1 00:00:00,278 --> 00:00:02,984 Welcome to back pocket wisdom with Jackie, and 2 00:00:03,143 --> 00:00:05,610 Elizabeth, where we are creating a space for 3 00:00:05,610 --> 00:00:07,735 you to get real with yourself. So tune 4 00:00:08,014 --> 00:00:09,928 to feel like you're just chatting with your 5 00:00:09,928 --> 00:00:13,279 friends about reachable mental health and just having 6 00:00:13,279 --> 00:00:15,927 fun. We got them. Fun. And look kind 7 00:00:15,927 --> 00:00:18,082 of good all doing it. Hell jump. 8 00:00:20,557 --> 00:00:21,057 Not 9 00:00:21,515 --> 00:00:23,430 everyone is worth your trust. 10 00:00:24,163 --> 00:00:25,597 Plain and simple, 11 00:00:26,235 --> 00:00:27,770 not everyone is worthy 12 00:00:28,386 --> 00:00:31,573 of your trust, and those you feel that 13 00:00:31,573 --> 00:00:34,456 way toward can leave you feeling mix emotions. 14 00:00:35,331 --> 00:00:38,298 It's okay and it's part of our growth 15 00:00:38,515 --> 00:00:41,402 when learning who has matched their actions 16 00:00:41,713 --> 00:00:44,890 with their words to make themselves worthy of 17 00:00:44,890 --> 00:00:45,605 our trust. 18 00:00:46,161 --> 00:00:46,876 Listen y'all. 19 00:00:47,511 --> 00:00:49,100 Trust is earned. 20 00:00:49,736 --> 00:00:51,006 It needs to be proven, 21 00:00:51,738 --> 00:00:53,652 and it needs time to develop. 22 00:00:55,008 --> 00:00:55,247 What's 23 00:00:56,045 --> 00:00:56,523 easy. 24 00:00:57,161 --> 00:01:00,033 Oh, man. I just read that, and I 25 00:01:00,033 --> 00:01:01,011 have to tell you 26 00:01:01,802 --> 00:01:03,158 I don't like reading. 27 00:01:04,514 --> 00:01:06,588 In front of all these people. Oh my 28 00:01:06,588 --> 00:01:09,459 god. Are billions and millions and billions and 29 00:01:09,459 --> 00:01:10,656 millions of followers. 30 00:01:11,389 --> 00:01:13,706 For, like, guys, please no flash photography. Yeah. 31 00:01:14,186 --> 00:01:14,686 And 32 00:01:15,784 --> 00:01:18,261 I have to tell you that this this 33 00:01:18,261 --> 00:01:21,406 whole trust like, I had to actually just 34 00:01:21,939 --> 00:01:25,199 do a mental shift. Mh. Just before I 35 00:01:25,199 --> 00:01:27,585 read that? Yeah. And say, oh, my gosh. 36 00:01:27,823 --> 00:01:30,541 Am I ready to be vulnerable. Mh. 37 00:01:31,892 --> 00:01:35,229 Right now and, like, totally mess up, even 38 00:01:35,229 --> 00:01:36,978 though we could edited it and all that, 39 00:01:37,057 --> 00:01:37,557 blah. 40 00:01:38,344 --> 00:01:41,759 Every everybody We edit that. No. No. I 41 00:01:41,759 --> 00:01:44,380 had this idea where we... Because we always 42 00:01:44,380 --> 00:01:45,571 talk about, like, what do we wanna talk 43 00:01:45,571 --> 00:01:46,048 about today? 44 00:01:46,777 --> 00:01:49,078 And elizabeth and I can just talk for 45 00:01:49,078 --> 00:01:52,093 hours about nothing. U. And talk about something, 46 00:01:52,252 --> 00:01:53,680 then talk about something else, and then talk 47 00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:55,923 about something. And then tie back, and we're 48 00:01:55,923 --> 00:01:57,441 like, like my god, that made so much 49 00:01:57,441 --> 00:01:59,678 sense. You're beautiful and so smart you should 50 00:01:59,678 --> 00:02:01,596 run for president. And other people are like, 51 00:02:02,155 --> 00:02:04,246 great. What the fuck were you talking about? 52 00:02:05,284 --> 00:02:07,120 Who am I in where am I? And 53 00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:08,876 I'm like, if you didn't get that, 54 00:02:09,834 --> 00:02:10,313 That's weird. 55 00:02:12,404 --> 00:02:14,798 Because we definitely finished your thought. Wait, You're 56 00:02:14,798 --> 00:02:16,553 not following it. Yeah. I was like, what 57 00:02:16,553 --> 00:02:17,910 do you mean? You don't know what I'm 58 00:02:17,910 --> 00:02:19,506 talking. You can read my mind. 59 00:02:20,878 --> 00:02:22,397 I actually made a joke. I was like, 60 00:02:22,876 --> 00:02:23,196 oh, 61 00:02:24,075 --> 00:02:24,575 I 62 00:02:25,912 --> 00:02:27,511 invited my friend over, and I'm like, and, 63 00:02:27,670 --> 00:02:29,681 you know, if I gave him an option 64 00:02:29,681 --> 00:02:30,181 of 65 00:02:30,957 --> 00:02:33,030 we could go to dinner or just order 66 00:02:33,030 --> 00:02:35,423 takeout. And I was, like, if you can't 67 00:02:35,423 --> 00:02:37,018 read my mind and know that I just 68 00:02:37,018 --> 00:02:38,469 wanna order takeout that he needs it up 69 00:02:38,469 --> 00:02:40,466 all the way over because I don't wanna 70 00:02:40,626 --> 00:02:41,585 I wanna go out and get it. 71 00:02:42,543 --> 00:02:44,141 I don't know how this relationship is ever 72 00:02:44,141 --> 00:02:44,641 nowhere. 73 00:02:45,594 --> 00:02:46,974 I mean, so basically, 74 00:02:47,435 --> 00:02:48,735 what you're saying is 75 00:02:49,275 --> 00:02:50,414 if a woman 76 00:02:50,955 --> 00:02:53,854 says dinner or takeout, that means she wants 77 00:02:54,249 --> 00:02:56,877 take out. No. Because otherwise, she wants to 78 00:02:56,877 --> 00:02:59,904 go out. I mean, oh, yeah. Actually, the 79 00:02:59,904 --> 00:03:02,692 true. Yeah. I mean, otherwise like, I don't 80 00:03:02,692 --> 00:03:04,774 give you the unless that's what I really 81 00:03:04,774 --> 00:03:06,602 wanna do. Yeah. Unless you just show up, 82 00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:08,827 and I'm like, hi baby. And I'm dressed 83 00:03:08,827 --> 00:03:09,940 to go to the met gala. 84 00:03:11,450 --> 00:03:11,926 And I'm like, 85 00:03:12,738 --> 00:03:13,615 casual dinner front, 86 00:03:14,332 --> 00:03:15,847 waterfront restaurant. I'm sorry. 87 00:03:16,565 --> 00:03:18,739 So good idea. My husband 88 00:03:19,196 --> 00:03:21,245 houston at a town. We are going almost 89 00:03:21,364 --> 00:03:23,205 on 3 weeks. Holy amen. 90 00:03:23,924 --> 00:03:25,284 We haven't He's out of town story. We 91 00:03:25,284 --> 00:03:27,764 haven't seen each other in 3 weeks almost, 92 00:03:28,164 --> 00:03:28,405 Almost. 93 00:03:28,979 --> 00:03:31,282 So... Okay. So she needs to send the 94 00:03:31,282 --> 00:03:33,585 kids to boarding school for a weekend that 95 00:03:33,585 --> 00:03:34,062 leads. 96 00:03:35,253 --> 00:03:36,683 So he wants to take me on a 97 00:03:36,683 --> 00:03:36,842 date. 98 00:03:37,730 --> 00:03:39,952 Wait, that's really cute. Yeah. And it's... 99 00:03:40,905 --> 00:03:43,762 The date would be the evening after we 100 00:03:43,762 --> 00:03:46,009 go out on the boat 101 00:03:46,717 --> 00:03:48,791 that we're planning on. I go. And I 102 00:03:48,791 --> 00:03:52,061 text this on. I know I got I 103 00:03:52,061 --> 00:03:54,295 text him. I Gonna propose again. Oh, no. 104 00:03:54,614 --> 00:03:55,651 Not kidding. I said, 105 00:03:56,304 --> 00:03:59,258 said, you're gonna take me out after we 106 00:03:59,258 --> 00:04:00,854 go on the boat? Don't you remember what 107 00:04:00,854 --> 00:04:03,329 happened last time? He goes, what did I 108 00:04:03,329 --> 00:04:03,649 fuck up? 109 00:04:04,607 --> 00:04:05,325 I know, no. 110 00:04:05,898 --> 00:04:08,369 I did. He goes, oh, I have such 111 00:04:08,369 --> 00:04:09,644 short term memory with you. 112 00:04:11,159 --> 00:04:12,137 How a year 1. 113 00:04:13,964 --> 00:04:15,722 He's like, I don't even remember those type 114 00:04:15,722 --> 00:04:17,720 of things. Okay wait. That's really funny. Oh, 115 00:04:18,120 --> 00:04:19,718 amen to the Hallelujah. So when does he 116 00:04:19,718 --> 00:04:20,038 get back? 117 00:04:20,917 --> 00:04:22,835 I don't know actually. He never know the 118 00:04:22,835 --> 00:04:23,075 date. 119 00:04:23,969 --> 00:04:27,169 Keeps it young gonna. Yeah. They're like, it 120 00:04:27,169 --> 00:04:29,409 gets gives me just enough time to get 121 00:04:29,490 --> 00:04:31,169 R rico Suave out of my house. Nose 122 00:04:31,169 --> 00:04:31,409 yeah. 123 00:04:34,456 --> 00:04:36,526 Well, I'm like, quick get out. 124 00:04:37,401 --> 00:04:38,197 Use the back. 125 00:04:39,152 --> 00:04:39,868 Use the back. 126 00:04:40,505 --> 00:04:40,982 I love it. 127 00:04:42,668 --> 00:04:44,578 Yeah. But so we were talking about topics, 128 00:04:44,976 --> 00:04:46,568 And I'm sitting here and I'm like, why 129 00:04:46,568 --> 00:04:49,432 don't we record the topic of us discussing 130 00:04:49,432 --> 00:04:49,591 it? 131 00:04:50,481 --> 00:04:51,854 So that it's not so 132 00:04:52,227 --> 00:04:54,768 mix match. And I'm like, read it. I 133 00:04:54,768 --> 00:04:56,594 like listening to you. Don't read it. Yeah. 134 00:04:56,911 --> 00:04:59,078 Read it. And then and I don't like 135 00:04:59,629 --> 00:05:01,567 123 go. Yeah. But 136 00:05:02,745 --> 00:05:03,544 rewind, you know, 137 00:05:05,382 --> 00:05:05,622 gorilla. 138 00:05:06,500 --> 00:05:07,320 And I 139 00:05:07,951 --> 00:05:10,180 was like, oh my gosh. I feel like 140 00:05:10,339 --> 00:05:10,998 I'm in 141 00:05:11,374 --> 00:05:14,899 ninth grade. Yeah. I'm gonna be stuff stuttering 142 00:05:15,194 --> 00:05:16,786 again, and they're gonna make fun of me. 143 00:05:17,358 --> 00:05:19,742 And all this stuff just came up for 144 00:05:19,742 --> 00:05:22,046 me just right now. I actually thought about... 145 00:05:22,761 --> 00:05:25,065 That was funny. I read something out loud 146 00:05:25,065 --> 00:05:25,542 yesterday. 147 00:05:26,192 --> 00:05:27,882 And at the office, and 148 00:05:28,413 --> 00:05:29,920 I'm was sitting there at... Ninth grade came 149 00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:30,713 into me because I took, 150 00:05:31,427 --> 00:05:33,252 English class. Mh. We were reading Romeo and 151 00:05:33,331 --> 00:05:33,728 Juliet. 152 00:05:34,457 --> 00:05:35,910 And this random 153 00:05:36,681 --> 00:05:39,485 example because my English teacher didn't wanna 154 00:05:40,256 --> 00:05:41,709 talk about them having sex 155 00:05:42,162 --> 00:05:44,244 because we were, like, 15. She was approved, 156 00:05:44,563 --> 00:05:45,281 obviously. No kidding. 157 00:05:46,318 --> 00:05:47,595 But, she was, like, 158 00:05:48,552 --> 00:05:50,308 we were, like 14 15. So I guess 159 00:05:50,308 --> 00:05:52,156 it... And going to a Catholics school. Oh, 160 00:05:52,473 --> 00:05:53,664 okay. Because I'm like damn. 161 00:05:54,458 --> 00:05:56,840 People can blow jobs. I mean, Yeah. Bathroom... 162 00:05:57,157 --> 00:05:58,824 I mean they were cool. They were just... 163 00:05:59,063 --> 00:06:00,357 They were. They were 164 00:06:00,984 --> 00:06:02,339 you know, clutch in the cross while doing 165 00:06:02,339 --> 00:06:02,419 it. 166 00:06:04,013 --> 00:06:05,767 What did God bless. But we used to 167 00:06:05,767 --> 00:06:06,245 call it 168 00:06:06,963 --> 00:06:09,329 playing cards used to want us to say 169 00:06:09,449 --> 00:06:10,804 they're just playing cards. 170 00:06:11,441 --> 00:06:13,991 And I read something aloud, and then I 171 00:06:13,991 --> 00:06:16,063 stopped reading it and started laughing and people 172 00:06:16,063 --> 00:06:18,151 are like, what? And I'm like, oh, something... 173 00:06:18,390 --> 00:06:20,145 I'm so funny you're thinking about this. Anyway, 174 00:06:20,783 --> 00:06:22,777 where did I leave off? Like... I don't 175 00:06:22,777 --> 00:06:24,872 know, but I'm, like, holy 176 00:06:25,249 --> 00:06:25,808 card deck. 177 00:06:27,099 --> 00:06:28,617 That's a big deck. 178 00:06:32,292 --> 00:06:33,431 I wish I had 179 00:06:34,064 --> 00:06:35,260 I wish I was playing with a full 180 00:06:35,260 --> 00:06:36,616 1 back then. I would have... 181 00:06:37,813 --> 00:06:39,487 I'm still trying the 52 pickup. 182 00:06:41,322 --> 00:06:43,018 Shit I got a bad poker phases. 183 00:06:45,006 --> 00:06:45,804 It's so good. 184 00:06:46,762 --> 00:06:47,820 Anyway, focus 185 00:06:49,155 --> 00:06:50,671 not everybody deserves your trust. 186 00:06:51,644 --> 00:06:53,164 Don't let everybody see your deck. 187 00:06:53,884 --> 00:06:55,644 Just doing let everybody to your deck. Oh, 188 00:06:55,805 --> 00:06:56,764 I love that. 189 00:06:57,644 --> 00:06:59,644 Well, I I do say to myself, I'm 190 00:06:59,644 --> 00:07:01,735 like, don't show your hand before they ask 191 00:07:01,735 --> 00:07:04,049 to see it, because I have... Oh, I 192 00:07:04,049 --> 00:07:06,044 guess this really ties in. I really wasn't 193 00:07:06,044 --> 00:07:07,401 even putting 2 together. 194 00:07:08,453 --> 00:07:10,129 Wait a second. Now you guys will see, 195 00:07:10,208 --> 00:07:13,240 like, how organically in, like, our relationship, and 196 00:07:13,240 --> 00:07:14,597 then we just drink, and then we forget 197 00:07:14,597 --> 00:07:15,529 what we say. But 198 00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:18,669 I wrote it all down. Thank god. 199 00:07:20,496 --> 00:07:22,563 No. I sometimes say whenever I'm in a 200 00:07:22,563 --> 00:07:24,231 new situation, and it feels really good. 201 00:07:24,961 --> 00:07:25,756 So for example, 202 00:07:26,551 --> 00:07:28,004 if I am 203 00:07:29,411 --> 00:07:31,874 at a new work environment, this always came 204 00:07:31,874 --> 00:07:33,089 up for me where 205 00:07:33,479 --> 00:07:35,557 Oh my god. I love my boss. 206 00:07:36,116 --> 00:07:38,194 I love the location of my job. I 207 00:07:38,194 --> 00:07:40,991 love my call. This is great. This is 208 00:07:40,991 --> 00:07:41,470 perfect. 209 00:07:42,762 --> 00:07:44,515 I would just be like, okay. Great. No 210 00:07:44,515 --> 00:07:47,383 boundaries. Okay. I love them. Oh, awesome, and 211 00:07:47,383 --> 00:07:48,897 then my boss would start to be a 212 00:07:48,897 --> 00:07:49,136 boss. 213 00:07:50,106 --> 00:07:51,480 And I'd be like, what 214 00:07:51,855 --> 00:07:53,921 happened? Mh. And then my coworker would have 215 00:07:53,921 --> 00:07:55,749 an off day, and I'd be like, why 216 00:07:55,749 --> 00:07:56,385 do you hate me? 217 00:07:57,433 --> 00:08:00,615 And I realized, I was expecting them to 218 00:08:00,615 --> 00:08:01,331 be my best friends, 219 00:08:01,967 --> 00:08:04,592 and I was telling them every a little 220 00:08:04,592 --> 00:08:05,467 last detail about me. 221 00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:08,759 Right off the bat. Mh. And this was 222 00:08:08,759 --> 00:08:11,500 years ago. I remember my old company, And 223 00:08:12,199 --> 00:08:13,579 I just... I I 224 00:08:14,053 --> 00:08:15,883 remember feeling so ic. Like, 225 00:08:16,998 --> 00:08:17,714 oh, no. 226 00:08:18,589 --> 00:08:20,739 Or not only that they didn't didn't do 227 00:08:20,739 --> 00:08:22,330 anything wrong. No. They were just being there 228 00:08:22,330 --> 00:08:23,206 own selves. But like, 229 00:08:24,098 --> 00:08:26,192 or if it came out that, 230 00:08:26,729 --> 00:08:28,744 you know, the boss that I knew for 231 00:08:29,201 --> 00:08:30,020 3 weeks 232 00:08:30,557 --> 00:08:32,470 that was an authority figure, 233 00:08:33,123 --> 00:08:36,154 wasn't my best friend, and I actually didn't 234 00:08:36,154 --> 00:08:37,988 really like who they were as a person. 235 00:08:38,466 --> 00:08:40,939 I was like, oh my god. I'm blindsided. 236 00:08:41,098 --> 00:08:41,816 And I was like, 237 00:08:42,389 --> 00:08:45,092 They're not. They just... You didn't show you 238 00:08:45,092 --> 00:08:47,158 all their show you all your upfront. Yeah. 239 00:08:47,556 --> 00:08:49,884 Yeah. The the... There is 240 00:08:50,354 --> 00:08:52,511 a lack of boundaries when you tell all. 241 00:08:52,831 --> 00:08:53,890 Mh. And 242 00:08:54,429 --> 00:08:56,586 people think, oh, I'm just getting closer to 243 00:08:56,586 --> 00:08:59,474 the person. Yeah. And I'm just in open 244 00:08:59,474 --> 00:09:02,106 book. Yeah. And that doesn't necessarily mean that 245 00:09:02,106 --> 00:09:03,085 you're getting closer 246 00:09:03,542 --> 00:09:05,477 to the person. You're telling 247 00:09:05,935 --> 00:09:07,392 information, and there's no vulnerability. 248 00:09:07,864 --> 00:09:09,939 You have to have vulnerability to have connection. 249 00:09:10,738 --> 00:09:12,095 I think we talked about this with the 250 00:09:12,095 --> 00:09:14,888 boundary have over And this is around... I 251 00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:17,058 mean, how do you develop trust. You have 252 00:09:17,058 --> 00:09:18,493 to have boundaries. You have to have healthy 253 00:09:18,493 --> 00:09:19,690 boundaries somewhere. Nice. 254 00:09:20,089 --> 00:09:22,082 So it's going to go back to boundaries. 255 00:09:22,322 --> 00:09:24,475 That's true. Most of the time in your 256 00:09:24,475 --> 00:09:25,671 life on any topic. 257 00:09:26,483 --> 00:09:28,950 So even just reiterate too because it's coming 258 00:09:28,950 --> 00:09:30,723 back to me, but you said it really 259 00:09:31,099 --> 00:09:34,453 in an aha way what me did. The 260 00:09:34,453 --> 00:09:35,404 episode on boundaries, 261 00:09:35,958 --> 00:09:36,458 where 262 00:09:37,147 --> 00:09:40,158 the lack of boundary is the almost like 263 00:09:40,158 --> 00:09:40,633 emotional dump. 264 00:09:41,283 --> 00:09:42,899 And you spoke about, 265 00:09:43,275 --> 00:09:45,187 yeah. But when I used to do that, 266 00:09:45,506 --> 00:09:47,498 I was saying things that didn't really affect 267 00:09:47,498 --> 00:09:48,056 me anymore. 268 00:09:48,628 --> 00:09:51,251 And I was almost controlling it of Si 269 00:09:51,410 --> 00:09:52,840 Vulnerable. I don't really have to do anything 270 00:09:52,840 --> 00:09:55,327 else. Yeah. So a lot of people will 271 00:09:55,861 --> 00:09:57,394 will be selective 272 00:09:57,864 --> 00:09:59,778 and they can read the room. I can 273 00:09:59,778 --> 00:10:02,193 read the room. I'm good at that. And 274 00:10:02,730 --> 00:10:04,427 I knew exactly what 275 00:10:05,297 --> 00:10:07,764 for shock value if you will? Yeah. To 276 00:10:07,764 --> 00:10:09,993 know exactly what to put out there that 277 00:10:10,152 --> 00:10:12,403 I wasn't really going to be 278 00:10:12,793 --> 00:10:15,101 worried about it because it it wasn't something 279 00:10:15,101 --> 00:10:17,567 that I really can't cared about. That's Doesn't... 280 00:10:17,727 --> 00:10:19,636 And it and it seemed like I was 281 00:10:19,636 --> 00:10:21,840 being vulnerable because people were, like, home wide 282 00:10:22,039 --> 00:10:23,870 Gosh. How did you do that and I'm 283 00:10:23,870 --> 00:10:26,758 like, fuck you should really hear the backstory 284 00:10:26,815 --> 00:10:27,293 on that. 285 00:10:28,407 --> 00:10:30,254 But that shit was never gonna come out 286 00:10:30,335 --> 00:10:30,654 You know. 287 00:10:31,455 --> 00:10:33,455 So... Yeah. That give you an example. Yeah. 288 00:10:33,695 --> 00:10:35,075 This is not nice, but 289 00:10:35,455 --> 00:10:37,615 talk about an old job. This was not 290 00:10:37,615 --> 00:10:40,022 the same job, but my last job, actually, 291 00:10:40,260 --> 00:10:42,508 my coworkers, we were all talking about how, 292 00:10:42,803 --> 00:10:43,041 you know, 293 00:10:43,836 --> 00:10:46,633 traditionally, when you get married, the the the 294 00:10:46,633 --> 00:10:48,861 wife, the woman pee, the woman's family pays. 295 00:10:49,100 --> 00:10:49,896 I didn't know any of this. 296 00:10:50,772 --> 00:10:53,239 And they're all... We're all just what? Yeah. 297 00:10:53,478 --> 00:10:55,070 Like, you're... I I don't know. I've never 298 00:10:55,070 --> 00:10:56,047 heard that and 299 00:10:57,075 --> 00:10:59,145 my 1 coworker goes, hey, Jack. Yeah. Like, 300 00:10:59,224 --> 00:11:01,135 you didn't know that. And I, no. 301 00:11:01,772 --> 00:11:03,603 I guess A opening and they're like, why? 302 00:11:03,842 --> 00:11:04,081 I'm like, 303 00:11:04,732 --> 00:11:05,629 my father 304 00:11:06,083 --> 00:11:08,150 did pay child support. You. Think he's gonna 305 00:11:08,150 --> 00:11:11,409 pay for cutting. Boy they just like, they 306 00:11:11,409 --> 00:11:13,337 looked at me. And I was like, it's 307 00:11:13,337 --> 00:11:15,173 literally all good. My mom didn't have to 308 00:11:15,173 --> 00:11:16,131 take him to court. We didn't have to 309 00:11:16,131 --> 00:11:17,728 go there. Yeah. I was like, got the 310 00:11:17,728 --> 00:11:19,644 hand. Yeah. Yeah. Kind of. 311 00:11:21,080 --> 00:11:21,534 And 312 00:11:21,892 --> 00:11:23,640 There is sitting there. I think it's funny. 313 00:11:24,117 --> 00:11:26,660 I think it's funny too, but listen. Oh, 314 00:11:26,899 --> 00:11:29,283 like really not. But people... Yeah, but some 315 00:11:29,283 --> 00:11:31,850 people are extremely uncomfortable, and I told you 316 00:11:31,850 --> 00:11:33,050 that 1 story. 317 00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:35,050 Now I don't know if I can tell 318 00:11:35,050 --> 00:11:37,930 it anymore. Yes, You can. Because people are 319 00:11:37,930 --> 00:11:40,015 not last thing You. I told it people 320 00:11:40,015 --> 00:11:40,515 before 321 00:11:41,924 --> 00:11:43,674 If you're not your people that are not 322 00:11:43,674 --> 00:11:45,759 like. I just went to thing a, 323 00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:49,300 a therapy group, it was an opening, and 324 00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:51,040 there were a lot of other therapists in 325 00:11:51,040 --> 00:11:53,495 there, and I realized that 326 00:11:53,853 --> 00:11:55,449 They didn't laugh either when I told the 327 00:11:55,449 --> 00:11:57,921 story. I thought it was hilarious and this 328 00:11:57,921 --> 00:11:58,421 mother 329 00:11:59,197 --> 00:11:59,697 this 330 00:12:00,713 --> 00:12:03,446 This retired therapist said to me 331 00:12:04,315 --> 00:12:05,907 I would never say that to my daughter. 332 00:12:06,225 --> 00:12:06,782 And I'm like, 333 00:12:07,817 --> 00:12:09,568 what? My mom's not an ass. 334 00:12:10,204 --> 00:12:11,557 Well, I mean, come on and we have 335 00:12:11,557 --> 00:12:14,278 all our asses, but You know, like, I'm 336 00:12:14,278 --> 00:12:15,871 like, she didn't mean it to be a 337 00:12:15,871 --> 00:12:17,781 jerk. I beat... I'm like, am I supposed... 338 00:12:17,941 --> 00:12:19,453 Do I need to go to therapy? No 339 00:12:19,453 --> 00:12:21,259 for right Like, no. I 340 00:12:21,618 --> 00:12:22,895 I am like, no, We just have a 341 00:12:22,895 --> 00:12:24,809 casual relationship when we kinda dig on each 342 00:12:24,809 --> 00:12:26,404 other sometimes. But it's also... I mean, it's 343 00:12:26,404 --> 00:12:27,919 just the huge... You have to know my 344 00:12:27,919 --> 00:12:30,711 mom. Yeah. And my mom is a freaking 345 00:12:30,711 --> 00:12:31,030 lover. 346 00:12:32,162 --> 00:12:33,757 And the guys are... You have the same 347 00:12:33,757 --> 00:12:36,150 sense of humor too. Yeah. That's where, like, 348 00:12:36,868 --> 00:12:37,607 it's just 349 00:12:38,064 --> 00:12:40,297 it's a humorous thing. Yeah. Yeah. I think 350 00:12:40,377 --> 00:12:42,386 I listen. If what I do I say 351 00:12:42,386 --> 00:12:44,142 the... Should I say see yeah? Oh, because 352 00:12:44,142 --> 00:12:46,774 it's so bad. So molly like mom has 353 00:12:46,774 --> 00:12:48,152 always said to me 354 00:12:49,259 --> 00:12:51,638 honey, when you have babies, it's gonna be 355 00:12:51,638 --> 00:12:53,700 the best thing that's ever happened in your 356 00:12:53,700 --> 00:12:57,526 whole entire life, and literally, I, finally popped 357 00:12:57,526 --> 00:13:00,237 out my first 1. And I have keen 358 00:13:00,237 --> 00:13:02,571 my hands and it was a miraculous 359 00:13:03,028 --> 00:13:03,347 experience, 360 00:13:03,985 --> 00:13:04,862 and she said, 361 00:13:05,834 --> 00:13:06,869 Oh my gosh. 362 00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:10,612 Remember what I said about having a baby 363 00:13:10,612 --> 00:13:12,682 and how amazing it is. I said yes, 364 00:13:13,001 --> 00:13:15,485 mom she goes, well, it's sucks compared to 365 00:13:15,485 --> 00:13:17,238 me in a grandma. I don't even think 366 00:13:17,238 --> 00:13:19,628 that that's a bad thing. Go, Like, I 367 00:13:19,628 --> 00:13:22,438 thought it was hilarious. No nobody learned. It 368 00:13:22,496 --> 00:13:22,814 they went. 369 00:13:24,183 --> 00:13:26,410 But you know what? I think well, you... 370 00:13:26,648 --> 00:13:28,477 She probably wasn't the first thing she said 371 00:13:28,477 --> 00:13:31,419 too. Let's just faced it. And also, even 372 00:13:31,419 --> 00:13:34,061 if it was, it's like, but I... I've 373 00:13:34,061 --> 00:13:36,292 said my mom says someone thinks to that 374 00:13:36,292 --> 00:13:39,240 or she's like, yeah. Well, you know, just 375 00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:40,674 wait till they're not yours, then you can 376 00:13:40,674 --> 00:13:42,124 love them a whole lot more. That's what 377 00:13:42,124 --> 00:13:44,521 her mom says. She goes I love your 378 00:13:44,841 --> 00:13:46,438 cousins. Yeah. They could come over whenever they 379 00:13:46,438 --> 00:13:49,016 want. Yeah. You could send it back. Yeah 380 00:13:49,808 --> 00:13:51,558 I could do whatever we gotta do. She 381 00:13:51,558 --> 00:13:54,184 goes, that's what my, my dad's mom, 382 00:13:54,900 --> 00:13:55,536 my grandmother. 383 00:13:56,014 --> 00:13:58,082 Oh my god. Raise my sister and me, 384 00:13:58,321 --> 00:14:00,725 like, played such a whole huge role, which 385 00:14:00,805 --> 00:14:02,796 I watch your mom play with your boys, 386 00:14:02,956 --> 00:14:05,425 which is so cute. Yeah. And it's a 387 00:14:05,425 --> 00:14:08,228 different bond. It's also... I mean, I would 388 00:14:08,228 --> 00:14:10,617 go to O, and my mom never ever 389 00:14:10,617 --> 00:14:13,087 ever ever ever. Let me have soda, and 390 00:14:13,246 --> 00:14:15,716 I would have doctor Pepper. I have Coca 391 00:14:15,716 --> 00:14:17,961 cola. I have coke. Do you remember Blue 392 00:14:18,040 --> 00:14:20,428 Pepsi? What? Okay look it up. 393 00:14:22,020 --> 00:14:22,418 So good. 394 00:14:23,373 --> 00:14:25,538 Right. Ginger, then be like, must stomach my 395 00:14:25,538 --> 00:14:26,813 curse, and she's was like, here's T o. 396 00:14:27,691 --> 00:14:30,003 Let's keep going. Crates just finished, and then 397 00:14:30,083 --> 00:14:31,997 I would go home and my mom was, 398 00:14:32,076 --> 00:14:33,990 like, here's a Ben drill you're having an 399 00:14:33,990 --> 00:14:35,516 hour you attack? And I'm like, no Not. 400 00:14:35,675 --> 00:14:36,946 She's like, yeah. You're. You need to go 401 00:14:36,946 --> 00:14:37,264 to bed. 402 00:14:41,475 --> 00:14:43,909 Or my mom goes now you were 403 00:14:44,289 --> 00:14:47,509 alec. Yeah. Yeah. Well, a good thing because 404 00:14:47,570 --> 00:14:49,570 you had that reaction toward it, and you 405 00:14:49,570 --> 00:14:51,978 would go to sleep came, we were on 406 00:14:51,978 --> 00:14:52,717 a trip 407 00:14:53,653 --> 00:14:54,131 Hawaii, 408 00:14:55,167 --> 00:14:57,320 and he was a year and a half, 409 00:14:57,639 --> 00:14:58,777 and the doctor 410 00:14:59,168 --> 00:15:01,874 told me, she he said, just give him 411 00:15:01,874 --> 00:15:02,829 a ben drill. 412 00:15:03,386 --> 00:15:06,273 He'll relax during the the flight 413 00:15:06,744 --> 00:15:08,658 Well, he's 1 of the 20 percent that 414 00:15:08,658 --> 00:15:10,753 gets hyper 20 20 percent 415 00:15:11,609 --> 00:15:13,124 Was he was he just like a hyper 416 00:15:13,124 --> 00:15:14,639 cute little guy? Or was he not freaking 417 00:15:14,639 --> 00:15:16,155 out? Okay. So you know I had, like, 418 00:15:16,490 --> 00:15:18,970 postpartum Ocd and the whole jam. Right? And 419 00:15:18,970 --> 00:15:20,750 he's a year and a half. So I 420 00:15:20,809 --> 00:15:23,950 extended this version till 3 years old. And 421 00:15:24,250 --> 00:15:24,750 he 422 00:15:25,064 --> 00:15:28,341 had this car. This lightning Mcqueen car and 423 00:15:28,341 --> 00:15:30,039 this kid for 8 424 00:15:30,818 --> 00:15:31,318 fucking 425 00:15:31,937 --> 00:15:32,416 hours 426 00:15:33,056 --> 00:15:35,063 Went up the aisle. And down the aisle, 427 00:15:35,222 --> 00:15:37,150 crawled on the ground. I was 428 00:15:37,603 --> 00:15:39,532 vomiting in my mouth. I couldn't even 429 00:15:40,381 --> 00:15:43,650 again. I need I was losing it. Losing 430 00:15:43,730 --> 00:15:46,110 the. And that my friends is coach. Yeah. 431 00:15:46,348 --> 00:15:49,363 I'm kidding great. I'm like, oh, god. I 432 00:15:49,363 --> 00:15:51,029 can't it. Because he wouldn't sit still. 433 00:15:51,678 --> 00:15:54,455 Oh my. Couldn't sit still. Yeah. That was 434 00:15:54,534 --> 00:15:56,358 Front coach. Yeah. Well, we were broke then. 435 00:15:56,676 --> 00:15:59,745 Okay? Now we're rolling high rolling in the 436 00:16:00,181 --> 00:16:00,895 delta comfort. 437 00:16:04,070 --> 00:16:06,633 I'm was gonna say. Don't talk humber. Donald 438 00:16:06,847 --> 00:16:09,569 comfort for me. What is go with that 439 00:16:09,569 --> 00:16:10,289 extra leg room. 440 00:16:11,169 --> 00:16:12,769 I'm like. Thank god. I'm only 5 3 441 00:16:12,769 --> 00:16:14,289 and 3 quarters. That the only time I 442 00:16:14,289 --> 00:16:16,929 say that. Otherwise, I'm 552 or 5 4. 443 00:16:17,744 --> 00:16:19,582 I'm 533 quarters. Do you know when I 444 00:16:19,582 --> 00:16:21,260 got my license down here. The lady was, 445 00:16:21,340 --> 00:16:22,400 like, lady was 446 00:16:23,019 --> 00:16:26,215 absolutely fantastic. My god bless her and everything 447 00:16:26,215 --> 00:16:28,540 she wants. I go in there. And she's 448 00:16:28,540 --> 00:16:28,779 like, 449 00:16:29,495 --> 00:16:32,040 stand stand there. And she was, like, dick 450 00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:33,631 around with me. She was funny. Like, I 451 00:16:33,631 --> 00:16:35,960 was like, Alright. Dmv. We'll You know? I 452 00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:38,195 know why here. Never have fun Dmv. 453 00:16:38,833 --> 00:16:40,190 She's like, smile. 454 00:16:40,669 --> 00:16:42,106 Do you wanna smile for your driver's license? 455 00:16:42,266 --> 00:16:43,951 And I go, Don't know. Do mind. She 456 00:16:43,951 --> 00:16:45,935 goes, we'll try a few. She sounds that 457 00:16:45,935 --> 00:16:47,841 she goes, you could do... You're so much 458 00:16:47,841 --> 00:16:48,396 prettier than that. 459 00:16:49,905 --> 00:16:50,381 Go back. 460 00:16:51,032 --> 00:16:52,542 And I sound like she goes, okay. I'll 461 00:16:52,542 --> 00:16:54,769 let's try 1 more. And Charge goes, yes. 462 00:16:54,928 --> 00:16:56,916 I knew it. Come look. Shows me all 463 00:16:56,916 --> 00:16:58,108 3 of them. She goes, I like that 464 00:16:58,108 --> 00:17:00,198 1. I go, me too. And she goes 465 00:17:00,198 --> 00:17:01,077 how tall? I got... 466 00:17:01,876 --> 00:17:03,554 She goes how tall or do you wanna 467 00:17:03,554 --> 00:17:04,353 be? Like? 468 00:17:05,552 --> 00:17:06,291 She was 469 00:17:06,670 --> 00:17:07,150 phenomenal. 470 00:17:07,564 --> 00:17:08,915 And I go well, I'm 5 3 and 471 00:17:08,915 --> 00:17:10,663 3 quarters. I wanna say 5 because I'll 472 00:17:10,663 --> 00:17:13,524 put 54I go I know because this is 473 00:17:13,524 --> 00:17:15,034 anxiety. What if I get pulled over, and 474 00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:16,638 then they take a measuring tape out they 475 00:17:16,638 --> 00:17:18,627 go, you're not 5 4, you're using a 476 00:17:18,627 --> 00:17:20,695 fake license. You're a fraud, and then I'm 477 00:17:20,695 --> 00:17:20,934 dad. 478 00:17:23,241 --> 00:17:24,593 So I gotta just put 5 3. 479 00:17:25,882 --> 00:17:27,396 You have about 3 on years? Yeah. I 480 00:17:27,396 --> 00:17:29,548 literally had an anxiety. That's true. Oh my. 481 00:17:29,707 --> 00:17:31,380 I had an anxiety attack. I go, no. 482 00:17:31,619 --> 00:17:32,576 I can't put 5 4 and she goes, 483 00:17:33,466 --> 00:17:35,296 3... She goes, I just measured you. You're 484 00:17:35,296 --> 00:17:36,648 you're more 5 4 than you are 5 485 00:17:36,648 --> 00:17:38,716 3 and ago. No. But 5 3 is 486 00:17:38,716 --> 00:17:40,561 a number that's there. Oh my god. I'm 487 00:17:40,561 --> 00:17:40,958 a liar. 488 00:17:44,458 --> 00:17:44,697 Like... 489 00:17:45,890 --> 00:17:46,129 Yeah. 490 00:17:47,099 --> 00:17:48,937 Wow. And I trolley on back to my 491 00:17:48,937 --> 00:17:51,334 law firm job. Mine mine says my 4. 492 00:17:52,612 --> 00:17:54,370 Mine also says the most beautiful girl in 493 00:17:54,370 --> 00:17:57,892 the. So on. My gosh. I... No doubt 494 00:17:57,892 --> 00:18:00,942 fantastic. No doubt on that. Okay. Awesome. So 495 00:18:02,608 --> 00:18:04,361 Not everybody deserves to trust. Why? 496 00:18:07,548 --> 00:18:09,301 Well, they're not trustworthy either. Right. 497 00:18:10,352 --> 00:18:12,501 How do you know when somebody deserves a 498 00:18:12,501 --> 00:18:14,173 trust? Okay. Take a deep breath? 499 00:18:15,924 --> 00:18:16,481 Let it down. 500 00:18:18,405 --> 00:18:20,730 Now take another deep breath and imagine 501 00:18:21,262 --> 00:18:23,643 the light going into your heart and into... 502 00:18:23,881 --> 00:18:25,564 What we're doing, I'm gonna change No just 503 00:18:25,564 --> 00:18:27,003 for a moment there for a second. No. 504 00:18:27,242 --> 00:18:28,841 Don't do the meditation if you're driving. It's 505 00:18:28,841 --> 00:18:32,138 the meditation. I just want you to just 506 00:18:32,277 --> 00:18:34,515 hone in for a moment into your into 507 00:18:34,515 --> 00:18:37,548 your sense of your heart can't here. Center 508 00:18:37,548 --> 00:18:39,214 of your heart. You can't hear me. Center 509 00:18:39,214 --> 00:18:40,166 of your heart. 510 00:18:41,356 --> 00:18:41,594 Okay. 511 00:18:42,403 --> 00:18:43,619 And when you 512 00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:46,463 really slow yourself down, 513 00:18:47,099 --> 00:18:49,749 you can begin to listen to the things 514 00:18:50,619 --> 00:18:53,096 that will tell you whether you trust. Mh. 515 00:18:53,256 --> 00:18:53,975 Or not trust. 516 00:18:54,694 --> 00:18:57,890 Trust not trust. Operating at ego versus intuition. 517 00:18:58,303 --> 00:18:59,019 Yeah. Well, 518 00:18:59,813 --> 00:19:01,721 we gotta flip into go ahead, tell me 519 00:19:01,721 --> 00:19:03,072 about that thing. No. No No. It's true. 520 00:19:03,310 --> 00:19:04,820 I have everything that you just said is 521 00:19:04,820 --> 00:19:06,589 tapping into your ego. It's getting into your 522 00:19:06,589 --> 00:19:08,589 body, you're getting into... You mean your intuition. 523 00:19:09,069 --> 00:19:11,549 Yeah. Not your go. Sorry. Everything you just 524 00:19:11,549 --> 00:19:13,890 said is tapping into your intuition. Where 525 00:19:14,284 --> 00:19:16,542 here's silence in your mind and 526 00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:18,758 anxieties that I'm gonna get pulled over and 527 00:19:18,758 --> 00:19:19,637 he's gonna have tape measure. 528 00:19:20,596 --> 00:19:21,415 And everything 529 00:19:21,889 --> 00:19:25,101 on that scope. Right? However, far or 530 00:19:25,559 --> 00:19:28,750 short wanna ago. You. And you're kinda si 531 00:19:28,750 --> 00:19:30,681 everything you're seeing how your body's is responding, 532 00:19:30,840 --> 00:19:32,538 and you're seeing how you are feeling 533 00:19:33,155 --> 00:19:35,789 because your mind body are connected. Yeah. So 534 00:19:35,949 --> 00:19:37,705 I mean, I love talking about gut feelings. 535 00:19:38,198 --> 00:19:40,031 We all know that. Well, I think that 536 00:19:40,031 --> 00:19:41,465 that has a lot to do with what 537 00:19:41,465 --> 00:19:43,399 trust is. Mh. Because 538 00:19:44,014 --> 00:19:46,245 you can look at so many different ways. 539 00:19:46,404 --> 00:19:48,987 You you were looking at people's behaviors. 540 00:19:49,837 --> 00:19:52,616 You're looking at... Let's their actions, the... What 541 00:19:52,616 --> 00:19:53,433 they're saying. 542 00:19:54,283 --> 00:19:56,769 Then you're looking at at them as an 543 00:19:56,769 --> 00:19:57,490 energetic being. 544 00:19:58,130 --> 00:19:59,670 And then you have to also 545 00:20:00,450 --> 00:20:02,130 keep it in mind that all of this 546 00:20:02,130 --> 00:20:03,990 is bouncing off your internal 547 00:20:05,982 --> 00:20:07,101 call it a little tram. 548 00:20:07,661 --> 00:20:09,419 Of your internal tram. No. 549 00:20:10,697 --> 00:20:12,455 You are. Yeah. There you go. 550 00:20:13,349 --> 00:20:16,000 And it bounces off and and 551 00:20:16,456 --> 00:20:19,484 you determine whether it's going to stick and 552 00:20:19,484 --> 00:20:20,998 you're gonna have some fun or or not, 553 00:20:21,317 --> 00:20:22,773 You know? Because 554 00:20:23,644 --> 00:20:24,144 I 555 00:20:24,923 --> 00:20:27,080 have to listen to this space so much 556 00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:29,718 more. Like, what did I I read something 557 00:20:29,718 --> 00:20:31,476 the other day, and I said, like, there 558 00:20:31,476 --> 00:20:32,135 are no 559 00:20:32,768 --> 00:20:33,086 mixed... 560 00:20:35,073 --> 00:20:36,822 Like, I don't know about this person. No 561 00:20:36,822 --> 00:20:38,412 mixed signal. There's no mixed signals. That's what 562 00:20:38,491 --> 00:20:40,161 I said. No mixed signals. 563 00:20:40,653 --> 00:20:42,883 There's no mixed signals or aren't or there's 564 00:20:42,883 --> 00:20:43,680 no red flags. 565 00:20:44,317 --> 00:20:46,388 Yeah. Well, there are red flags, but it's 566 00:20:46,388 --> 00:20:49,096 like, yeah. It flags red flags, 567 00:20:49,588 --> 00:20:52,776 here and there, But... Like, does this person... 568 00:20:53,254 --> 00:20:55,246 Why am I getting this weird feeling about 569 00:20:55,246 --> 00:20:57,158 this 1 person, but then they're doing it 570 00:20:57,158 --> 00:20:58,114 doing something different. 571 00:20:58,672 --> 00:20:59,172 Don't 572 00:20:59,804 --> 00:21:02,921 deny that space. Like, see what's going on. 573 00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:05,478 First do your inventory and make sure none 574 00:21:05,478 --> 00:21:06,836 of your old shit's coming up. 575 00:21:07,476 --> 00:21:10,123 Okay? That's 1. And then once you know 576 00:21:10,123 --> 00:21:11,875 that you're in the clear, and it's not 577 00:21:11,875 --> 00:21:14,263 anything that you can work on. If that 578 00:21:14,263 --> 00:21:16,571 person is giving you the the Ic keys. 579 00:21:16,984 --> 00:21:19,370 You know, or or putting some energy that's 580 00:21:19,370 --> 00:21:21,200 just not feeling all that great. 581 00:21:22,234 --> 00:21:23,880 I would trust it and walk the other 582 00:21:24,157 --> 00:21:25,904 W. You're also such a gen z. You're 583 00:21:25,904 --> 00:21:27,253 like, if that person gives you the ic. 584 00:21:27,968 --> 00:21:30,111 The ic. Oh, is that? That if I 585 00:21:30,111 --> 00:21:31,382 call an ic. I 586 00:21:31,953 --> 00:21:33,782 I didn't even know. I was waiter or 587 00:21:33,782 --> 00:21:36,405 something to happen. Oh my god. Elizabeth is 588 00:21:36,405 --> 00:21:37,519 turning 21 on Saturday. 589 00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:41,360 So I think what you're talking about too, 590 00:21:41,680 --> 00:21:42,080 obviously, 591 00:21:42,559 --> 00:21:45,200 yeah. I'm all in on that. It's such 592 00:21:45,200 --> 00:21:47,360 an advanced level though, too, because I think 593 00:21:47,360 --> 00:21:48,640 you're so good at that. 594 00:21:49,373 --> 00:21:49,873 And 595 00:21:50,250 --> 00:21:52,404 also, I mean, just your teachings. Right, in 596 00:21:52,404 --> 00:21:54,020 your practice. You talk about 597 00:21:54,717 --> 00:21:56,551 getting to know yourself. You talk about... 598 00:21:57,269 --> 00:21:58,327 Excuse me. I'm 599 00:21:59,119 --> 00:22:00,717 Guess I've kissed 1 too many frogs one's 600 00:22:00,717 --> 00:22:01,356 hanging out right. 601 00:22:03,194 --> 00:22:03,694 But 602 00:22:04,792 --> 00:22:07,050 I have fallen into the pattern 603 00:22:07,523 --> 00:22:09,910 of when I meet somebody and I'm super 604 00:22:09,910 --> 00:22:11,660 excited and I'm super hopeful, and I paint 605 00:22:11,660 --> 00:22:13,807 this picture and I have this fantasy. Mh. 606 00:22:14,619 --> 00:22:16,619 Oh my god. I love this person. We're 607 00:22:16,619 --> 00:22:18,140 gonna get married. We're gonna have 10 kids. 608 00:22:18,539 --> 00:22:21,179 And what's his last name? You know. And 609 00:22:21,179 --> 00:22:23,019 when you're in the beginning stages of a 610 00:22:23,019 --> 00:22:25,111 relationship of any kind and you're super super 611 00:22:25,111 --> 00:22:25,510 excited. 612 00:22:26,627 --> 00:22:29,041 How do you know if it's 613 00:22:29,737 --> 00:22:31,752 an excitement of a fantasy that I'm building 614 00:22:31,891 --> 00:22:33,565 or no. I can trust them they're real. 615 00:22:34,138 --> 00:22:35,491 And I think it goes down to time. 616 00:22:35,650 --> 00:22:37,083 Right? You gotta give a time. You have 617 00:22:37,083 --> 00:22:40,107 to regulate those... You can't go 100. That's 618 00:22:40,107 --> 00:22:42,813 unhealthy to do you earn trust through time. 619 00:22:43,544 --> 00:22:44,044 And 620 00:22:44,901 --> 00:22:45,380 consistency. 621 00:22:45,778 --> 00:22:47,773 And the gut feelings that you talked about 622 00:22:47,773 --> 00:22:50,567 of if something's feeling ic, Mh. To listen 623 00:22:50,567 --> 00:22:50,886 to it, 624 00:22:51,538 --> 00:22:53,846 I think that's overlooked. I mean, I've overlooked 625 00:22:53,846 --> 00:22:55,597 that, knowing better too. 626 00:22:56,314 --> 00:22:58,462 Because I think it comes with, like, I've 627 00:22:58,462 --> 00:23:00,293 held on to such hope for some things. 628 00:23:01,024 --> 00:23:02,379 We're I'm like, no. But, you know what? 629 00:23:02,618 --> 00:23:03,814 It's fine. Let me get them the benefit 630 00:23:03,814 --> 00:23:06,125 of the doubt. Mh. And come on. I 631 00:23:06,125 --> 00:23:07,400 was just having an off day. No. No. 632 00:23:07,639 --> 00:23:09,884 He's not like that. She's not like that. 633 00:23:10,042 --> 00:23:12,347 Like, Mh. She would never hurt me. She 634 00:23:12,347 --> 00:23:14,096 would never hurt me. No 1 understands. Yeah. 635 00:23:14,335 --> 00:23:16,560 She was... We were just joking. And it 636 00:23:16,560 --> 00:23:17,537 turns into 637 00:23:18,720 --> 00:23:21,021 3 weeks later, something else happens, and I 638 00:23:21,021 --> 00:23:22,076 have that sane 639 00:23:22,528 --> 00:23:23,719 but feeling but stronger. 640 00:23:24,591 --> 00:23:25,226 And the feeling... 641 00:23:25,940 --> 00:23:26,257 Excuse me. 642 00:23:27,067 --> 00:23:28,658 Really, over time just keeps growing and growing 643 00:23:28,658 --> 00:23:29,533 and growing and growing. 644 00:23:30,647 --> 00:23:32,317 And I and I always end up, I 645 00:23:32,317 --> 00:23:33,749 was, like, if I would have just listened 646 00:23:33,749 --> 00:23:35,102 to myself? Yeah. 647 00:23:35,832 --> 00:23:36,332 But 648 00:23:37,105 --> 00:23:37,901 how do you... 649 00:23:38,457 --> 00:23:39,730 I I mean, it takes a minute to 650 00:23:39,730 --> 00:23:41,798 be... Breaking and convince you of anything. Let's 651 00:23:41,798 --> 00:23:45,562 say I brought 2 wedding dress dresses to 652 00:23:45,562 --> 00:23:47,158 convince myself that I was getting married the 653 00:23:47,158 --> 00:23:48,595 last guy I was engaged, not the last 654 00:23:48,595 --> 00:23:50,031 guy. But the the first guy I was 655 00:23:50,031 --> 00:23:52,996 engaged to. And boy oh, boy. I knew 656 00:23:52,996 --> 00:23:55,943 the minute, I started dating him or the 657 00:23:55,943 --> 00:23:57,935 date I went out with him. Even before 658 00:23:57,935 --> 00:23:59,529 the date I already knew this guy was 659 00:23:59,529 --> 00:24:01,855 not the right guy. He was hot and 660 00:24:01,935 --> 00:24:04,646 I wanted to, you know, whatever. So but 661 00:24:04,646 --> 00:24:07,038 it got a little too far and keeping 662 00:24:07,038 --> 00:24:09,350 posed, and I'm, like, oh my gosh. Is 663 00:24:09,350 --> 00:24:11,598 this what's happening. This is what's happening. Mh. 664 00:24:11,837 --> 00:24:13,671 Listen if I get a prettier dress. I 665 00:24:13,671 --> 00:24:15,744 know that this will be the... No. My 666 00:24:15,744 --> 00:24:17,658 whole body was, like, you do not trust 667 00:24:17,658 --> 00:24:20,537 this person. Mh. You don't trust them at 668 00:24:20,537 --> 00:24:23,794 all with with your future. This is bad, 669 00:24:24,111 --> 00:24:24,508 wrong, 670 00:24:25,223 --> 00:24:28,021 exit now, and, you know, your mind is 671 00:24:28,021 --> 00:24:30,732 what is really going to control the the 672 00:24:30,732 --> 00:24:33,045 whole entire thing. So This goes into the 673 00:24:33,045 --> 00:24:34,799 hundred and 26 bits out of 2000000 bits. 674 00:24:35,038 --> 00:24:37,123 1 of my favorite yes. 2000000 bits per 675 00:24:37,123 --> 00:24:39,054 second are offered to you 676 00:24:39,825 --> 00:24:42,051 of information and only a hundred and 26 677 00:24:42,051 --> 00:24:44,277 bits conscious mind takes in and the rest 678 00:24:44,277 --> 00:24:45,071 goes to unconscious. 679 00:24:45,643 --> 00:24:47,473 I remember saying that and I probably set 680 00:24:47,473 --> 00:24:48,905 it down here too. If I would've have 681 00:24:48,905 --> 00:24:49,724 known that 682 00:24:50,099 --> 00:24:51,452 right when I sat down in my first 683 00:24:51,452 --> 00:24:53,521 therapist chair. Mh. I feel like I would 684 00:24:53,521 --> 00:24:54,476 have had a different experience. 685 00:24:54,968 --> 00:24:56,982 Because I'm somebody I've hold on to 686 00:24:57,438 --> 00:24:59,350 quirky little sayings and lines and my life 687 00:24:59,350 --> 00:25:00,864 as a, and whatever you wanna call it. 688 00:25:01,422 --> 00:25:01,922 But 689 00:25:02,554 --> 00:25:03,912 that hit me hard. 690 00:25:04,471 --> 00:25:06,708 And, like, so you get a hundred and 691 00:25:06,708 --> 00:25:09,756 26 bits of information per minute. Per second. 692 00:25:10,153 --> 00:25:10,631 Per second. 693 00:25:11,267 --> 00:25:12,483 You get 2000000 694 00:25:12,619 --> 00:25:13,096 offered. 695 00:25:14,290 --> 00:25:16,095 Okay. So a hundred and 26 696 00:25:16,611 --> 00:25:17,588 bits per second 697 00:25:18,042 --> 00:25:21,801 land in your your conscious mind. Yes. And 698 00:25:22,414 --> 00:25:25,356 the other half of the 2000000000 because 1000000. 699 00:25:25,768 --> 00:25:26,006 Yeah. 700 00:25:27,117 --> 00:25:28,386 So. Sleepy. Oh, 701 00:25:29,259 --> 00:25:31,242 know. It's so good. The other half of 702 00:25:31,242 --> 00:25:33,226 the 2000000, go to your unconscious. 703 00:25:34,194 --> 00:25:36,831 Not even the other half. 2000000 minus 01:26, 704 00:25:37,071 --> 00:25:38,589 whatever that is... Yeah, the other half now. 705 00:25:38,989 --> 00:25:39,628 We're not doing it. 706 00:25:40,747 --> 00:25:43,719 Not not doing that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The 707 00:25:43,719 --> 00:25:46,596 remainder. I am not doing fast not right 708 00:25:46,596 --> 00:25:46,756 now. 709 00:25:47,635 --> 00:25:50,511 The remainder. The remainder go into your unconscious 710 00:25:50,511 --> 00:25:52,290 mind. Right? It's just so crazy. So 711 00:25:52,844 --> 00:25:56,196 That means that you have to choose... You're 712 00:25:56,196 --> 00:25:58,591 choosing your 01:26 by the way. It really 713 00:25:58,591 --> 00:26:00,826 goes to show of you are what you 714 00:26:00,826 --> 00:26:00,985 consume. 715 00:26:01,637 --> 00:26:02,831 Of you are what 716 00:26:03,626 --> 00:26:05,376 you choose surround yourself to. And, yeah, it 717 00:26:05,376 --> 00:26:07,603 ultimately is a choice. Yeah. I think that's 718 00:26:07,603 --> 00:26:08,295 such a 719 00:26:08,973 --> 00:26:10,031 So, like, if you're 720 00:26:10,409 --> 00:26:13,122 questioning, how do I know a boundary? 721 00:26:13,601 --> 00:26:15,356 How do I know to trust somebody, 722 00:26:16,248 --> 00:26:18,478 you just start there. And you tell yourself 723 00:26:18,478 --> 00:26:20,628 that because that's what's helped me when I 724 00:26:20,628 --> 00:26:20,946 was, 725 00:26:21,823 --> 00:26:24,313 I guess, just starting out. And 726 00:26:25,024 --> 00:26:27,977 my mental health journey of learning all of 727 00:26:27,977 --> 00:26:30,531 these really cool things and tips and tricks. 728 00:26:30,930 --> 00:26:32,047 And when I heard that, I was, like, 729 00:26:32,127 --> 00:26:34,397 holy shit. Where were you 730 00:26:34,854 --> 00:26:35,253 13 team. 731 00:26:35,971 --> 00:26:37,724 Yeah. So, I mean, it's just a choice 732 00:26:37,724 --> 00:26:40,355 of what you retain, but it's also your 733 00:26:40,355 --> 00:26:42,523 choice of how you respond to it. Whether 734 00:26:42,523 --> 00:26:44,596 you listen to your body, your gut feelings, 735 00:26:44,915 --> 00:26:45,872 Mh whether you, 736 00:26:46,589 --> 00:26:46,828 you know, 737 00:26:48,024 --> 00:26:48,263 yeah. 738 00:26:49,220 --> 00:26:50,517 I guess, go for 739 00:26:50,988 --> 00:26:52,653 the fantasy rather than reality. 740 00:26:53,366 --> 00:26:56,140 Ultimately, your body knows. Your body really body 741 00:26:56,140 --> 00:26:59,589 does know. But, you know, your brain has 742 00:26:59,645 --> 00:27:01,392 convinced your body sometimes. So this is, like, 743 00:27:01,551 --> 00:27:02,051 going 744 00:27:02,504 --> 00:27:03,163 into the, 745 00:27:03,934 --> 00:27:06,260 breaking the habit being yourself. Mh. Realm 746 00:27:06,952 --> 00:27:07,690 is that 747 00:27:08,637 --> 00:27:10,950 you can confuse yourself whether you should trust 748 00:27:10,950 --> 00:27:12,328 yourself or not. Mh. 749 00:27:13,423 --> 00:27:13,923 Because 750 00:27:14,540 --> 00:27:16,454 you... You're going back forth them... Am I 751 00:27:16,454 --> 00:27:18,779 doing a fight or flight response what's going 752 00:27:18,779 --> 00:27:20,448 on? Why do I feel this way? That... 753 00:27:20,686 --> 00:27:23,070 And if if you can talk yourself out 754 00:27:23,070 --> 00:27:24,977 of this ic feeling? 755 00:27:25,865 --> 00:27:27,771 Then like I said, if I buy the 756 00:27:27,771 --> 00:27:29,358 second wedding dress then, I know that of 757 00:27:29,358 --> 00:27:31,502 it, you know, Oh, he didn't really mean 758 00:27:31,502 --> 00:27:34,219 that or he it you can convince yourself 759 00:27:34,219 --> 00:27:36,210 of anything. Mh. So it's really important that 760 00:27:36,210 --> 00:27:38,518 first off, you take responsibility and you do 761 00:27:38,518 --> 00:27:40,509 your own inventory. Mh. You do your own 762 00:27:40,509 --> 00:27:40,747 work. 763 00:27:42,039 --> 00:27:43,497 And then you look for consistency 764 00:27:43,876 --> 00:27:47,790 in yourself consistency. Because consistency in the other 765 00:27:47,790 --> 00:27:48,190 person. 766 00:27:48,763 --> 00:27:50,040 And then over time, 767 00:27:51,076 --> 00:27:53,868 trust can be built. Nice. So you also... 768 00:27:54,187 --> 00:27:55,463 Even if somebody is trustworthy... 769 00:27:55,862 --> 00:27:57,856 That's the simple math equation. No. But it's 770 00:27:57,856 --> 00:28:00,020 true. Yeah. It is somebody is trustworthy. You 771 00:28:00,020 --> 00:28:01,372 don't have to feel like you have to 772 00:28:01,372 --> 00:28:04,077 empty everything else out on the table in 773 00:28:04,077 --> 00:28:05,270 the first 2 seconds that you need them. 774 00:28:06,481 --> 00:28:08,395 The beauty is that your gifted time with 775 00:28:08,395 --> 00:28:11,904 this person to develop and grow a relationship, 776 00:28:12,622 --> 00:28:13,738 plant doesn't grow overnight. 777 00:28:15,108 --> 00:28:18,762 Yeah. And, also, people don't want to know 778 00:28:18,762 --> 00:28:20,669 everything all at once. A lot. I mean, 779 00:28:20,827 --> 00:28:23,290 it's it is a lot. And because it 780 00:28:23,290 --> 00:28:24,402 can become overwhelming. 781 00:28:25,134 --> 00:28:26,575 You know, I have a lot of clients 782 00:28:26,575 --> 00:28:28,974 that will will will tell all. They they 783 00:28:28,974 --> 00:28:31,474 have... It's unhealthy boundaries. And 784 00:28:31,775 --> 00:28:32,994 they're like, well, I just 785 00:28:33,389 --> 00:28:35,626 I just wanna connect. I just want to 786 00:28:35,626 --> 00:28:36,185 feel loved, 787 00:28:36,904 --> 00:28:40,340 and I say, well, then the inventory is 788 00:28:40,340 --> 00:28:43,010 this. You don't tell people everything, 789 00:28:44,902 --> 00:28:47,056 you you hold it and you start to 790 00:28:47,056 --> 00:28:49,210 love yourself. You start to love yourself. Yep. 791 00:28:49,369 --> 00:28:50,666 First. And then 792 00:28:51,139 --> 00:28:52,836 you're not going to have to 793 00:28:53,215 --> 00:28:55,849 tell all to feel that because you actually 794 00:28:55,849 --> 00:28:57,925 feel empty when you tell all. Yeah. I 795 00:28:57,925 --> 00:28:59,761 know. That makes it like, Even here. Like, 796 00:28:59,921 --> 00:29:01,609 oh, gosh. Why aren't they being friends, You 797 00:29:01,609 --> 00:29:03,043 know, you tell all, 798 00:29:04,078 --> 00:29:06,627 you have nothing more to give and you're 799 00:29:06,627 --> 00:29:09,096 looking for the... That same that that love. 800 00:29:09,509 --> 00:29:11,029 Well, and I just know, like, when I 801 00:29:11,029 --> 00:29:12,549 used to do it, it was because I 802 00:29:12,549 --> 00:29:14,630 wasn't validating everything that I had been through 803 00:29:14,630 --> 00:29:16,390 everything that I did, everything that I was. 804 00:29:16,549 --> 00:29:18,319 So I was like, Let me tell you 805 00:29:18,319 --> 00:29:20,228 how amazing I am. Let me blow your 806 00:29:20,228 --> 00:29:22,136 mind. That was my thing. And then we 807 00:29:22,136 --> 00:29:23,567 where we're like, oh, wow, Yeah. You've been 808 00:29:23,567 --> 00:29:25,237 through a lot. Cool. And I'm like, right, 809 00:29:25,395 --> 00:29:26,906 but, like, don't you wanna cut me a 810 00:29:26,906 --> 00:29:26,986 check? 811 00:29:28,678 --> 00:29:30,756 For more than my base salary? You know, 812 00:29:31,155 --> 00:29:32,914 Like, what are we doing here? Like, if 813 00:29:32,914 --> 00:29:33,952 you think I'm so great. 814 00:29:35,071 --> 00:29:36,510 I mean, that's all. 815 00:29:37,164 --> 00:29:38,204 And the reality is, 816 00:29:39,005 --> 00:29:39,164 Yeah. 817 00:29:40,525 --> 00:29:43,325 Like, I never... I mean, I can float 818 00:29:43,325 --> 00:29:45,807 on by with people that I know or 819 00:29:45,807 --> 00:29:47,553 don't know and choose what I tell them, 820 00:29:47,712 --> 00:29:50,728 but I'm comfortable and it's appropriate. Mh. And 821 00:29:50,728 --> 00:29:51,466 still feel 822 00:29:52,173 --> 00:29:54,646 like, much more full than I did then. 823 00:29:54,805 --> 00:29:57,039 So I think that makes sense. Yeah. And 824 00:29:57,039 --> 00:29:59,134 again, it's... You have to 825 00:29:59,830 --> 00:30:01,585 trust yourself Yeah. First. 826 00:30:02,238 --> 00:30:04,711 No. You really do. Yeah. So developing trust 827 00:30:04,711 --> 00:30:06,386 within yourself, I mean, do a body scan? 828 00:30:06,545 --> 00:30:07,981 Do a mind and body scan? How is 829 00:30:07,981 --> 00:30:10,214 your body feeling in other environments? How's is 830 00:30:10,214 --> 00:30:11,411 your body feeling around people? 831 00:30:12,460 --> 00:30:15,163 And notice patterns of those relationships that you 832 00:30:15,163 --> 00:30:17,174 have. That's something that I've been 833 00:30:17,627 --> 00:30:19,456 working on with myself too. Oh, I like 834 00:30:19,456 --> 00:30:20,966 that. Yeah. When I'm feeling ic, 835 00:30:21,696 --> 00:30:24,318 I scan the room. I scan myself. I 836 00:30:24,318 --> 00:30:26,384 scan the environment. If I ate, I do 837 00:30:26,384 --> 00:30:28,530 the halt, hungry angry lonely tired. Mh no. 838 00:30:28,689 --> 00:30:31,011 I'm good. I feel fucking awesome, I worked 839 00:30:31,011 --> 00:30:32,766 out. I ate. Awesome. 840 00:30:33,723 --> 00:30:35,557 This person's a little weird, but they're always 841 00:30:35,557 --> 00:30:35,797 here. 842 00:30:36,754 --> 00:30:38,668 Love that person love that person love that 843 00:30:38,668 --> 00:30:39,465 person. What is it? 844 00:30:40,198 --> 00:30:42,029 Is it the building? No. I love the 845 00:30:42,029 --> 00:30:42,268 building. 846 00:30:43,064 --> 00:30:45,214 Let's go back to the person that... Yeah. 847 00:30:45,453 --> 00:30:46,727 I don't feel so comfortable around. 848 00:30:47,524 --> 00:30:49,765 Cool. Mh. Not gonna draw a wall. I'm 849 00:30:49,765 --> 00:30:50,876 not gonna push them away. I'm not gonna 850 00:30:50,876 --> 00:30:52,861 get defensive. I'm gonna hold them at arm 851 00:30:52,861 --> 00:30:55,641 length, and I'm gonna observe them. Mh. Rather 852 00:30:55,641 --> 00:30:56,141 than 853 00:30:56,690 --> 00:30:58,690 Oh, no. Fine. Yeah. You see my head. 854 00:30:59,009 --> 00:31:00,529 Yeah. I used to do that. So... Yeah. 855 00:31:00,690 --> 00:31:02,210 I mean, I'm doing that now of... 856 00:31:02,849 --> 00:31:05,569 Okay. I'm gonna observe rather than make assumptions. 857 00:31:05,984 --> 00:31:07,902 Because I also don't know who they are, 858 00:31:08,222 --> 00:31:09,921 whether that feeling is 859 00:31:10,380 --> 00:31:11,759 run and hide or 860 00:31:12,298 --> 00:31:12,857 tread lightly. 861 00:31:13,656 --> 00:31:15,275 You know? Yeah. So 862 00:31:15,987 --> 00:31:17,975 you can use your determine with what your 863 00:31:17,975 --> 00:31:20,043 body tells you. I've have I a question 864 00:31:20,043 --> 00:31:20,839 for you. Mh. 865 00:31:21,793 --> 00:31:22,293 So 866 00:31:22,683 --> 00:31:25,068 what if you've developed trust with someone and 867 00:31:25,068 --> 00:31:26,260 then it has been broken? 868 00:31:26,976 --> 00:31:28,486 Has that ever happen to you? Oh, my 869 00:31:28,486 --> 00:31:28,725 god. 870 00:31:30,569 --> 00:31:32,106 Do you want me to unload 871 00:31:33,041 --> 00:31:35,355 my god. Well, okay. Yeah. Give me... Give 872 00:31:35,355 --> 00:31:37,508 me a couple bullet points of how you... 873 00:31:37,747 --> 00:31:39,821 Were did you... Were you able to regain 874 00:31:39,821 --> 00:31:42,149 trust? Or did you exit left? 875 00:31:42,787 --> 00:31:45,020 When I was younger, yeah. I regained trust 876 00:31:45,020 --> 00:31:46,536 because I was just, like, oh, I love 877 00:31:46,536 --> 00:31:49,088 this person so much and whatever. And Mh. 878 00:31:49,407 --> 00:31:51,500 Everybody makes mistakes. And I feel like, as 879 00:31:51,579 --> 00:31:53,099 I get older, and it's not even just 880 00:31:53,099 --> 00:31:54,859 an older thing, Like, I just think it's 881 00:31:54,859 --> 00:31:55,579 as I mature. 882 00:31:56,299 --> 00:31:58,299 I got wiser. Yeah. I mean, like, as 883 00:31:58,380 --> 00:32:00,492 I've done the work on myself, I've loved 884 00:32:00,549 --> 00:32:01,663 myself so much more. 885 00:32:02,538 --> 00:32:04,208 III 886 00:32:04,208 --> 00:32:05,242 know my threshold. 887 00:32:05,878 --> 00:32:07,253 And I don't I don't 888 00:32:08,518 --> 00:32:09,971 I don't love when somebody 889 00:32:10,505 --> 00:32:13,207 crosses it. Mh. Or pushes my boundary, 890 00:32:13,843 --> 00:32:15,751 knowing me because I think that I'm pretty 891 00:32:15,751 --> 00:32:18,394 transparent and upfront with people. Mh. When I 892 00:32:18,394 --> 00:32:20,494 meet them. Mh. And I'm starting a new 893 00:32:20,634 --> 00:32:22,794 relationship of any kind. You know, I've I've 894 00:32:22,794 --> 00:32:25,128 learned to uphold my boundaries of This is 895 00:32:25,128 --> 00:32:26,963 what I want. I want healthier relationships if 896 00:32:26,963 --> 00:32:28,240 you're not willing to give that to me. 897 00:32:28,958 --> 00:32:31,670 All good. Mh. But I'm not gonna wait. 898 00:32:32,325 --> 00:32:33,144 And if you 899 00:32:33,605 --> 00:32:35,144 betray my trust after 900 00:32:35,525 --> 00:32:38,005 having intimate conversations like that, and I'm being 901 00:32:38,005 --> 00:32:38,725 really vulnerable, 902 00:32:39,618 --> 00:32:40,277 I don't 903 00:32:40,653 --> 00:32:42,963 I don't know that I want to give 904 00:32:42,963 --> 00:32:44,477 you an option to regain your trust. It 905 00:32:44,477 --> 00:32:46,070 depends on what you did. Yeah. I mean, 906 00:32:46,309 --> 00:32:48,062 I think that as humans and relationships, it's 907 00:32:48,062 --> 00:32:50,075 like, I'm not gonna promise to never hurt 908 00:32:50,075 --> 00:32:52,315 you, but I'm gonna promise to never intentionally 909 00:32:52,315 --> 00:32:54,474 hurt you because I'm human, and I will 910 00:32:54,474 --> 00:32:56,315 hurt you. Mh. It's just the reality of 911 00:32:56,315 --> 00:32:58,485 it. But I promise I will never do 912 00:32:58,485 --> 00:32:59,522 something at your expense, 913 00:33:00,239 --> 00:33:02,712 like, for example, I mean, I would never 914 00:33:02,712 --> 00:33:05,264 cheat on somebody. You know, that's. As non 915 00:33:05,264 --> 00:33:07,035 negotiable for me. I couldn't do that. Like, 916 00:33:07,275 --> 00:33:09,035 because I've had that done. So I'm like, 917 00:33:10,154 --> 00:33:11,914 that sucks. So if somebody were to do 918 00:33:11,914 --> 00:33:13,195 that to me again. I'm like, that's a 919 00:33:13,195 --> 00:33:14,634 rabbit hole. I don't wanna go down again. 920 00:33:15,275 --> 00:33:15,434 Yeah. 921 00:33:16,650 --> 00:33:18,250 Well, interesting you say that because I have 922 00:33:18,250 --> 00:33:20,490 a lot, I get couples that have in 923 00:33:20,490 --> 00:33:20,809 fidelity. 924 00:33:21,529 --> 00:33:23,769 It's different though, like, if you're... If you 925 00:33:23,769 --> 00:33:24,809 have a relationship, 926 00:33:25,545 --> 00:33:28,825 Over years, like, I would have relationships with 927 00:33:28,825 --> 00:33:31,144 these guys over, like, maybe a year, and 928 00:33:31,144 --> 00:33:32,744 they've been dick around in the past. And 929 00:33:32,825 --> 00:33:33,065 I'm like, 930 00:33:33,957 --> 00:33:36,266 I always kinda made excuses until, you know, 931 00:33:36,823 --> 00:33:37,323 there's 932 00:33:37,699 --> 00:33:39,371 naked girls on your phone, you know, Like, 933 00:33:39,690 --> 00:33:41,623 whatever the case would be or 934 00:33:42,252 --> 00:33:45,119 whatever, You know? So you weren't you weren't 935 00:33:45,119 --> 00:33:47,450 listening to those signals that I... 936 00:33:47,985 --> 00:33:50,055 No. I I just wanted to be loved. 937 00:33:50,389 --> 00:33:51,668 And and that's what I mean of, like, 938 00:33:51,827 --> 00:33:54,304 it's not an age thing. It's... I felt 939 00:33:54,304 --> 00:33:55,902 so in love with myself, and I'm, like, 940 00:33:56,141 --> 00:33:57,180 I'm am committing to me. 941 00:33:57,831 --> 00:34:00,797 And I took a solid year off of 942 00:34:01,012 --> 00:34:04,352 not talking to anybody and romantic interest, not 943 00:34:04,352 --> 00:34:05,227 going on any dates. 944 00:34:06,274 --> 00:34:08,733 Not doing anything. Yeah. Like, my nail beds 945 00:34:08,733 --> 00:34:10,954 were dead. And I got a lot of 946 00:34:10,954 --> 00:34:13,334 shit done though. Yeah. But I... I mean, 947 00:34:14,144 --> 00:34:16,244 I love myself now. Like, I 948 00:34:17,025 --> 00:34:17,525 feel 949 00:34:18,224 --> 00:34:19,684 a different level of confidence 950 00:34:20,704 --> 00:34:23,434 being with you know, in a newer relationship. 951 00:34:23,594 --> 00:34:24,951 Mh. Feeling like, 952 00:34:25,989 --> 00:34:27,744 I know what I have to offer. I 953 00:34:27,744 --> 00:34:30,313 know how awesome I am. Mh. It's okay 954 00:34:30,313 --> 00:34:32,227 if you don't see it because I know 955 00:34:32,227 --> 00:34:34,061 someone else will. And I if somebody else 956 00:34:34,061 --> 00:34:34,540 doesn't, like, 957 00:34:35,338 --> 00:34:37,252 I can trust myself that I will give 958 00:34:37,252 --> 00:34:39,326 it to me. I can trust myself. Yeah. 959 00:34:39,818 --> 00:34:41,405 I mean, that it really is the most 960 00:34:41,405 --> 00:34:42,755 imp empowering feeling. 961 00:34:43,469 --> 00:34:45,532 Because I never did, and I never knew 962 00:34:45,532 --> 00:34:45,929 how to. 963 00:34:46,565 --> 00:34:47,065 So 964 00:34:47,373 --> 00:34:49,274 now I have a toolbox that I carry 965 00:34:49,274 --> 00:34:50,067 around me with tools. 966 00:34:50,780 --> 00:34:53,790 And depending on what situation I'm finding myself 967 00:34:53,790 --> 00:34:53,949 in, 968 00:34:54,598 --> 00:34:56,188 and what feeling on the fuel wheel I'm 969 00:34:56,188 --> 00:34:58,414 feeling. Mh. I can revert back to my 970 00:34:58,414 --> 00:35:00,744 healthy c... Healthy coping mechanism tools 971 00:35:01,197 --> 00:35:02,413 and pull out 972 00:35:02,723 --> 00:35:04,471 whatever I need. And a lot of the 973 00:35:04,471 --> 00:35:05,425 time it's the body scan? 974 00:35:06,140 --> 00:35:07,673 So would you 975 00:35:08,921 --> 00:35:09,898 conclude to this 976 00:35:10,207 --> 00:35:12,748 that you have to trust yourself before you 977 00:35:12,748 --> 00:35:15,209 can trust others. 1... It's the same saying 978 00:35:15,209 --> 00:35:16,479 as you have to love yourself before you 979 00:35:16,479 --> 00:35:19,201 can love another person. Mh. And I understand 980 00:35:19,201 --> 00:35:20,796 that and until I love myself, And I 981 00:35:20,796 --> 00:35:21,115 was like, 982 00:35:22,711 --> 00:35:23,211 oh 983 00:35:24,546 --> 00:35:24,785 shit. 984 00:35:27,822 --> 00:35:30,366 So... That's why I'm you so much. I 985 00:35:30,366 --> 00:35:31,161 love you so much. 986 00:35:31,956 --> 00:35:33,887 It really just starts with you. And 987 00:35:35,153 --> 00:35:36,030 Yeah. I mean, 988 00:35:37,067 --> 00:35:38,343 do the work because it it really is 989 00:35:38,343 --> 00:35:40,098 worth it. I swear to god. It really 990 00:35:40,098 --> 00:35:43,049 is. So how would you build trust in 991 00:35:43,049 --> 00:35:44,619 yourself? I... I mean, I think 992 00:35:45,378 --> 00:35:46,994 I I had I actually had a breakthrough 993 00:35:47,610 --> 00:35:48,110 in 994 00:35:48,488 --> 00:35:48,988 trusting 995 00:35:49,525 --> 00:35:51,997 myself. Did you? Yes. The it was, 996 00:35:52,635 --> 00:35:54,071 a spirituality breakthrough. 997 00:35:54,803 --> 00:35:55,303 And 998 00:35:55,837 --> 00:35:56,337 my 999 00:35:56,951 --> 00:35:59,518 greater problem was I was afraid to trust 1000 00:35:59,575 --> 00:36:02,540 myself. Yeah. And that's really huge because 1001 00:36:03,328 --> 00:36:04,544 I'm basically 1002 00:36:05,317 --> 00:36:07,648 holding on to this limiting belief that 1003 00:36:08,501 --> 00:36:11,945 no matter what I really think I'm probably 1004 00:36:12,002 --> 00:36:14,398 wrong. And that's that's not a good way 1005 00:36:14,398 --> 00:36:16,619 to operate through life. Yeah. I mean, I 1006 00:36:16,619 --> 00:36:19,077 can agree with that. Yeah about that. I 1007 00:36:19,077 --> 00:36:21,476 think I started small steps. It started where 1008 00:36:21,556 --> 00:36:22,831 I was like... I think I talked about 1009 00:36:22,831 --> 00:36:24,824 this too where I was... I wanted to 1010 00:36:24,824 --> 00:36:26,577 enhance my intuition. I would take a different 1011 00:36:26,577 --> 00:36:28,012 round to work. If I didn't wanna go 1012 00:36:28,012 --> 00:36:30,499 on 95 Mh. I wouldn't push myself. Mh. 1013 00:36:30,898 --> 00:36:33,131 Or sometimes I would, and I would see 1014 00:36:33,131 --> 00:36:35,285 an awful accident or someone would cut me 1015 00:36:35,285 --> 00:36:36,800 off really bad, and I would just be 1016 00:36:36,800 --> 00:36:38,475 really kinda chaotic when I got to work 1017 00:36:38,475 --> 00:36:38,769 or 1018 00:36:39,446 --> 00:36:41,059 I gave the example of, 1019 00:36:42,071 --> 00:36:43,822 I really... I I really think I should 1020 00:36:43,822 --> 00:36:45,254 take a 1 night today. I stop at 1021 00:36:45,333 --> 00:36:45,731 Starbucks. 1022 00:36:46,461 --> 00:36:47,731 I go, I'm like, I could just take 1023 00:36:47,731 --> 00:36:49,081 federal. It'll cut 10 minutes. 1024 00:36:49,637 --> 00:36:51,463 And I'm like, no. I wanna take a 1025 00:36:51,463 --> 00:36:53,924 1 or no. It was switched. I really 1026 00:36:53,924 --> 00:36:54,639 wanna take A 1. 1027 00:36:55,288 --> 00:36:56,637 It'll only add 10 more minutes, 1028 00:36:57,271 --> 00:36:59,175 but I should really probably just take federal. 1029 00:36:59,334 --> 00:37:00,762 I'm like, I really wanna take And a. 1030 00:37:00,920 --> 00:37:01,158 I'm like, 1031 00:37:01,872 --> 00:37:03,790 no. I gotta take federal today. I take 1032 00:37:03,790 --> 00:37:06,643 federal, and the bridge at Spanish River was 1033 00:37:06,643 --> 00:37:08,544 up for a long time. And I was 1034 00:37:08,544 --> 00:37:10,129 like, dude, I would have been so late 1035 00:37:10,129 --> 00:37:11,900 to work. So it was little things like 1036 00:37:11,900 --> 00:37:13,500 that that I would learn to laugh out, 1037 00:37:13,660 --> 00:37:14,940 and I would play a game with myself. 1038 00:37:15,260 --> 00:37:15,500 Yeah. 1039 00:37:16,219 --> 00:37:17,980 If I feel something stick with it. Doesn't 1040 00:37:17,980 --> 00:37:19,906 really matter what it was. Mh. Hey, Jackie. 1041 00:37:20,065 --> 00:37:21,810 Do you wanna go out Friday night? Yeah. 1042 00:37:22,445 --> 00:37:24,428 No. I kinda wanted to say home. Nope. 1043 00:37:24,666 --> 00:37:25,538 I'm staying home. And, like, 1044 00:37:26,347 --> 00:37:26,981 123, 1045 00:37:27,219 --> 00:37:29,758 first first response that I got in my 1046 00:37:29,758 --> 00:37:31,821 head to a question. Mh. Was what I 1047 00:37:31,821 --> 00:37:33,567 went with. Mh. And I didn't I didn't 1048 00:37:33,567 --> 00:37:36,280 second guess it. And somebody said this say, 1049 00:37:36,677 --> 00:37:37,311 someone's smart. 1050 00:37:39,296 --> 00:37:39,534 Online. 1051 00:37:40,407 --> 00:37:43,127 Very, very smart. Some woman, 1052 00:37:43,845 --> 00:37:44,882 probably with a Phd. 1053 00:37:45,920 --> 00:37:48,074 Oh, I... She had me elizabeth it. It 1054 00:37:48,074 --> 00:37:50,643 was but the Phd threw me off. Well, 1055 00:37:51,521 --> 00:37:53,198 okay. Teleport 5 years ago now, 1056 00:37:53,996 --> 00:37:56,072 that's just New York times a seller, but 1057 00:37:56,072 --> 00:37:57,110 anyway, we're still here. 1058 00:37:59,838 --> 00:38:01,195 They were saying if you ever have to 1059 00:38:01,195 --> 00:38:02,232 make a decision, just make 1. 1060 00:38:03,110 --> 00:38:05,583 Like again. It's just literally as simple as 1061 00:38:05,583 --> 00:38:07,673 that simple. And simple. We make it so 1062 00:38:07,673 --> 00:38:08,952 much harder. You know if it was the 1063 00:38:08,952 --> 00:38:11,529 right decision after you make it, and 1064 00:38:12,387 --> 00:38:14,399 I go into my philosopher for brain. Where 1065 00:38:14,478 --> 00:38:16,869 I'm, like, Ralph W Emerson and what other 1066 00:38:16,869 --> 00:38:17,347 philosophy? 1067 00:38:18,303 --> 00:38:20,933 Leaders did that studying in college. But I'm 1068 00:38:20,933 --> 00:38:23,180 like, okay, but there really is no right 1069 00:38:23,180 --> 00:38:25,414 and wrong. Like, there really just is. Like, 1070 00:38:25,573 --> 00:38:27,248 you're gonna deal with a consequence no matter 1071 00:38:27,248 --> 00:38:29,561 what. So when I took the pressure off 1072 00:38:29,561 --> 00:38:31,156 of making a decision because I was so 1073 00:38:31,156 --> 00:38:32,530 scared of write versus wrong. 1074 00:38:33,090 --> 00:38:35,030 And I was, okay. I'm gonna have consequences 1075 00:38:35,489 --> 00:38:35,890 regardless. 1076 00:38:36,289 --> 00:38:36,530 Like, 1077 00:38:37,489 --> 00:38:39,250 if we stay up all night. Mh. I'm 1078 00:38:39,250 --> 00:38:40,783 gonna have the best night ever, but I'm 1079 00:38:40,783 --> 00:38:43,173 gonna be shot tomorrow. And if I go 1080 00:38:43,173 --> 00:38:44,050 home right this second. 1081 00:38:44,927 --> 00:38:46,999 Yeah. I would have loved to hang out 1082 00:38:46,999 --> 00:38:48,170 with you more, but 1083 00:38:48,847 --> 00:38:50,362 Yeah. I had a good day tomorrow. I 1084 00:38:50,362 --> 00:38:52,436 mean, there's the pros and cons. Mh. So 1085 00:38:52,515 --> 00:38:54,748 I just started making decisions. Always hang out. 1086 00:38:55,466 --> 00:38:56,981 Always fucking hang out. 1087 00:38:57,793 --> 00:38:59,548 Yeah. Make it a game. Make game. Make 1088 00:38:59,548 --> 00:39:02,601 it like, I I would make it always 1089 00:39:03,456 --> 00:39:05,211 just kind of, like a chill thing, like, 1090 00:39:05,291 --> 00:39:06,886 it wasn't too much pressure. I would put 1091 00:39:06,886 --> 00:39:07,420 on the 1092 00:39:07,938 --> 00:39:10,413 Oh my little... Always she's more fun. Yeah. 1093 00:39:10,652 --> 00:39:12,728 No. And not true. And I might started 1094 00:39:12,728 --> 00:39:14,643 doing that I was having more fun. Oh, 1095 00:39:14,883 --> 00:39:15,522 I love. 1096 00:39:16,001 --> 00:39:16,240 Yeah. 1097 00:39:16,894 --> 00:39:19,530 So Right. You wanna learn how to trust 1098 00:39:19,530 --> 00:39:21,527 yourself because you didn't get anything from this 1099 00:39:21,527 --> 00:39:22,087 episode. I get it. 1100 00:39:22,806 --> 00:39:24,574 You need to book an with Elizabeth. 1101 00:39:25,289 --> 00:39:26,639 You need to go to my website. 1102 00:39:27,354 --> 00:39:29,181 Yes. You first now dot net, to not 1103 00:39:29,181 --> 00:39:29,737 from dot net. 1104 00:39:30,690 --> 00:39:32,834 Back pocket wisdom underscore on Instagram. 1105 00:39:33,643 --> 00:39:34,700 You first now 1106 00:39:35,712 --> 00:39:37,802 on instagram. Yes. And life's the birch 1107 00:39:38,177 --> 00:39:38,677 because 1108 00:39:39,848 --> 00:39:40,348 Life 1109 00:39:40,659 --> 00:39:41,215 is a birch. 1110 00:39:42,170 --> 00:39:43,999 Hey, amen. It's my world. No I'm kidding 1111 00:39:43,999 --> 00:39:47,045 with. Alright. Well, Tat tough for now. Tat 1112 00:39:47,673 --> 00:39:50,220 Go trust yourself. Go trust yourself. 1113 00:39:51,891 --> 00:39:53,881 Thanks for listening. Make sure to like this 1114 00:39:53,881 --> 00:39:56,826 podcast on Instagram at back pocket wisdom. Along 1115 00:39:56,826 --> 00:39:58,744 with following you first now and likes of 1116 00:39:58,744 --> 00:40:01,758 birch and subscribe to u first now newsletter 1117 00:40:01,758 --> 00:40:04,057 at first dot net. See you next time.