WEBVTT NOTE This file was generated by Descript 00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:03.219 Okay, welcome back to the mind, the mirror in me. 00:00:03.380 --> 00:00:03.980 I'm scared. 00:00:04.970 --> 00:00:06.260 This is my first solo episode. 00:00:07.260 --> 00:00:08.010 All by myself. 00:00:08.730 --> 00:00:11.190 Just me, just me talking to nobody. 00:00:11.870 --> 00:00:12.950 Spooky scary. 00:00:12.950 --> 00:00:14.300 I don't even really know. 00:00:14.600 --> 00:00:15.650 I don't know how this works. 00:00:16.070 --> 00:00:17.420 I tried to record this once already. 00:00:17.420 --> 00:00:20.660 And I realized I rely very heavily on. 00:00:21.290 --> 00:00:23.900 My dad's validation and feedback to the things that I'm saying, 00:00:23.900 --> 00:00:25.280 because if I'm just saying things. 00:00:26.280 --> 00:00:27.450 I halfway through, I go. 00:00:27.480 --> 00:00:29.250 What am I even said, this is pointless. 00:00:29.520 --> 00:00:30.270 Nobody cares. 00:00:30.300 --> 00:00:31.050 What am I even saying? 00:00:31.260 --> 00:00:33.480 So we're going to try to just power through that and. 00:00:34.380 --> 00:00:37.770 Do this because we're being afraid and doing it anyways, because that's what 00:00:37.770 --> 00:00:39.870 we do around here on this podcast. 00:00:40.560 --> 00:00:41.370 That's my thing. 00:00:41.890 --> 00:00:44.230 If you haven't listened to the first episode, that's what it's all about. 00:00:45.230 --> 00:00:47.360 But anyways, we're being afraid and doing it anyways. 00:00:47.720 --> 00:00:50.900 So if you're listening to this, that means I released it, which means I. 00:00:51.900 --> 00:00:52.710 Was really brave. 00:00:53.710 --> 00:00:54.880 But anyways, so. 00:00:55.880 --> 00:00:58.040 I'm your host Mackey, by the way, I'm not just scared. 00:00:58.580 --> 00:00:59.180 I'm Mackie. 00:01:00.109 --> 00:01:01.160 I'm feeling scared. 00:01:01.609 --> 00:01:02.540 That's what my dad makes me do. 00:01:02.600 --> 00:01:05.300 Fun fact, if I tell him I'm feeling really anxious or 00:01:05.330 --> 00:01:06.440 no, I don't usually say that. 00:01:06.470 --> 00:01:07.610 I say I'm anxious. 00:01:07.640 --> 00:01:08.660 He says, no, you're not. 00:01:08.660 --> 00:01:09.169 You're Mackie. 00:01:09.500 --> 00:01:10.399 You're feeling anxious. 00:01:10.970 --> 00:01:12.590 , so that one's always a fun one, but anyways, 00:01:13.590 --> 00:01:15.510 I don't really have a direction with this episode, but I kind 00:01:15.510 --> 00:01:17.460 of do, but I kind of don't. 00:01:17.490 --> 00:01:19.800 I just feel like I have an opportunity to. 00:01:20.760 --> 00:01:21.660 Be vulnerable. 00:01:22.660 --> 00:01:23.469 And so I'm going to take it. 00:01:23.979 --> 00:01:25.990 Because I have a space to be vulnerable. 00:01:26.619 --> 00:01:27.460 And. 00:01:28.389 --> 00:01:28.990 This is it. 00:01:29.259 --> 00:01:30.039 This is the space. 00:01:30.399 --> 00:01:30.999 So. 00:01:31.999 --> 00:01:33.769 Basically the situation is. 00:01:34.769 --> 00:01:36.179 I'm not okay right now. 00:01:36.240 --> 00:01:37.559 Just straight up saying it. 00:01:37.589 --> 00:01:39.270 I'm not, not doing too well. 00:01:39.330 --> 00:01:39.929 I mean, I'm okay. 00:01:39.960 --> 00:01:40.800 Right this very second. 00:01:40.830 --> 00:01:43.890 But the past couple of days, Not so much. 00:01:43.890 --> 00:01:44.219 Okay. 00:01:44.670 --> 00:01:47.940 My anxiety has just been at an all-time high. 00:01:48.660 --> 00:01:51.330 And it's been very scary, like the one word to describe it. 00:01:51.330 --> 00:01:52.530 It's just scary. 00:01:52.530 --> 00:01:55.680 I've been very scared to be in my brain. 00:01:56.490 --> 00:01:58.800 Which you kind of are always in your brain. 00:01:58.800 --> 00:02:00.840 So it's not very fun when you're scared to be there. 00:02:01.140 --> 00:02:01.740 So. 00:02:02.740 --> 00:02:03.820 It's been a rough couple of days. 00:02:03.850 --> 00:02:05.050 It's been a scary couple of days. 00:02:05.050 --> 00:02:09.610 It's been a day full of feelings that I don't want to be feeling. 00:02:10.610 --> 00:02:13.850 Because it happens even when you're trying, and even 00:02:13.850 --> 00:02:14.780 when you're doing the work. 00:02:15.170 --> 00:02:16.220 And even when. 00:02:16.910 --> 00:02:18.890 You have the knowledge. 00:02:19.400 --> 00:02:21.080 And the tools and. 00:02:22.080 --> 00:02:23.190 You know, things. 00:02:24.190 --> 00:02:25.480 Crap still happens. 00:02:26.480 --> 00:02:29.630 And you still have bad days and that's been a really hard thing. 00:02:29.990 --> 00:02:33.860 With like, trying to work on myself and trying to do things because it is, it's 00:02:33.860 --> 00:02:35.690 the thing, like healing is not linear. 00:02:35.690 --> 00:02:36.020 Right. 00:02:36.020 --> 00:02:37.220 And it's working on yourself. 00:02:37.610 --> 00:02:38.480 It's not linear. 00:02:38.510 --> 00:02:39.920 It's it's not just. 00:02:40.400 --> 00:02:42.500 Straight up, it's all up and down. 00:02:42.830 --> 00:02:45.680 There are still bad days and there are still bad moments and 00:02:45.680 --> 00:02:46.670 there are still hard things. 00:02:47.670 --> 00:02:49.440 But working on yourself is good. 00:02:49.470 --> 00:02:50.490 Healing is good. 00:02:50.970 --> 00:02:51.300 But. 00:02:52.050 --> 00:02:53.160 There are still hard times. 00:02:53.160 --> 00:02:57.150 And, and so, uh, vulnerable vulnerability time. 00:02:57.690 --> 00:02:59.250 I am in one of those hard times. 00:02:59.860 --> 00:03:01.990 And so I feel like this isn't, this is a chance to be 00:03:01.990 --> 00:03:03.100 vulnerable and to talk about it. 00:03:03.430 --> 00:03:03.940 So. 00:03:04.480 --> 00:03:07.290 Basically, I went home for the holidays and everything was good 00:03:07.290 --> 00:03:08.700 and great and fun and happy. 00:03:09.330 --> 00:03:10.650 And then I came back to. 00:03:11.650 --> 00:03:12.190 Utah. 00:03:13.060 --> 00:03:14.380 Where I'm on my own. 00:03:15.380 --> 00:03:16.100 And. 00:03:17.100 --> 00:03:20.370 And I'm also in the midst of dealing with some health issues. 00:03:20.940 --> 00:03:24.150 And being put on different medications and getting off of other 00:03:24.180 --> 00:03:26.190 medications and doing all this stuff. 00:03:26.460 --> 00:03:29.070 That totally makes sense. 00:03:29.220 --> 00:03:30.180 Like why then. 00:03:31.180 --> 00:03:34.870 Hormonally and chemically, my brain might be feeling a little off. 00:03:34.930 --> 00:03:35.740 It makes sense. 00:03:35.770 --> 00:03:37.150 It adds up, it takes out. 00:03:38.150 --> 00:03:41.870 But it still may, they're still scary feelings and scary things going on. 00:03:41.960 --> 00:03:44.900 And my anxiety has just been at an all-time high, which. 00:03:45.620 --> 00:03:47.630 I have been dealing with anxiety for about 10 years now. 00:03:47.660 --> 00:03:48.110 So. 00:03:49.110 --> 00:03:51.720 What my whole life, but very heavily for like 10 years now. 00:03:51.810 --> 00:03:52.260 So. 00:03:53.260 --> 00:03:56.950 To say it's at an all-time high, like that that's big time and not in a good way. 00:03:57.500 --> 00:03:59.480 But anyways, so I feel like a couple things. 00:04:00.080 --> 00:04:00.680 First thing. 00:04:01.640 --> 00:04:03.620 Mental health is so. 00:04:04.490 --> 00:04:05.060 Real. 00:04:05.540 --> 00:04:07.640 And if anybody tries to tell you that it's not real. 00:04:07.880 --> 00:04:11.720 It's just in your head that it's not a big deal that you can just, you know, don't be 00:04:11.720 --> 00:04:13.400 sad and don't do this and don't whatever. 00:04:14.400 --> 00:04:15.900 Screw them get rid of them. 00:04:16.470 --> 00:04:16.860 No. 00:04:17.860 --> 00:04:18.700 That's not how it works. 00:04:18.750 --> 00:04:19.560 Mental health is real. 00:04:19.590 --> 00:04:20.430 Your feelings are real. 00:04:20.550 --> 00:04:21.450 Your feelings are valid. 00:04:22.020 --> 00:04:22.950 Mental health is. 00:04:23.520 --> 00:04:26.010 Real and yeah, it's in your head because that's, it's mental health. 00:04:26.070 --> 00:04:27.450 It's, it's mental health. 00:04:27.510 --> 00:04:30.390 It's in your head, technically speaking, but it's not just in your 00:04:30.390 --> 00:04:32.430 head because it's real and it's valid. 00:04:33.430 --> 00:04:36.520 Can you talk about that forever, but first thing is that. 00:04:37.520 --> 00:04:39.650 Next part of me wants to literally just let this be a 00:04:39.650 --> 00:04:41.359 five minute episode and just say. 00:04:42.349 --> 00:04:43.370 I'm struggling right now. 00:04:43.400 --> 00:04:45.080 And I know I'm not the only one struggling right now. 00:04:45.080 --> 00:04:46.070 So if anyone else's. 00:04:46.580 --> 00:04:47.120 I see you. 00:04:47.150 --> 00:04:47.719 I feel you. 00:04:47.750 --> 00:04:48.739 And I'm so sorry. 00:04:49.039 --> 00:04:50.450 And I hope that it gets better soon. 00:04:51.289 --> 00:04:52.219 Like really soon. 00:04:52.789 --> 00:04:56.000 And if I could take the feelings away from you and make you feel 00:04:56.000 --> 00:04:57.770 better, I would do it in a heartbeat. 00:04:58.770 --> 00:04:59.280 Amen. 00:04:59.520 --> 00:05:00.150 End of story. 00:05:00.930 --> 00:05:03.450 Stop the recording and the episode done. 00:05:04.450 --> 00:05:05.289 ' cause that's all true. 00:05:05.859 --> 00:05:06.429 That's all true. 00:05:06.429 --> 00:05:07.359 I mean, every word of that. 00:05:07.900 --> 00:05:11.499 But I feel like there's more here and maybe this is just me, selfishly, 00:05:11.499 --> 00:05:12.879 trying to process my own crap. 00:05:13.479 --> 00:05:15.879 And maybe this is just something for me to look back on to be 00:05:15.879 --> 00:05:17.530 like, okay, we got through it. 00:05:17.619 --> 00:05:18.069 We're okay. 00:05:18.099 --> 00:05:19.210 See how we were feeling we're okay. 00:05:19.210 --> 00:05:19.450 Now. 00:05:20.450 --> 00:05:21.739 But maybe hopefully. 00:05:22.739 --> 00:05:24.959 Something I say, here will resonate with. 00:05:25.589 --> 00:05:30.369 Somebody because again, I know where everybody's struggling a little bit. 00:05:30.460 --> 00:05:31.719 It's just the way the world works. 00:05:32.169 --> 00:05:33.580 But especially the new years. 00:05:33.939 --> 00:05:36.460 Like the new year just brings it out in people too. 00:05:36.939 --> 00:05:37.749 To be struggling. 00:05:37.929 --> 00:05:38.590 It's just a thing. 00:05:39.009 --> 00:05:40.270 I've had lots of conversations. 00:05:40.449 --> 00:05:43.599 Well, not lots of inbox for like a week, but I've had conversations 00:05:43.599 --> 00:05:45.400 with clients already that just like. 00:05:46.400 --> 00:05:47.090 It's a lot right now. 00:05:47.390 --> 00:05:48.229 It's a lot right now. 00:05:48.809 --> 00:05:51.629 And then for me specifically, you add in medications and health 00:05:51.629 --> 00:05:55.199 crap and being on my own and all the things, and it's just a lot. 00:05:56.199 --> 00:05:56.619 But anyways. 00:05:56.679 --> 00:05:57.969 So I feel like I've been sitting here. 00:05:58.539 --> 00:06:01.959 Throwing these things around in my brain and, and just like, you know, 00:06:02.959 --> 00:06:03.709 What do we do? 00:06:04.669 --> 00:06:06.739 When it feels like our world is falling apart. 00:06:07.739 --> 00:06:11.879 When everything just feels like it is falling apart is never going to be okay. 00:06:12.879 --> 00:06:17.349 Like, what do we do when it genuinely feels like we cannot survive another day? 00:06:17.919 --> 00:06:19.509 Let alone, like the next hour. 00:06:20.509 --> 00:06:21.859 Like cannot get through this. 00:06:22.859 --> 00:06:27.299 What do we do when it's frustrating and when we're sad and when we're 00:06:27.330 --> 00:06:31.260 scared and when we're feeling the big, scary, negative things. 00:06:32.260 --> 00:06:33.340 And what do we do? 00:06:34.340 --> 00:06:36.140 When we can't even convince. 00:06:36.679 --> 00:06:37.759 Our own brain. 00:06:38.759 --> 00:06:39.959 That everything's going to be okay. 00:06:40.349 --> 00:06:41.909 Because that is a scary place to be. 00:06:42.909 --> 00:06:43.389 I'm there. 00:06:43.839 --> 00:06:45.279 It's a scary place to be. 00:06:45.739 --> 00:06:48.199 And the thing is like, I don't know, I don't have all those answers. 00:06:48.899 --> 00:06:51.149 Probably be good if my dad was here because he probably would 00:06:51.149 --> 00:06:52.949 have something wise to say, But. 00:06:53.949 --> 00:06:56.799 It's just the frustrating thing where you can, like, I feel like I've been 00:06:56.799 --> 00:06:59.199 doing this the whole, the last couple of days that I've been feeling. 00:06:59.710 --> 00:07:01.629 Often scared and anxious and whatever. 00:07:01.989 --> 00:07:05.539 Where I can sit here and say, Like okay. 00:07:05.539 --> 00:07:07.909 I've made it through every other hard time I've ever had. 00:07:07.969 --> 00:07:08.270 Right. 00:07:08.569 --> 00:07:11.030 I've technically survived every single time. 00:07:11.030 --> 00:07:12.379 Anything like this has ever happened. 00:07:13.219 --> 00:07:16.789 And so have you, if you're listening to this right now, you have made it through. 00:07:17.510 --> 00:07:20.240 Every single bad thing that has ever happened to you. 00:07:20.659 --> 00:07:22.640 Every single bad day you've ever had. 00:07:22.849 --> 00:07:24.919 You have made it through a hundred percent of the time. 00:07:25.919 --> 00:07:26.669 And that's big time. 00:07:27.239 --> 00:07:30.959 That's something to acknowledge, but acknowledging that does not. 00:07:31.559 --> 00:07:34.499 Take away the feelings that are right now. 00:07:35.219 --> 00:07:36.539 It just doesn't work like that. 00:07:37.539 --> 00:07:38.379 It's not a thing. 00:07:39.379 --> 00:07:41.629 You can't just say that's fine. 00:07:41.959 --> 00:07:42.439 I'm fine. 00:07:42.890 --> 00:07:44.629 If you're not fine, if you're not okay. 00:07:44.780 --> 00:07:45.890 You can't just say I'm okay. 00:07:45.890 --> 00:07:46.849 And it's done and you're fine. 00:07:47.780 --> 00:07:48.499 It doesn't work like that. 00:07:48.499 --> 00:07:50.719 And that's okay because it is it's okay to not be okay. 00:07:51.140 --> 00:07:52.819 It's uncomfortable to not be okay. 00:07:53.569 --> 00:07:55.309 It's scary to not be okay. 00:07:56.150 --> 00:07:57.619 But it's okay to not be okay. 00:07:58.619 --> 00:08:01.019 So again, I can acknowledge I've made it through. 00:08:01.289 --> 00:08:02.699 I've made it through all those other times. 00:08:03.699 --> 00:08:05.319 But what the hell do I do right now? 00:08:06.069 --> 00:08:06.789 When it's not. 00:08:06.789 --> 00:08:07.269 Okay. 00:08:08.019 --> 00:08:10.239 When it's hard to get through. 00:08:10.899 --> 00:08:12.009 The things that I'm feeling. 00:08:12.549 --> 00:08:13.149 Right now. 00:08:13.629 --> 00:08:14.019 So. 00:08:14.649 --> 00:08:17.559 I feel like this is a chance for me to be vulnerable. 00:08:18.559 --> 00:08:19.999 And talk about it and process it. 00:08:20.339 --> 00:08:22.019 Let me just walk you through what. 00:08:22.949 --> 00:08:24.809 What the last couple of days have looked like for me. 00:08:25.409 --> 00:08:28.379 , specifically yesterday, because that's, that was the worst of it. 00:08:29.379 --> 00:08:31.570 Started the day off, started feeling a little weird. 00:08:32.569 --> 00:08:33.799 I started feeling anxious. 00:08:34.309 --> 00:08:37.639 And so I immediately was like, okay, let me do my things that usually work. 00:08:37.939 --> 00:08:40.879 So I took an anxiety medication. 00:08:40.879 --> 00:08:41.239 I have. 00:08:42.239 --> 00:08:43.380 I went and I got the mail. 00:08:43.679 --> 00:08:45.150 I got out of my apartment for a second. 00:08:45.839 --> 00:08:48.419 I turned on a meditation and I did some breathing. 00:08:49.349 --> 00:08:50.159 I started with that. 00:08:50.729 --> 00:08:51.329 And. 00:08:52.329 --> 00:08:52.809 Guess what. 00:08:53.769 --> 00:08:56.079 None of those worked didn't even slightly take the edge off. 00:08:56.709 --> 00:08:58.929 And my anxiety just kept getting worse and worse and worse. 00:08:59.319 --> 00:09:01.689 And so I was kind of getting to a panicky moment. 00:09:02.689 --> 00:09:05.869 Because typically, like I can do the things I can use the tools. 00:09:06.869 --> 00:09:07.889 That I've learned in. 00:09:08.889 --> 00:09:10.899 Therapy or working on myself or whatever. 00:09:10.899 --> 00:09:13.419 I can usually use those tools and it'll at least take the edge off, 00:09:13.749 --> 00:09:15.249 but this is not, it was not helping. 00:09:15.549 --> 00:09:18.039 So I immediately was kind of going into panic mode. 00:09:18.629 --> 00:09:23.399 I was having to focus really hard to not straight up, have a full blown. 00:09:23.999 --> 00:09:25.439 Panic attack, anxiety attack. 00:09:26.439 --> 00:09:27.699 Again, none of those things did anything. 00:09:27.759 --> 00:09:32.499 So then I went to my next thing, which is putting an ice pack on my chest and. 00:09:33.369 --> 00:09:35.559 I have this little way to dinosaur. 00:09:36.559 --> 00:09:37.909 So I curled up in my bed. 00:09:37.909 --> 00:09:41.329 I put on a comfort show and my ice pack on my chest and my way to dinosaur. 00:09:42.329 --> 00:09:45.569 And I just try it and I was breathing and breathing and breathing. 00:09:46.569 --> 00:09:47.739 Which side note. 00:09:48.739 --> 00:09:50.689 The best breathing thing I've found for anxiety. 00:09:51.109 --> 00:09:52.459 You breathe in for four counts. 00:09:52.669 --> 00:09:54.949 Pause for one, breathe out for eight counts. 00:09:55.949 --> 00:09:56.879 Works like a charm. 00:09:57.879 --> 00:10:00.189 Except it didn't yesterday, but usually it works like a charm. 00:10:00.399 --> 00:10:00.819 But. 00:10:01.659 --> 00:10:01.899 Anyway. 00:10:01.899 --> 00:10:02.769 So I did that for awhile. 00:10:03.769 --> 00:10:05.989 And guess what still wasn't feeling any better. 00:10:06.559 --> 00:10:07.219 So. 00:10:08.089 --> 00:10:11.299 Then I finally did what I think is. 00:10:12.259 --> 00:10:13.099 Debatably. 00:10:14.099 --> 00:10:16.109 The most important thing I did the whole day. 00:10:16.659 --> 00:10:18.669 But I just sent a text to my mother. 00:10:19.569 --> 00:10:19.839 Nothing. 00:10:19.839 --> 00:10:20.709 I didn't even say anything. 00:10:20.739 --> 00:10:23.709 I just asked if she, if she could talk, she was busy. 00:10:24.709 --> 00:10:25.129 But. 00:10:26.129 --> 00:10:30.900 In that moment, even in just asking if she was busy, I was beginning 00:10:30.900 --> 00:10:32.759 the process of asking for help. 00:10:33.150 --> 00:10:35.609 Of letting somebody else know that I was not okay. 00:10:36.060 --> 00:10:38.369 Which is really hard to do and really scary. 00:10:38.999 --> 00:10:41.160 But that's, that's how, that's where I was at. 00:10:42.160 --> 00:10:42.729 So. 00:10:43.729 --> 00:10:44.449 Texted my mom. 00:10:45.449 --> 00:10:47.400 And the next important thing I did is. 00:10:48.400 --> 00:10:48.910 I did. 00:10:49.360 --> 00:10:50.200 I did something. 00:10:50.690 --> 00:10:51.260 I got up. 00:10:51.480 --> 00:10:54.120 And I got in my car and I went to the store. 00:10:54.780 --> 00:10:56.850 And I told myself, I didn't even have to go inside, but I 00:10:56.850 --> 00:10:58.050 needed to just at least go there. 00:10:58.500 --> 00:10:59.100 Shockingly. 00:10:59.100 --> 00:11:00.690 I did go inside and I was okay. 00:11:01.230 --> 00:11:04.710 And then while I was in there, my mom ended up calling me and. 00:11:05.710 --> 00:11:08.230 Kind of told her, you know, I was in public, I was in the store. 00:11:08.320 --> 00:11:09.430 Couldn't really get into it, but. 00:11:10.180 --> 00:11:11.560 Kind of told her what was going on. 00:11:11.710 --> 00:11:13.360 And we talked and. 00:11:14.360 --> 00:11:17.720 I just like w you know, then by the time I got back in my car was still 00:11:17.720 --> 00:11:20.870 on the phone with her., And I just let her know, like the, I was really 00:11:20.870 --> 00:11:23.690 struggling and that I was scared. 00:11:24.000 --> 00:11:25.920 And then I just like, didn't really know what to do. 00:11:26.750 --> 00:11:28.400 . And, you know, she didn't have all the answers. 00:11:28.400 --> 00:11:29.060 She didn't have. 00:11:29.660 --> 00:11:30.650 The immediate fix. 00:11:30.650 --> 00:11:32.630 She didn't have anything like that, but. 00:11:33.630 --> 00:11:37.530 But I was reminded in that moment, just in talking to another human about it. 00:11:38.530 --> 00:11:42.459 That I am loved that I am worth it, that I am like. 00:11:43.459 --> 00:11:44.270 That I have. 00:11:44.750 --> 00:11:45.890 A support system. 00:11:46.640 --> 00:11:48.469 Even if it is just a couple of people. 00:11:49.469 --> 00:11:50.699 And I was just reminded of that. 00:11:50.699 --> 00:11:52.529 And there's something about that human connection. 00:11:52.529 --> 00:11:55.529 And there's something about opening up about things and being vulnerable and. 00:11:56.339 --> 00:11:58.289 Sharing how you're feeling that does. 00:11:59.289 --> 00:12:01.149 Take the edge off a little bit. 00:12:01.629 --> 00:12:04.839 Because that was the one thing that I felt like made any difference 00:12:04.839 --> 00:12:05.739 at that point in the day. 00:12:06.219 --> 00:12:07.959 Were saying it out loud. 00:12:08.959 --> 00:12:10.039 Putting it out there. 00:12:11.039 --> 00:12:12.719 I think just for a second, it was like, okay. 00:12:12.989 --> 00:12:14.129 Maybe I'm going to be okay. 00:12:14.159 --> 00:12:14.489 Right. 00:12:14.909 --> 00:12:17.639 So that was kind of the start of like potentially being okay. 00:12:18.639 --> 00:12:19.269 And then. 00:12:20.269 --> 00:12:22.519 After I was on the phone with her, my dad happened to text me. 00:12:22.549 --> 00:12:26.239 And so I called my dad and I. 00:12:26.959 --> 00:12:28.339 Just immediately. 00:12:29.119 --> 00:12:30.109 Started crying. 00:12:30.479 --> 00:12:33.029 And I just told him, like, I am having a really bad day., 00:12:33.329 --> 00:12:34.619 I just started crying. 00:12:35.309 --> 00:12:35.939 And. 00:12:36.939 --> 00:12:39.639 And I just like told him a little bit about how I was feeling 00:12:39.669 --> 00:12:41.199 and what was happening and. 00:12:42.189 --> 00:12:45.939 How frustrated I was and he just, he listened. 00:12:46.629 --> 00:12:47.679 But my mom did too. 00:12:48.199 --> 00:12:49.759 And, you know, it was just like, what can I do? 00:12:49.759 --> 00:12:51.109 Like, what can we do for you? 00:12:51.109 --> 00:12:53.179 Like, we will do whatever we need to do. 00:12:54.149 --> 00:12:55.559 , And we just talked for a bit. 00:12:56.489 --> 00:12:57.179 And. 00:12:58.179 --> 00:13:00.879 Talk to him kind of a grounding way of like, Hey, here's, what's going on? 00:13:00.909 --> 00:13:03.759 Like here are these good things you've got going for you. 00:13:04.309 --> 00:13:08.059 And my dad just said, You know, he said something along the lines of 00:13:08.059 --> 00:13:09.709 like, we'll do whatever we need to do. 00:13:09.709 --> 00:13:10.999 Like if you need to come home. 00:13:11.629 --> 00:13:15.169 If you need to take a break, like whatever, we will make it happen. 00:13:15.979 --> 00:13:17.449 Because you are so worth it. 00:13:18.449 --> 00:13:20.609 And that line right there, like that. 00:13:21.609 --> 00:13:23.589 You are so worth it. 00:13:24.489 --> 00:13:25.209 I'm like. 00:13:26.169 --> 00:13:28.899 If you're watching this video on YouTube tears in my eyes, but. 00:13:29.899 --> 00:13:31.609 You are so worth. 00:13:32.609 --> 00:13:34.289 Getting the help that you need. 00:13:35.289 --> 00:13:36.429 Like bottom line. 00:13:37.429 --> 00:13:39.259 And I'm not, this is not something my dad said at this 00:13:39.259 --> 00:13:40.579 point, I'm saying this to you. 00:13:40.909 --> 00:13:41.359 Listening. 00:13:42.359 --> 00:13:46.019 You are so worth getting the help that you need. 00:13:47.019 --> 00:13:48.369 Whatever that means. 00:13:49.149 --> 00:13:51.339 Um, you know, whether we're talking. 00:13:52.339 --> 00:13:52.699 Gosh. 00:13:52.819 --> 00:13:53.629 Whether we're talking. 00:13:54.019 --> 00:13:56.479 Medication therapy friends. 00:13:57.479 --> 00:14:00.779 Exercise, like picking up hobbies, whatever it is. 00:14:01.199 --> 00:14:02.669 You are so worth. 00:14:03.359 --> 00:14:04.769 Getting the help that you need. 00:14:05.769 --> 00:14:11.289 Because your life is so worth it because you are so worth it. 00:14:12.289 --> 00:14:15.799 And I think just like, I don't know, just hearing that was like, okay. 00:14:16.799 --> 00:14:20.129 Because I think when you're in the midst of the, of the dark scary times, it's 00:14:20.579 --> 00:14:22.859 you almost like dissociate a little bit? 00:14:22.859 --> 00:14:23.939 I think too. 00:14:24.359 --> 00:14:24.539 B. 00:14:24.569 --> 00:14:25.079 Okay. 00:14:25.979 --> 00:14:29.309 And so to be reminded like you are still, you. 00:14:30.269 --> 00:14:32.999 Even in those times, like you are still, you. 00:14:33.999 --> 00:14:38.079 And your life still matters and making sure that you end up okay. 00:14:38.169 --> 00:14:39.129 Still matters. 00:14:39.459 --> 00:14:40.509 Like sometimes you've just. 00:14:41.509 --> 00:14:42.289 You need that? 00:14:42.339 --> 00:14:43.509 That grounding almost. 00:14:43.509 --> 00:14:44.199 I don't know I did. 00:14:44.229 --> 00:14:44.739 I needed it. 00:14:45.199 --> 00:14:46.639 But just that reminder, like. 00:14:47.209 --> 00:14:48.259 Asking for help. 00:14:49.259 --> 00:14:50.819 It's not weak. 00:14:51.029 --> 00:14:52.079 It is not bad. 00:14:52.079 --> 00:14:53.759 There's nothing wrong with asking for help. 00:14:53.789 --> 00:14:55.289 There's nothing wrong with going to therapy. 00:14:55.289 --> 00:14:57.389 There's nothing wrong with working on yourself. 00:14:57.389 --> 00:14:59.729 There is nothing wrong with being medicated. 00:14:59.729 --> 00:15:00.809 If that's what you need to be. 00:15:00.809 --> 00:15:01.259 Okay. 00:15:02.259 --> 00:15:04.269 Because not only are you worth that? 00:15:05.229 --> 00:15:05.889 But you. 00:15:06.639 --> 00:15:11.619 Just by being here just by existing, you deserve a good, happy life. 00:15:12.619 --> 00:15:16.609 You deserve to feel more than just the bad, scary things, 00:15:17.149 --> 00:15:18.409 just because you're human. 00:15:18.439 --> 00:15:19.669 And just because you exist. 00:15:20.029 --> 00:15:22.249 There's no, you don't need to prove anything you don't need to do. 00:15:22.279 --> 00:15:22.849 Like you. 00:15:23.329 --> 00:15:25.279 Deserve a good life period. 00:15:25.279 --> 00:15:25.879 End of story. 00:15:26.749 --> 00:15:28.609 And you were so worth. 00:15:29.609 --> 00:15:31.109 Whatever it takes to get you there. 00:15:32.109 --> 00:15:32.679 Anyways. 00:15:33.009 --> 00:15:33.789 Having a moment. 00:15:34.089 --> 00:15:35.499 We're being vulnerable, but. 00:15:36.499 --> 00:15:36.919 But anyways. 00:15:36.949 --> 00:15:39.859 So I talked to my people, I talked to my support system. 00:15:40.249 --> 00:15:41.659 My parents are my support system. 00:15:42.659 --> 00:15:43.349 I talked to them. 00:15:43.349 --> 00:15:44.699 I let them know where I was at. 00:15:45.699 --> 00:15:46.629 And I was reminded. 00:15:47.629 --> 00:15:48.469 Then I'm not alone. 00:15:49.189 --> 00:15:50.269 Then I'm not alone. 00:15:50.719 --> 00:15:53.179 That I don't have to carry this all by myself. 00:15:53.569 --> 00:15:55.309 And I think just to be reminded of that. 00:15:56.309 --> 00:15:58.139 Again, huge step in the right direction. 00:15:58.169 --> 00:15:59.219 Makes a big difference. 00:15:59.219 --> 00:16:00.749 It does take the edge off a little bit. 00:16:01.179 --> 00:16:03.099 And so then after that, I went to. 00:16:03.879 --> 00:16:04.359 The gym. 00:16:04.659 --> 00:16:07.269 And I went to the gym knowing like either this is going to be a terrible 00:16:07.269 --> 00:16:09.789 idea and I'm going to get my heart rate up and I'm going to go full on 00:16:09.789 --> 00:16:12.069 panic mode and it's going to suck or. 00:16:13.069 --> 00:16:16.399 Gonna, you know, get the endorphins going and get the dopamine levels up. 00:16:17.399 --> 00:16:19.529 Release some of these things I'm feeling. 00:16:19.869 --> 00:16:20.529 And there'll be good. 00:16:21.219 --> 00:16:21.729 So. 00:16:22.729 --> 00:16:27.319 It was 50 50, went into it, knowing it could go either way and think, goodness. 00:16:28.129 --> 00:16:30.649 It ended up being a positive thing, ended up being a release. 00:16:30.679 --> 00:16:30.919 It. 00:16:31.519 --> 00:16:32.599 It was very therapeutic. 00:16:32.809 --> 00:16:34.549 It was like just an outlet. 00:16:34.549 --> 00:16:35.569 It was a way to. 00:16:36.569 --> 00:16:38.249 Get all the things out and. 00:16:38.999 --> 00:16:41.519 For the hour that I was there, I felt normal. 00:16:42.029 --> 00:16:43.889 Like for that whole hour I felt normal. 00:16:43.979 --> 00:16:46.799 And then I went home and I didn't feel normal anymore, but. 00:16:47.799 --> 00:16:48.549 I felt normal. 00:16:48.849 --> 00:16:52.539 For that hour and just that like little break from the scary stuff. 00:16:53.539 --> 00:16:54.649 Made a huge difference. 00:16:54.749 --> 00:16:56.489 Like genuinely made a huge difference. 00:16:57.489 --> 00:17:01.629 And I feel like I just got like, A quick breath of fresh air and like got 00:17:01.629 --> 00:17:05.439 to regroup a little bit before kind of diving back into the scary stuff. 00:17:05.859 --> 00:17:06.159 But. 00:17:07.159 --> 00:17:08.569 It was, it was important. 00:17:08.569 --> 00:17:09.049 And I think. 00:17:10.049 --> 00:17:13.349 Um, you know, on top of that, it was, it was just. 00:17:14.349 --> 00:17:15.489 I did something, right. 00:17:15.489 --> 00:17:19.149 Like I did something other than just sitting in the discomfort. 00:17:19.969 --> 00:17:20.959 I did something. 00:17:21.019 --> 00:17:24.559 And this is something that my dad and I have talked about in other episodes. 00:17:24.559 --> 00:17:28.549 And my dad talks about a lot too, like just in his other podcasts. 00:17:29.089 --> 00:17:31.399 And I'm sure it with clients, but just that. 00:17:31.999 --> 00:17:34.699 This the idea of, of being in doing. 00:17:34.849 --> 00:17:35.959 Just being and doing. 00:17:36.959 --> 00:17:40.889 Because there's so much power in being in doing versus just sitting and ruminating. 00:17:40.949 --> 00:17:42.209 And that is so true. 00:17:42.209 --> 00:17:44.189 And I feel like it just keeps proving to be true. 00:17:45.059 --> 00:17:47.519 Over and over and over again, because yes, it's important 00:17:47.519 --> 00:17:48.479 to feel the feelings, right? 00:17:48.479 --> 00:17:50.579 Like sometimes you do have to sit there and feel the feelings and it's 00:17:50.579 --> 00:17:51.779 uncomfortable and it's horrible. 00:17:52.409 --> 00:17:53.699 But there's a difference between. 00:17:54.689 --> 00:17:57.629 Feeling the feelings and just sitting there ruminating and just 00:17:57.629 --> 00:18:01.949 like spiraling and going down into the depths because that's what I was 00:18:01.949 --> 00:18:03.299 doing when I was just sitting around. 00:18:03.329 --> 00:18:03.749 So. 00:18:04.749 --> 00:18:08.769 This idea of being in doing whether it's like, it can be the smallest things. 00:18:09.039 --> 00:18:11.109 And we've talked about this before, but like literally if it's 00:18:11.439 --> 00:18:13.569 doing a puzzle or some Legos or. 00:18:14.569 --> 00:18:16.339 Playing a video game or. 00:18:17.339 --> 00:18:19.259 Making some food, getting the mail. 00:18:19.679 --> 00:18:23.039 Going on a little walk, like calling a friend, anything. 00:18:23.789 --> 00:18:25.409 Doing those little things. 00:18:26.409 --> 00:18:29.049 Makes a difference and it helps genuinely. 00:18:29.049 --> 00:18:30.759 And so just being in, doing. 00:18:31.389 --> 00:18:32.289 Is so important. 00:18:32.289 --> 00:18:34.809 And so I'm trying to like, keep doing that then today. 00:18:34.809 --> 00:18:35.499 Again, I like. 00:18:36.499 --> 00:18:37.339 I ended up taking. 00:18:38.329 --> 00:18:38.809 The client. 00:18:39.229 --> 00:18:39.829 And. 00:18:40.759 --> 00:18:41.899 That I didn't have scheduled. 00:18:42.139 --> 00:18:44.089 And spending some time with some family and. 00:18:45.089 --> 00:18:48.119 And for that little bit of time, like I was able to be okay because I was 00:18:48.119 --> 00:18:51.449 being in doing, I was doing something other than just sitting there. 00:18:52.409 --> 00:18:54.419 Ruminating on the scary things. 00:18:54.879 --> 00:18:55.629 Because it works. 00:18:55.749 --> 00:18:56.199 It works. 00:18:56.839 --> 00:18:58.219 Oh, but also side note. 00:18:58.279 --> 00:19:00.619 Can I, can I say, can I complain about something? 00:19:00.619 --> 00:19:01.579 Can I say something here? 00:19:02.169 --> 00:19:02.949 Back to the gym. 00:19:03.949 --> 00:19:04.999 This has happened three times. 00:19:05.029 --> 00:19:05.239 K. 00:19:05.269 --> 00:19:06.739 This was the third time this has happened. 00:19:07.279 --> 00:19:10.369 Where I'm on the treadmill and I'm literally running. 00:19:10.639 --> 00:19:11.689 Okay, I'm running. 00:19:11.689 --> 00:19:14.329 I have a hat on, I have my headphones on running. 00:19:15.049 --> 00:19:18.319 And in this, in this gym, there are two rows of treadmills. 00:19:18.349 --> 00:19:19.639 There are so many treadmills. 00:19:20.059 --> 00:19:21.169 And it was late at night. 00:19:21.199 --> 00:19:22.489 There were not a lot of people in there. 00:19:23.059 --> 00:19:25.609 And so this has happened three times. 00:19:25.909 --> 00:19:27.769 Where I'm running, I'm doing my thing. 00:19:28.369 --> 00:19:29.389 I'm sweating. 00:19:30.389 --> 00:19:31.319 Nobody talked to me. 00:19:31.379 --> 00:19:32.429 I'm like in the zone. 00:19:33.429 --> 00:19:35.499 And then I can see out of the corner of my eye, somebody gets 00:19:35.499 --> 00:19:36.999 on the treadmill right next to me. 00:19:37.269 --> 00:19:38.769 Let me go somewhere else. 00:19:38.769 --> 00:19:40.509 There are a hundred different treadmills you could go to. 00:19:40.509 --> 00:19:41.289 Why are you on this one? 00:19:42.289 --> 00:19:43.189 And then they just sit there. 00:19:43.219 --> 00:19:44.059 They're just walk. 00:19:44.149 --> 00:19:46.519 They're just sitting there walking and I'm like, okay, whatever. 00:19:46.519 --> 00:19:49.189 I'll just do my thing, but I can tell they keep like looking over at me. 00:19:49.699 --> 00:19:51.719 And I'm like, Please stop. 00:19:51.959 --> 00:19:53.189 I'm in the middle of something here. 00:19:54.029 --> 00:19:54.509 And then. 00:19:55.509 --> 00:19:56.409 The second. 00:19:56.949 --> 00:19:59.139 This girl asked me this question. 00:19:59.169 --> 00:20:02.289 I knew it was the same girl that has been these other two times. 00:20:03.099 --> 00:20:03.999 And so I was like, okay, here we go. 00:20:03.999 --> 00:20:04.689 For a third time. 00:20:05.049 --> 00:20:06.879 But picks something like. 00:20:07.719 --> 00:20:08.439 Oh, my gosh. 00:20:08.529 --> 00:20:09.699 Where did you get your nails done? 00:20:09.699 --> 00:20:10.389 They're so cute. 00:20:10.389 --> 00:20:10.629 Or. 00:20:11.499 --> 00:20:12.129 Yesterday. 00:20:12.129 --> 00:20:12.669 It was. 00:20:13.539 --> 00:20:14.769 What perfume are you wearing? 00:20:14.769 --> 00:20:15.789 It smells so good. 00:20:15.849 --> 00:20:17.139 I'm like, oh, I'm on the treadmill. 00:20:17.139 --> 00:20:17.859 I'm sweaty. 00:20:17.859 --> 00:20:18.669 What do you mean. 00:20:19.669 --> 00:20:20.209 But anyways. 00:20:21.209 --> 00:20:22.949 I sat in, I don't know how to ignore people. 00:20:22.949 --> 00:20:23.519 I don't know how to. 00:20:24.299 --> 00:20:26.459 Because anyone I've told this to, they're like, well, you have headphones in. 00:20:26.459 --> 00:20:28.049 Like, you could easily just not say anything. 00:20:28.079 --> 00:20:29.549 And it would be technically. 00:20:29.579 --> 00:20:29.969 Okay. 00:20:30.389 --> 00:20:32.699 But I don't know how to not like respond. 00:20:32.729 --> 00:20:34.079 So I responded. 00:20:35.079 --> 00:20:36.369 And every time, all three times. 00:20:36.579 --> 00:20:39.549 Then she starts asking something like, where are you from? 00:20:39.819 --> 00:20:43.449 About whatever, like making little things and then it always flips back to. 00:20:44.199 --> 00:20:45.009 What do you do? 00:20:45.639 --> 00:20:47.109 Are you happy doing what you do? 00:20:47.529 --> 00:20:49.269 And anyways, long story short, it ends up. 00:20:49.479 --> 00:20:52.659 Then she goes into, she turns it into this like, well, me and my 00:20:52.659 --> 00:20:54.129 husband never have to work anymore. 00:20:54.129 --> 00:20:55.629 And we always go on vacation and blah, blah, blah. 00:20:56.139 --> 00:20:56.619 And. 00:20:57.549 --> 00:20:58.539 It's like an MLM. 00:20:59.539 --> 00:21:00.139 Scam. 00:21:00.769 --> 00:21:01.309 Scheme. 00:21:02.059 --> 00:21:02.419 Thing. 00:21:03.389 --> 00:21:05.099 That she's trying to recruit me for, but. 00:21:06.099 --> 00:21:06.909 I go into the gym. 00:21:07.299 --> 00:21:08.169 At 10 o'clock at night. 00:21:09.169 --> 00:21:10.639 To recruit people for an MLM. 00:21:11.539 --> 00:21:12.079 It's ballsy. 00:21:12.469 --> 00:21:13.009 It's ballsy. 00:21:13.729 --> 00:21:14.059 Anyways. 00:21:14.089 --> 00:21:15.019 So that's my complaint. 00:21:15.089 --> 00:21:18.119 Back to the regularly scheduled program here. 00:21:19.119 --> 00:21:20.619 Except is that, am I being dramatic? 00:21:20.679 --> 00:21:21.489 I feel like it's weird. 00:21:21.709 --> 00:21:22.459 So now I'm afraid. 00:21:23.459 --> 00:21:24.929 Of that girl in the treadmill. 00:21:25.279 --> 00:21:25.729 Anyways. 00:21:26.729 --> 00:21:27.359 Then I. 00:21:27.989 --> 00:21:29.339 Drove home and. 00:21:30.339 --> 00:21:30.999 I played a song. 00:21:30.999 --> 00:21:34.689 I have a playlist that has songs that I listened to when I'm anxious and when the 00:21:34.689 --> 00:21:36.279 world is ending and when I'm not okay. 00:21:37.239 --> 00:21:38.649 And there's one. 00:21:39.349 --> 00:21:41.419 , it's called nothing's all the time by. 00:21:42.419 --> 00:21:44.249 Ashley something I can't think of her last name. 00:21:45.189 --> 00:21:46.479 , Let me just read you some of the lyrics. 00:21:46.479 --> 00:21:46.659 K. 00:21:46.659 --> 00:21:48.849 Cause I was, I was crying like a little baby. 00:21:49.269 --> 00:21:51.369 Driving home from the gym as I was listening to this. 00:21:52.369 --> 00:21:54.859 Good things never last and neither do the bad things. 00:21:54.889 --> 00:21:57.739 Easy saying there aren't, but never when it's happening happy or I'm sad. 00:21:57.769 --> 00:21:58.999 It all feels everlasting. 00:21:59.839 --> 00:22:00.979 Always when it's happening. 00:22:01.779 --> 00:22:05.649 Pull me out of the state of mind, hold me down until I realized that 00:22:05.649 --> 00:22:07.869 nothing lasts nothing's all the time. 00:22:08.529 --> 00:22:11.409 So when it feels like I won't make it out alive, just remind 00:22:11.439 --> 00:22:13.269 me of all the storms I survived. 00:22:13.749 --> 00:22:16.419 Nothing lasts nothing's all the time. 00:22:17.419 --> 00:22:20.839 Really hard to, to read a song lyrics without singing them. 00:22:21.499 --> 00:22:23.299 So you almost just got serenaded. 00:22:23.449 --> 00:22:24.439 Good grief. 00:22:24.529 --> 00:22:24.859 Okay. 00:22:24.989 --> 00:22:26.249 Nothing is all the time. 00:22:26.489 --> 00:22:27.959 No feeling is final. 00:22:28.959 --> 00:22:29.979 No feeling is final. 00:22:30.979 --> 00:22:31.429 What. 00:22:31.909 --> 00:22:32.809 Hold on pause. 00:22:33.559 --> 00:22:34.039 A quote, 00:22:34.039 --> 00:22:35.389 let everything happen to you. 00:22:35.629 --> 00:22:36.769 Beauty and terror. 00:22:36.859 --> 00:22:37.759 Just keep going. 00:22:37.789 --> 00:22:38.959 No feeling is final. 00:22:39.959 --> 00:22:42.969 And this is like a sad thought in the sense that like, The good 00:22:42.969 --> 00:22:45.939 things aren't necessarily permanent feelings either, but we're not 00:22:45.939 --> 00:22:46.899 going to focus on that right now. 00:22:46.959 --> 00:22:48.429 We're just going to focus on the fact that. 00:22:49.429 --> 00:22:50.389 No feeling is final. 00:22:50.479 --> 00:22:52.159 No negative feeling is final. 00:22:52.249 --> 00:22:54.229 No negative feeling is permanent. 00:22:55.229 --> 00:22:56.519 They do not last forever. 00:22:56.819 --> 00:22:58.259 Even when it feels like they do. 00:22:58.649 --> 00:22:59.729 They do not last forever. 00:23:00.729 --> 00:23:01.119 So. 00:23:02.119 --> 00:23:03.169 That's always a good reminder. 00:23:03.169 --> 00:23:06.709 And also another thing, a side note, then I came home today 00:23:06.709 --> 00:23:08.089 after my clients and stuff. 00:23:08.089 --> 00:23:08.209 And. 00:23:08.879 --> 00:23:14.369 , I got this star projector for Christmas, because one thing about me is the 00:23:14.369 --> 00:23:16.109 stars are basically the reason I live. 00:23:16.139 --> 00:23:18.289 I love the stars., I love stars. 00:23:18.859 --> 00:23:21.229 Nothing brings more peace than just looking at stars. 00:23:21.349 --> 00:23:23.449 But anyways, I got this little star projector thing. 00:23:24.449 --> 00:23:26.129 It's not just like your regular star projector. 00:23:26.159 --> 00:23:27.569 It's really, it's really cool. 00:23:27.629 --> 00:23:29.069 It's really fun and cool. 00:23:29.319 --> 00:23:29.709 Just looks like. 00:23:29.859 --> 00:23:33.099 Galaxy like cool projection all over. 00:23:34.099 --> 00:23:35.029 Highly recommend. 00:23:36.029 --> 00:23:36.449 Everyone. 00:23:36.479 --> 00:23:37.499 I think everyone needs one. 00:23:37.829 --> 00:23:38.669 Everyone needs one. 00:23:39.669 --> 00:23:40.719 It's kind of life-changing. 00:23:41.289 --> 00:23:41.979 You throw it on. 00:23:42.459 --> 00:23:43.149 You sit there. 00:23:43.809 --> 00:23:44.319 You look. 00:23:45.129 --> 00:23:45.729 You feel. 00:23:46.329 --> 00:23:46.869 It's good. 00:23:46.989 --> 00:23:50.129 It's good stuff So, so here's the thing. 00:23:51.129 --> 00:23:52.089 I did all the things. 00:23:52.929 --> 00:23:54.609 I did all the things I know how to do. 00:23:54.969 --> 00:23:55.569 And. 00:23:56.319 --> 00:23:59.319 I still don't feel totally normal. 00:23:59.989 --> 00:24:03.229 ANd I'm still having some of the scaries and. 00:24:04.229 --> 00:24:05.909 I don't know what tomorrow will be. 00:24:05.909 --> 00:24:09.329 Like maybe tomorrow will be the most anxious day yet, or maybe 00:24:09.329 --> 00:24:12.509 it'll be the most peaceful day I've had since I've been back. 00:24:13.289 --> 00:24:14.609 I don't know, I'll deal with it tomorrow. 00:24:14.759 --> 00:24:15.869 It's not a problem for right now. 00:24:15.989 --> 00:24:16.859 We'll deal with that later. 00:24:17.009 --> 00:24:17.399 But. 00:24:18.399 --> 00:24:20.139 But I'm a little bit better, right? 00:24:20.139 --> 00:24:20.769 This second. 00:24:21.769 --> 00:24:23.599 Then I was not too long ago. 00:24:24.589 --> 00:24:25.639 And so that's something. 00:24:26.639 --> 00:24:29.069 But I feel like it's really the takeaways here. 00:24:29.309 --> 00:24:31.199 From my whole sob story, there are. 00:24:31.979 --> 00:24:33.119 To do and be. 00:24:33.809 --> 00:24:36.569 Being a noon doing and being., But mostly. 00:24:37.569 --> 00:24:38.409 Ask for help. 00:24:39.369 --> 00:24:39.939 Ask for help. 00:24:40.939 --> 00:24:41.479 It's okay. 00:24:42.349 --> 00:24:43.069 Everyone needs help. 00:24:43.699 --> 00:24:44.299 Life is hard. 00:24:44.419 --> 00:24:44.989 It's scary. 00:24:44.989 --> 00:24:45.979 There's a lot going on here. 00:24:46.639 --> 00:24:48.469 , And whether that means professional. 00:24:48.979 --> 00:24:51.859 You know, psychologist, psychiatrist, therapist. 00:24:52.279 --> 00:24:52.639 Help. 00:24:53.639 --> 00:24:54.179 Or. 00:24:54.810 --> 00:24:55.530 That means. 00:24:56.279 --> 00:24:58.769 Calling a parent or a friend or a sibling. 00:24:59.769 --> 00:25:00.549 Ask for help. 00:25:01.549 --> 00:25:04.069 Because I just don't think that we were meant. 00:25:04.399 --> 00:25:08.209 I don't think we were meant to do this life completely by ourselves. 00:25:09.139 --> 00:25:10.729 I think we're designed to. 00:25:11.570 --> 00:25:12.649 Connect in that. 00:25:13.649 --> 00:25:15.870 That goes into asking for help. 00:25:16.320 --> 00:25:16.980 And being okay. 00:25:16.980 --> 00:25:19.110 And talking about things and not being okay. 00:25:19.200 --> 00:25:20.130 And talking about things. 00:25:21.130 --> 00:25:22.240 Do and be. 00:25:22.780 --> 00:25:23.410 And ask for help. 00:25:24.410 --> 00:25:24.980 Trust me. 00:25:25.980 --> 00:25:29.820 And even when it feels like things will never be okay again. 00:25:30.820 --> 00:25:31.330 They will be. 00:25:31.930 --> 00:25:33.550 They really will be somehow. 00:25:33.700 --> 00:25:34.180 I don't know. 00:25:34.360 --> 00:25:34.810 As I'm out, 00:25:35.810 --> 00:25:36.560 it will be okay. 00:25:36.919 --> 00:25:39.110 You just have to find a way to get through. 00:25:39.530 --> 00:25:40.070 Right now. 00:25:40.760 --> 00:25:43.070 Right now this moment, the present. 00:25:43.430 --> 00:25:43.790 Right. 00:25:43.879 --> 00:25:45.649 Oh, right this very second. 00:25:46.649 --> 00:25:47.879 And then that's what I'm telling myself. 00:25:47.879 --> 00:25:49.290 Like I just have to find a way. 00:25:49.920 --> 00:25:52.800 You know, yesterday, it was, it was pretty much hour by hour. 00:25:52.950 --> 00:25:55.860 It's like, I just have to find a way to get through this hour. 00:25:55.920 --> 00:25:59.970 And then today it's been more of just, just have to get through this day. 00:26:00.240 --> 00:26:02.070 Just have to get through this day. 00:26:02.830 --> 00:26:05.170 And again, mental health is so real. 00:26:05.650 --> 00:26:07.930 It is so real. 00:26:08.930 --> 00:26:10.430 And the feelings that come along with it. 00:26:10.790 --> 00:26:12.680 Are so real. 00:26:13.680 --> 00:26:15.330 But we're going to be okay. 00:26:16.110 --> 00:26:17.040 We're all going to be okay. 00:26:17.970 --> 00:26:19.170 Because no feeling is final. 00:26:20.170 --> 00:26:23.300 So anyways, that was a lot of me talking, but if you made it this far, 00:26:23.300 --> 00:26:24.170 it is going to be okay. 00:26:24.710 --> 00:26:26.660 It is somehow it's going to be okay. 00:26:26.780 --> 00:26:27.110 But. 00:26:28.110 --> 00:26:30.390 For right now for the moment that you are struggling. 00:26:30.600 --> 00:26:31.080 I. 00:26:31.800 --> 00:26:32.340 See you. 00:26:33.210 --> 00:26:33.930 And I feel you. 00:26:34.930 --> 00:26:36.640 And I'm so sorry. 00:26:37.410 --> 00:26:39.840 That you have to feel the things that you're feeling right now, but. 00:26:40.840 --> 00:26:42.280 Truly, truly, truly. 00:26:43.280 --> 00:26:44.330 You will get through this. 00:26:44.630 --> 00:26:45.500 I knew it will be okay. 00:26:46.220 --> 00:26:48.350 And I'm going to get through this and I'm going to be okay. 00:26:49.100 --> 00:26:50.180 We're all going to be okay. 00:26:51.180 --> 00:26:51.600 Anyways. 00:26:51.900 --> 00:26:56.730 Thanks for feeling feelings with me and, um, My dad will be back 00:26:56.730 --> 00:26:59.610 for the next episode and we'll be silly and goofy and whatever, but. 00:27:00.610 --> 00:27:01.930 Thanks for letting me be vulnerable. 00:27:02.440 --> 00:27:03.040 And. 00:27:03.910 --> 00:27:04.990 We're feeling all the feelings. 00:27:05.920 --> 00:27:06.160 Bye.