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Hey. Welcome to the Stephanie Stevens show where

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I help you discover the power of communication

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and the keys that unlock the doors to

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freedom.

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In every area of your life.

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Well, hey friend, welcome to the Stephanie Stevens

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show podcast.

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Today, John Bet joins us and he has

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become not only 1 of my own personal

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success coaches, but a very dear friend. John

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is an entrepreneur, a business consultant and leadership

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development trainer and he's got more than 30

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years of leadership experience in business and production

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management.

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And as a result of several years of

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leadership training with world class mentors and coaches,

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he's committed to a lifetime of personal development.

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And he shares his wisdom and his knowledge

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with us. We are honored and privileged to

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have him as a regular guest now. On

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this Stephanie Stevens show podcast,

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Just a side note now as services include

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executive coaching for entrepreneurs who really do wish

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to sharpen their skills and leadership training for

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management at all

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levels. I can tell you firsthand, he has

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made a tremendous impact on my own business,

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and even how I train my managers and

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employees. So I am incredibly grateful. We get

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to have John with us. John Bert of

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success paradigm.

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Awesome. Well, thanks again as always for joining

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us. We get so much out of our

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time together. I always learn. I know our

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friends listening learn as well. And so this

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is... It's so exciting that we get to

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kind of continue to unpack these issues of

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leadership as we go.

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And there are endless issues as it relates

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to being a good leader,

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and

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and really,

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being effective and impactful in the arenas were

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called. So this is perfect

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and timely. So thanks again, John. As always,

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I just wanna provide a quick little review

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based on our last conversation together, we talked

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about conflict

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resolution,

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And we went over

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a couple of really key components to

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wisely and effectively facilitating conflict resolution. And just

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a couple of the highlights and, again, friend,

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go back and listen if you haven't had

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a chance yet.

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It is our, John b conflict resolution episode.

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It is c full of actual practical tips

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and steps

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processes to go through to media conflict resolution.

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And some of the highlights included

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discussing facts only, in other words, keeping

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hearsay out of the mix, keeping emotion out

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of the mix and just dealing in fact,

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1 of the other things we talked about

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is how to assess whether or not,

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Both parties are good

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and have have kind of landed in a

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place where they believe they can ami move

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forward.

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We also talked about getting feedback and and

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collecting information at the end of a mediation

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session, wherein and we really find out what

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people learned and what they're taking. Away and

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how they're able to

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implement that.

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Going forward in their work relationships or personal

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relationships with each other.

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So I love that.

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1 of the things I took away from

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personally as well for my own company is

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making sure that some statements about conflict was

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are in our employee manual.

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You know, because it's 1 thing to say

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take your grievance here.

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It's another thing to kinda outline how conflict

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will be mediated. I think that's really beneficial.

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So today, John, let's get personal

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Last time it was all about helping our

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own group or our own sphere of influence

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or our own company, Our employees are volunteer.

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Groups, whatever it is that we're involved in,

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but

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what if the conflict

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is between us and somebody else.

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You know, that gets really personal, and it's

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much easier to separate out the ego.

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When you're just

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objectively listening to sides. But when you're the

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subject matter of the conflict,

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whether it be initiating it or on the

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receiving end of it,

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It's a whole

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different ballgame.

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So first things first,

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how do we see?

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How do we frame

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conflict on a personal level?

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Well, first of all, thank you for having

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me today. And so this done a real

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good time doing all this work with you,

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Stephanie. You And.

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The the simple answer is the principles are

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the same,

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whether it be in business or personal.

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So that... That's helpful at some level.

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Mh. However,

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it it and when you when you say,

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personal, meaning,

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outside of a business kind of personal or...

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Well, even if it's inside of a business,

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what if what if the conflict

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where, you know, is relating to you and

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a vendor or you and a partner or

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you and an employee for that matter.

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You know, what if it's kind of you're

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the subject.

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Yes. Yeah.

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Okay. So still, with that under the umbrella

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of that, the principles are all the same

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and conflict resolution, all we're doing is resolving

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conflict.

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And so let's say, somebody's accusing me of

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something. Right? Mh.

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So kinda kinda going backwards into this.

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I'm gonna always

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lean back on personal mastery.

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So we are just brought up an environment.

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Our world is... Always add odds. If... As

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as long as I can remember,

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going back decades,

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it had it's not changed much if anything

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has got worse,

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the the resentment, the hate and the anger

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that was seeing sp everywhere. So we're being

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bombarded with this constantly.

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Even if

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it's being on

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the talking heads on a television

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in another room. My subconscious is hearing all

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that stuff.

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So this is a bombardment.

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So personal Mastery is learning how to be

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the common in the storm is my favorite.

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Visual of the calm what the calm and

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the storm is,

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that when someone's coming at me with a

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agree,

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even if it's right,

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even if they're right about it is learning

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how to not be offended by that.

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That it is just

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feedback when somebody comes to me,

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and they're upset all something

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to always accept it as feedback

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because all all it is is this 1

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person usually,

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their experience of me.

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There whatever they're saying, they're experiencing something of

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me. And it...

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And who knows what in their wife

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they may be over reacting or reacting

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to something that happened in their life and

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I triggered them.

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Yeah. And I know that now that everybody

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that comes to me says anything to me.

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I know that the... Even if it's peaceful.

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If that's their experience of me that... And

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and

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that's feedback. Well, they come to me They

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they're nice and they're app praising and

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or they're mean and they're ugly and they

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are hateful right now and they're hating on

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me for some reason.

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Mh.

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So I always re the

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reaction often there's a difference between reaction and

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responding.

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So

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The reaction in knee jerk,

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bam, I'm gonna not like what they're saying

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and I'm gonna fight back. That's knee jerk.

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Boom boom boom.

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They're

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responding is,

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ask them questions,

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ask them, why... Where where did you get

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that information from? Why are you feeling the

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way you feel? What did I do that

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made you feel that way?

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What do what do you think about that,

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Stephanie?

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So

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I love it. I'm hearing you say, first

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things first, I'm gonna I'm gonna be honest

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because, you know,

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we learn so much about our own way

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of doing. When we hear

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ways of doing. So when you... The first

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thing you say when you say just

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understanding that it's not personal, d

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it. I think that's a practice.

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I think that's something that takes a little

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bit of time. And I think it takes

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a lot of emotional intelligence to be able

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to do that in the moment. We are

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so defense

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mechanism motivated

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that

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our

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initial knee jerk, you know,

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reaction is to react, not necessarily to respond.

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So I mean, as you said, John, personal,

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mastery

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is the framework by which

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everything else needs to fall into because of

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we are not mastering our own

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ego benz

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and our own propensity to be defensive,

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we're already, off of level ground because we're

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we're going to emotionally react. Right? It's it's

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what's programmed.

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So we have to make that

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unnatural. It can't be a default. We... Our

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nature has to be a nature that is

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outside of the realm of ego first and

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foremost,

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that is its own daily work. So

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so that's huge.

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Understanding what the term feedback means is also

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gonna be really important.

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Because you use that phrase a lot and

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I hear it a lot, and coming from

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the world I came in in broadcasting

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anytime we use the word feedback, it was

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because,

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from an audio standpoint,

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there was interference.

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If I got, I was getting feedback, it

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was, I was hearing 1 thing in 1

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ear, and maybe I was hearing an echo

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of myself

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you know, shortly thereafter. So it's

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It maybe has a different meaning than the

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feedback you're referring to so,

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let's just take this and chunk it down.

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What does feedback mean?

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When you just say it's just feedback.

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Is feedback something that's being reflected back to

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me that is me, being reflected back or

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is feedback just...

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Of observation.

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K.

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Personally, I think it's observation. It could it

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could be a reflection of you,

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but

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probably, a lot. Of it.

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Yep. All agree. Our of mind is when

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we understand that it's just feedback meaning. There

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they are given me their experience

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their experience of me. That's the feedback. Yeah.

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Their experience of me. So in a controlled

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condition like,

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a business. Right? Mh. They will be very

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controlled. You go into a conference room me,

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You sit down,

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people that get it,

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no enough to sit a person down and

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make them feel comfortable that they're about to

279
00:10:42,197 --> 00:10:42,915
receive feedback.

280
00:10:44,271 --> 00:10:44,750
Mh.

281
00:10:45,388 --> 00:10:47,084
Their they're they're they're

282
00:10:48,194 --> 00:10:49,888
their paradigm is that

283
00:10:50,821 --> 00:10:51,321
peaceful

284
00:10:52,732 --> 00:10:55,200
having a this conversation that something's not right

285
00:10:55,200 --> 00:10:55,996
here, John.

286
00:10:56,885 --> 00:10:58,631
And we're going to give be giving you

287
00:10:58,631 --> 00:11:00,163
some feedback on

288
00:11:00,774 --> 00:11:02,997
my experience of you or our experience of

289
00:11:02,997 --> 00:11:03,949
you. Yeah.

290
00:11:05,473 --> 00:11:07,087
So the... A well

291
00:11:07,463 --> 00:11:07,963
established

292
00:11:08,816 --> 00:11:10,646
environment company or entity,

293
00:11:11,601 --> 00:11:12,420
will have

294
00:11:13,606 --> 00:11:15,618
their their business will be run

295
00:11:15,994 --> 00:11:18,086
in that paradigm that that

296
00:11:18,620 --> 00:11:21,247
receiving everything is feedback, good battery and different

297
00:11:21,247 --> 00:11:22,282
with you like it or not.

298
00:11:23,174 --> 00:11:24,774
So we're getting back a little bit to

299
00:11:24,774 --> 00:11:25,174
the

300
00:11:25,654 --> 00:11:29,495
the reaction versus responding. Right? Yeah. So reaction

301
00:11:29,495 --> 00:11:30,454
was subconscious.

302
00:11:31,909 --> 00:11:32,808
It's but

303
00:11:33,187 --> 00:11:35,205
instantaneous. We aren't even thinking about

304
00:11:35,744 --> 00:11:38,221
anything other than being defensive,

305
00:11:39,353 --> 00:11:41,101
in justifying our behavior.

306
00:11:43,486 --> 00:11:46,688
That's reaction instantaneous. Right? And it comes from

307
00:11:46,838 --> 00:11:48,819
However old you ui, whatever your age is,

308
00:11:48,977 --> 00:11:51,538
is that many years of built up

309
00:11:53,018 --> 00:11:53,256
conditioning.

310
00:11:54,303 --> 00:11:55,736
Get matched. So we have rob robust.

311
00:11:57,329 --> 00:12:00,458
Responding is you take that pause, that magical

312
00:12:00,595 --> 00:12:03,877
pause, receive that information, and to not get

313
00:12:03,877 --> 00:12:05,175
angry about it Just

314
00:12:06,590 --> 00:12:09,223
responding is I'm thinking, I'm gonna be the

315
00:12:09,223 --> 00:12:10,202
common in the storm

316
00:12:11,469 --> 00:12:13,480
as much as it stings that that person's

317
00:12:14,411 --> 00:12:16,161
swear at at me or whatever they're doing.

318
00:12:17,910 --> 00:12:19,978
I'm going to respond in a peaceful manner.

319
00:12:20,629 --> 00:12:22,062
And. Use it the best way as to

320
00:12:22,062 --> 00:12:24,768
ask it's questions. Right? Mh. Are you familiar

321
00:12:25,166 --> 00:12:26,598
the book called the 4 agreements?

322
00:12:27,633 --> 00:12:28,588
Absolutely. Yeah.

323
00:12:29,384 --> 00:12:29,623
Yes.

324
00:12:30,260 --> 00:12:32,592
And So 1 of them is take nothing

325
00:12:32,592 --> 00:12:33,071
personal.

326
00:12:34,989 --> 00:12:36,906
I. 1 of the 4 that we have

327
00:12:36,906 --> 00:12:37,705
agreement myself.

328
00:12:38,999 --> 00:12:41,156
Is, you know, something and and when I'm

329
00:12:41,156 --> 00:12:42,594
teaching this in my workshops. Right?

330
00:12:43,713 --> 00:12:45,231
I always look at, like, the, give it

331
00:12:45,231 --> 00:12:47,558
5 tries, here. Right? If if somebody comes

332
00:12:47,558 --> 00:12:49,789
to you and says something really bad that

333
00:12:49,789 --> 00:12:51,302
maybe I swear too much. Let's just use

334
00:12:51,302 --> 00:12:52,179
that as an example.

335
00:12:52,896 --> 00:12:54,250
I'm say, well, I didn't think I swore

336
00:12:54,250 --> 00:12:54,909
it all

337
00:12:55,445 --> 00:12:57,288
here But it, you know, but a swear

338
00:12:57,288 --> 00:12:59,513
word to 1 person is just ex a,

339
00:13:00,785 --> 00:13:02,057
not a swear word to others, you know?

340
00:13:02,533 --> 00:13:02,692
Sure.

341
00:13:03,583 --> 00:13:05,336
Another person comes. And now I'll just stop

342
00:13:05,336 --> 00:13:07,647
thinking, okay. Now maybe, I am swearing.

343
00:13:08,444 --> 00:13:10,730
And then the third person we sat. And

344
00:13:10,929 --> 00:13:12,284
We need to start step back and say,

345
00:13:12,444 --> 00:13:13,981
okay, maybe I am swearing

346
00:13:14,836 --> 00:13:15,235
too much.

347
00:13:15,953 --> 00:13:16,351
Mh.

348
00:13:17,149 --> 00:13:19,541
And it's it's funny, III bring that because,

349
00:13:20,114 --> 00:13:20,672
friend of mine,

350
00:13:22,346 --> 00:13:24,100
who doesn't really... I've only been known for

351
00:13:24,100 --> 00:13:25,295
a few years, but we became good friends.

352
00:13:25,455 --> 00:13:27,129
He goes, John. How... I'd I never hear

353
00:13:27,129 --> 00:13:27,687
you swear.

354
00:13:30,576 --> 00:13:32,653
And I said, so he's curious. Why don't

355
00:13:32,813 --> 00:13:33,293
I swear?

356
00:13:34,012 --> 00:13:35,529
And I told them the reason why I'm

357
00:13:35,529 --> 00:13:37,292
like training and everything. This. But what about

358
00:13:37,292 --> 00:13:39,198
you Why why do you swear? What's up

359
00:13:39,198 --> 00:13:39,595
with that?

360
00:13:41,262 --> 00:13:44,065
So I have him hooked on personal mastery

361
00:13:44,121 --> 00:13:44,280
now,

362
00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:46,938
just from

363
00:13:47,708 --> 00:13:50,725
using no swear words... Is it... There's plenty

364
00:13:50,725 --> 00:13:53,583
of other ways of expressing ourselves without swearing.

365
00:13:54,552 --> 00:13:56,779
Yeah. But anyways, I, that's just digress a

366
00:13:56,779 --> 00:13:57,836
little bit. So

367
00:13:58,211 --> 00:13:59,881
so to this story, then,

368
00:14:01,249 --> 00:14:02,601
is 1 of the things you had him

369
00:14:02,601 --> 00:14:04,590
do go and and say,

370
00:14:05,385 --> 00:14:07,533
hey. Do you observe that I swear often

371
00:14:07,533 --> 00:14:08,033
or

372
00:14:08,424 --> 00:14:10,342
did you have him determine whether it really

373
00:14:10,342 --> 00:14:12,440
was an issue for him? Because he asked

374
00:14:12,580 --> 00:14:13,938
It's not that you brought it to him

375
00:14:13,938 --> 00:14:16,575
first? He brought the non swearing to you

376
00:14:16,575 --> 00:14:16,815
first?

377
00:14:17,389 --> 00:14:18,985
And then you flipped it and said, why

378
00:14:18,985 --> 00:14:21,858
why do you? Right? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So

379
00:14:21,858 --> 00:14:24,732
was able to collect from others, that feedback?

380
00:14:25,864 --> 00:14:27,779
But once, so he's been receiving it for

381
00:14:27,779 --> 00:14:30,094
a long time from his family. Oh,

382
00:14:30,652 --> 00:14:32,828
and and it wasn't swearing it was complaining

383
00:14:32,886 --> 00:14:33,206
actually.

384
00:14:33,779 --> 00:14:35,293
Oh, this swear where it came out of.

385
00:14:35,452 --> 00:14:36,169
He did swear a lot.

386
00:14:36,886 --> 00:14:39,914
But it was actually... Swear, the complaining, and

387
00:14:40,073 --> 00:14:41,689
I think he had to hear it from

388
00:14:41,826 --> 00:14:42,884
a new friend

389
00:14:44,633 --> 00:14:46,471
And so I'm a new friend of him,

390
00:14:46,791 --> 00:14:47,111
and,

391
00:14:48,229 --> 00:14:49,908
and he sees that I don't swear... He

392
00:14:49,908 --> 00:14:51,266
sees that out complain. I them.

393
00:14:53,594 --> 00:14:54,785
Wow. Yeah Yeah.

394
00:14:55,580 --> 00:14:57,168
And it and it opened his eyes. Like,

395
00:14:57,248 --> 00:14:58,201
all of a sudden he's like,

396
00:14:58,995 --> 00:15:00,584
so so give you the 10 minute...

397
00:15:01,553 --> 00:15:03,383
Grill right now. I'm gonna grill you for

398
00:15:03,383 --> 00:15:05,212
10 minutes. The self awareness.

399
00:15:05,928 --> 00:15:07,280
And he goes, oh, my cardio he puts

400
00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:08,871
his hand in his 40 because, I've been

401
00:15:09,031 --> 00:15:10,794
I've been doing this my whole whole life.

402
00:15:12,938 --> 00:15:13,914
Right. So...

403
00:15:14,287 --> 00:15:16,510
That's the personal mastery pot is being being

404
00:15:16,510 --> 00:15:19,475
open to receiving the feedback from his whole

405
00:15:19,475 --> 00:15:20,914
family he's been ignoring it.

406
00:15:22,034 --> 00:15:23,714
I don't complain. I don't swear.

407
00:15:26,050 --> 00:15:28,070
So how long did it take you

408
00:15:28,610 --> 00:15:29,110
personally

409
00:15:30,929 --> 00:15:33,170
to move out of the habit of complaining

410
00:15:33,170 --> 00:15:33,730
and swearing?

411
00:15:38,055 --> 00:15:38,873
A year

412
00:15:40,207 --> 00:15:41,903
for it to really sink in,

413
00:15:44,928 --> 00:15:47,086
and it was through intense personal mastery training,

414
00:15:47,166 --> 00:15:49,164
by the way. I I dove right into

415
00:15:49,164 --> 00:15:51,401
it. A good solid year that it it

416
00:15:51,401 --> 00:15:52,221
was noticeable

417
00:15:53,012 --> 00:15:55,477
And that, people were asking me, John, there's

418
00:15:55,477 --> 00:15:56,988
something different about you. They're were looking at

419
00:15:56,988 --> 00:15:58,181
me. Don't you get haircut,

420
00:15:59,374 --> 00:16:01,379
didn't know what to think you? Right?

421
00:16:02,659 --> 00:16:03,940
They didn't know because I all of a

422
00:16:03,940 --> 00:16:06,179
sudden that being, you know, like, the drunken

423
00:16:06,179 --> 00:16:07,879
sailors, swear words and

424
00:16:08,740 --> 00:16:09,299
to none.

425
00:16:11,309 --> 00:16:13,614
And and what it was was looking in

426
00:16:13,614 --> 00:16:15,600
the mirror and saying, do I wanna be

427
00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:17,349
seen that way, Not even knowing that's the

428
00:16:17,349 --> 00:16:17,984
way I was.

429
00:16:19,589 --> 00:16:20,488
That it's just

430
00:16:21,105 --> 00:16:21,503
unprofessional.

431
00:16:23,896 --> 00:16:26,448
It just isn't... It's... It it it it

432
00:16:26,448 --> 00:16:27,087
it just shows

433
00:16:27,884 --> 00:16:29,261
that there's, like, a boiler,

434
00:16:30,209 --> 00:16:32,355
underneath me boiling away, and I'm angry. That's

435
00:16:32,355 --> 00:16:34,500
what that's what it sounded like. And that's

436
00:16:34,500 --> 00:16:35,533
what It likes actually.

437
00:16:36,328 --> 00:16:36,566
Yeah.

438
00:16:37,138 --> 00:16:38,651
You know, 1 of the things that we

439
00:16:38,651 --> 00:16:41,040
dive into here on the podcast that is

440
00:16:41,040 --> 00:16:44,725
really unique from other communications, training or podcasts

441
00:16:44,783 --> 00:16:45,283
is

442
00:16:45,754 --> 00:16:48,408
inner communication first because inner

443
00:16:48,945 --> 00:16:49,445
communication

444
00:16:50,062 --> 00:16:51,360
absolutely will

445
00:16:52,057 --> 00:16:52,557
affect

446
00:16:53,267 --> 00:16:56,205
and manifest your external communication.

447
00:16:57,792 --> 00:17:00,095
So you gotta hit this statement like this

448
00:17:00,095 --> 00:17:00,492
in here?

449
00:17:01,858 --> 00:17:02,733
Yep. Self,

450
00:17:03,687 --> 00:17:04,903
unconscious subconscious,

451
00:17:05,277 --> 00:17:05,596
yeah,

452
00:17:06,152 --> 00:17:06,652
paradigm

453
00:17:07,345 --> 00:17:08,935
that we've, you know, grown up with that

454
00:17:08,935 --> 00:17:10,390
are patterns that are creating

455
00:17:10,939 --> 00:17:12,078
cyclical pathological,

456
00:17:12,857 --> 00:17:13,176
you know,

457
00:17:14,055 --> 00:17:15,834
path pathology in our life patterns

458
00:17:16,372 --> 00:17:18,505
that we seem to not be able to

459
00:17:18,544 --> 00:17:19,813
break And we seem to not be able

460
00:17:19,813 --> 00:17:22,136
to break it because we're trying to apply

461
00:17:22,191 --> 00:17:22,691
willpower.

462
00:17:23,380 --> 00:17:26,210
Over the top of something that is break

463
00:17:26,489 --> 00:17:28,247
nothing to do with willpower. I mean, you

464
00:17:28,247 --> 00:17:29,946
can do that, you know, really

465
00:17:30,405 --> 00:17:30,905
really

466
00:17:31,524 --> 00:17:33,362
white knuckle. It's like an addiction. You can

467
00:17:33,362 --> 00:17:35,520
white knuckle for a while, You know, you

468
00:17:35,520 --> 00:17:37,369
can stay away from the substance or the

469
00:17:37,369 --> 00:17:37,869
behavior

470
00:17:38,325 --> 00:17:39,942
for a while using

471
00:17:40,558 --> 00:17:43,986
willpower, and then willpower exhaust itself,

472
00:17:44,798 --> 00:17:46,791
and there you are again. And so, I

473
00:17:46,791 --> 00:17:49,444
mean, yeah, that's temporary fix. It's getting down

474
00:17:49,502 --> 00:17:51,974
into the cause, the pattern where it came

475
00:17:51,974 --> 00:17:52,771
from why it's there.

476
00:17:53,344 --> 00:17:55,038
How it currently serves you

477
00:17:55,494 --> 00:17:57,485
and then yank it out has to go.

478
00:17:58,361 --> 00:18:00,294
So so this whole practice

479
00:18:00,670 --> 00:18:01,170
of

480
00:18:02,519 --> 00:18:05,955
understanding that feedback is just feedback. And the

481
00:18:05,955 --> 00:18:08,832
agreement with yourself not to take it personally,

482
00:18:09,072 --> 00:18:10,531
I think is the

483
00:18:11,804 --> 00:18:12,124
you know,

484
00:18:13,403 --> 00:18:15,640
it is the plumb line that we have

485
00:18:15,640 --> 00:18:17,798
to kind of hold everything else up against.

486
00:18:18,118 --> 00:18:19,956
Because whatever else we talk about from here

487
00:18:19,956 --> 00:18:21,075
on out is not gonna work,

488
00:18:21,726 --> 00:18:24,685
if we don't shift that inner paradigm of

489
00:18:25,454 --> 00:18:25,954
peace

490
00:18:26,564 --> 00:18:27,699
and d,

491
00:18:28,468 --> 00:18:30,549
becoming in the observer, collecting the feedback and

492
00:18:30,549 --> 00:18:32,880
then utilizing it. To benefit us, It's ultimately

493
00:18:33,016 --> 00:18:35,086
going to only benefit us.

494
00:18:35,722 --> 00:18:38,827
Yes. Right? If we can understand that,

495
00:18:39,479 --> 00:18:41,232
and just use it that way, you know,

496
00:18:41,392 --> 00:18:43,225
just use it that way. Okay. Here it

497
00:18:43,225 --> 00:18:45,616
comes, but I'm gonna take something good out

498
00:18:45,616 --> 00:18:47,345
of it. I'm gonna be better for it

499
00:18:47,464 --> 00:18:48,898
And then I'm gonna be able to impart

500
00:18:48,898 --> 00:18:51,446
others something really beneficial out of it as

501
00:18:51,446 --> 00:18:52,323
well. Eventually,

502
00:18:53,119 --> 00:18:55,111
that is the gold. But man is that

503
00:18:55,111 --> 00:18:55,349
tough.

504
00:18:56,066 --> 00:18:58,632
Yeah. Well, those initial stages of growth are

505
00:18:58,632 --> 00:18:59,349
so painful.

506
00:18:59,907 --> 00:19:00,226
Yeah.

507
00:19:01,103 --> 00:19:03,972
Yeah. And it was. Looking back on it,

508
00:19:04,052 --> 00:19:04,610
it it...

509
00:19:05,263 --> 00:19:07,099
I keep thinking well, why was that so

510
00:19:07,099 --> 00:19:07,498
painful?

511
00:19:08,296 --> 00:19:11,967
But years now a lifetime commitment in personal

512
00:19:11,967 --> 00:19:13,738
master. I look back and like, Why, why

513
00:19:13,738 --> 00:19:15,652
did I make that so painful? I made

514
00:19:15,652 --> 00:19:16,210
it painful.

515
00:19:17,167 --> 00:19:18,363
Alright made painful.

516
00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:21,473
Alright? Here's is a good point here to...

517
00:19:21,632 --> 00:19:21,792
In,

518
00:19:22,604 --> 00:19:23,955
in conflict resolution.

519
00:19:25,069 --> 00:19:25,387
So,

520
00:19:26,341 --> 00:19:27,454
a lot of times,

521
00:19:28,727 --> 00:19:30,817
most times actually in my experience

522
00:19:31,351 --> 00:19:31,851
that

523
00:19:32,718 --> 00:19:35,366
most people do not know how to give

524
00:19:35,422 --> 00:19:35,661
feedback.

525
00:19:37,093 --> 00:19:37,593
They're

526
00:19:38,445 --> 00:19:38,922
criticizing,

527
00:19:39,654 --> 00:19:42,128
in crushing. You are this. You are that.

528
00:19:42,367 --> 00:19:42,846
You this.

529
00:19:43,485 --> 00:19:43,724
Yeah.

530
00:19:44,362 --> 00:19:46,118
And that's more about them than it is

531
00:19:46,118 --> 00:19:46,857
about me

532
00:19:48,287 --> 00:19:50,201
though so they're directing it at me. Right?

533
00:19:50,999 --> 00:19:53,789
So when we're giving this feedback, or when

534
00:19:53,789 --> 00:19:56,660
we're trying to resolve this conflict because somebody's...

535
00:19:57,074 --> 00:19:58,773
Having has a problem with me

536
00:19:59,392 --> 00:20:02,209
is learning how to give feedback

537
00:20:03,147 --> 00:20:04,985
is gonna help us receive it.

538
00:20:06,356 --> 00:20:09,065
Mh. Learning give it helps us receive it.

539
00:20:09,384 --> 00:20:10,202
So basically,

540
00:20:11,216 --> 00:20:11,615
it's

541
00:20:12,172 --> 00:20:14,186
we're learning by by practicing.

542
00:20:15,454 --> 00:20:17,446
The the come in the storm when they're

543
00:20:17,446 --> 00:20:18,561
coming in at with Dagger,

544
00:20:19,916 --> 00:20:21,828
you put that shield around you, You know,

545
00:20:22,067 --> 00:20:23,581
well the the way of a keto. Right?

546
00:20:23,740 --> 00:20:24,935
It's just energy coming at here.

547
00:20:27,097 --> 00:20:27,597
And

548
00:20:28,052 --> 00:20:28,552
oftentimes

549
00:20:29,165 --> 00:20:30,357
it's seen as a fight,

550
00:20:31,391 --> 00:20:32,663
a quan freight resolution.

551
00:20:33,473 --> 00:20:35,539
Is is a fight between people that they're

552
00:20:35,539 --> 00:20:36,333
resisting each other.

553
00:20:37,525 --> 00:20:39,431
There's so many layers to it, You know?

554
00:20:40,623 --> 00:20:40,861
Yeah.

555
00:20:41,989 --> 00:20:43,585
So there's there's an interesting thing,

556
00:20:44,383 --> 00:20:45,362
Stephanie that

557
00:20:46,857 --> 00:20:49,491
conflict brings out the worst in us.

558
00:20:50,624 --> 00:20:52,062
Or in people? Yeah.

559
00:20:53,421 --> 00:20:55,678
So you and I, both know we work

560
00:20:55,738 --> 00:20:58,705
with an organization, and don't we see the

561
00:20:58,705 --> 00:21:00,290
worst of humanity coming out?

562
00:21:01,638 --> 00:21:02,906
Worse than I could have imagined.

563
00:21:03,541 --> 00:21:04,571
Worse than you could imagine.

564
00:21:05,126 --> 00:21:05,364
Yeah.

565
00:21:06,333 --> 00:21:08,726
And and so in using that as an

566
00:21:08,726 --> 00:21:10,023
example, so we can both

567
00:21:10,481 --> 00:21:13,432
have a baseline, you know? Mh. Never seen

568
00:21:13,432 --> 00:21:15,880
it in all my years working with

569
00:21:16,397 --> 00:21:16,897
businesses?

570
00:21:17,670 --> 00:21:17,909
Right.

571
00:21:18,625 --> 00:21:20,932
And then seeing the worst or the worst

572
00:21:20,932 --> 00:21:23,183
in that organization. Right? Yep But

573
00:21:23,494 --> 00:21:25,486
putting them together, the worst and, you know,

574
00:21:25,645 --> 00:21:27,955
like, on a level 1 to 10. That's

575
00:21:27,955 --> 00:21:29,491
a 10 network experiencing

576
00:21:30,185 --> 00:21:32,199
mine in business was a 5, but

577
00:21:33,149 --> 00:21:33,649
imagine,

578
00:21:35,145 --> 00:21:37,859
those people that are the fight coming at.

579
00:21:37,939 --> 00:21:38,338
You're right?

580
00:21:39,536 --> 00:21:41,532
Do not even see themselves that way.

581
00:21:43,220 --> 00:21:44,830
What does it look like when somebody's,

582
00:21:46,154 --> 00:21:46,393
like,

583
00:21:47,741 --> 00:21:48,693
ripping into you,

584
00:21:49,899 --> 00:21:51,016
or someone.

585
00:21:52,132 --> 00:21:54,764
Not even caring that they look like whatever

586
00:21:54,764 --> 00:21:56,998
you want, whatever they wanna look like a

587
00:21:56,998 --> 00:21:59,231
tyrant or whatever they didn't care. Right.

588
00:22:00,124 --> 00:22:01,081
So what does that tell you?

589
00:22:02,837 --> 00:22:04,832
Well, it might give me a snapshot into

590
00:22:04,832 --> 00:22:05,891
their personality.

591
00:22:07,546 --> 00:22:07,865
I might.

592
00:22:08,833 --> 00:22:11,632
I might unprofessional diagnose a thing or 2

593
00:22:11,766 --> 00:22:13,114
by see behavior.

594
00:22:14,065 --> 00:22:15,096
Yeah. Mh.

595
00:22:16,142 --> 00:22:16,642
And

596
00:22:17,016 --> 00:22:19,480
me... It it also tells me, John that

597
00:22:19,480 --> 00:22:20,036
if they've...

598
00:22:20,751 --> 00:22:23,626
If somebody has reflected back what they've observed

599
00:22:23,626 --> 00:22:25,771
in terms of that behavior and the behavior

600
00:22:25,771 --> 00:22:28,177
doesn't change, and there is not a willingness

601
00:22:28,948 --> 00:22:29,448
to

602
00:22:30,457 --> 00:22:31,910
utilize the feedback

603
00:22:32,363 --> 00:22:32,815
that's

604
00:22:33,650 --> 00:22:36,354
It's a good opportunity then to create separation.

605
00:22:37,388 --> 00:22:39,059
Yep. Because it's a spinning of the wheels.

606
00:22:39,218 --> 00:22:41,445
It's the the keyword here would be willing.

607
00:22:41,779 --> 00:22:43,615
Somebody has to be willing Had be willing

608
00:22:43,615 --> 00:22:46,111
to receive feedback, gotta be willing to give

609
00:22:46,648 --> 00:22:49,283
proper and appropriate feedback. If there is a

610
00:22:49,283 --> 00:22:51,855
not a willingness, I mean, what then? Right?

611
00:22:53,535 --> 00:22:55,214
How do you come to a negotiations or

612
00:22:55,214 --> 00:22:56,515
a mediation table

613
00:22:56,894 --> 00:22:58,734
if 1 of the parties out of 2,

614
00:22:59,789 --> 00:23:01,861
wants to call you a name and, you

615
00:23:01,861 --> 00:23:02,020
know,

616
00:23:02,976 --> 00:23:04,410
take their toys and leave the sandbox.

617
00:23:04,968 --> 00:23:05,446
Pointless.

618
00:23:06,642 --> 00:23:06,801
Yep.

619
00:23:07,693 --> 00:23:10,187
Well, yeah. So name calling is

620
00:23:10,804 --> 00:23:11,304
just

621
00:23:11,841 --> 00:23:13,755
tells you what age your mindset is?

622
00:23:14,473 --> 00:23:17,160
Yeah. It is 9... What is name calling

623
00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:18,874
out, like, 5 or 6 years old?

624
00:23:20,230 --> 00:23:20,709
Probably.

625
00:23:21,108 --> 00:23:21,347
Yeah.

626
00:23:21,985 --> 00:23:23,979
Does that leave us when we're named calling

627
00:23:23,979 --> 00:23:25,494
when we're 40 and 50 years old and

628
00:23:25,494 --> 00:23:26,531
we're calling people names.

629
00:23:27,741 --> 00:23:27,900
Right.

630
00:23:28,616 --> 00:23:30,230
So back to the emotional

631
00:23:31,400 --> 00:23:33,389
back to the emotional, you know, the e

632
00:23:33,389 --> 00:23:33,627
q.

633
00:23:34,358 --> 00:23:37,800
Yeah. That intelligence that that ability to self

634
00:23:38,254 --> 00:23:39,288
perceive. And...

635
00:23:40,719 --> 00:23:42,945
So, Stephanie, that's the reason why Bringing that

636
00:23:42,945 --> 00:23:43,343
point up.

637
00:23:44,074 --> 00:23:46,150
And and and I... Because I'm gonna put

638
00:23:46,150 --> 00:23:47,906
this in my next training by the way,

639
00:23:47,986 --> 00:23:49,422
what... What, I'm learning here as we go.

640
00:23:49,662 --> 00:23:49,821
Right.

641
00:23:53,349 --> 00:23:55,344
That should tell you something right there when

642
00:23:55,344 --> 00:23:57,281
someone's coming at you name calling

643
00:23:57,978 --> 00:24:00,633
that that you don't need to even participate

644
00:24:00,851 --> 00:24:01,011
anymore.

645
00:24:02,065 --> 00:24:04,384
If they s so low to be calling

646
00:24:04,384 --> 00:24:05,744
your names, like child,

647
00:24:06,464 --> 00:24:07,345
school eyed names.

648
00:24:07,904 --> 00:24:08,384
Mh.

649
00:24:09,359 --> 00:24:11,759
The the game's over. They've lost their credibility

650
00:24:11,759 --> 00:24:13,119
as right as I'm concerned. I no, no

651
00:24:13,200 --> 00:24:15,680
I'm just listening and, okay. I'm receiving. I

652
00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:17,680
still receive it. They're just doing it.

653
00:24:18,574 --> 00:24:21,290
In a very unprofessional, I call in humane

654
00:24:21,290 --> 00:24:21,790
way

655
00:24:22,329 --> 00:24:24,646
to treat people like that. How you treat

656
00:24:24,646 --> 00:24:26,659
people is At the end of the day

657
00:24:26,659 --> 00:24:28,659
is whether you... Is gonna determine your a

658
00:24:28,659 --> 00:24:29,619
success or failure.

659
00:24:30,179 --> 00:24:30,659
Absolutely.

660
00:24:31,380 --> 00:24:32,579
Yeah. Absolutely.

661
00:24:34,753 --> 00:24:35,253
So

662
00:24:35,951 --> 00:24:37,070
the pairs see the layers.

663
00:24:38,028 --> 00:24:40,425
Yeah. The the layers. Yeah. Mh.

664
00:24:41,717 --> 00:24:42,217
So

665
00:24:42,755 --> 00:24:43,473
so let's say,

666
00:24:45,068 --> 00:24:46,526
we have then

667
00:24:47,302 --> 00:24:48,260
2 willing parties.

668
00:24:48,752 --> 00:24:51,057
I'm willing to receive the feedback. Obviously, this

669
00:24:51,057 --> 00:24:52,964
other person's willing to give it because here

670
00:24:52,964 --> 00:24:53,441
they come.

671
00:24:54,076 --> 00:24:55,053
I'm just gonna

672
00:24:55,428 --> 00:24:57,017
get into the right frame of mind.

673
00:24:58,863 --> 00:24:59,977
2 things. First,

674
00:25:00,773 --> 00:25:02,627
how do we properly

675
00:25:03,083 --> 00:25:04,755
receive the feedback so that we actually can

676
00:25:04,755 --> 00:25:06,363
benefit from it and that so that we

677
00:25:06,363 --> 00:25:07,900
can maintain and even

678
00:25:08,278 --> 00:25:10,752
maybe even grow our relationship from there.

679
00:25:11,629 --> 00:25:14,117
That's number 1. When we're done... So discussing

680
00:25:14,117 --> 00:25:16,186
that. I definitely wanna talk about how we

681
00:25:16,186 --> 00:25:17,005
can properly

682
00:25:17,460 --> 00:25:18,495
give feedback.

683
00:25:19,451 --> 00:25:21,122
Like, how how do we set the stage

684
00:25:21,122 --> 00:25:22,885
for it, how do we ease our way

685
00:25:22,885 --> 00:25:24,473
into it And how do we leave the

686
00:25:24,473 --> 00:25:26,242
person just like you said

687
00:25:26,695 --> 00:25:27,806
better than when we started?

688
00:25:28,520 --> 00:25:28,679
Great.

689
00:25:29,568 --> 00:25:31,318
Okay. Okay. Yeah. So you wanna do... Okay.

690
00:25:31,477 --> 00:25:32,034
The feedback.

691
00:25:33,466 --> 00:25:33,966
So

692
00:25:34,420 --> 00:25:35,613
to properly give it.

693
00:25:37,541 --> 00:25:38,817
We we have to be in a place

694
00:25:38,817 --> 00:25:39,317
where

695
00:25:39,855 --> 00:25:42,248
have the wherewithal to receive it as well.

696
00:25:42,727 --> 00:25:43,126
Mh.

697
00:25:43,778 --> 00:25:45,604
Always have to have that mindset that that

698
00:25:45,604 --> 00:25:48,066
we're setting... We're creating space for these folks

699
00:25:48,066 --> 00:25:48,622
to enter.

700
00:25:49,416 --> 00:25:51,085
So to give good feedback.

701
00:25:53,246 --> 00:25:55,076
I I... What I use is the the

702
00:25:55,076 --> 00:25:56,905
term, the feedback burger.

703
00:25:59,149 --> 00:26:00,766
So you get the 2 buns

704
00:26:01,144 --> 00:26:03,539
and and hamburger in the middle or whatever

705
00:26:03,539 --> 00:26:04,976
veggie burger. Right? Yep.

706
00:26:06,094 --> 00:26:06,333
Thank you.

707
00:26:07,531 --> 00:26:07,770
Yeah.

708
00:26:08,739 --> 00:26:11,671
So the the the 2 buns are praise.

709
00:26:14,366 --> 00:26:15,159
So, of course,

710
00:26:15,729 --> 00:26:17,555
we want to be in an environment where

711
00:26:17,555 --> 00:26:20,018
praise is all the time.

712
00:26:22,877 --> 00:26:23,377
Because

713
00:26:24,163 --> 00:26:25,698
if it... It's not being

714
00:26:26,789 --> 00:26:28,858
utilized all the time. For not praising all

715
00:26:28,858 --> 00:26:31,007
the time. When we're doing the feedback and

716
00:26:31,007 --> 00:26:32,838
you praise, it's not gonna be genuine.

717
00:26:33,969 --> 00:26:35,487
No may not be seen that way.

718
00:26:36,525 --> 00:26:38,203
So you're always gonna be praising people of

719
00:26:38,203 --> 00:26:39,801
course in a very professional manner in a

720
00:26:39,801 --> 00:26:42,684
business, but in any way, shape or form

721
00:26:42,684 --> 00:26:43,958
in in your private life.

722
00:26:45,549 --> 00:26:48,119
And then the burger pot

723
00:26:48,669 --> 00:26:50,825
it is... This is, like, the meat of

724
00:26:50,825 --> 00:26:52,522
the the the problem is

725
00:26:53,140 --> 00:26:55,295
rep freezing. They know they're there for feedback.

726
00:26:55,534 --> 00:26:57,450
Right? Already. I'm gonna I'm, kinda...

727
00:26:58,183 --> 00:26:59,697
Studying in the middle working on my way

728
00:26:59,697 --> 00:27:00,436
out here

729
00:27:01,370 --> 00:27:04,159
is the feedback could be in how it's

730
00:27:04,159 --> 00:27:06,410
worded is First of all, let's say it's

731
00:27:06,410 --> 00:27:08,009
me to you Stephanie Say, Stephanie you've done

732
00:27:08,009 --> 00:27:09,769
a really really great job here. You've been

733
00:27:09,769 --> 00:27:10,990
an asset to our

734
00:27:11,609 --> 00:27:12,809
organization. If we talk about business.

735
00:27:13,543 --> 00:27:15,296
This can be in anyway. We love your

736
00:27:15,296 --> 00:27:15,773
family.

737
00:27:17,048 --> 00:27:19,438
However, this this 1 thing, I wanna bring

738
00:27:19,438 --> 00:27:20,632
out to you that I I don't think

739
00:27:20,632 --> 00:27:21,269
it's serving you.

740
00:27:22,719 --> 00:27:24,078
And you name it or whatever it can

741
00:27:24,078 --> 00:27:26,895
be, maybe using swear words or a product

742
00:27:27,035 --> 00:27:28,174
complaining, or

743
00:27:28,953 --> 00:27:32,805
you're always always complaining, Stephanie. And it's and

744
00:27:32,805 --> 00:27:34,644
it's hurting you. People don't wanna hear it.

745
00:27:35,684 --> 00:27:37,365
There are, you know, there are other ways

746
00:27:37,365 --> 00:27:39,525
of expressing myself without coming a process of

747
00:27:39,525 --> 00:27:40,085
a planner,

748
00:27:40,740 --> 00:27:42,179
using that. Mh.

749
00:27:42,899 --> 00:27:45,720
That's a that's easy slide in to,

750
00:27:46,099 --> 00:27:48,839
you know, and allow them to

751
00:27:50,434 --> 00:27:51,313
express themselves.

752
00:27:52,272 --> 00:27:55,708
So devil's advocate, devil's advocate. If I hear

753
00:27:55,708 --> 00:27:57,886
that, I may say I'm always

754
00:27:58,265 --> 00:28:02,053
complaining, like, always. That's... Yeah. Be extreme always.

755
00:28:02,671 --> 00:28:03,809
Yeah. So

756
00:28:04,426 --> 00:28:05,086
is it.

757
00:28:06,661 --> 00:28:06,821
Okay.

758
00:28:07,713 --> 00:28:08,988
So you you play a lot.

759
00:28:09,705 --> 00:28:10,205
Mh.

760
00:28:11,299 --> 00:28:13,290
Or Or what about this? Oh, okay. Well,

761
00:28:13,450 --> 00:28:14,087
or what about this?

762
00:28:15,760 --> 00:28:16,579
What about

763
00:28:17,528 --> 00:28:20,237
have... Has anyone ever told you or or

764
00:28:20,795 --> 00:28:22,228
offered that you can complain a lot? Have

765
00:28:22,228 --> 00:28:23,184
you ever heard that before?

766
00:28:24,714 --> 00:28:26,313
Could you... Is that too easy? I mean,

767
00:28:26,393 --> 00:28:27,431
are we let them off the hook, are

768
00:28:27,431 --> 00:28:28,870
we being going in too soft if we

769
00:28:28,870 --> 00:28:29,829
do it that way? Or do we just

770
00:28:29,829 --> 00:28:31,987
need to say you complain? And here's what

771
00:28:31,987 --> 00:28:33,665
it's doing to people? Right. Yep.

772
00:28:34,716 --> 00:28:35,825
You will be practicing.

773
00:28:37,332 --> 00:28:39,021
You see 1 person's

774
00:28:39,393 --> 00:28:41,375
complaint and and to bring up,

775
00:28:42,263 --> 00:28:44,251
So give you an example to talk about

776
00:28:44,251 --> 00:28:44,967
complaining from error.

777
00:28:46,160 --> 00:28:48,704
We can say that boy is cold out

778
00:28:48,704 --> 00:28:49,579
there. From.

779
00:28:50,469 --> 00:28:52,544
And you're coming up in from a, you

780
00:28:52,544 --> 00:28:53,742
know, winds storm,

781
00:28:54,380 --> 00:28:56,375
snow and everything, and you make that... That's

782
00:28:56,375 --> 00:28:58,610
not complaining. Mh. Participating.

783
00:28:59,184 --> 00:29:01,972
The obvious it is cold out there. Yep.

784
00:29:02,211 --> 00:29:04,202
But if just it's sitting in the house

785
00:29:04,202 --> 00:29:05,897
and it's... If boil is

786
00:29:06,289 --> 00:29:08,130
firing away and keeping your house warm and

787
00:29:08,130 --> 00:29:09,890
you're complaining of all the coal y ate

788
00:29:09,890 --> 00:29:10,450
the cold.

789
00:29:11,250 --> 00:29:13,409
Cold is this. What am I doing here

790
00:29:13,650 --> 00:29:15,089
Blah blah blah? That's complain.

791
00:29:17,171 --> 00:29:19,394
See the difference? I laugh because that hits

792
00:29:19,394 --> 00:29:21,243
him yet. But, yes. I

793
00:29:22,173 --> 00:29:24,316
observation and being in the habit of...

794
00:29:24,969 --> 00:29:26,426
Stating an observation

795
00:29:27,044 --> 00:29:29,539
coming from just that as opposed to

796
00:29:29,917 --> 00:29:32,152
swearing about it's cold outside of the snow

797
00:29:32,152 --> 00:29:34,482
or the rain of whatever. Exactly.

798
00:29:35,360 --> 00:29:35,600
Yeah.

799
00:29:36,797 --> 00:29:38,952
Exactly. You chose ride car that day. So

800
00:29:38,952 --> 00:29:40,469
you're stuck in into traffic and that's sign.

801
00:29:40,788 --> 00:29:41,108
Yeah yeah.

802
00:29:41,906 --> 00:29:43,995
Alright. So there's... That's a good point, though.

803
00:29:44,234 --> 00:29:45,909
I I'm glad you brought that up. So

804
00:29:45,909 --> 00:29:46,069
it's

805
00:29:47,106 --> 00:29:49,361
this is something that we're all gonna learn

806
00:29:49,499 --> 00:29:51,891
as we practice getting feedback to people.

807
00:29:53,739 --> 00:29:55,752
And what to do when they do pushback

808
00:29:55,810 --> 00:29:57,562
because most likely they will. However,

809
00:29:58,597 --> 00:30:01,407
when how we present it is gonna be

810
00:30:01,717 --> 00:30:03,540
less likely they'll resist.

811
00:30:04,729 --> 00:30:05,442
Because you know what?

812
00:30:06,155 --> 00:30:07,661
Oh, I'm gonna finish the burger.

813
00:30:08,295 --> 00:30:08,533
Yeah.

814
00:30:09,662 --> 00:30:12,293
Other side of the burger is the bond.

815
00:30:12,532 --> 00:30:12,692
Right?

816
00:30:13,569 --> 00:30:15,483
Is we're praising. I wanna thank you very

817
00:30:15,483 --> 00:30:15,983
much

818
00:30:16,440 --> 00:30:16,998
for this.

819
00:30:18,129 --> 00:30:20,758
Yep. For this time, it's just my experience

820
00:30:20,758 --> 00:30:23,148
we're here for you to support you whatever.

821
00:30:23,387 --> 00:30:25,697
In a business environment it could be in

822
00:30:25,697 --> 00:30:26,255
a family.

823
00:30:29,461 --> 00:30:30,519
And lastly,

824
00:30:31,057 --> 00:30:32,255
I'm going backwards with a little bit here.

825
00:30:33,053 --> 00:30:34,570
How can I support you with this?

826
00:30:35,288 --> 00:30:36,267
That's my favorite.

827
00:30:37,457 --> 00:30:38,251
That's my favorite.

828
00:30:38,728 --> 00:30:40,871
That is that shows what, When we say

829
00:30:40,871 --> 00:30:42,697
that, Stephanie, What does that show when we

830
00:30:42,697 --> 00:30:44,047
say that from me? Well, I mean, it

831
00:30:44,047 --> 00:30:45,814
shows we care. For 1 thing. It shows

832
00:30:45,814 --> 00:30:48,211
that we care. We're we're invested in this

833
00:30:48,211 --> 00:30:48,711
person,

834
00:30:49,410 --> 00:30:51,568
and their well being. We want them to

835
00:30:51,568 --> 00:30:53,885
succeed. We're in their corner. We we're we're

836
00:30:53,885 --> 00:30:54,365
for them.

837
00:30:55,099 --> 00:30:57,596
Mean, it's really, really reassuring. I love

838
00:30:58,055 --> 00:30:58,555
that

839
00:31:00,212 --> 00:31:01,970
completion that the cherry on top of the

840
00:31:02,623 --> 00:31:04,532
Burger as it were. Yes. I think the...

841
00:31:04,771 --> 00:31:06,998
I I think we've heard, you know, coaches

842
00:31:06,998 --> 00:31:09,407
will say, provide, you know, the the

843
00:31:09,717 --> 00:31:10,748
positive affirmation,

844
00:31:11,858 --> 00:31:12,755
need for change

845
00:31:13,365 --> 00:31:15,982
and the positive affirmation again. But most people

846
00:31:15,982 --> 00:31:18,144
know that John. So people like, Yeah. I

847
00:31:18,144 --> 00:31:19,902
get what's going on here. You're you're butter

848
00:31:19,902 --> 00:31:21,021
me up because you're gonna tell me what

849
00:31:21,021 --> 00:31:22,220
you don't like, and then you're gonna you're

850
00:31:22,220 --> 00:31:22,720
gonna,

851
00:31:23,338 --> 00:31:24,937
you know, butter me up again so I

852
00:31:24,937 --> 00:31:26,535
can slide off on my way and and

853
00:31:26,535 --> 00:31:27,015
be happy.

854
00:31:27,830 --> 00:31:29,850
What is so unique is the offering

855
00:31:30,710 --> 00:31:32,490
because you are offering something

856
00:31:33,029 --> 00:31:34,390
that they may... What if they take you

857
00:31:34,390 --> 00:31:36,170
up on it, you have to be willing

858
00:31:37,204 --> 00:31:38,804
to to have them take you up on

859
00:31:38,804 --> 00:31:40,964
your offer of how can I best support

860
00:31:40,964 --> 00:31:42,005
you in this And what if they come

861
00:31:42,005 --> 00:31:43,525
back and they say, I need you to?

862
00:31:44,178 --> 00:31:45,773
Check in with me daily and hold me

863
00:31:45,773 --> 00:31:46,252
accountable.

864
00:31:46,890 --> 00:31:48,964
Or I need to I need to have

865
00:31:48,964 --> 00:31:50,559
another conversation to let you know where I'm

866
00:31:50,559 --> 00:31:51,915
at in life right now because it ain't

867
00:31:51,915 --> 00:31:53,452
good, and it's affecting

868
00:31:53,924 --> 00:31:55,679
my work life. You know, where whatever the

869
00:31:55,679 --> 00:31:56,318
case may be.

870
00:31:57,116 --> 00:31:58,951
So that's 1 more level I think of

871
00:31:58,951 --> 00:32:00,009
us being invested

872
00:32:00,467 --> 00:32:00,786
in them,

873
00:32:01,678 --> 00:32:04,068
Exactly. And, you know, in the, in the

874
00:32:04,068 --> 00:32:06,378
middle there, right? When you give them an

875
00:32:06,378 --> 00:32:06,878
opportunity

876
00:32:07,255 --> 00:32:10,361
to have this conversation around this this feedback

877
00:32:10,361 --> 00:32:10,680
you're giving?

878
00:32:11,570 --> 00:32:13,876
The conversation, that can be a long period

879
00:32:13,876 --> 00:32:15,545
of time. Gonna be a half hour conversation.

880
00:32:15,943 --> 00:32:16,102
Yeah.

881
00:32:17,215 --> 00:32:18,010
Them questions.

882
00:32:19,138 --> 00:32:21,445
Do do you have any idea how how

883
00:32:21,763 --> 00:32:23,752
your behavior could be upsetting people?

884
00:32:25,104 --> 00:32:25,343
Yeah.

885
00:32:26,154 --> 00:32:28,149
Have any you care what you look like,

886
00:32:28,309 --> 00:32:30,065
or, what it sounds like coming from you

887
00:32:30,144 --> 00:32:31,820
You're supposed to be professional. You you can

888
00:32:31,820 --> 00:32:33,736
ask a lot of questions and let them

889
00:32:33,736 --> 00:32:36,622
answer. You Yeah. You put everything in the

890
00:32:36,622 --> 00:32:39,013
form of a question, we're not we're not

891
00:32:39,013 --> 00:32:40,528
accusing them of anything he's to asking a

892
00:32:40,528 --> 00:32:40,847
question?

893
00:32:42,043 --> 00:32:42,362
Right.

894
00:32:43,334 --> 00:32:44,610
If they take it that way, you all

895
00:32:44,610 --> 00:32:45,567
have to do this so I'm just asking

896
00:32:45,647 --> 00:32:47,162
I'm just asking. Yeah.

897
00:32:47,960 --> 00:32:48,460
That's.

898
00:32:50,672 --> 00:32:50,991
Yeah.

899
00:32:51,629 --> 00:32:52,426
And being peaceful.

900
00:32:54,039 --> 00:32:54,938
Right. Do

901
00:32:55,637 --> 00:32:57,895
they... Their energy might escalate,

902
00:32:58,914 --> 00:33:01,311
work commas are 2... Right I've try some

903
00:33:01,311 --> 00:33:01,790
people nuts.

904
00:33:03,321 --> 00:33:04,672
To sit deal with the hands folded would

905
00:33:04,672 --> 00:33:06,103
be a nice and common there. We're gonna,

906
00:33:06,262 --> 00:33:06,580
you know?

907
00:33:07,375 --> 00:33:10,316
So I've I've practiced that and the feedback

908
00:33:10,395 --> 00:33:11,372
I get is

909
00:33:12,159 --> 00:33:13,032
Well, don't you care?

910
00:33:13,905 --> 00:33:15,889
Yeah. Aren't marks? Why aren't you more excited

911
00:33:15,889 --> 00:33:17,079
about this? Don't you care? Hello?

912
00:33:18,508 --> 00:33:20,594
I do. Right And I care enough to

913
00:33:20,594 --> 00:33:23,391
actually sit and kinda process it. Yeah. And

914
00:33:23,391 --> 00:33:24,530
that jump in

915
00:33:24,909 --> 00:33:26,428
with the left hook. K.

916
00:33:27,547 --> 00:33:29,245
So I think that's really

917
00:33:30,119 --> 00:33:31,400
really valuable. Yeah.

918
00:33:32,519 --> 00:33:33,160
So the

919
00:33:33,799 --> 00:33:36,059
in leading into feedback

920
00:33:36,599 --> 00:33:36,759
is,

921
00:33:37,894 --> 00:33:41,004
Of course, now our environment is based on

922
00:33:41,004 --> 00:33:41,403
praise.

923
00:33:42,839 --> 00:33:45,072
That's a key part of all of this

924
00:33:45,072 --> 00:33:47,385
in a family and a organization of business.

925
00:33:48,674 --> 00:33:52,517
Is the the praise is often given in

926
00:33:52,574 --> 00:33:53,074
sincerely

927
00:33:53,449 --> 00:33:54,643
and when it's deserved.

928
00:33:56,174 --> 00:33:58,335
So when we sit down for feedback, these

929
00:33:58,335 --> 00:33:59,634
folks are come comfortable

930
00:34:01,375 --> 00:34:04,349
when you say, you're doing well. So now

931
00:34:04,349 --> 00:34:06,586
we're in this environment that that people are

932
00:34:06,586 --> 00:34:07,086
open

933
00:34:08,503 --> 00:34:10,500
to anything. Right? Any kind of conversation.

934
00:34:11,235 --> 00:34:13,635
But to properly ask them if they're open

935
00:34:13,635 --> 00:34:14,835
to receiving feedback.

936
00:34:15,954 --> 00:34:18,434
Are you open to receiving feedback, Stephanie.

937
00:34:19,250 --> 00:34:20,210
And most people are, like,

938
00:34:21,170 --> 00:34:22,610
why why are they asking me that?

939
00:34:23,410 --> 00:34:25,010
Right. And most say yes.

940
00:34:27,573 --> 00:34:30,509
Well, in our coaching time together, I know

941
00:34:30,509 --> 00:34:31,461
you have said to me,

942
00:34:33,699 --> 00:34:35,773
this... And I love this phrase. May I

943
00:34:35,773 --> 00:34:38,405
be outrageous bold with you? Alright.

944
00:34:39,202 --> 00:34:39,702
And,

945
00:34:40,478 --> 00:34:42,712
you know, the the quick answers is. Nope.

946
00:34:42,951 --> 00:34:45,364
You may not. I don't wanna know. That

947
00:34:45,364 --> 00:34:46,885
sounds pretty crazy.

948
00:34:47,605 --> 00:34:49,845
But the truth the truthful answer is.

949
00:34:51,457 --> 00:34:52,893
Yeah. Makes me wanna lean in a little

950
00:34:52,893 --> 00:34:55,307
bit because now I'm curious. What is outrageous

951
00:34:55,365 --> 00:34:57,359
bold look like, wow. That's new and different.

952
00:34:57,599 --> 00:34:59,274
So it's kind of your interest and you

953
00:34:59,274 --> 00:35:00,151
have to indulge it.

954
00:35:00,804 --> 00:35:01,925
Yes. You know?

955
00:35:02,565 --> 00:35:04,085
I... And it's never that bad.

956
00:35:05,125 --> 00:35:06,005
It's never that bad.

957
00:35:07,125 --> 00:35:08,164
Just an observation.

958
00:35:09,537 --> 00:35:12,343
Oh, only once a twice in my career

959
00:35:12,480 --> 00:35:13,275
of this career?

960
00:35:15,263 --> 00:35:17,251
Knowing all this work. Right? Have I gone

961
00:35:17,251 --> 00:35:17,807
too far?

962
00:35:19,494 --> 00:35:19,813
With

963
00:35:20,372 --> 00:35:21,489
b outrageous bold.

964
00:35:23,405 --> 00:35:25,721
And it wasn't me... I've had people walk

965
00:35:25,721 --> 00:35:27,498
out of my my workshops

966
00:35:29,008 --> 00:35:30,998
you know, physical. I'll just walk right out.

967
00:35:33,385 --> 00:35:33,885
Because

968
00:35:35,057 --> 00:35:36,465
they're angry. III

969
00:35:36,743 --> 00:35:37,141
touched a...

970
00:35:38,175 --> 00:35:39,687
They were... I triggered something in them.

971
00:35:41,199 --> 00:35:43,507
But the the other... The... In the thing

972
00:35:43,507 --> 00:35:45,257
is, they were wonderful teachers, the people that

973
00:35:45,257 --> 00:35:47,983
walk out, swearing and cursing at me. Because

974
00:35:47,983 --> 00:35:50,614
the other 10 or 15 students that are

975
00:35:50,614 --> 00:35:51,172
in the room,

976
00:35:52,767 --> 00:35:53,985
their jaws are open

977
00:35:55,333 --> 00:35:56,605
did you see that?

978
00:35:57,956 --> 00:36:00,262
You know, that was a teaching learning lesson

979
00:36:00,262 --> 00:36:02,885
for them to see when somebody's losing there,

980
00:36:03,123 --> 00:36:03,759
you know why?

981
00:36:06,321 --> 00:36:08,152
We gonna out be tech they're triggered. You

982
00:36:08,152 --> 00:36:10,302
know? And that's okay. There some come back

983
00:36:10,302 --> 00:36:12,156
and some done. Mh.

984
00:36:13,183 --> 00:36:14,929
It just get triggered. And that's that's what

985
00:36:14,929 --> 00:36:16,858
my... Our job isn't and

986
00:36:17,786 --> 00:36:19,295
as a coach as a trainer,

987
00:36:20,818 --> 00:36:22,590
but I've also heard you say

988
00:36:23,601 --> 00:36:25,588
something to the effect of. You only go...

989
00:36:26,860 --> 00:36:28,610
You've gone too far. You only know you've

990
00:36:28,610 --> 00:36:29,961
gone too far when you've gone too far.

991
00:36:30,374 --> 00:36:32,603
Is that it? Yeah. That's Yeah something like

992
00:36:32,603 --> 00:36:34,594
that You recommend that in any manager, you

993
00:36:34,594 --> 00:36:35,333
just keep

994
00:36:36,028 --> 00:36:37,222
dripping on folks and...

995
00:36:39,228 --> 00:36:40,683
In in a professional

996
00:36:41,854 --> 00:36:43,525
loving manner. I guess you call it. Right?

997
00:36:43,684 --> 00:36:45,197
But, you know, is that there's

998
00:36:45,754 --> 00:36:47,266
something else to keep in mind here again

999
00:36:47,266 --> 00:36:51,096
that why I urge practice, practicing this praise

1000
00:36:51,096 --> 00:36:52,843
and the feedback and the feedback burner.

1001
00:36:53,875 --> 00:36:56,496
There are some people that just do not

1002
00:36:56,496 --> 00:36:56,735
care.

1003
00:36:58,497 --> 00:37:00,803
That for some reason in their mind, they

1004
00:37:00,803 --> 00:37:02,235
want to be a trouble maker.

1005
00:37:03,984 --> 00:37:06,052
In this... In our work environment in a

1006
00:37:06,052 --> 00:37:08,063
business, there's no place for that and none

1007
00:37:08,932 --> 00:37:11,165
In a family environment, sometimes we don't have

1008
00:37:11,165 --> 00:37:12,361
any choice to on family.

1009
00:37:13,877 --> 00:37:16,269
You can't fire them, You can't give them

1010
00:37:16,269 --> 00:37:17,226
they're walking papers,

1011
00:37:19,715 --> 00:37:21,253
you could. I said, why pick.

1012
00:37:23,468 --> 00:37:24,985
Right. You have they're else in your house,

1013
00:37:25,065 --> 00:37:28,054
you know, adult children or whatever or? Family

1014
00:37:28,431 --> 00:37:30,505
members Else that Act like children, I...

1015
00:37:31,462 --> 00:37:33,695
Something like that. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

1016
00:37:34,413 --> 00:37:36,168
So, you know, III

1017
00:37:36,168 --> 00:37:36,668
love

1018
00:37:37,379 --> 00:37:40,175
to keep the childhood wonder in my being,

1019
00:37:41,054 --> 00:37:42,492
but doing it as an adult, you know

1020
00:37:42,492 --> 00:37:43,850
what I mean? Right.

1021
00:37:44,584 --> 00:37:47,445
Yeah. Exactly. So keep keeping that in mind,

1022
00:37:47,922 --> 00:37:49,988
to not pick it personally, if some people

1023
00:37:49,988 --> 00:37:51,181
just don't care. They just...

1024
00:37:52,390 --> 00:37:54,950
Keep z out, they'll do anything to disrupt.

1025
00:37:56,710 --> 00:37:59,485
This happened Well. And that that again, then

1026
00:37:59,605 --> 00:38:01,845
speaks to their motivation. And and then we

1027
00:38:01,845 --> 00:38:02,325
cannot...

1028
00:38:02,805 --> 00:38:04,644
We are obligated, not to. If we really

1029
00:38:04,644 --> 00:38:07,125
love them, We're obligated not to continue to

1030
00:38:07,125 --> 00:38:09,372
feed the monster. Speaks And the more attention

1031
00:38:09,372 --> 00:38:10,009
you give that,

1032
00:38:11,440 --> 00:38:14,304
the the... More the monster grows because that's

1033
00:38:14,304 --> 00:38:14,804
exactly

1034
00:38:15,194 --> 00:38:17,507
the motivation behind the behavior. It's it's attention

1035
00:38:17,507 --> 00:38:18,863
seeking behavior is all it is.

1036
00:38:19,820 --> 00:38:22,133
Better to be provocative and get attention then

1037
00:38:22,133 --> 00:38:24,207
to be quiet and be forgotten or ignored.

1038
00:38:24,925 --> 00:38:26,853
So so there's a lot behind that.

1039
00:38:28,608 --> 00:38:29,108
But

1040
00:38:29,484 --> 00:38:29,984
when

1041
00:38:31,239 --> 00:38:33,152
we want to receive feedback.

1042
00:38:34,520 --> 00:38:36,507
Knowing how we're framing giving feedback. We need

1043
00:38:36,507 --> 00:38:37,882
to be able to receive it

1044
00:38:38,256 --> 00:38:40,085
Right. In the same mindset under the same

1045
00:38:40,085 --> 00:38:42,806
paradigm by which we... Wish to offer. Right?

1046
00:38:43,045 --> 00:38:43,545
So

1047
00:38:44,083 --> 00:38:46,475
if I'm sitting here, and I've... You've said

1048
00:38:46,475 --> 00:38:48,070
to me, are you open to some feedback,

1049
00:38:48,230 --> 00:38:49,985
and I've said yes. Sure.

1050
00:38:52,790 --> 00:38:54,224
As you provide the feedback,

1051
00:38:54,941 --> 00:38:56,296
how am I responding to you?

1052
00:38:57,092 --> 00:38:59,164
Great. How am might am I am I

1053
00:38:59,164 --> 00:39:01,647
shaking, am I quiet? Is my bodies? Am

1054
00:39:01,726 --> 00:39:03,494
I shaking my head yes. Am I curiously

1055
00:39:03,549 --> 00:39:06,402
leaning in, am I saying tell me more.

1056
00:39:06,561 --> 00:39:10,171
Am I... How do we still move through

1057
00:39:10,547 --> 00:39:13,892
to complete to successful completion receiving the feedback.

1058
00:39:14,688 --> 00:39:16,440
In receiving. Right? Yeah.

1059
00:39:18,050 --> 00:39:18,550
So

1060
00:39:20,690 --> 00:39:22,929
I've done personally done well, and and I...

1061
00:39:23,170 --> 00:39:24,929
With that and receiving it because at 1

1062
00:39:24,929 --> 00:39:26,289
time, I never did receive it well.

1063
00:39:27,024 --> 00:39:28,619
Took it personally, basically.

1064
00:39:29,177 --> 00:39:31,489
Yep. Same. Because I took it as an

1065
00:39:31,489 --> 00:39:32,127
attack on me.

1066
00:39:33,163 --> 00:39:35,237
Yeah. The guy I realized, you know, from

1067
00:39:35,237 --> 00:39:37,319
training now, you remember I was conditioned to

1068
00:39:37,319 --> 00:39:38,057
be that

1069
00:39:38,511 --> 00:39:39,782
to be that knee jerk,

1070
00:39:40,735 --> 00:39:42,403
You hate my guts because you're telling me,

1071
00:39:42,562 --> 00:39:44,071
I'm doing something bad whatever. Right.

1072
00:39:45,581 --> 00:39:47,670
Okay. In reality, they just tell they're they

1073
00:39:47,670 --> 00:39:49,106
had to help most of the time they

1074
00:39:49,106 --> 00:39:49,505
had to help.

1075
00:39:50,782 --> 00:39:52,000
If it's being done

1076
00:39:52,458 --> 00:39:52,936
properly.

1077
00:39:53,749 --> 00:39:55,685
And there are just people that that will

1078
00:39:55,743 --> 00:39:57,498
find fault with you no matter what you

1079
00:39:57,498 --> 00:39:57,657
do.

1080
00:39:58,455 --> 00:40:00,130
You... And you still gonna sit there and

1081
00:40:00,130 --> 00:40:01,565
take it, you know, you're still gonna take

1082
00:40:01,565 --> 00:40:01,725
it.

1083
00:40:03,813 --> 00:40:05,798
Because, you know something that, in the end,

1084
00:40:06,116 --> 00:40:06,513
Stephanie,

1085
00:40:08,021 --> 00:40:09,610
oftentimes people that do it just to get

1086
00:40:09,610 --> 00:40:10,880
into your skin, do it just to get

1087
00:40:10,880 --> 00:40:11,992
under your skin, and that's it.

1088
00:40:13,279 --> 00:40:14,957
So when you say you have to take

1089
00:40:14,957 --> 00:40:15,197
it.

1090
00:40:16,475 --> 00:40:16,875
How so.

1091
00:40:18,712 --> 00:40:21,282
So I found that if I... Create an

1092
00:40:21,282 --> 00:40:24,868
argument or or justifying and defend my behavior,

1093
00:40:29,985 --> 00:40:32,558
that doesn't serve me any anything at all

1094
00:40:33,095 --> 00:40:35,727
to justify fact... The best thing when is

1095
00:40:35,727 --> 00:40:38,853
to accept it as as it is whatever

1096
00:40:38,853 --> 00:40:42,122
they're saying and not re thought or justify

1097
00:40:42,122 --> 00:40:43,796
and defendant it. Just see, thank you very

1098
00:40:43,796 --> 00:40:45,710
much. I appreciate the feedback, and that's it.

1099
00:40:46,268 --> 00:40:46,507
Yeah.

1100
00:40:47,305 --> 00:40:49,232
Whatever the ego is gonna wanna fight. It's

1101
00:40:49,232 --> 00:40:50,905
gonna wanna do all kinds of things.

1102
00:40:51,542 --> 00:40:51,781
Yeah.

1103
00:40:52,418 --> 00:40:53,476
But I've learned

1104
00:40:54,981 --> 00:40:57,521
within reason, of course, who cares.

1105
00:40:59,268 --> 00:41:01,014
If if they're doing it in a mean,

1106
00:41:02,619 --> 00:41:03,019
manner.

1107
00:41:03,659 --> 00:41:04,139
Mh.

1108
00:41:05,659 --> 00:41:07,260
I'm not gonna let this get into my

1109
00:41:07,260 --> 00:41:09,179
skin. I'm going to receive it that. Maybe

1110
00:41:09,179 --> 00:41:09,579
they're right.

1111
00:41:10,554 --> 00:41:10,871
Yeah.

1112
00:41:11,905 --> 00:41:13,815
What if they're right when they... Whatever it

1113
00:41:13,815 --> 00:41:14,769
is they're saying, they could...

1114
00:41:16,599 --> 00:41:18,528
Yeah. It might be... Things. We don't wanna

1115
00:41:18,528 --> 00:41:20,207
hear, but it may be what we need

1116
00:41:20,207 --> 00:41:20,526
to hear.

1117
00:41:22,125 --> 00:41:22,525
Exactly.

1118
00:41:23,004 --> 00:41:26,381
Right. That's absolutely. Absolutely true. I... And

1119
00:41:27,333 --> 00:41:28,869
I think I've done at least 1

1120
00:41:29,564 --> 00:41:31,635
episode on this idea of defending.

1121
00:41:32,591 --> 00:41:35,481
And we... When we defend, excuse and justify,

1122
00:41:36,668 --> 00:41:38,818
it's possible that we do really believe that

1123
00:41:38,818 --> 00:41:39,614
what they're saying is true.

1124
00:41:40,411 --> 00:41:42,800
Right. Because if we didn't believe it, we'd

1125
00:41:42,800 --> 00:41:44,392
be, like, really? Okay?

1126
00:41:45,282 --> 00:41:46,554
Truly. I mean, think about that. I think

1127
00:41:46,554 --> 00:41:49,496
about somebody making an accusation against you that

1128
00:41:49,496 --> 00:41:51,960
is saw outlandish and un of you that

1129
00:41:51,960 --> 00:41:52,437
you just say,

1130
00:41:54,687 --> 00:41:58,043
interesting. Okay. That... That's a genuine response.

1131
00:41:58,762 --> 00:42:00,920
If we hear something being said about us.

1132
00:42:01,174 --> 00:42:03,992
And we really wanna know what? That's that's

1133
00:42:05,090 --> 00:42:06,389
bs, or that's

1134
00:42:06,847 --> 00:42:09,085
that's not true. That's that is,

1135
00:42:10,294 --> 00:42:12,363
indicative of our concern that it may be,

1136
00:42:13,000 --> 00:42:14,830
because now we have to defend. We have

1137
00:42:14,830 --> 00:42:17,297
to fight something isn't... Something is in jeopardy.

1138
00:42:17,695 --> 00:42:18,411
There's danger.

1139
00:42:18,982 --> 00:42:20,966
Maybe I'm gonna be exposed. Maybe I'm gonna

1140
00:42:20,966 --> 00:42:22,633
have to make a change. Maybe I'm gonna

1141
00:42:22,633 --> 00:42:24,221
have to put some work into myself and

1142
00:42:24,221 --> 00:42:25,570
take care of this once in frog because

1143
00:42:25,570 --> 00:42:27,530
people keep telling me this is happening. And

1144
00:42:27,730 --> 00:42:29,090
I'm hurting in the, you know, them in

1145
00:42:29,090 --> 00:42:29,570
this way.

1146
00:42:30,289 --> 00:42:31,110
And that

1147
00:42:32,130 --> 00:42:33,969
being able to hear that and receive that,

1148
00:42:34,530 --> 00:42:34,849
will...

1149
00:42:35,584 --> 00:42:36,563
Reap its consequences.

1150
00:42:36,940 --> 00:42:38,159
You either take it

1151
00:42:38,616 --> 00:42:41,010
and honor it or you don't and you

1152
00:42:41,010 --> 00:42:42,446
keep on this direction.

1153
00:42:44,130 --> 00:42:46,193
But I... There's also then the fine line

1154
00:42:46,193 --> 00:42:48,041
that we must not cross, which is the

1155
00:42:48,176 --> 00:42:49,469
the passive aggressive

1156
00:42:49,842 --> 00:42:50,317
snarky.

1157
00:42:51,923 --> 00:42:52,423
Re

1158
00:42:52,880 --> 00:42:55,115
receiving, And I have engaged this once or

1159
00:42:55,115 --> 00:42:55,434
twice,

1160
00:42:57,190 --> 00:42:57,590
where,

1161
00:42:58,228 --> 00:42:58,728
it's

1162
00:42:59,839 --> 00:43:01,275
Really? What what else?

1163
00:43:01,913 --> 00:43:05,103
Really what else? What else? What else? Is

1164
00:43:05,103 --> 00:43:05,581
there more?

1165
00:43:06,379 --> 00:43:06,858
Tell me more?

1166
00:43:08,692 --> 00:43:09,625
And that is

1167
00:43:09,984 --> 00:43:10,484
not

1168
00:43:11,263 --> 00:43:11,982
receiving either.

1169
00:43:12,541 --> 00:43:13,500
Yeah. That's,

1170
00:43:14,059 --> 00:43:16,697
that's just making a point and and making

1171
00:43:16,697 --> 00:43:18,055
it clear that... Yeah.

1172
00:43:18,788 --> 00:43:20,217
It's smooth than it's more than making a

1173
00:43:20,217 --> 00:43:20,931
point. It's

1174
00:43:21,565 --> 00:43:23,629
almost picking more of a making the fight

1175
00:43:23,629 --> 00:43:24,129
escalate.

1176
00:43:25,216 --> 00:43:26,644
That's right. This just put the finger.

1177
00:43:27,693 --> 00:43:28,012
Yeah?

1178
00:43:28,651 --> 00:43:29,289
How dare you?

1179
00:43:30,885 --> 00:43:31,124
Alright.

1180
00:43:33,438 --> 00:43:36,007
K. But why? But I appreciate it, Don

1181
00:43:36,007 --> 00:43:37,603
because, again, 1 of the things we've talked

1182
00:43:37,603 --> 00:43:39,300
about is that Sarcasm

1183
00:43:40,396 --> 00:43:42,152
and what that really is. Yeah. Yeah It

1184
00:43:42,152 --> 00:43:42,951
sounds like it am.

1185
00:43:43,763 --> 00:43:45,353
And Yeah. That is it. So it is

1186
00:43:45,353 --> 00:43:47,182
on the... In that scale on that scale.

1187
00:43:47,977 --> 00:43:51,078
Yeah. Oh Sarcasm by, like, almost taunting them

1188
00:43:51,078 --> 00:43:51,237
to...

1189
00:43:51,888 --> 00:43:54,036
Good. What else are you're thinking... Yeah. Wait...

1190
00:43:54,433 --> 00:43:55,626
I'll, keep this in line. Right?

1191
00:43:56,421 --> 00:43:57,614
And for the most part,

1192
00:43:58,250 --> 00:44:00,556
especially if people are somewhat calm when they're

1193
00:44:00,556 --> 00:44:01,431
giving you the feedback?

1194
00:44:04,150 --> 00:44:05,684
Wouldn't insult to them

1195
00:44:06,695 --> 00:44:07,991
to ignore it

1196
00:44:08,366 --> 00:44:11,397
or to create a fight or justify and

1197
00:44:11,397 --> 00:44:13,722
defend it because they get the guts

1198
00:44:14,413 --> 00:44:16,556
to actually say something they actually care about

1199
00:44:16,556 --> 00:44:17,056
you

1200
00:44:17,842 --> 00:44:18,161
Yeah.

1201
00:44:19,036 --> 00:44:20,173
Most of the time

1202
00:44:20,708 --> 00:44:23,335
that I see in my experience, it has

1203
00:44:23,335 --> 00:44:24,529
been for people to help.

1204
00:44:25,897 --> 00:44:26,873
They may be

1205
00:44:29,549 --> 00:44:30,501
saying it wrong,

1206
00:44:31,375 --> 00:44:33,677
but they genuinely care enough about you.

1207
00:44:34,804 --> 00:44:36,396
To say, do you... Did you hear what

1208
00:44:36,396 --> 00:44:37,669
you just said to that person?

1209
00:44:38,863 --> 00:44:40,614
Yeah. No. You could know when you might

1210
00:44:40,614 --> 00:44:43,023
have been sarcastic or whatever and

1211
00:44:44,449 --> 00:44:46,126
So we... That's that's why it's best to

1212
00:44:46,126 --> 00:44:48,382
sit back and just and go home

1213
00:44:49,239 --> 00:44:50,994
and just think about what they said and

1214
00:44:50,994 --> 00:44:52,272
why. Is it really me?

1215
00:44:54,045 --> 00:44:55,965
Or is it? Because, of course, it is

1216
00:44:55,965 --> 00:44:57,425
just their experience. But

1217
00:44:58,844 --> 00:45:00,684
when they bring up other people's name, you

1218
00:45:00,684 --> 00:45:02,537
know, so and so told me and I

1219
00:45:02,537 --> 00:45:03,809
saw the expression on their phase.

1220
00:45:05,399 --> 00:45:05,717
Yeah.

1221
00:45:06,353 --> 00:45:08,499
It's gonna study ourselves. That says what personal

1222
00:45:08,499 --> 00:45:11,220
mastery is learning, and You, I could be

1223
00:45:11,220 --> 00:45:13,372
the common in the store and... Yeah.

1224
00:45:14,726 --> 00:45:16,480
But, you know John it is su. And

1225
00:45:16,480 --> 00:45:17,596
and when I refer to,

1226
00:45:18,328 --> 00:45:21,275
my sarcastic, what else what else. It it

1227
00:45:21,275 --> 00:45:21,514
wasn't...

1228
00:45:22,151 --> 00:45:23,904
It's because it was more like a... It

1229
00:45:23,904 --> 00:45:25,989
was a a fighting. You know it's it

1230
00:45:25,989 --> 00:45:26,648
was in a

1231
00:45:27,260 --> 00:45:29,192
relationship, and it was not

1232
00:45:30,998 --> 00:45:32,985
productive feedback. Let's just put it that way.

1233
00:45:33,224 --> 00:45:35,146
It it it was just So,

1234
00:45:36,735 --> 00:45:38,960
growing as we do and learning from our

1235
00:45:38,960 --> 00:45:40,151
experiences as we do,

1236
00:45:41,661 --> 00:45:44,003
I believe that 1 of the most freeing

1237
00:45:44,219 --> 00:45:44,719
things

1238
00:45:45,811 --> 00:45:46,311
ever

1239
00:45:47,324 --> 00:45:49,711
is to be able to say what if

1240
00:45:49,711 --> 00:45:50,348
it's true,

1241
00:45:51,719 --> 00:45:52,996
because that is so empowering.

1242
00:45:53,876 --> 00:45:56,192
It feels so empowering. What if what they

1243
00:45:56,192 --> 00:45:56,991
just said is true.

1244
00:45:57,630 --> 00:46:00,512
What if I'm literally being offered an opportunity

1245
00:46:00,512 --> 00:46:03,215
to level up? Yeah What if that's happening

1246
00:46:03,215 --> 00:46:05,204
right now? What if there is so much

1247
00:46:05,204 --> 00:46:06,318
available for me out here?

1248
00:46:06,970 --> 00:46:08,730
That I haven't tapped into yet because there's

1249
00:46:08,730 --> 00:46:11,530
1 little thing that I could just easily

1250
00:46:11,530 --> 00:46:13,369
take care of that's being brought to my

1251
00:46:13,369 --> 00:46:13,610
attention,

1252
00:46:14,744 --> 00:46:16,018
so that I can go to the next

1253
00:46:16,018 --> 00:46:16,518
level

1254
00:46:17,054 --> 00:46:18,648
and be in the places I claim I

1255
00:46:18,648 --> 00:46:20,719
wanna be. What if this is required to

1256
00:46:20,719 --> 00:46:22,711
get to the next level. And it is

1257
00:46:22,711 --> 00:46:23,986
so freeing to be able to say,

1258
00:46:24,877 --> 00:46:26,548
What if that's true? What if they're right?

1259
00:46:26,708 --> 00:46:28,003
I have to take a look at that

1260
00:46:28,299 --> 00:46:28,799
and

1261
00:46:30,289 --> 00:46:32,610
go 1 little little step further. To be

1262
00:46:32,610 --> 00:46:34,381
able then to apologize,

1263
00:46:35,548 --> 00:46:35,946
you know.

1264
00:46:36,819 --> 00:46:39,225
I mean to be able to put yourself

1265
00:46:40,234 --> 00:46:40,734
humbly

1266
00:46:42,235 --> 00:46:43,530
before somebody else

1267
00:46:44,302 --> 00:46:47,166
and try to make good on that harm.

1268
00:46:47,563 --> 00:46:49,630
That to me is the ultimate.

1269
00:46:50,757 --> 00:46:53,375
Recognizing it. And when you when you say,

1270
00:46:54,089 --> 00:46:56,231
I apologize for this. I see that it

1271
00:46:56,231 --> 00:46:57,421
made you feel this way.

1272
00:46:58,547 --> 00:47:00,137
And I used to have my kids say

1273
00:47:00,137 --> 00:47:02,043
is there when they would toss with each

1274
00:47:02,043 --> 00:47:03,314
other. I used to have them say,

1275
00:47:04,029 --> 00:47:05,141
how can I make it up to you?

1276
00:47:05,793 --> 00:47:06,270
Sure. You know,

1277
00:47:07,145 --> 00:47:09,213
just because now you've got completion,

1278
00:47:10,088 --> 00:47:12,077
now you're making the person whole.

1279
00:47:12,648 --> 00:47:15,035
Yes. And you are extending yourself beyond just

1280
00:47:15,035 --> 00:47:17,182
as sorry, which are just words I mean

1281
00:47:17,182 --> 00:47:19,092
come con, You know, it's just words endless?

1282
00:47:19,664 --> 00:47:23,413
We facilitate real change in ourselves that ensures

1283
00:47:23,413 --> 00:47:26,523
that that's never gonna happen again. Yeah. You

1284
00:47:26,523 --> 00:47:28,380
know, that is so powerful.

1285
00:47:31,326 --> 00:47:33,721
So 2 points on that. I'm I'm glad

1286
00:47:33,721 --> 00:47:34,918
you brought all all this stuff because it

1287
00:47:34,918 --> 00:47:36,914
it is so many layers so all this,

1288
00:47:37,074 --> 00:47:38,112
you know? That

1289
00:47:41,554 --> 00:47:42,054
So

1290
00:47:42,431 --> 00:47:43,943
how do I put this? So a lot

1291
00:47:43,943 --> 00:47:45,377
of this is ego, not being able to

1292
00:47:45,377 --> 00:47:47,448
say Sorry. Alright yep? Yeah

1293
00:47:48,339 --> 00:47:50,657
Maybe it isn't an a... I'm sorry that's

1294
00:47:50,657 --> 00:47:51,936
needed is so much as

1295
00:47:52,655 --> 00:47:55,611
hauling that person back and thanking them but

1296
00:47:55,611 --> 00:47:56,650
bringing that attention.

1297
00:47:57,544 --> 00:47:59,214
To my attention that that issue.

1298
00:47:59,851 --> 00:48:01,282
Yeah. Because it's gonna make me a better

1299
00:48:01,282 --> 00:48:02,714
person. And, you know, you brought up, you

1300
00:48:02,714 --> 00:48:04,089
know, how long did it take

1301
00:48:05,036 --> 00:48:07,186
for me? Right? Stephanie you've been coming know,

1302
00:48:07,584 --> 00:48:10,927
eighteenth you're doing this work, and it it

1303
00:48:10,927 --> 00:48:11,802
never goes away.

1304
00:48:13,089 --> 00:48:14,914
It it shows up here and near the

1305
00:48:14,914 --> 00:48:15,549
anger and the...

1306
00:48:16,660 --> 00:48:16,978
So,

1307
00:48:18,327 --> 00:48:18,827
practicing,

1308
00:48:19,200 --> 00:48:21,598
you know, being the observer and being quiet

1309
00:48:21,598 --> 00:48:22,396
and quiet man,

1310
00:48:23,353 --> 00:48:23,672
so,

1311
00:48:24,629 --> 00:48:26,463
that helps being a quiet person.

1312
00:48:28,298 --> 00:48:30,531
Gives me time to think before I speak.

1313
00:48:32,617 --> 00:48:35,405
Always always think... And and people always rushing

1314
00:48:35,405 --> 00:48:36,918
me and putting words in my mouth because

1315
00:48:36,998 --> 00:48:38,692
I think about what I'm gonna talk

1316
00:48:39,148 --> 00:48:39,387
about.

1317
00:48:40,678 --> 00:48:41,715
Never off the cuff.

1318
00:48:43,151 --> 00:48:44,987
And when it does come off the cuff

1319
00:48:44,987 --> 00:48:45,545
right away,

1320
00:48:46,183 --> 00:48:47,141
getting trouble for it.

1321
00:48:47,954 --> 00:48:49,335
Or regret it. So

1322
00:48:49,875 --> 00:48:52,035
it does take time and practice to be

1323
00:48:52,035 --> 00:48:54,355
in that place to receive it. And the

1324
00:48:54,355 --> 00:48:56,994
ultimate in vulnerability, which I think is a

1325
00:48:56,994 --> 00:48:58,526
strength. Superhuman strength.

1326
00:49:00,360 --> 00:49:02,753
Is to say I am sorry, or to

1327
00:49:02,753 --> 00:49:03,572
admit that

1328
00:49:03,950 --> 00:49:06,263
your observation of me is correct.

1329
00:49:08,672 --> 00:49:08,831
Yeah.

1330
00:49:10,109 --> 00:49:11,705
In my first year doing all this work,

1331
00:49:11,945 --> 00:49:13,222
I was in embarrassed to be me.

1332
00:49:14,659 --> 00:49:15,957
Because I was getting this

1333
00:49:16,749 --> 00:49:18,668
I I jumped into because I I said,

1334
00:49:18,827 --> 00:49:20,425
well, there's something to all this. Right?

1335
00:49:21,465 --> 00:49:21,784
And

1336
00:49:22,344 --> 00:49:24,581
you know, the complaining criticizing and condemning all

1337
00:49:24,581 --> 00:49:26,340
that stuff that we all started with him.

1338
00:49:27,795 --> 00:49:29,394
That was me all the way and the

1339
00:49:29,394 --> 00:49:30,355
swearing and all that.

1340
00:49:31,235 --> 00:49:33,635
And I hated to be me, but I

1341
00:49:33,635 --> 00:49:36,610
realized something that most of societies like that.

1342
00:49:38,050 --> 00:49:39,670
That's why it's so far

1343
00:49:41,650 --> 00:49:43,901
out there for people to grasp that it's

1344
00:49:43,901 --> 00:49:46,525
not good to be a complain or swearing

1345
00:49:46,525 --> 00:49:48,035
all the time because everybody's doing it.

1346
00:49:48,989 --> 00:49:49,228
Right.

1347
00:49:50,340 --> 00:49:52,669
Really, very challenging. That was my challenge

1348
00:49:53,456 --> 00:49:54,991
but now I'm I'm

1349
00:49:55,605 --> 00:49:56,105
happy

1350
00:49:56,719 --> 00:49:58,708
to not be in that place. Mh.

1351
00:49:59,265 --> 00:50:01,732
There's nothing peaceful an angry replace, You.

1352
00:50:02,385 --> 00:50:05,105
Yeah. That it separates you also.

1353
00:50:05,664 --> 00:50:08,324
Yes. It separates you from the masses

1354
00:50:08,864 --> 00:50:10,224
because that's what we hear from the masses.

1355
00:50:10,465 --> 00:50:13,996
So that's the expectation. The difference is, wow.

1356
00:50:14,476 --> 00:50:16,952
This guy makes a point is really effective,

1357
00:50:17,112 --> 00:50:18,092
has impactful

1358
00:50:18,550 --> 00:50:21,601
communication. And isn't in criticizing complaining, swearing or

1359
00:50:21,601 --> 00:50:22,501
engaging sarcasm,

1360
00:50:23,280 --> 00:50:23,780
and

1361
00:50:24,878 --> 00:50:25,517
that's different.

1362
00:50:26,077 --> 00:50:26,556
You know.

1363
00:50:28,887 --> 00:50:31,833
Yeah. So very, very good point there. And

1364
00:50:31,833 --> 00:50:33,448
that's that was my fear

1365
00:50:34,143 --> 00:50:36,532
of this change that was going on inside

1366
00:50:36,532 --> 00:50:36,692
me.

1367
00:50:37,344 --> 00:50:39,344
That, oh, my god, I'm gonna... I'm losing

1368
00:50:39,344 --> 00:50:40,945
my friends. They started drifting away.

1369
00:50:42,224 --> 00:50:43,744
They was still my friends, but I just

1370
00:50:43,744 --> 00:50:46,398
noticed it and no fighting or arguing or

1371
00:50:46,398 --> 00:50:47,916
anything they cited drifting way,

1372
00:50:48,635 --> 00:50:49,135
but

1373
00:50:50,633 --> 00:50:52,471
new circle of influence came.

1374
00:50:54,079 --> 00:50:56,380
And they are There it isn't all of

1375
00:50:56,380 --> 00:50:59,022
society. It's just a society. I was choosing

1376
00:50:59,077 --> 00:50:59,950
to be a part of.

1377
00:51:01,552 --> 00:51:03,560
And now my inner circle is

1378
00:51:03,933 --> 00:51:04,648
peaceful people.

1379
00:51:05,838 --> 00:51:07,505
Yes. They had this stuff going on like

1380
00:51:07,505 --> 00:51:08,640
we all do, but

1381
00:51:09,584 --> 00:51:10,459
Yeah. So there is...

1382
00:51:11,255 --> 00:51:12,527
I believe that the light at the end

1383
00:51:12,527 --> 00:51:14,358
of the tunnel may seem hard. You know

1384
00:51:14,358 --> 00:51:15,789
who we're talking about how hard this is.

1385
00:51:17,639 --> 00:51:19,320
That's what made me realize that, you know,

1386
00:51:19,559 --> 00:51:22,119
the hard part was I'm losing my friends.

1387
00:51:24,850 --> 00:51:26,675
They did... I didn't lose them. They just

1388
00:51:26,675 --> 00:51:28,976
saw my in a circle it's on. Yeah.

1389
00:51:30,166 --> 00:51:31,832
And that's okay because...

1390
00:51:33,518 --> 00:51:34,717
As we level up,

1391
00:51:35,436 --> 00:51:36,075
I like to say,

1392
00:51:37,513 --> 00:51:39,989
there are those there to meet you. Yeah.

1393
00:51:40,164 --> 00:51:42,078
Who've already done the work or who are

1394
00:51:42,078 --> 00:51:43,594
alongside of you doing the work and here

1395
00:51:43,594 --> 00:51:45,688
you all are, and I find

1396
00:51:46,225 --> 00:51:49,017
the same thing and that circle is so...

1397
00:51:51,265 --> 00:51:51,765
Meaningful.

1398
00:51:52,381 --> 00:51:52,541
Yeah.

1399
00:51:53,737 --> 00:51:55,810
If you can constantly be learning from the

1400
00:51:55,810 --> 00:51:57,804
people that you're... You've surrounded yourself with. I

1401
00:51:57,804 --> 00:51:59,912
mean, you know what they say about be

1402
00:51:59,968 --> 00:52:01,715
becoming like the people that you're closest with,

1403
00:52:02,350 --> 00:52:05,766
when those people are also working on self

1404
00:52:05,766 --> 00:52:08,228
mastery or working on improving themselves, working on

1405
00:52:08,228 --> 00:52:10,411
growing spiritually working on

1406
00:52:11,025 --> 00:52:13,966
contributing more to society. Yeah, I mean, what

1407
00:52:13,966 --> 00:52:16,112
a powerful sphere? You you get a lot

1408
00:52:16,112 --> 00:52:17,861
on with a very small group of people,

1409
00:52:18,274 --> 00:52:19,628
when you're like minded in that way.

1410
00:52:20,981 --> 00:52:23,132
Yeah. Exact. So give your... Can I give

1411
00:52:23,132 --> 00:52:25,521
you a real quick story of this in

1412
00:52:25,521 --> 00:52:26,396
a circle changing?

1413
00:52:27,128 --> 00:52:29,534
So a lot of friends in fast

1414
00:52:30,860 --> 00:52:31,496
drifted away.

1415
00:52:32,608 --> 00:52:34,037
And not in a bad way that you

1416
00:52:34,037 --> 00:52:34,434
just did.

1417
00:52:35,324 --> 00:52:36,916
Well, the last 1,

1418
00:52:37,633 --> 00:52:39,783
we had the most calm, and he drifted

1419
00:52:39,783 --> 00:52:41,057
away, and I had to a while that

1420
00:52:41,057 --> 00:52:42,570
it killed me to let that happen, but

1421
00:52:42,570 --> 00:52:43,446
it I had to.

1422
00:52:44,498 --> 00:52:46,811
Now I'm thinking okay. He's gone. Well, you

1423
00:52:46,811 --> 00:52:47,130
know what?

1424
00:52:48,406 --> 00:52:50,320
Year or 2 later, he calls me up

1425
00:52:50,320 --> 00:52:52,553
to says John. If you're not doing anything,

1426
00:52:52,713 --> 00:52:53,431
you come and help me.

1427
00:52:55,271 --> 00:52:56,699
In my hop melted right there.

1428
00:52:58,047 --> 00:52:59,078
So he had...

1429
00:53:00,030 --> 00:53:01,640
Here. He's a cancer survivor

1430
00:53:02,109 --> 00:53:03,707
and he can't do much anymore.

1431
00:53:04,986 --> 00:53:06,105
And he asked me to come up and

1432
00:53:06,105 --> 00:53:07,783
climb a ladder and do something form and

1433
00:53:07,783 --> 00:53:09,381
fix a part of his roof and a

1434
00:53:09,381 --> 00:53:10,420
couple other of little things.

1435
00:53:11,791 --> 00:53:14,182
That he can't do anymore. And even though

1436
00:53:14,182 --> 00:53:15,080
we drifted

1437
00:53:15,856 --> 00:53:17,370
was still really good friend.

1438
00:53:19,137 --> 00:53:19,376
Wow.

1439
00:53:20,172 --> 00:53:22,240
Still just not in a circle. So they're

1440
00:53:22,240 --> 00:53:23,194
there. Just just

1441
00:53:24,865 --> 00:53:26,945
and and the reason why I'm bringing that

1442
00:53:26,945 --> 00:53:29,110
point up is for us not to lose

1443
00:53:29,245 --> 00:53:31,148
that part of our friendships that they might

1444
00:53:31,148 --> 00:53:32,656
not be in a circle, but they're still

1445
00:53:32,656 --> 00:53:35,699
there not to... And re not to be

1446
00:53:35,699 --> 00:53:38,019
resent towards them because they're not like me

1447
00:53:38,019 --> 00:53:38,980
anymore. Yeah.

1448
00:53:39,859 --> 00:53:40,359
Absolutely.

1449
00:53:41,875 --> 00:53:44,275
Well, then sometimes things come a full circle

1450
00:53:44,275 --> 00:53:46,135
and sometimes they learn from you

1451
00:53:46,675 --> 00:53:49,805
and that that separation and Like you said

1452
00:53:49,805 --> 00:53:51,257
it doesn't have to be negative.

1453
00:53:51,868 --> 00:53:53,772
Right. It it can be an observation, but

1454
00:53:53,772 --> 00:53:56,073
but I also observed that people's...

1455
00:53:56,724 --> 00:53:58,715
Do tend to come back in out of

1456
00:53:58,715 --> 00:53:59,215
curiosity

1457
00:53:59,750 --> 00:54:00,250
or,

1458
00:54:00,626 --> 00:54:02,379
you know, they need something or they need

1459
00:54:02,379 --> 00:54:03,972
help with something where their life has changed

1460
00:54:03,972 --> 00:54:06,378
in some way. And, you know, here they

1461
00:54:06,378 --> 00:54:06,697
come.

1462
00:54:07,255 --> 00:54:09,887
Yeah. And there's there may be something there

1463
00:54:09,887 --> 00:54:11,961
to to impart at that time. Maybe they're

1464
00:54:11,961 --> 00:54:13,875
ready to learn and receive something brand new

1465
00:54:13,875 --> 00:54:15,151
to. Who knows? Maybe we are.

1466
00:54:15,885 --> 00:54:17,805
But but I I love that point, John,

1467
00:54:18,045 --> 00:54:19,664
because it doesn't have to be this

1468
00:54:20,204 --> 00:54:21,724
ami cup... You know, this is this

1469
00:54:23,018 --> 00:54:24,849
dish harmon. It doesn't have to be

1470
00:54:25,406 --> 00:54:26,383
blowing up

1471
00:54:26,838 --> 00:54:29,305
relationships in situations, it can just be a

1472
00:54:29,305 --> 00:54:30,657
very easy drifting away,

1473
00:54:31,294 --> 00:54:31,794
ami,

1474
00:54:32,264 --> 00:54:32,824
So... Okay.

1475
00:54:33,862 --> 00:54:36,818
So on that note, Stephanie, It's it it's...

1476
00:54:36,978 --> 00:54:38,976
It's important to bring this up. And

1477
00:54:40,348 --> 00:54:42,732
So this inner circle kinda drifts away. Right?

1478
00:54:45,672 --> 00:54:47,421
This is a time and a place for

1479
00:54:47,421 --> 00:54:47,739
feedback.

1480
00:54:49,344 --> 00:54:51,332
And sometimes there's no place for it.

1481
00:54:52,286 --> 00:54:53,639
Those folks in are drifting a away, you

1482
00:54:53,639 --> 00:54:55,867
don't wanna be going around your hundred friends

1483
00:54:55,867 --> 00:54:57,458
that are all in just out of circle

1484
00:54:57,458 --> 00:54:57,696
now.

1485
00:54:58,269 --> 00:54:59,628
And saying you have to I have to

1486
00:54:59,628 --> 00:55:00,507
give them feedback.

1487
00:55:02,185 --> 00:55:03,544
We need to be careful with that, You

1488
00:55:03,544 --> 00:55:04,683
know, it's gonna be

1489
00:55:05,542 --> 00:55:06,601
an intimate

1490
00:55:06,981 --> 00:55:07,481
thing

1491
00:55:08,114 --> 00:55:10,103
Yes. You know what I'm saying that this

1492
00:55:10,103 --> 00:55:10,739
do personal...

1493
00:55:11,853 --> 00:55:14,501
Yeah. Good point. So that's why Practicing...

1494
00:55:15,369 --> 00:55:17,469
Makes perfect they say. And practicing

1495
00:55:17,769 --> 00:55:19,769
giving and receiving feedback,

1496
00:55:21,049 --> 00:55:22,889
doesn't mean to say every single person in

1497
00:55:22,889 --> 00:55:23,630
my life

1498
00:55:24,584 --> 00:55:25,860
Right. You need to be careful of that.

1499
00:55:26,020 --> 00:55:26,180
Right?

1500
00:55:27,057 --> 00:55:27,536
Absolutely.

1501
00:55:28,094 --> 00:55:28,414
Yes.

1502
00:55:29,849 --> 00:55:30,328
Good point.

1503
00:55:30,967 --> 00:55:31,206
Yeah.

1504
00:55:31,859 --> 00:55:34,649
Well, this is a fantastic place to leave

1505
00:55:34,649 --> 00:55:36,483
it for today. I cannot believe how the

1506
00:55:36,483 --> 00:55:37,360
time flies,

1507
00:55:37,998 --> 00:55:40,150
talk about this all day, but we will...

1508
00:55:40,563 --> 00:55:42,547
Pick this up and continue on. We have

1509
00:55:42,547 --> 00:55:44,554
more to talk about as it relates to

1510
00:55:44,688 --> 00:55:45,188
conflict

1511
00:55:45,640 --> 00:55:45,799
resolution.

1512
00:55:46,910 --> 00:55:49,150
And so anything you wanna leave us with

1513
00:55:49,150 --> 00:55:52,491
this time around John, to practice until the

1514
00:55:52,491 --> 00:55:53,525
next time we meet again.

1515
00:55:54,734 --> 00:55:54,974
Yes.

1516
00:55:56,335 --> 00:55:58,174
I'm just gonna put this out there practice,

1517
00:55:58,574 --> 00:56:00,014
being the calm in the storm.

1518
00:56:02,107 --> 00:56:04,491
Then writing it down. Yep. That's our inner

1519
00:56:04,491 --> 00:56:04,730
piece.

1520
00:56:06,001 --> 00:56:07,750
The common in the stone is the inner

1521
00:56:07,750 --> 00:56:10,134
piece. You know you've mastered it. Okay. That's

1522
00:56:10,134 --> 00:56:10,373
my...

1523
00:56:11,104 --> 00:56:13,821
My challenge for the next couple of weeks.

1524
00:56:15,099 --> 00:56:16,937
I love it. Okay. Good. Yeah. You too.

1525
00:56:17,177 --> 00:56:18,535
Thank you. Challenge accepted?

1526
00:56:19,028 --> 00:56:21,250
We'll provide some feedback on how it went

1527
00:56:21,250 --> 00:56:21,726
next time.

1528
00:56:22,519 --> 00:56:24,898
And as always, thank you so so much

1529
00:56:24,898 --> 00:56:27,704
for your time. And, John, if people want

1530
00:56:27,704 --> 00:56:29,144
to reach out to you know your websites

1531
00:56:29,144 --> 00:56:30,585
under construction right now,

1532
00:56:32,105 --> 00:56:34,278
but how might they reach thought you do

1533
00:56:34,278 --> 00:56:36,432
you prefer email, if they're looking for help?

1534
00:56:37,389 --> 00:56:40,122
Yeah. The pump my phone number. Was 06:03

1535
00:56:40,340 --> 00:56:43,585
24423180

1536
00:56:44,024 --> 00:56:44,184
And,

1537
00:56:44,983 --> 00:56:48,600
I'm really changing everything about my my my

1538
00:56:48,739 --> 00:56:50,897
business and how I do things. So that's

1539
00:56:50,897 --> 00:56:51,796
why it's a total

1540
00:56:52,255 --> 00:56:52,415
redo.

1541
00:56:53,947 --> 00:56:55,702
Excellent. I'm grateful to be here. Thank you

1542
00:56:55,702 --> 00:56:57,138
very much. Yeah. Thank you.

1543
00:56:58,015 --> 00:57:00,328
Here now. You too. Thanks so much for

1544
00:57:00,328 --> 00:57:02,880
listening to the Stephanie Stevens show. Please remember

1545
00:57:02,880 --> 00:57:05,197
to crime, so we can stay connected and

1546
00:57:05,197 --> 00:57:07,100
you never miss an episode of the podcast.

1547
00:57:07,655 --> 00:57:09,242
Oh, and if you haven't left a rating

1548
00:57:09,242 --> 00:57:11,558
yet, please be sure to do so. It

1549
00:57:11,558 --> 00:57:14,187
helps incredible people like you find the podcast.

1550
00:57:14,586 --> 00:57:15,781
We'll see you on the next episode.