep showing each other you respect
each other by doing so. I love it.
What can I what do you need from
me? Yeah. And it it it makes it
so like, when you were reading it, I
remember when I was reading it, I was
like, oh, I'm never gonna just, like, sit
there and be like, I feel happy when
I feel ill.
And I find myself it just I find
my own flow with it. And you know
what?
I have more productive conversations in confrontation too.
I had a confrontation this past weekend, and
I just looked. I said, I don't wanna
fight.
I feel
happy when we can communicate
and and hear each other, but I don't
think that you're hearing me. Are you hearing
me? No. What do you need from me?
This and that and that. Okay. I understand.
That's not at all what I meant. Cool.
Cool.
Now I feel excited. Moving you know? I
mean, you just kind of you make it
so personalized,
the communication. That's a whole other topic. But
that is one tool that I will take
for the rest of my life. I've done
it with bosses. I've done it with friends.
Mhmm. Emphasis on bosses because Yeah. I've done
it with more than one boss.
And it's given me confidence to own my
fucking voice
and to advocate for myself because
I'm sharing my boundary of how to keep
you how how you can be in my
life. Yeah. And that all stemmed from the
self care workshop. So $1500
is ridiculous. Yeah. The self care workshop really
it's it's everything that I wish I knew
when I was,
you know, just a young young adult. And,
I have carefully put it together. It has
morphed. Every time I have a group,
I add more. And guess what? I have
a new I just put it together last
night. What? It is,
a letter. It's kind of like an ad
lib. Oh, so we are going to do
a little bonus edition, and it's an ad
lib. And,
I'm so excited because I tried it on
one of my clients. I said, hey. Can
you be my guinea pig? And she's like,
yeah. Absolutely. I'm like, give me give me
a verb, like
and I added it all together and I
sent her her letter.
And she was like, oh my goodness. I
am putting this up on my way. No.
That's really awesome. So you have your own
letter that you customize, and it's very cool.
There also is I will just say with
that, not because we didn't do the letter,
but
the I think the effect that the
people in this group have on each other
is
the is a dynamic part of why being
in person is so
beneficial.
Like, I remember when I went in, I
was
it's it's uncomfortable to be vulnerable
right away. Yeah. Right? But you establish
these
clear, you know, boundaries and rules of this
is safe. And when people start sharing their
stories, you relate to somebody that you would
not that's 20 years younger, 20 years older,
that's from a different state. I mean, these
people that you would never think you have
anything in common with, and it's a perspective
to you
of I'm not that
big.
My problems are not bigger than me. Other
people go through this.
Wait. This is what helped me. And then
you're just sitting there, and you're all
helping each other of
okay. Well, when my husband and I were
fighting, this is what happened. Or when this,
and
you just see everybody just sort of connect.
And
it's very interesting
to be an observer, but to be a
participant is something that's, I mean, you really
build a community of people that you can
trust. Is life life altering. So and and
and for the better, always. Always. Always. Always.
Yeah. And what more do we need now
is is really to be Yeah. Together Mhmm.
To see each other as human beings Yeah.
And to
to be heard also. You know? So,
let yourself be heard of September 3rd. I
would love for anybody to
ask me any questions. Yeah. DM me at
you first now, Instagram, and
I I think I mean, I know it
always ends up being a fantastic
group. Yeah.
And organically, it comes together. Yeah. And Plus
Elizabeth's outfits get really cool each week. So
Oh my gosh. My outfit is
Obviously. Alright. Well, love you so much.
Love you. Love you too, Elizabeth.
Oh. I know. It's like I was like,
me? Really?
Oh, man. Alright. Ta ta for now. Ta
ta clowns.
Thanks for listening. Make sure to like this
podcast on Instagram at back pocket wisdom along
with following You First Now and Life's of
verge and subscribe to the you first now
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