Welcome to back pocket wisdom with Jackie, and
Elizabeth, where we are creating a space for
you to get real with yourself. So tune
to feel like you're just chatting with your
friends about reachable mental health and just having
fun. We got them. Fun. And look kind
of good all doing it. Hell jump.
Not
everyone is worth your trust.
Plain and simple,
not everyone is worthy
of your trust, and those you feel that
way toward can leave you feeling mix emotions.
It's okay and it's part of our growth
when learning who has matched their actions
with their words to make themselves worthy of
our trust.
Listen y'all.
Trust is earned.
It needs to be proven,
and it needs time to develop.
What's
easy.
Oh, man. I just read that, and I
have to tell you
I don't like reading.
In front of all these people. Oh my
god. Are billions and millions and billions and
millions of followers.
For, like, guys, please no flash photography. Yeah.
And
I have to tell you that this this
whole trust like, I had to actually just
do a mental shift. Mh. Just before I
read that? Yeah. And say, oh, my gosh.
Am I ready to be vulnerable. Mh.
Right now and, like, totally mess up, even
though we could edited it and all that,
blah.
Every everybody We edit that. No. No. I
had this idea where we... Because we always
talk about, like, what do we wanna talk
about today?
And elizabeth and I can just talk for
hours about nothing. U. And talk about something,
then talk about something else, and then talk
about something. And then tie back, and we're
like, like my god, that made so much
sense. You're beautiful and so smart you should
run for president. And other people are like,
great. What the fuck were you talking about?
Who am I in where am I? And
I'm like, if you didn't get that,
That's weird.
Because we definitely finished your thought. Wait, You're
not following it. Yeah. I was like, what
do you mean? You don't know what I'm
talking. You can read my mind.
I actually made a joke. I was like,
oh,
I
invited my friend over, and I'm like, and,
you know, if I gave him an option
of
we could go to dinner or just order
takeout. And I was, like, if you can't
read my mind and know that I just
wanna order takeout that he needs it up
all the way over because I don't wanna
I wanna go out and get it.
I don't know how this relationship is ever
nowhere.
I mean, so basically,
what you're saying is
if a woman
says dinner or takeout, that means she wants
take out. No. Because otherwise, she wants to
go out. I mean, oh, yeah. Actually, the
true. Yeah. I mean, otherwise like, I don't
give you the unless that's what I really
wanna do. Yeah. Unless you just show up,
and I'm like, hi baby. And I'm dressed
to go to the met gala.
And I'm like,
casual dinner front,
waterfront restaurant. I'm sorry.
So good idea. My husband
houston at a town. We are going almost
on 3 weeks. Holy amen.
We haven't He's out of town story. We
haven't seen each other in 3 weeks almost,
Almost.
So... Okay. So she needs to send the
kids to boarding school for a weekend that
leads.
So he wants to take me on a
date.
Wait, that's really cute. Yeah. And it's...
The date would be the evening after we
go out on the boat
that we're planning on. I go. And I
text this on. I know I got I
text him. I Gonna propose again. Oh, no.
Not kidding. I said,
said, you're gonna take me out after we
go on the boat? Don't you remember what
happened last time? He goes, what did I
fuck up?
I know, no.
I did. He goes, oh, I have such
short term memory with you.
How a year 1.
He's like, I don't even remember those type
of things. Okay wait. That's really funny. Oh,
amen to the Hallelujah. So when does he
get back?
I don't know actually. He never know the
date.
Keeps it young gonna. Yeah. They're like, it
gets gives me just enough time to get
R rico Suave out of my house. Nose
yeah.
Well, I'm like, quick get out.
Use the back.
I love it.
Yeah. But so we were talking about topics,
And I'm sitting here and I'm like, why
don't we record the topic of us discussing
it?
So that it's not so
mix match. And I'm like, read it. I
like listening to you. Don't read it. Yeah.
Read it. And then and I don't like
123 go. Yeah. But
rewind, you know,
gorilla.
And I
was like, oh my gosh. I feel like
I'm in
ninth grade. Yeah. I'm gonna be stuff stuttering
again, and they're gonna make fun of me.
And all this stuff just came up for
me just right now. I actually thought about...
That was funny. I read something out loud
yesterday.
And at the office, and
I'm was sitting there at... Ninth grade came
into me because I took,
English class. Mh. We were reading Romeo and
Juliet.
And this random
example because my English teacher didn't wanna
talk about them having sex
because we were, like, 15. She was approved,
obviously. No kidding.
But, she was, like,
we were, like 14 15. So I guess
it... And going to a Catholics school. Oh,
okay. Because I'm like damn.
People can blow jobs. I mean, Yeah. Bathroom...
I mean they were cool. They were just...
They were. They were
you know, clutch in the cross while doing
it.
What did God bless. But we used to
call it
playing cards used to want us to say
they're just playing cards.
And I read something aloud, and then I
stopped reading it and started laughing and people
are like, what? And I'm like, oh, something...
I'm so funny you're thinking about this. Anyway,
where did I leave off? Like... I don't
know, but I'm, like, holy
card deck.
That's a big deck.
I wish I had
I wish I was playing with a full
1 back then. I would have...
I'm still trying the 52 pickup.
Shit I got a bad poker phases.
It's so good.
Anyway, focus
not everybody deserves your trust.
Don't let everybody see your deck.
Just doing let everybody to your deck. Oh,
I love that.
Well, I I do say to myself, I'm
like, don't show your hand before they ask
to see it, because I have... Oh, I
guess this really ties in. I really wasn't
even putting 2 together.
Wait a second. Now you guys will see,
like, how organically in, like, our relationship, and
then we just drink, and then we forget
what we say. But
I wrote it all down. Thank god.
No. I sometimes say whenever I'm in a
new situation, and it feels really good.
So for example,
if I am
at a new work environment, this always came
up for me where
Oh my god. I love my boss.
I love the location of my job. I
love my call. This is great. This is
perfect.
I would just be like, okay. Great. No
boundaries. Okay. I love them. Oh, awesome, and
then my boss would start to be a
boss.
And I'd be like, what
happened? Mh. And then my coworker would have
an off day, and I'd be like, why
do you hate me?
And I realized, I was expecting them to
be my best friends,
and I was telling them every a little
last detail about me.
Right off the bat. Mh. And this was
years ago. I remember my old company, And
I just... I I
remember feeling so ic. Like,
oh, no.
Or not only that they didn't didn't do
anything wrong. No. They were just being there
own selves. But like,
or if it came out that,
you know, the boss that I knew for
3 weeks
that was an authority figure,
wasn't my best friend, and I actually didn't
really like who they were as a person.
I was like, oh my god. I'm blindsided.
And I was like,
They're not. They just... You didn't show you
all their show you all your upfront. Yeah.
Yeah. The the... There is
a lack of boundaries when you tell all.
Mh. And
people think, oh, I'm just getting closer to
the person. Yeah. And I'm just in open
book. Yeah. And that doesn't necessarily mean that
you're getting closer
to the person. You're telling
information, and there's no vulnerability.
You have to have vulnerability to have connection.
I think we talked about this with the
boundary have over And this is around... I
mean, how do you develop trust. You have
to have boundaries. You have to have healthy
boundaries somewhere. Nice.
So it's going to go back to boundaries.
That's true. Most of the time in your
life on any topic.
So even just reiterate too because it's coming
back to me, but you said it really
in an aha way what me did. The
episode on boundaries,
where
the lack of boundary is the almost like
emotional dump.
And you spoke about,
yeah. But when I used to do that,
I was saying things that didn't really affect
me anymore.
And I was almost controlling it of Si
Vulnerable. I don't really have to do anything
else. Yeah. So a lot of people will
will be selective
and they can read the room. I can
read the room. I'm good at that. And
I knew exactly what
for shock value if you will? Yeah. To
know exactly what to put out there that
I wasn't really going to be
worried about it because it it wasn't something
that I really can't cared about. That's Doesn't...
And it and it seemed like I was
being vulnerable because people were, like, home wide
Gosh. How did you do that and I'm
like, fuck you should really hear the backstory
on that.
But that shit was never gonna come out
You know.
So... Yeah. That give you an example. Yeah.
This is not nice, but
talk about an old job. This was not
the same job, but my last job, actually,
my coworkers, we were all talking about how,
you know,
traditionally, when you get married, the the the
wife, the woman pee, the woman's family pays.
I didn't know any of this.
And they're all... We're all just what? Yeah.
Like, you're... I I don't know. I've never
heard that and
my 1 coworker goes, hey, Jack. Yeah. Like,
you didn't know that. And I, no.
I guess A opening and they're like, why?
I'm like,
my father
did pay child support. You. Think he's gonna
pay for cutting. Boy they just like, they
looked at me. And I was like, it's
literally all good. My mom didn't have to
take him to court. We didn't have to
go there. Yeah. I was like, got the
hand. Yeah. Yeah. Kind of.
And
There is sitting there. I think it's funny.
I think it's funny too, but listen. Oh,
like really not. But people... Yeah, but some
people are extremely uncomfortable, and I told you
that 1 story.
Now I don't know if I can tell
it anymore. Yes, You can. Because people are
not last thing You. I told it people
before
If you're not your people that are not
like. I just went to thing a,
a therapy group, it was an opening, and
there were a lot of other therapists in
there, and I realized that
They didn't laugh either when I told the
story. I thought it was hilarious and this
mother
this
This retired therapist said to me
I would never say that to my daughter.
And I'm like,
what? My mom's not an ass.
Well, I mean, come on and we have
all our asses, but You know, like, I'm
like, she didn't mean it to be a
jerk. I beat... I'm like, am I supposed...
Do I need to go to therapy? No
for right Like, no. I
I am like, no, We just have a
casual relationship when we kinda dig on each
other sometimes. But it's also... I mean, it's
just the huge... You have to know my
mom. Yeah. And my mom is a freaking
lover.
And the guys are... You have the same
sense of humor too. Yeah. That's where, like,
it's just
it's a humorous thing. Yeah. Yeah. I think
I listen. If what I do I say
the... Should I say see yeah? Oh, because
it's so bad. So molly like mom has
always said to me
honey, when you have babies, it's gonna be
the best thing that's ever happened in your
whole entire life, and literally, I, finally popped
out my first 1. And I have keen
my hands and it was a miraculous
experience,
and she said,
Oh my gosh.
Remember what I said about having a baby
and how amazing it is. I said yes,
mom she goes, well, it's sucks compared to
me in a grandma. I don't even think
that that's a bad thing. Go, Like, I
thought it was hilarious. No nobody learned. It
they went.
But you know what? I think well, you...
She probably wasn't the first thing she said
too. Let's just faced it. And also, even
if it was, it's like, but I... I've
said my mom says someone thinks to that
or she's like, yeah. Well, you know, just
wait till they're not yours, then you can
love them a whole lot more. That's what
her mom says. She goes I love your
cousins. Yeah. They could come over whenever they
want. Yeah. You could send it back. Yeah
I could do whatever we gotta do. She
goes, that's what my, my dad's mom,
my grandmother.
Oh my god. Raise my sister and me,
like, played such a whole huge role, which
I watch your mom play with your boys,
which is so cute. Yeah. And it's a
different bond. It's also... I mean, I would
go to O, and my mom never ever
ever ever ever. Let me have soda, and
I would have doctor Pepper. I have Coca
cola. I have coke. Do you remember Blue
Pepsi? What? Okay look it up.
So good.
Right. Ginger, then be like, must stomach my
curse, and she's was like, here's T o.
Let's keep going. Crates just finished, and then
I would go home and my mom was,
like, here's a Ben drill you're having an
hour you attack? And I'm like, no Not.
She's like, yeah. You're. You need to go
to bed.
Or my mom goes now you were
alec. Yeah. Yeah. Well, a good thing because
you had that reaction toward it, and you
would go to sleep came, we were on
a trip
Hawaii,
and he was a year and a half,
and the doctor
told me, she he said, just give him
a ben drill.
He'll relax during the the flight
Well, he's 1 of the 20 percent that
gets hyper 20 20 percent
Was he was he just like a hyper
cute little guy? Or was he not freaking
out? Okay. So you know I had, like,
postpartum Ocd and the whole jam. Right? And
he's a year and a half. So I
extended this version till 3 years old. And
he
had this car. This lightning Mcqueen car and
this kid for 8
fucking
hours
Went up the aisle. And down the aisle,
crawled on the ground. I was
vomiting in my mouth. I couldn't even
again. I need I was losing it. Losing
the. And that my friends is coach. Yeah.
I'm kidding great. I'm like, oh, god. I
can't it. Because he wouldn't sit still.
Oh my. Couldn't sit still. Yeah. That was
Front coach. Yeah. Well, we were broke then.
Okay? Now we're rolling high rolling in the
delta comfort.
I'm was gonna say. Don't talk humber. Donald
comfort for me. What is go with that
extra leg room.
I'm like. Thank god. I'm only 5 3
and 3 quarters. That the only time I
say that. Otherwise, I'm 552 or 5 4.
I'm 533 quarters. Do you know when I
got my license down here. The lady was,
like, lady was
absolutely fantastic. My god bless her and everything
she wants. I go in there. And she's
like,
stand stand there. And she was, like, dick
around with me. She was funny. Like, I
was like, Alright. Dmv. We'll You know? I
know why here. Never have fun Dmv.
She's like, smile.
Do you wanna smile for your driver's license?
And I go, Don't know. Do mind. She
goes, we'll try a few. She sounds that
she goes, you could do... You're so much
prettier than that.
Go back.
And I sound like she goes, okay. I'll
let's try 1 more. And Charge goes, yes.
I knew it. Come look. Shows me all
3 of them. She goes, I like that
1. I go, me too. And she goes
how tall? I got...
She goes how tall or do you wanna
be? Like?
She was
phenomenal.
And I go well, I'm 5 3 and
3 quarters. I wanna say 5 because I'll
put 54I go I know because this is
anxiety. What if I get pulled over, and
then they take a measuring tape out they
go, you're not 5 4, you're using a
fake license. You're a fraud, and then I'm
dad.
So I gotta just put 5 3.
You have about 3 on years? Yeah. I
literally had an anxiety. That's true. Oh my.
I had an anxiety attack. I go, no.
I can't put 5 4 and she goes,
3... She goes, I just measured you. You're
you're more 5 4 than you are 5
3 and ago. No. But 5 3 is
a number that's there. Oh my god. I'm
a liar.
Like...
Yeah.
Wow. And I trolley on back to my
law firm job. Mine mine says my 4.
Mine also says the most beautiful girl in
the. So on. My gosh. I... No doubt
fantastic. No doubt on that. Okay. Awesome. So
Not everybody deserves to trust. Why?
Well, they're not trustworthy either. Right.
How do you know when somebody deserves a
trust? Okay. Take a deep breath?
Let it down.
Now take another deep breath and imagine
the light going into your heart and into...
What we're doing, I'm gonna change No just
for a moment there for a second. No.
Don't do the meditation if you're driving. It's
the meditation. I just want you to just
hone in for a moment into your into
your sense of your heart can't here. Center
of your heart. You can't hear me. Center
of your heart.
Okay.
And when you
really slow yourself down,
you can begin to listen to the things
that will tell you whether you trust. Mh.
Or not trust.
Trust not trust. Operating at ego versus intuition.
Yeah. Well,
we gotta flip into go ahead, tell me
about that thing. No. No No. It's true.
I have everything that you just said is
tapping into your ego. It's getting into your
body, you're getting into... You mean your intuition.
Yeah. Not your go. Sorry. Everything you just
said is tapping into your intuition. Where
here's silence in your mind and
anxieties that I'm gonna get pulled over and
he's gonna have tape measure.
And everything
on that scope. Right? However, far or
short wanna ago. You. And you're kinda si
everything you're seeing how your body's is responding,
and you're seeing how you are feeling
because your mind body are connected. Yeah. So
I mean, I love talking about gut feelings.
We all know that. Well, I think that
that has a lot to do with what
trust is. Mh. Because
you can look at so many different ways.
You you were looking at people's behaviors.
You're looking at... Let's their actions, the... What
they're saying.
Then you're looking at at them as an
energetic being.
And then you have to also
keep it in mind that all of this
is bouncing off your internal
call it a little tram.
Of your internal tram. No.
You are. Yeah. There you go.
And it bounces off and and
you determine whether it's going to stick and
you're gonna have some fun or or not,
You know? Because
I
have to listen to this space so much
more. Like, what did I I read something
the other day, and I said, like, there
are no
mixed...
Like, I don't know about this person. No
mixed signal. There's no mixed signals. That's what
I said. No mixed signals.
There's no mixed signals or aren't or there's
no red flags.
Yeah. Well, there are red flags, but it's
like, yeah. It flags red flags,
here and there, But... Like, does this person...
Why am I getting this weird feeling about
this 1 person, but then they're doing it
doing something different.
Don't
deny that space. Like, see what's going on.
First do your inventory and make sure none
of your old shit's coming up.
Okay? That's 1. And then once you know
that you're in the clear, and it's not
anything that you can work on. If that
person is giving you the the Ic keys.
You know, or or putting some energy that's
just not feeling all that great.
I would trust it and walk the other
W. You're also such a gen z. You're
like, if that person gives you the ic.
The ic. Oh, is that? That if I
call an ic. I
I didn't even know. I was waiter or
something to happen. Oh my god. Elizabeth is
turning 21 on Saturday.
So I think what you're talking about too,
obviously,
yeah. I'm all in on that. It's such
an advanced level though, too, because I think
you're so good at that.
And
also, I mean, just your teachings. Right, in
your practice. You talk about
getting to know yourself. You talk about...
Excuse me. I'm
Guess I've kissed 1 too many frogs one's
hanging out right.
But
I have fallen into the pattern
of when I meet somebody and I'm super
excited and I'm super hopeful, and I paint
this picture and I have this fantasy. Mh.
Oh my god. I love this person. We're
gonna get married. We're gonna have 10 kids.
And what's his last name? You know. And
when you're in the beginning stages of a
relationship of any kind and you're super super
excited.
How do you know if it's
an excitement of a fantasy that I'm building
or no. I can trust them they're real.
And I think it goes down to time.
Right? You gotta give a time. You have
to regulate those... You can't go 100. That's
unhealthy to do you earn trust through time.
And
consistency.
And the gut feelings that you talked about
of if something's feeling ic, Mh. To listen
to it,
I think that's overlooked. I mean, I've overlooked
that, knowing better too.
Because I think it comes with, like, I've
held on to such hope for some things.
We're I'm like, no. But, you know what?
It's fine. Let me get them the benefit
of the doubt. Mh. And come on. I
was just having an off day. No. No.
He's not like that. She's not like that.
Like, Mh. She would never hurt me. She
would never hurt me. No 1 understands. Yeah.
She was... We were just joking. And it
turns into
3 weeks later, something else happens, and I
have that sane
but feeling but stronger.
And the feeling...
Excuse me.
Really, over time just keeps growing and growing
and growing and growing.
And I and I always end up, I
was, like, if I would have just listened
to myself? Yeah.
But
how do you...
I I mean, it takes a minute to
be... Breaking and convince you of anything. Let's
say I brought 2 wedding dress dresses to
convince myself that I was getting married the
last guy I was engaged, not the last
guy. But the the first guy I was
engaged to. And boy oh, boy. I knew
the minute, I started dating him or the
date I went out with him. Even before
the date I already knew this guy was
not the right guy. He was hot and
I wanted to, you know, whatever. So but
it got a little too far and keeping
posed, and I'm, like, oh my gosh. Is
this what's happening. This is what's happening. Mh.
Listen if I get a prettier dress. I
know that this will be the... No. My
whole body was, like, you do not trust
this person. Mh. You don't trust them at
all with with your future. This is bad,
wrong,
exit now, and, you know, your mind is
what is really going to control the the
whole entire thing. So This goes into the
hundred and 26 bits out of 2000000 bits.
1 of my favorite yes. 2000000 bits per
second are offered to you
of information and only a hundred and 26
bits conscious mind takes in and the rest
goes to unconscious.
I remember saying that and I probably set
it down here too. If I would've have
known that
right when I sat down in my first
therapist chair. Mh. I feel like I would
have had a different experience.
Because I'm somebody I've hold on to
quirky little sayings and lines and my life
as a, and whatever you wanna call it.
But
that hit me hard.
And, like, so you get a hundred and
26 bits of information per minute. Per second.
Per second.
You get 2000000
offered.
Okay. So a hundred and 26
bits per second
land in your your conscious mind. Yes. And
the other half of the 2000000000 because 1000000.
Yeah.
So. Sleepy. Oh,
know. It's so good. The other half of
the 2000000, go to your unconscious.
Not even the other half. 2000000 minus 01:26,
whatever that is... Yeah, the other half now.
We're not doing it.
Not not doing that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The
remainder. I am not doing fast not right
now.
The remainder. The remainder go into your unconscious
mind. Right? It's just so crazy. So
That means that you have to choose... You're
choosing your 01:26 by the way. It really
goes to show of you are what you
consume.
Of you are what
you choose surround yourself to. And, yeah, it
ultimately is a choice. Yeah. I think that's
such a
So, like, if you're
questioning, how do I know a boundary?
How do I know to trust somebody,
you just start there. And you tell yourself
that because that's what's helped me when I
was,
I guess, just starting out. And
my mental health journey of learning all of
these really cool things and tips and tricks.
And when I heard that, I was, like,
holy shit. Where were you
13 team.
Yeah. So, I mean, it's just a choice
of what you retain, but it's also your
choice of how you respond to it. Whether
you listen to your body, your gut feelings,
Mh whether you,
you know,
yeah.
I guess, go for
the fantasy rather than reality.
Ultimately, your body knows. Your body really body
does know. But, you know, your brain has
convinced your body sometimes. So this is, like,
going
into the,
breaking the habit being yourself. Mh. Realm
is that
you can confuse yourself whether you should trust
yourself or not. Mh.
Because
you... You're going back forth them... Am I
doing a fight or flight response what's going
on? Why do I feel this way? That...
And if if you can talk yourself out
of this ic feeling?
Then like I said, if I buy the
second wedding dress then, I know that of
it, you know, Oh, he didn't really mean
that or he it you can convince yourself
of anything. Mh. So it's really important that
first off, you take responsibility and you do
your own inventory. Mh. You do your own
work.
And then you look for consistency
in yourself consistency. Because consistency in the other
person.
And then over time,
trust can be built. Nice. So you also...
Even if somebody is trustworthy...
That's the simple math equation. No. But it's
true. Yeah. It is somebody is trustworthy. You
don't have to feel like you have to
empty everything else out on the table in
the first 2 seconds that you need them.
The beauty is that your gifted time with
this person to develop and grow a relationship,
plant doesn't grow overnight.
Yeah. And, also, people don't want to know
everything all at once. A lot. I mean,
it's it is a lot. And because it
can become overwhelming.
You know, I have a lot of clients
that will will will tell all. They they
have... It's unhealthy boundaries. And
they're like, well, I just
I just wanna connect. I just want to
feel loved,
and I say, well, then the inventory is
this. You don't tell people everything,
you you hold it and you start to
love yourself. You start to love yourself. Yep.
First. And then
you're not going to have to
tell all to feel that because you actually
feel empty when you tell all. Yeah. I
know. That makes it like, Even here. Like,
oh, gosh. Why aren't they being friends, You
know, you tell all,
you have nothing more to give and you're
looking for the... That same that that love.
Well, and I just know, like, when I
used to do it, it was because I
wasn't validating everything that I had been through
everything that I did, everything that I was.
So I was like, Let me tell you
how amazing I am. Let me blow your
mind. That was my thing. And then we
where we're like, oh, wow, Yeah. You've been
through a lot. Cool. And I'm like, right,
but, like, don't you wanna cut me a
check?
For more than my base salary? You know,
Like, what are we doing here? Like, if
you think I'm so great.
I mean, that's all.
And the reality is,
Yeah.
Like, I never... I mean, I can float
on by with people that I know or
don't know and choose what I tell them,
but I'm comfortable and it's appropriate. Mh. And
still feel
like, much more full than I did then.
So I think that makes sense. Yeah. And
again, it's... You have to
trust yourself Yeah. First.
No. You really do. Yeah. So developing trust
within yourself, I mean, do a body scan?
Do a mind and body scan? How is
your body feeling in other environments? How's is
your body feeling around people?
And notice patterns of those relationships that you
have. That's something that I've been
working on with myself too. Oh, I like
that. Yeah. When I'm feeling ic,
I scan the room. I scan myself. I
scan the environment. If I ate, I do
the halt, hungry angry lonely tired. Mh no.
I'm good. I feel fucking awesome, I worked
out. I ate. Awesome.
This person's a little weird, but they're always
here.
Love that person love that person love that
person. What is it?
Is it the building? No. I love the
building.
Let's go back to the person that... Yeah.
I don't feel so comfortable around.
Cool. Mh. Not gonna draw a wall. I'm
not gonna push them away. I'm not gonna
get defensive. I'm gonna hold them at arm
length, and I'm gonna observe them. Mh. Rather
than
Oh, no. Fine. Yeah. You see my head.
Yeah. I used to do that. So... Yeah.
I mean, I'm doing that now of...
Okay. I'm gonna observe rather than make assumptions.
Because I also don't know who they are,
whether that feeling is
run and hide or
tread lightly.
You know? Yeah. So
you can use your determine with what your
body tells you. I've have I a question
for you. Mh.
So
what if you've developed trust with someone and
then it has been broken?
Has that ever happen to you? Oh, my
god.
Do you want me to unload
my god. Well, okay. Yeah. Give me... Give
me a couple bullet points of how you...
Were did you... Were you able to regain
trust? Or did you exit left?
When I was younger, yeah. I regained trust
because I was just, like, oh, I love
this person so much and whatever. And Mh.
Everybody makes mistakes. And I feel like, as
I get older, and it's not even just
an older thing, Like, I just think it's
as I mature.
I got wiser. Yeah. I mean, like, as
I've done the work on myself, I've loved
myself so much more.
III
know my threshold.
And I don't I don't
I don't love when somebody
crosses it. Mh. Or pushes my boundary,
knowing me because I think that I'm pretty
transparent and upfront with people. Mh. When I
meet them. Mh. And I'm starting a new
relationship of any kind. You know, I've I've
learned to uphold my boundaries of This is
what I want. I want healthier relationships if
you're not willing to give that to me.
All good. Mh. But I'm not gonna wait.
And if you
betray my trust after
having intimate conversations like that, and I'm being
really vulnerable,
I don't
I don't know that I want to give
you an option to regain your trust. It
depends on what you did. Yeah. I mean,
I think that as humans and relationships, it's
like, I'm not gonna promise to never hurt
you, but I'm gonna promise to never intentionally
hurt you because I'm human, and I will
hurt you. Mh. It's just the reality of
it. But I promise I will never do
something at your expense,
like, for example, I mean, I would never
cheat on somebody. You know, that's. As non
negotiable for me. I couldn't do that. Like,
because I've had that done. So I'm like,
that sucks. So if somebody were to do
that to me again. I'm like, that's a
rabbit hole. I don't wanna go down again.
Yeah.
Well, interesting you say that because I have
a lot, I get couples that have in
fidelity.
It's different though, like, if you're... If you
have a relationship,
Over years, like, I would have relationships with
these guys over, like, maybe a year, and
they've been dick around in the past. And
I'm like,
I always kinda made excuses until, you know,
there's
naked girls on your phone, you know, Like,
whatever the case would be or
whatever, You know? So you weren't you weren't
listening to those signals that I...
No. I I just wanted to be loved.
And and that's what I mean of, like,
it's not an age thing. It's... I felt
so in love with myself, and I'm, like,
I'm am committing to me.
And I took a solid year off of
not talking to anybody and romantic interest, not
going on any dates.
Not doing anything. Yeah. Like, my nail beds
were dead. And I got a lot of
shit done though. Yeah. But I... I mean,
I love myself now. Like, I
feel
a different level of confidence
being with you know, in a newer relationship.
Mh. Feeling like,
I know what I have to offer. I
know how awesome I am. Mh. It's okay
if you don't see it because I know
someone else will. And I if somebody else
doesn't, like,
I can trust myself that I will give
it to me. I can trust myself. Yeah.
I mean, that it really is the most
imp empowering feeling.
Because I never did, and I never knew
how to.
So
now I have a toolbox that I carry
around me with tools.
And depending on what situation I'm finding myself
in,
and what feeling on the fuel wheel I'm
feeling. Mh. I can revert back to my
healthy c... Healthy coping mechanism tools
and pull out
whatever I need. And a lot of the
time it's the body scan?
So would you
conclude to this
that you have to trust yourself before you
can trust others. 1... It's the same saying
as you have to love yourself before you
can love another person. Mh. And I understand
that and until I love myself, And I
was like,
oh
shit.
So... That's why I'm you so much. I
love you so much.
It really just starts with you. And
Yeah. I mean,
do the work because it it really is
worth it. I swear to god. It really
is. So how would you build trust in
yourself? I... I mean, I think
I I had I actually had a breakthrough
in
trusting
myself. Did you? Yes. The it was,
a spirituality breakthrough.
And
my
greater problem was I was afraid to trust
myself. Yeah. And that's really huge because
I'm basically
holding on to this limiting belief that
no matter what I really think I'm probably
wrong. And that's that's not a good way
to operate through life. Yeah. I mean, I
can agree with that. Yeah about that. I
think I started small steps. It started where
I was like... I think I talked about
this too where I was... I wanted to
enhance my intuition. I would take a different
round to work. If I didn't wanna go
on 95 Mh. I wouldn't push myself. Mh.
Or sometimes I would, and I would see
an awful accident or someone would cut me
off really bad, and I would just be
really kinda chaotic when I got to work
or
I gave the example of,
I really... I I really think I should
take a 1 night today. I stop at
Starbucks.
I go, I'm like, I could just take
federal. It'll cut 10 minutes.
And I'm like, no. I wanna take a
1 or no. It was switched. I really
wanna take A 1.
It'll only add 10 more minutes,
but I should really probably just take federal.
I'm like, I really wanna take And a.
I'm like,
no. I gotta take federal today. I take
federal, and the bridge at Spanish River was
up for a long time. And I was
like, dude, I would have been so late
to work. So it was little things like
that that I would learn to laugh out,
and I would play a game with myself.
Yeah.
If I feel something stick with it. Doesn't
really matter what it was. Mh. Hey, Jackie.
Do you wanna go out Friday night? Yeah.
No. I kinda wanted to say home. Nope.
I'm staying home. And, like,
123,
first first response that I got in my
head to a question. Mh. Was what I
went with. Mh. And I didn't I didn't
second guess it. And somebody said this say,
someone's smart.
Online.
Very, very smart. Some woman,
probably with a Phd.
Oh, I... She had me elizabeth it. It
was but the Phd threw me off. Well,
okay. Teleport 5 years ago now,
that's just New York times a seller, but
anyway, we're still here.
They were saying if you ever have to
make a decision, just make 1.
Like again. It's just literally as simple as
that simple. And simple. We make it so
much harder. You know if it was the
right decision after you make it, and
I go into my philosopher for brain. Where
I'm, like, Ralph W Emerson and what other
philosophy?
Leaders did that studying in college. But I'm
like, okay, but there really is no right
and wrong. Like, there really just is. Like,
you're gonna deal with a consequence no matter
what. So when I took the pressure off
of making a decision because I was so
scared of write versus wrong.
And I was, okay. I'm gonna have consequences
regardless.
Like,
if we stay up all night. Mh. I'm
gonna have the best night ever, but I'm
gonna be shot tomorrow. And if I go
home right this second.
Yeah. I would have loved to hang out
with you more, but
Yeah. I had a good day tomorrow. I
mean, there's the pros and cons. Mh. So
I just started making decisions. Always hang out.
Always fucking hang out.
Yeah. Make it a game. Make game. Make
it like, I I would make it always
just kind of, like a chill thing, like,
it wasn't too much pressure. I would put
on the
Oh my little... Always she's more fun. Yeah.
No. And not true. And I might started
doing that I was having more fun. Oh,
I love.
Yeah.
So Right. You wanna learn how to trust
yourself because you didn't get anything from this
episode. I get it.
You need to book an with Elizabeth.
You need to go to my website.
Yes. You first now dot net, to not
from dot net.
Back pocket wisdom underscore on Instagram.
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because
Life
is a birch.
Hey, amen. It's my world. No I'm kidding
with. Alright. Well, Tat tough for now. Tat
Go trust yourself. Go trust yourself.
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