1 00:00:02,159 --> 00:00:05,219 Welcome to the Money is Emotional podcast 2 00:00:05,599 --> 00:00:06,419 with Christine 3 00:00:06,799 --> 00:00:07,299 Lukin, 4 00:00:07,599 --> 00:00:08,900 the financial 5 00:00:09,279 --> 00:00:09,779 dignity 6 00:00:10,080 --> 00:00:11,859 coach. In this podcast, 7 00:00:12,240 --> 00:00:15,139 we help you recover a positive and peaceful 8 00:00:15,279 --> 00:00:17,355 relationship with your personal finances. 9 00:00:17,815 --> 00:00:20,695 We do this by bringing together wise money 10 00:00:20,695 --> 00:00:22,875 management with emotional intelligence. 11 00:00:23,655 --> 00:00:26,074 Join us for this journey where we navigate 12 00:00:26,295 --> 00:00:29,675 our relationship with money as Christine Lukin 13 00:00:29,980 --> 00:00:31,760 draws from years of experience 14 00:00:32,060 --> 00:00:34,619 and guest experts to help you get to 15 00:00:34,619 --> 00:00:36,479 the root of your money issues. 16 00:00:38,140 --> 00:00:39,280 Hello, my friend. 17 00:00:39,659 --> 00:00:40,159 Welcome 18 00:00:40,539 --> 00:00:43,179 to the Money is Emotional podcast. I am 19 00:00:43,179 --> 00:00:44,879 your host, Christine Lukin. 20 00:00:45,734 --> 00:00:46,634 Today's episode 21 00:00:47,015 --> 00:00:48,314 is contentment, 22 00:00:49,174 --> 00:00:49,674 comparison, 23 00:00:50,215 --> 00:00:50,715 and 24 00:00:51,094 --> 00:00:51,594 envy. 25 00:00:52,695 --> 00:00:53,914 I am rereading 26 00:00:54,454 --> 00:00:55,434 one of my 27 00:00:55,814 --> 00:00:57,354 favorite books about emotion, 28 00:00:57,814 --> 00:00:59,754 Atlas of the Heart. 29 00:01:00,450 --> 00:01:03,030 In it, Brene Brown focuses 30 00:01:03,489 --> 00:01:05,349 on the language we use 31 00:01:05,729 --> 00:01:07,670 to describe our emotional experiences. 32 00:01:10,209 --> 00:01:11,590 A few of these emotions 33 00:01:11,890 --> 00:01:12,390 are 34 00:01:12,689 --> 00:01:13,189 particularly 35 00:01:13,729 --> 00:01:14,974 relevant to 36 00:01:15,674 --> 00:01:16,174 money. 37 00:01:17,354 --> 00:01:19,134 I want to share her findings 38 00:01:19,435 --> 00:01:19,935 on 39 00:01:20,474 --> 00:01:20,974 comparison, 40 00:01:22,155 --> 00:01:22,655 envy, 41 00:01:22,954 --> 00:01:24,174 and contentment, 42 00:01:25,194 --> 00:01:26,015 along with 43 00:01:26,314 --> 00:01:27,134 my observations 44 00:01:27,674 --> 00:01:29,694 about how these apply 45 00:01:30,849 --> 00:01:31,349 particularly 46 00:01:32,049 --> 00:01:32,549 to 47 00:01:33,009 --> 00:01:33,509 money. 48 00:01:35,009 --> 00:01:36,930 The section in the book that I am 49 00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:40,469 focusing on for this podcast episode is called 50 00:01:40,769 --> 00:01:43,750 the places we go when we compare. 51 00:01:44,929 --> 00:01:45,750 And, boy, 52 00:01:46,224 --> 00:01:49,444 do we love to compare ourselves with others 53 00:01:49,825 --> 00:01:52,164 when it comes to finances 54 00:01:52,545 --> 00:01:53,045 and 55 00:01:53,504 --> 00:01:54,724 material things. 56 00:01:56,064 --> 00:01:56,965 Social media 57 00:01:57,344 --> 00:02:00,004 has made it so much easier 58 00:02:00,625 --> 00:02:01,125 for 59 00:02:02,250 --> 00:02:04,989 us to compare ourselves to other people 60 00:02:05,369 --> 00:02:07,229 and to compare ourselves 61 00:02:07,689 --> 00:02:08,189 to 62 00:02:08,650 --> 00:02:09,789 a much broader 63 00:02:10,489 --> 00:02:10,989 range 64 00:02:11,370 --> 00:02:12,110 of people. 65 00:02:13,689 --> 00:02:14,909 Pre social media, 66 00:02:15,289 --> 00:02:16,830 when I was growing up, 67 00:02:17,425 --> 00:02:19,664 you know, as a teenager and even as 68 00:02:19,664 --> 00:02:20,564 a young adult, 69 00:02:21,344 --> 00:02:23,284 the people who we compared ourselves 70 00:02:23,745 --> 00:02:24,245 to 71 00:02:25,185 --> 00:02:27,205 were the people in our neighborhoods, 72 00:02:27,504 --> 00:02:29,985 the people in our family, the people in 73 00:02:29,985 --> 00:02:30,645 our schools. 74 00:02:31,504 --> 00:02:32,004 Now 75 00:02:32,409 --> 00:02:33,789 we can compare ourselves 76 00:02:34,330 --> 00:02:35,789 to literally the entire 77 00:02:36,250 --> 00:02:36,750 world. 78 00:02:39,849 --> 00:02:40,349 Comparison 79 00:02:40,889 --> 00:02:41,389 itself 80 00:02:41,930 --> 00:02:43,710 is not an emotion, 81 00:02:44,705 --> 00:02:46,644 but rather it's an activity 82 00:02:47,424 --> 00:02:48,405 that we do 83 00:02:48,944 --> 00:02:51,284 that leads to all kinds of emotions. 84 00:02:53,344 --> 00:02:54,245 We have 85 00:02:54,864 --> 00:02:56,004 so many sayings 86 00:02:56,384 --> 00:02:57,444 regarding comparison, 87 00:02:59,010 --> 00:03:01,189 and you might have heard some of these. 88 00:03:01,729 --> 00:03:02,550 Things like 89 00:03:03,090 --> 00:03:03,590 comparison 90 00:03:04,210 --> 00:03:06,069 is the thief of joy. 91 00:03:07,010 --> 00:03:08,629 Focus on your own journey. 92 00:03:09,729 --> 00:03:13,485 Don't compare your beginning to someone else's middle 93 00:03:13,645 --> 00:03:14,465 or ending. 94 00:03:15,324 --> 00:03:17,824 The only person you should compare yourself 95 00:03:18,365 --> 00:03:20,224 is who you were yesterday. 96 00:03:22,365 --> 00:03:23,425 If we know 97 00:03:23,884 --> 00:03:24,705 that comparison 98 00:03:25,004 --> 00:03:27,745 has the tendency to make us feel bad, 99 00:03:28,699 --> 00:03:29,840 Why do we do it? 100 00:03:31,180 --> 00:03:33,199 I think it is just a natural 101 00:03:33,579 --> 00:03:34,560 human tendency 102 00:03:35,500 --> 00:03:38,159 to look at what others are doing 103 00:03:38,699 --> 00:03:39,439 and accomplishing 104 00:03:40,715 --> 00:03:42,414 and measure ourselves against 105 00:03:44,875 --> 00:03:47,275 it. We're looking at a social norm. We're 106 00:03:47,275 --> 00:03:47,775 saying, 107 00:03:49,594 --> 00:03:51,354 you know, how do we measure up? Are 108 00:03:51,354 --> 00:03:52,954 we doing the right thing? How do I 109 00:03:52,954 --> 00:03:53,775 even know? 110 00:03:54,314 --> 00:03:54,814 And 111 00:03:55,590 --> 00:03:57,050 I love this quote 112 00:03:57,990 --> 00:03:59,450 from the book 113 00:04:00,230 --> 00:04:01,450 where Brene Brown 114 00:04:02,230 --> 00:04:03,610 talks about comparison. 115 00:04:05,510 --> 00:04:06,010 Comparison 116 00:04:06,310 --> 00:04:06,810 says, 117 00:04:08,194 --> 00:04:09,974 be like everyone else, 118 00:04:10,915 --> 00:04:11,735 but better. 119 00:04:13,074 --> 00:04:14,615 And isn't that exactly 120 00:04:15,395 --> 00:04:16,935 what comparison does? 121 00:04:17,875 --> 00:04:19,895 We look at other people, 122 00:04:21,610 --> 00:04:22,110 and 123 00:04:22,810 --> 00:04:24,350 we either want to 124 00:04:26,250 --> 00:04:28,410 be where people are or a little bit 125 00:04:28,410 --> 00:04:29,310 ahead of them. 126 00:04:31,770 --> 00:04:33,310 We feel good about ourselves 127 00:04:33,689 --> 00:04:34,189 when 128 00:04:34,904 --> 00:04:35,645 we compare 129 00:04:36,185 --> 00:04:37,404 with somebody else, 130 00:04:38,105 --> 00:04:38,605 and 131 00:04:39,625 --> 00:04:41,725 it looks like we're on equal footing, 132 00:04:42,425 --> 00:04:45,545 or we're doing better than that person in 133 00:04:45,545 --> 00:04:46,845 a particular area. 134 00:04:47,910 --> 00:04:50,150 But if that other person seems to be 135 00:04:50,150 --> 00:04:52,790 doing better than us, then we suddenly feel 136 00:04:52,790 --> 00:04:53,850 bad about ourselves. 137 00:04:55,029 --> 00:04:56,730 Have you ever had this experience 138 00:04:57,110 --> 00:04:57,610 of 139 00:04:58,949 --> 00:04:59,449 accomplishing 140 00:04:59,925 --> 00:05:03,285 something or maybe buying something new and being 141 00:05:03,285 --> 00:05:04,185 super excited 142 00:05:04,725 --> 00:05:05,785 about your accomplishment 143 00:05:06,165 --> 00:05:07,865 or this thing that you bought 144 00:05:09,044 --> 00:05:09,544 until 145 00:05:10,564 --> 00:05:12,824 you compared yourself with someone else. 146 00:05:13,349 --> 00:05:15,750 Right? Maybe you were so excited about your 147 00:05:15,750 --> 00:05:16,569 new car, 148 00:05:17,269 --> 00:05:18,009 and then 149 00:05:18,310 --> 00:05:21,129 you find out your cousin or your friend 150 00:05:21,669 --> 00:05:23,990 also has a new car, but it's a 151 00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:26,969 better and more expensive car than yours. 152 00:05:27,904 --> 00:05:29,045 Then all of a sudden, 153 00:05:29,665 --> 00:05:31,824 this car that you will you are feeling 154 00:05:31,824 --> 00:05:32,805 amazing about 155 00:05:33,345 --> 00:05:36,145 five minutes ago, all of a sudden, doesn't 156 00:05:36,145 --> 00:05:37,045 seem like enough. 157 00:05:38,145 --> 00:05:39,685 I know I've had that experience. 158 00:05:40,129 --> 00:05:41,750 Surely, I'm not the only person 159 00:05:42,209 --> 00:05:43,669 who has had this experience. 160 00:05:44,209 --> 00:05:44,709 So 161 00:05:45,810 --> 00:05:46,709 this is 162 00:05:48,129 --> 00:05:50,069 this is the trap of comparison. 163 00:05:51,089 --> 00:05:52,229 Right? Because 164 00:05:53,089 --> 00:05:54,949 we're not focused on 165 00:05:56,095 --> 00:05:58,115 ourselves. We're focused on 166 00:05:58,574 --> 00:06:01,074 how we measure up compared to somebody else. 167 00:06:01,455 --> 00:06:01,955 So 168 00:06:02,415 --> 00:06:04,435 I love that quote about comparison. 169 00:06:05,295 --> 00:06:07,235 Be like everyone else, but better. 170 00:06:11,550 --> 00:06:14,029 Now here's the second thing I wanna talk 171 00:06:14,029 --> 00:06:14,529 about. 172 00:06:15,229 --> 00:06:16,529 Because you might be wondering 173 00:06:17,229 --> 00:06:17,729 why 174 00:06:18,669 --> 00:06:20,689 in the title, when I said 175 00:06:21,229 --> 00:06:21,729 comparison, 176 00:06:22,995 --> 00:06:24,295 Envy, and Contentment. 177 00:06:24,754 --> 00:06:26,215 Why I didn't use 178 00:06:26,995 --> 00:06:27,495 jealousy. 179 00:06:29,074 --> 00:06:29,574 So 180 00:06:31,074 --> 00:06:33,395 here's the interesting thing I learned from this 181 00:06:33,395 --> 00:06:35,715 book, and it was a total shocker when 182 00:06:35,715 --> 00:06:37,715 I read the book the first time several 183 00:06:37,715 --> 00:06:38,490 years ago. 184 00:06:39,689 --> 00:06:42,970 If you want what someone else has, you're 185 00:06:42,970 --> 00:06:43,949 actually not 186 00:06:44,250 --> 00:06:44,750 jealous. 187 00:06:45,930 --> 00:06:46,430 So, 188 00:06:46,970 --> 00:06:49,550 this truth bomb surprised me because 189 00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:51,149 I rarely 190 00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:53,545 used the word 191 00:06:53,925 --> 00:06:54,425 envious. 192 00:06:55,365 --> 00:06:55,865 And 193 00:06:56,485 --> 00:06:59,285 this actually came to came as a surprise 194 00:06:59,285 --> 00:07:00,884 to the author as well as she was 195 00:07:00,884 --> 00:07:03,779 researching this book. So according to Brene Brown, 196 00:07:04,339 --> 00:07:07,560 jealousy is when we fear losing a relationship 197 00:07:08,339 --> 00:07:10,660 or part of a relationship that we already 198 00:07:10,660 --> 00:07:11,160 have. 199 00:07:11,699 --> 00:07:13,240 So you feel jealous 200 00:07:13,699 --> 00:07:16,759 when someone is pulling away from you. 201 00:07:17,459 --> 00:07:19,160 So you might feel jealous 202 00:07:19,935 --> 00:07:20,834 that your 203 00:07:21,214 --> 00:07:21,714 bestie 204 00:07:22,574 --> 00:07:25,154 constantly talks about a new fun coworker 205 00:07:25,615 --> 00:07:26,675 and makes plans 206 00:07:27,375 --> 00:07:29,235 with this new friend without you. 207 00:07:29,774 --> 00:07:32,094 You might feel jealous that your spouse now 208 00:07:32,094 --> 00:07:34,754 spends much of their free time playing pickleball 209 00:07:35,330 --> 00:07:38,449 with friends instead of hanging out around the 210 00:07:38,449 --> 00:07:39,509 house with you. 211 00:07:40,529 --> 00:07:41,029 Jealousy 212 00:07:42,129 --> 00:07:44,470 typically happens when you 213 00:07:44,770 --> 00:07:45,270 fear 214 00:07:46,050 --> 00:07:46,550 losing 215 00:07:46,930 --> 00:07:48,710 someone to another person. 216 00:07:49,834 --> 00:07:51,214 So for the most part, 217 00:07:51,514 --> 00:07:54,795 jealousy doesn't have to do with possessions or 218 00:07:54,795 --> 00:07:55,295 finances. 219 00:07:56,795 --> 00:07:58,975 Rather, it has to do with losing 220 00:07:59,995 --> 00:08:00,735 the affection 221 00:08:01,580 --> 00:08:02,240 and attention 222 00:08:03,500 --> 00:08:07,439 of someone who is already in your life. 223 00:08:08,779 --> 00:08:11,279 So I thought that was super interesting because, 224 00:08:12,779 --> 00:08:13,279 typically, 225 00:08:13,580 --> 00:08:16,699 when we say we want something that someone 226 00:08:16,699 --> 00:08:19,425 else has, we use the word jealous. We 227 00:08:19,425 --> 00:08:20,964 don't use the word 228 00:08:21,345 --> 00:08:21,845 envious. 229 00:08:23,185 --> 00:08:23,685 And 230 00:08:24,704 --> 00:08:27,604 when we want something that someone else has, 231 00:08:27,824 --> 00:08:30,564 we even use these cutesy sayings 232 00:08:31,240 --> 00:08:31,740 about 233 00:08:32,519 --> 00:08:34,059 we don't even wanna say jealous 234 00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:35,100 because 235 00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:38,539 that sounds like we're being petty. 236 00:08:39,080 --> 00:08:40,779 We'll use the word jelly. 237 00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:43,159 Right? We come up with these cute names, 238 00:08:43,159 --> 00:08:43,659 like, 239 00:08:44,184 --> 00:08:46,184 oh, I'm so jelly that you got to 240 00:08:46,184 --> 00:08:47,725 go to Italy this summer. 241 00:08:48,904 --> 00:08:50,044 Rather than saying, 242 00:08:50,745 --> 00:08:51,565 I'm envious 243 00:08:52,745 --> 00:08:55,065 that you got to go to Italy this 244 00:08:55,065 --> 00:08:56,129 summer and I didn't. 245 00:08:57,169 --> 00:08:57,669 So 246 00:08:57,970 --> 00:09:01,009 when we talk about being jealous or being 247 00:09:01,009 --> 00:09:04,529 jelly of someone's income, their vacation, their car, 248 00:09:04,529 --> 00:09:06,230 their lucrative business deal, 249 00:09:06,690 --> 00:09:08,144 we're actually not 250 00:09:08,705 --> 00:09:09,205 jealous. 251 00:09:09,904 --> 00:09:10,884 We're envious. 252 00:09:12,785 --> 00:09:14,404 So the definition of envy 253 00:09:14,785 --> 00:09:15,285 is 254 00:09:15,904 --> 00:09:18,485 envy occurs when we want something 255 00:09:18,945 --> 00:09:20,485 that another person has. 256 00:09:22,570 --> 00:09:24,509 Why do we have difficulty saying, 257 00:09:25,049 --> 00:09:27,149 I'm envious of that person? 258 00:09:28,250 --> 00:09:29,230 For some reason, 259 00:09:29,850 --> 00:09:30,350 envy 260 00:09:30,889 --> 00:09:32,190 feels more devious 261 00:09:33,495 --> 00:09:34,315 than jealousy. 262 00:09:36,375 --> 00:09:37,434 Why is that? 263 00:09:39,014 --> 00:09:40,154 Here's my theory. 264 00:09:40,774 --> 00:09:42,394 I think it might be because 265 00:09:43,414 --> 00:09:44,875 the Hebrew and the Christian 266 00:09:45,334 --> 00:09:45,834 scriptures 267 00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:47,879 speak specifically 268 00:09:48,580 --> 00:09:49,080 against 269 00:09:49,779 --> 00:09:50,279 envy. 270 00:09:51,299 --> 00:09:52,279 So, for example, 271 00:09:52,899 --> 00:09:56,519 Proverbs fourteen thirty says, a heart at peace 272 00:09:56,980 --> 00:09:58,759 gives life to the body, 273 00:09:59,379 --> 00:10:01,720 but envy rots the bones. 274 00:10:03,274 --> 00:10:04,735 I doubt any of us 275 00:10:05,274 --> 00:10:06,495 want rotten bones. 276 00:10:07,914 --> 00:10:11,034 Also, the tenth commandment warns us not to 277 00:10:11,034 --> 00:10:13,774 covet anything that belongs to our neighbor. 278 00:10:14,409 --> 00:10:14,909 Covet 279 00:10:15,850 --> 00:10:18,330 is a synonym for envy. It means we 280 00:10:18,330 --> 00:10:20,269 want what someone else has. 281 00:10:21,690 --> 00:10:24,409 So but here is the important distinction. When 282 00:10:24,409 --> 00:10:26,029 we are truly envious, 283 00:10:29,335 --> 00:10:31,195 it comes with some hostility. 284 00:10:34,055 --> 00:10:36,154 That's why we don't wanna say it. 285 00:10:37,975 --> 00:10:38,475 Envy, 286 00:10:39,370 --> 00:10:41,149 really, at the heart says, 287 00:10:42,169 --> 00:10:43,949 I wanna take what you have. 288 00:10:44,730 --> 00:10:47,389 I should have it, and you shouldn't. 289 00:10:48,089 --> 00:10:49,870 So there's some sort of judgment 290 00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:51,309 going on there. 291 00:10:52,004 --> 00:10:54,825 You judge the other person as being unworthy 292 00:10:55,764 --> 00:10:57,304 of whatever it is, 293 00:10:57,605 --> 00:10:59,225 and you elevate yourself. 294 00:10:59,924 --> 00:11:00,904 So it's like, 295 00:11:01,445 --> 00:11:03,924 you have this good thing, but you don't 296 00:11:03,924 --> 00:11:04,745 deserve it. 297 00:11:06,429 --> 00:11:08,929 I deserve this good thing. You don't. 298 00:11:10,669 --> 00:11:12,289 That's when we really feel 299 00:11:12,750 --> 00:11:13,250 envy. 300 00:11:13,950 --> 00:11:17,389 We feel envious when we want something another 301 00:11:17,389 --> 00:11:18,370 person has, 302 00:11:19,034 --> 00:11:19,534 and 303 00:11:20,315 --> 00:11:21,855 we don't want them to have it. 304 00:11:23,674 --> 00:11:25,434 We don't want them to have it. And 305 00:11:25,434 --> 00:11:26,414 here's the thing. 306 00:11:27,754 --> 00:11:30,095 Most of the time, we don't feel 307 00:11:30,554 --> 00:11:31,855 envious of 308 00:11:32,659 --> 00:11:34,519 people we don't know. 309 00:11:35,299 --> 00:11:36,600 Occasionally, we do. 310 00:11:39,860 --> 00:11:41,240 But most of the time, 311 00:11:42,339 --> 00:11:43,480 we feel envious 312 00:11:43,860 --> 00:11:44,360 of 313 00:11:44,740 --> 00:11:46,120 people that we know. 314 00:11:48,264 --> 00:11:49,644 Right? Your brother-in-law 315 00:11:50,665 --> 00:11:52,445 gets an amazing promotion, 316 00:11:53,304 --> 00:11:55,325 and his family has the opportunity 317 00:11:57,384 --> 00:12:00,585 to move to Florida or California or someplace 318 00:12:00,585 --> 00:12:02,519 where it's nice and sunny all the time. 319 00:12:02,759 --> 00:12:03,259 And 320 00:12:04,040 --> 00:12:05,720 you think your brother-in-law is kind of a 321 00:12:05,720 --> 00:12:06,220 jerk. 322 00:12:06,759 --> 00:12:07,500 And so 323 00:12:08,279 --> 00:12:10,540 you don't think he even deserves this promotion. 324 00:12:10,679 --> 00:12:12,440 Right? You're like, gosh. He's such a jerk. 325 00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:12,940 Like, 326 00:12:15,654 --> 00:12:18,794 you're really envious. Right? You want that promotion. 327 00:12:18,934 --> 00:12:20,794 You want that high paying position. 328 00:12:21,815 --> 00:12:23,995 You wanna be able to move all expenses 329 00:12:24,134 --> 00:12:26,375 paid someplace where it's warm and sunny all 330 00:12:26,375 --> 00:12:27,034 the time. 331 00:12:29,839 --> 00:12:32,240 Envy happens when we can't feel happy for 332 00:12:32,240 --> 00:12:33,539 somebody else's success. 333 00:12:37,759 --> 00:12:39,919 So when you find yourself using the word 334 00:12:39,919 --> 00:12:40,419 jealous, 335 00:12:40,975 --> 00:12:43,215 you really need to ask yourself, am I 336 00:12:43,215 --> 00:12:44,034 really jealous, 337 00:12:44,654 --> 00:12:45,154 or 338 00:12:46,014 --> 00:12:47,235 am I envious? 339 00:12:48,894 --> 00:12:50,654 Do I not want this person to have 340 00:12:50,654 --> 00:12:51,154 it? 341 00:12:53,419 --> 00:12:54,799 Now here's what's interesting. 342 00:12:55,419 --> 00:12:56,320 In my opinion, 343 00:12:57,579 --> 00:12:59,839 I think envy is actually 344 00:13:00,620 --> 00:13:01,360 a gift. 345 00:13:03,579 --> 00:13:04,480 Why is that? 346 00:13:05,794 --> 00:13:07,254 We usually feel 347 00:13:07,794 --> 00:13:08,294 envy 348 00:13:10,115 --> 00:13:11,815 when we have a 349 00:13:12,434 --> 00:13:12,934 hidden 350 00:13:13,315 --> 00:13:14,214 or suppressed 351 00:13:15,154 --> 00:13:15,654 desire 352 00:13:16,355 --> 00:13:17,095 for something. 353 00:13:20,034 --> 00:13:20,534 Desire 354 00:13:21,449 --> 00:13:21,949 occurs 355 00:13:22,490 --> 00:13:23,870 when we want something, 356 00:13:25,049 --> 00:13:27,870 but not necessarily at someone else's expense. 357 00:13:28,490 --> 00:13:30,509 So when we have a healthy desire 358 00:13:30,889 --> 00:13:31,629 for something, 359 00:13:33,654 --> 00:13:34,634 we can be 360 00:13:35,415 --> 00:13:35,915 happy 361 00:13:36,774 --> 00:13:38,475 for someone else who has it, 362 00:13:39,335 --> 00:13:39,835 and 363 00:13:40,455 --> 00:13:42,634 we can also want it for ourselves. 364 00:13:43,975 --> 00:13:45,595 But sometimes, envy 365 00:13:46,429 --> 00:13:46,929 points 366 00:13:47,470 --> 00:13:49,169 us to a desire 367 00:13:50,110 --> 00:13:52,850 that we've not allowed ourselves 368 00:13:53,709 --> 00:13:55,970 to have or fully express. 369 00:13:57,389 --> 00:13:58,289 You know, unfortunately, 370 00:13:59,709 --> 00:14:02,174 many of us have been conditioned 371 00:14:03,195 --> 00:14:03,934 to suppress 372 00:14:04,554 --> 00:14:05,294 our desires 373 00:14:06,714 --> 00:14:07,214 and 374 00:14:07,595 --> 00:14:08,735 to not want 375 00:14:09,115 --> 00:14:09,855 too much. 376 00:14:10,875 --> 00:14:13,355 You know, maybe we've been told, don't be 377 00:14:13,355 --> 00:14:13,855 selfish 378 00:14:14,379 --> 00:14:15,279 when we expressed 379 00:14:15,980 --> 00:14:18,000 desires, especially as children. 380 00:14:18,539 --> 00:14:21,919 You know, maybe you asked for a toy 381 00:14:22,299 --> 00:14:23,519 for your birthday 382 00:14:24,059 --> 00:14:25,199 or for Christmas. 383 00:14:26,665 --> 00:14:28,424 And at five or six years old, you 384 00:14:28,424 --> 00:14:30,045 really didn't have a comprehension 385 00:14:30,504 --> 00:14:31,004 of 386 00:14:31,545 --> 00:14:35,085 what things cost. So maybe you asked for 387 00:14:35,705 --> 00:14:37,404 a gift that your parents 388 00:14:37,785 --> 00:14:39,085 really couldn't afford. 389 00:14:40,264 --> 00:14:41,325 And so you 390 00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:44,000 maybe you were shamed for that. You know, 391 00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:46,019 maybe one of your parents said, 392 00:14:46,399 --> 00:14:48,420 don't be selfish. We can't afford that. 393 00:14:48,879 --> 00:14:49,620 And then 394 00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:50,899 you internalized 395 00:14:52,240 --> 00:14:53,059 that shame, 396 00:14:55,375 --> 00:14:56,595 and you were basically 397 00:14:56,975 --> 00:14:57,475 conditioned 398 00:14:57,934 --> 00:14:58,434 that 399 00:14:58,975 --> 00:15:00,914 I'm not supposed to want things, 400 00:15:01,294 --> 00:15:03,235 or I'm not supposed to 401 00:15:03,855 --> 00:15:04,355 express 402 00:15:05,214 --> 00:15:06,514 that I want things. 403 00:15:09,190 --> 00:15:10,490 And some of this is 404 00:15:10,949 --> 00:15:12,169 societal conditioning. 405 00:15:12,549 --> 00:15:13,850 Right? We've been 406 00:15:14,389 --> 00:15:15,289 told that 407 00:15:16,870 --> 00:15:18,409 we shouldn't be selfish. 408 00:15:20,625 --> 00:15:22,084 I see this especially 409 00:15:23,024 --> 00:15:23,524 with 410 00:15:24,144 --> 00:15:25,764 women who have kids. 411 00:15:28,625 --> 00:15:31,424 I believe that society has conditioned many of 412 00:15:31,424 --> 00:15:31,924 us, 413 00:15:33,024 --> 00:15:34,084 especially parents, 414 00:15:34,384 --> 00:15:34,884 to 415 00:15:35,409 --> 00:15:36,389 put their desires 416 00:15:37,009 --> 00:15:38,149 as secondary 417 00:15:38,929 --> 00:15:39,990 and less important, 418 00:15:40,450 --> 00:15:41,590 especially women. 419 00:15:43,570 --> 00:15:45,029 And I'm not saying all women. 420 00:15:46,049 --> 00:15:47,350 But in general, 421 00:15:48,894 --> 00:15:50,355 most moms that I 422 00:15:51,294 --> 00:15:52,914 know, they put their kids first. 423 00:15:53,535 --> 00:15:55,134 Now I'm not saying you shouldn't love your 424 00:15:55,134 --> 00:15:55,634 kids 425 00:15:56,575 --> 00:15:57,794 and make them a priority. 426 00:15:58,335 --> 00:16:01,235 But the problem is if you've been conditioned 427 00:16:02,199 --> 00:16:03,820 to put your desire secondary 428 00:16:04,839 --> 00:16:05,899 and less important 429 00:16:06,679 --> 00:16:08,860 as your partner or your kids, 430 00:16:09,639 --> 00:16:10,139 then 431 00:16:10,600 --> 00:16:12,699 that can certainly be a problem. 432 00:16:17,335 --> 00:16:19,754 It's a problem because you are expressing 433 00:16:20,214 --> 00:16:22,394 I'm sorry. You're not expressing. You're suppressing 434 00:16:22,934 --> 00:16:23,674 your natural 435 00:16:24,214 --> 00:16:24,714 desires. 436 00:16:25,335 --> 00:16:26,855 So let me give you an example of 437 00:16:26,855 --> 00:16:29,115 this. Oh, quite a few years back 438 00:16:29,620 --> 00:16:30,440 pre COVID, 439 00:16:31,220 --> 00:16:33,940 I was coaching a woman who was going 440 00:16:33,940 --> 00:16:34,679 through divorce. 441 00:16:36,980 --> 00:16:39,720 She and her soon to be ex husband 442 00:16:40,019 --> 00:16:42,360 had, I wanna say, five kids. 443 00:16:43,700 --> 00:16:44,200 And 444 00:16:45,554 --> 00:16:47,735 they were getting to the point to where 445 00:16:48,115 --> 00:16:50,434 the youngest kid was just about ready to 446 00:16:50,434 --> 00:16:52,054 graduate from high school. 447 00:16:52,434 --> 00:16:52,934 So 448 00:16:54,195 --> 00:16:56,835 the husband had said that he wanted a 449 00:16:56,835 --> 00:16:57,335 divorce. 450 00:16:58,915 --> 00:16:59,975 She wasn't necessarily 451 00:17:00,990 --> 00:17:02,529 a hot mess with money, 452 00:17:03,470 --> 00:17:05,630 but she knew that she was a hot 453 00:17:05,630 --> 00:17:06,529 mess emotionally. 454 00:17:07,789 --> 00:17:08,289 And 455 00:17:08,910 --> 00:17:10,130 she was concerned 456 00:17:10,589 --> 00:17:11,089 that 457 00:17:12,429 --> 00:17:13,890 she would make some emotional 458 00:17:14,349 --> 00:17:16,964 money decisions if she didn't have someone to 459 00:17:16,964 --> 00:17:17,704 guide her. 460 00:17:22,005 --> 00:17:24,484 With all of my clients, part of what 461 00:17:24,484 --> 00:17:25,224 we do 462 00:17:25,605 --> 00:17:26,105 is 463 00:17:26,724 --> 00:17:28,025 create a vision board. 464 00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:29,660 Because 465 00:17:30,119 --> 00:17:31,660 in order for me to 466 00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:33,980 create a plan to help somebody, 467 00:17:35,240 --> 00:17:36,380 I need to know 468 00:17:36,920 --> 00:17:37,660 two things. 469 00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:39,740 I need to know 470 00:17:40,119 --> 00:17:41,660 where are we right now, 471 00:17:42,485 --> 00:17:44,485 And that's the process of digging through all 472 00:17:44,485 --> 00:17:46,325 the numbers and finding out what are you 473 00:17:46,325 --> 00:17:46,825 spending, 474 00:17:47,285 --> 00:17:48,965 what assets do you have, what debts do 475 00:17:48,965 --> 00:17:50,345 you have, all that good stuff. 476 00:17:50,725 --> 00:17:52,664 But then the other part of it is, 477 00:17:53,445 --> 00:17:56,345 what does your preferred financial future look like? 478 00:17:57,899 --> 00:17:59,899 I need to have those two pieces of 479 00:17:59,899 --> 00:18:03,579 information in order to help my clients create 480 00:18:03,579 --> 00:18:04,319 a plan 481 00:18:05,740 --> 00:18:07,579 to get them from point a to point 482 00:18:07,579 --> 00:18:09,740 b, but we have to define those two 483 00:18:09,740 --> 00:18:10,125 points. 484 00:18:12,924 --> 00:18:14,224 And so I 485 00:18:14,525 --> 00:18:16,845 gave this to her as homework, and I 486 00:18:16,845 --> 00:18:18,444 said, you know, I'd like you to create 487 00:18:18,444 --> 00:18:21,404 your vision board. I gave her some prompts 488 00:18:21,404 --> 00:18:23,265 for some different things to think about. 489 00:18:24,409 --> 00:18:27,309 And when she came to her next session, 490 00:18:27,690 --> 00:18:29,369 she showed me her vision board, and she 491 00:18:29,369 --> 00:18:31,769 was telling me all the things on her 492 00:18:31,769 --> 00:18:32,589 vision board. 493 00:18:33,130 --> 00:18:34,349 And she said, 494 00:18:34,809 --> 00:18:36,349 you know, I wanna have 495 00:18:37,369 --> 00:18:38,750 money so that 496 00:18:39,345 --> 00:18:41,184 I can take the kids on vacation at 497 00:18:41,184 --> 00:18:42,544 least once a year. And she was telling 498 00:18:42,544 --> 00:18:44,304 me about all these different things on her 499 00:18:44,304 --> 00:18:45,125 vision board. 500 00:18:45,664 --> 00:18:47,845 But what I found very interesting was 501 00:18:48,144 --> 00:18:50,404 every single thing on her vision board 502 00:18:51,505 --> 00:18:53,365 had something to do with her kids. 503 00:18:55,029 --> 00:18:57,190 And so I stopped her, and I said, 504 00:18:57,190 --> 00:18:57,690 hey. 505 00:18:58,230 --> 00:18:58,890 I said, 506 00:19:00,069 --> 00:19:01,049 this is great. 507 00:19:01,509 --> 00:19:03,369 I'm glad you want these things. 508 00:19:04,950 --> 00:19:05,450 But 509 00:19:07,190 --> 00:19:08,490 what do you want 510 00:19:09,884 --> 00:19:11,265 just for you? 511 00:19:12,845 --> 00:19:15,025 What do you want for you and nobody 512 00:19:15,085 --> 00:19:15,585 else? 513 00:19:17,164 --> 00:19:18,865 And she started crying. 514 00:19:20,045 --> 00:19:21,025 And I said, 515 00:19:21,404 --> 00:19:22,305 what's wrong? 516 00:19:23,420 --> 00:19:24,079 And she 517 00:19:24,460 --> 00:19:27,200 said, no one has ever asked me that 518 00:19:27,660 --> 00:19:28,160 before. 519 00:19:31,819 --> 00:19:34,700 No one had ever asked her, what do 520 00:19:34,700 --> 00:19:35,599 you want? 521 00:19:36,575 --> 00:19:37,634 Just for you. 522 00:19:38,414 --> 00:19:41,075 Not for your kids. Not for your family. 523 00:19:41,855 --> 00:19:43,315 Not for your ex husband. 524 00:19:43,934 --> 00:19:45,474 What do you want for you? 525 00:19:46,654 --> 00:19:48,734 She had been a mom so long that 526 00:19:48,734 --> 00:19:50,115 she had completely 527 00:19:50,414 --> 00:19:51,315 lost herself. 528 00:19:51,820 --> 00:19:53,840 She didn't even know what she wanted. 529 00:19:56,460 --> 00:19:58,559 So I asked her to take some time 530 00:19:58,779 --> 00:20:00,000 and think about it. 531 00:20:00,779 --> 00:20:01,519 And honestly, 532 00:20:01,820 --> 00:20:03,200 it it took her 533 00:20:03,740 --> 00:20:04,720 several weeks 534 00:20:06,355 --> 00:20:07,734 for her to 535 00:20:08,035 --> 00:20:08,535 finally 536 00:20:09,714 --> 00:20:10,214 define 537 00:20:12,194 --> 00:20:13,894 some things that she wanted 538 00:20:14,755 --> 00:20:17,819 just for herself and for nobody else, and 539 00:20:17,819 --> 00:20:18,960 to add those 540 00:20:19,579 --> 00:20:21,039 to her vision board. 541 00:20:22,700 --> 00:20:23,200 So 542 00:20:24,859 --> 00:20:25,359 identifying 543 00:20:26,380 --> 00:20:27,919 the things that we desire 544 00:20:28,940 --> 00:20:29,679 is important. 545 00:20:30,539 --> 00:20:33,200 And sometimes envy can point us 546 00:20:33,634 --> 00:20:34,694 to those things. 547 00:20:36,194 --> 00:20:37,414 It can show us 548 00:20:38,355 --> 00:20:39,894 desires that maybe 549 00:20:40,355 --> 00:20:41,494 we have buried. 550 00:20:42,034 --> 00:20:43,954 And we may need to ask ourselves some 551 00:20:43,954 --> 00:20:44,454 questions. 552 00:20:45,234 --> 00:20:45,734 Now, 553 00:20:46,319 --> 00:20:48,880 why am I envious of that person? Why 554 00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:51,759 do I think it's unfair that they have 555 00:20:51,759 --> 00:20:53,140 that and I don't? 556 00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:55,779 What is it about their situation 557 00:20:56,319 --> 00:20:56,819 that 558 00:20:57,119 --> 00:20:58,659 maybe I really have 559 00:20:59,595 --> 00:21:01,855 a desire for, that I've never 560 00:21:03,115 --> 00:21:03,615 verbalized 561 00:21:04,154 --> 00:21:04,654 before. 562 00:21:05,595 --> 00:21:07,855 Right? You know, desires are not wrong. 563 00:21:09,515 --> 00:21:12,390 Dare to enter the wealthy woman book club, 564 00:21:12,950 --> 00:21:14,329 where answers exist 565 00:21:14,630 --> 00:21:16,089 to forbidden questions, 566 00:21:16,710 --> 00:21:20,089 where women of all ages and income secretly 567 00:21:20,309 --> 00:21:20,809 gather, 568 00:21:21,589 --> 00:21:23,289 where knowledge is shared, 569 00:21:23,670 --> 00:21:25,609 where possibilities are explored, 570 00:21:26,150 --> 00:21:28,365 where women claim their power. 571 00:21:29,484 --> 00:21:32,204 Dare to stay a spell in the wealthy 572 00:21:32,204 --> 00:21:33,345 woman book club. 573 00:21:33,804 --> 00:21:36,464 In this place, we lift each other up. 574 00:21:36,845 --> 00:21:39,984 In this place, we start dreaming again. 575 00:21:40,444 --> 00:21:41,424 In this place, 576 00:21:41,804 --> 00:21:43,799 we see financial miracles. 577 00:21:44,500 --> 00:21:45,559 In this place, 578 00:21:46,019 --> 00:21:47,960 we grow through the glory 579 00:21:48,340 --> 00:21:49,400 and the failure. 580 00:21:50,100 --> 00:21:51,080 In this place, 581 00:21:51,779 --> 00:21:54,600 we step into a new identity. 582 00:21:55,934 --> 00:21:59,234 Dare to champion the wealthy woman book club. 583 00:21:59,615 --> 00:22:02,434 We're creating a future where women are financially 584 00:22:02,654 --> 00:22:03,154 empowered 585 00:22:03,454 --> 00:22:04,595 across the globe. 586 00:22:05,294 --> 00:22:07,714 We're creating a future where our daughters 587 00:22:08,015 --> 00:22:09,839 stand on equal financial 588 00:22:26,744 --> 00:22:27,484 planet. Welcome 589 00:22:27,785 --> 00:22:29,805 to the Wealthy Woman Book Club. 590 00:22:30,505 --> 00:22:32,285 Dare to come in, woman. 591 00:22:33,224 --> 00:22:34,045 Come in. 592 00:22:34,744 --> 00:22:38,285 Join us at wealthywomanbookclub.com. 593 00:22:39,545 --> 00:22:40,445 So sometimes 594 00:22:41,619 --> 00:22:42,119 comparison 595 00:22:43,460 --> 00:22:45,079 can inspire us, 596 00:22:45,700 --> 00:22:47,960 and it can spark a healthy desire 597 00:22:48,419 --> 00:22:49,960 for something more. 598 00:22:50,500 --> 00:22:52,039 So if we experience 599 00:22:52,579 --> 00:22:53,079 someone 600 00:22:53,755 --> 00:22:55,534 or we witness someone experiencing 601 00:22:56,315 --> 00:22:58,255 success, financial or otherwise, 602 00:22:59,034 --> 00:23:00,794 it can give us a vision of what's 603 00:23:00,794 --> 00:23:01,294 possible 604 00:23:01,755 --> 00:23:02,494 for us. 605 00:23:03,115 --> 00:23:04,494 Maybe you never considered 606 00:23:05,034 --> 00:23:06,095 starting a business, 607 00:23:06,649 --> 00:23:09,549 going on a European vacation, becoming an author, 608 00:23:10,009 --> 00:23:11,929 or making over a hundred thousand dollars a 609 00:23:11,929 --> 00:23:12,429 year. 610 00:23:13,210 --> 00:23:15,710 But then you witnessed your friend, your coworker, 611 00:23:15,929 --> 00:23:17,630 or a family member do that. 612 00:23:18,089 --> 00:23:20,109 And you think I want that too. 613 00:23:22,215 --> 00:23:23,674 So in my experience, 614 00:23:25,414 --> 00:23:27,515 the more connected I am with 615 00:23:27,894 --> 00:23:28,715 my desires 616 00:23:29,255 --> 00:23:31,355 and my vision for my life, 617 00:23:32,375 --> 00:23:34,795 the less I compare myself with others. 618 00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:37,220 And when I do, 619 00:23:38,160 --> 00:23:40,400 I am more mindful. Like, when I see 620 00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:42,740 someone that has something and I feel 621 00:23:43,680 --> 00:23:45,299 that spark of envy 622 00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:47,539 or maybe that spark of desire, 623 00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:50,259 I can be curious about that and say, 624 00:23:51,375 --> 00:23:51,875 why 625 00:23:53,295 --> 00:23:55,775 are these feelings coming up? What is it 626 00:23:55,775 --> 00:23:58,195 about this person or their situation 627 00:23:59,134 --> 00:23:59,634 that 628 00:23:59,934 --> 00:24:02,515 is igniting these feelings in me? 629 00:24:03,295 --> 00:24:04,755 Right? Am I 630 00:24:05,539 --> 00:24:08,119 am I envious because this person is 631 00:24:08,659 --> 00:24:10,440 so confident about 632 00:24:10,980 --> 00:24:13,140 their abilities and their business and the way 633 00:24:13,140 --> 00:24:15,319 that they're talking about it online? 634 00:24:15,700 --> 00:24:16,200 And 635 00:24:16,740 --> 00:24:17,960 that's something that 636 00:24:18,259 --> 00:24:20,279 I wanna be able to do too, 637 00:24:21,515 --> 00:24:23,615 rather than having it be something negative. 638 00:24:25,434 --> 00:24:26,414 Healthy desire 639 00:24:27,515 --> 00:24:28,815 can pull us forward 640 00:24:29,515 --> 00:24:31,215 into a more expansive 641 00:24:31,755 --> 00:24:32,255 future. 642 00:24:35,299 --> 00:24:36,680 So let's talk about 643 00:24:37,380 --> 00:24:37,880 contentment. 644 00:24:40,019 --> 00:24:42,519 Contentment is a state of happiness, 645 00:24:43,940 --> 00:24:44,440 satisfaction. 646 00:24:45,859 --> 00:24:47,799 It's a feeling of completeness, 647 00:24:49,514 --> 00:24:50,014 appreciation, 648 00:24:50,634 --> 00:24:51,454 and enoughness. 649 00:24:54,954 --> 00:24:56,575 Here's what I find interesting. 650 00:24:57,194 --> 00:24:58,654 As I'm looking at 651 00:24:59,115 --> 00:25:00,014 some of these 652 00:25:00,630 --> 00:25:01,609 different descriptors 653 00:25:01,990 --> 00:25:04,490 of contentment. So contentment and satisfaction 654 00:25:05,269 --> 00:25:08,549 are very close relatives of each other. And 655 00:25:08,549 --> 00:25:10,009 the definition of satisfaction 656 00:25:10,549 --> 00:25:12,170 is the fulfillment 657 00:25:13,109 --> 00:25:14,329 of one's desires 658 00:25:15,545 --> 00:25:16,525 and the pleasure 659 00:25:17,304 --> 00:25:18,444 derived from this. 660 00:25:18,825 --> 00:25:21,164 So contentment is the emotion 661 00:25:22,025 --> 00:25:22,765 we feel 662 00:25:24,345 --> 00:25:25,484 when we enjoy 663 00:25:26,025 --> 00:25:26,924 what is. 664 00:25:30,309 --> 00:25:31,529 I'm gonna read that again. 665 00:25:32,549 --> 00:25:34,250 Contentment is the emotion 666 00:25:34,630 --> 00:25:36,730 we feel when we enjoy 667 00:25:37,670 --> 00:25:38,490 what is. 668 00:25:41,255 --> 00:25:41,755 Gratitude 669 00:25:42,214 --> 00:25:43,035 and contentment 670 00:25:43,494 --> 00:25:45,515 are also closely related. 671 00:25:46,855 --> 00:25:49,994 Gratitude is a deep sense of appreciation 672 00:25:51,174 --> 00:25:53,674 for what we already have. 673 00:25:55,019 --> 00:25:56,860 And here is the lie that I think 674 00:25:56,860 --> 00:25:57,920 we have been told. 675 00:25:58,940 --> 00:26:00,779 You can only feel one thing at a 676 00:26:00,779 --> 00:26:01,279 time. 677 00:26:04,140 --> 00:26:05,920 If we feel contentment, 678 00:26:07,025 --> 00:26:09,025 it must mean that we have no desire 679 00:26:09,025 --> 00:26:10,005 for something else. 680 00:26:10,544 --> 00:26:11,845 Or if we desire 681 00:26:13,184 --> 00:26:15,505 the next level in our business or if 682 00:26:15,505 --> 00:26:18,325 we desire a new car, we can't be 683 00:26:19,279 --> 00:26:19,779 intent 684 00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:20,980 or satisfied 685 00:26:21,440 --> 00:26:22,339 or appreciate 686 00:26:22,720 --> 00:26:24,259 the car we already have. 687 00:26:24,960 --> 00:26:26,099 That's not true. 688 00:26:26,480 --> 00:26:28,179 We can feel two things 689 00:26:29,119 --> 00:26:30,099 at the same time. 690 00:26:31,200 --> 00:26:33,619 We have a tendency to see things 691 00:26:35,355 --> 00:26:36,734 very black and white, 692 00:26:37,515 --> 00:26:38,335 very dualistic. 693 00:26:39,434 --> 00:26:39,934 And 694 00:26:40,955 --> 00:26:41,775 many times, 695 00:26:42,075 --> 00:26:42,575 it's 696 00:26:43,434 --> 00:26:45,195 there's a lot more shades of gray when 697 00:26:45,195 --> 00:26:46,955 it comes to our feelings. There's a lot 698 00:26:46,955 --> 00:26:47,455 more 699 00:26:47,994 --> 00:26:48,494 nuance. 700 00:26:50,450 --> 00:26:52,849 We think we can't feel content if we 701 00:26:52,849 --> 00:26:54,069 still desire something. 702 00:26:55,809 --> 00:26:57,029 And that's not true. 703 00:26:58,289 --> 00:27:00,230 We can have unmet desires 704 00:27:00,974 --> 00:27:02,035 and still enjoy 705 00:27:02,654 --> 00:27:03,954 our present circumstances. 706 00:27:05,134 --> 00:27:06,434 Because here's the thing. 707 00:27:07,054 --> 00:27:07,875 As humans, 708 00:27:09,295 --> 00:27:10,595 we are always growing. 709 00:27:10,974 --> 00:27:12,275 We are always evolving. 710 00:27:12,734 --> 00:27:14,035 We are always changing. 711 00:27:14,575 --> 00:27:15,930 And that's a good thing. 712 00:27:17,369 --> 00:27:18,990 All living things grow. 713 00:27:23,049 --> 00:27:25,049 And so I think it is a good 714 00:27:25,049 --> 00:27:25,549 thing 715 00:27:25,850 --> 00:27:27,230 for us to 716 00:27:27,610 --> 00:27:29,869 have things to look forward to, 717 00:27:30,805 --> 00:27:31,705 things to 718 00:27:32,325 --> 00:27:33,225 grow into, 719 00:27:34,965 --> 00:27:36,904 both personally, professionally, 720 00:27:37,525 --> 00:27:39,144 and in our finances. 721 00:27:40,805 --> 00:27:42,904 And we can also be grateful 722 00:27:44,159 --> 00:27:46,099 for everything that we have right now. 723 00:27:47,200 --> 00:27:49,539 The inside cover of my planner 724 00:27:50,480 --> 00:27:52,980 has a quote that I love. It says, 725 00:27:53,519 --> 00:27:55,299 grateful for where I'm at, 726 00:27:56,000 --> 00:27:56,500 excited 727 00:27:57,039 --> 00:27:58,659 about where I'm going. 728 00:28:00,134 --> 00:28:02,475 And that is the sweet spot, 729 00:28:04,215 --> 00:28:07,035 being content and grateful for what is 730 00:28:07,414 --> 00:28:08,394 while feeling 731 00:28:09,015 --> 00:28:09,515 positive 732 00:28:10,134 --> 00:28:10,634 anticipation 733 00:28:11,255 --> 00:28:12,234 for the desires 734 00:28:12,869 --> 00:28:13,849 that are coming. 735 00:28:16,230 --> 00:28:17,769 Now constant comparison 736 00:28:19,349 --> 00:28:20,089 with others 737 00:28:21,029 --> 00:28:22,250 makes it challenging 738 00:28:23,029 --> 00:28:24,170 to feel content. 739 00:28:27,035 --> 00:28:28,494 So we want to 740 00:28:29,994 --> 00:28:31,055 keep that comparison 741 00:28:31,674 --> 00:28:32,414 in check. 742 00:28:35,674 --> 00:28:37,455 If you feel like there are 743 00:28:37,835 --> 00:28:38,335 certain 744 00:28:39,480 --> 00:28:39,980 triggers 745 00:28:40,519 --> 00:28:41,980 that cause you to compare 746 00:28:42,759 --> 00:28:43,660 to the point 747 00:28:44,359 --> 00:28:45,900 of making yourself miserable, 748 00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:48,220 you may need to 749 00:28:50,119 --> 00:28:51,980 stage an intervention for yourself. 750 00:28:53,105 --> 00:28:54,325 Maybe there are 751 00:28:54,785 --> 00:28:56,725 certain people that you follow online. 752 00:28:58,384 --> 00:29:00,785 Maybe there's certain friends or family members that 753 00:29:00,785 --> 00:29:04,085 you see on social media that trigger 754 00:29:04,465 --> 00:29:05,285 this comparison 755 00:29:06,380 --> 00:29:08,859 for you on a constant basis. Well, maybe 756 00:29:08,859 --> 00:29:11,339 you need to unfollow them. Maybe you need 757 00:29:11,339 --> 00:29:13,339 to hide them. Maybe you need to snooze 758 00:29:13,339 --> 00:29:13,839 them. 759 00:29:14,619 --> 00:29:16,559 You may not need to unfriend them, 760 00:29:17,339 --> 00:29:19,980 completely or ban them from your social media, 761 00:29:19,980 --> 00:29:20,480 but 762 00:29:21,015 --> 00:29:23,115 sometimes you just need to spend less time 763 00:29:23,174 --> 00:29:23,914 on that 764 00:29:24,535 --> 00:29:25,035 and 765 00:29:25,654 --> 00:29:26,154 cultivate 766 00:29:27,815 --> 00:29:29,914 more gratitude for what you have. 767 00:29:30,535 --> 00:29:32,315 Now you can increase 768 00:29:33,509 --> 00:29:34,410 your contentment 769 00:29:35,590 --> 00:29:36,490 by purposely 770 00:29:37,269 --> 00:29:39,210 finding things in your life to appreciate 771 00:29:39,830 --> 00:29:41,690 and to be grateful for 772 00:29:42,230 --> 00:29:43,529 even as you pursue 773 00:29:43,910 --> 00:29:44,410 your 774 00:29:44,710 --> 00:29:45,210 desires. 775 00:29:46,904 --> 00:29:48,904 One of the best things that I have 776 00:29:48,904 --> 00:29:50,684 implemented in my own life 777 00:29:51,065 --> 00:29:51,565 is 778 00:29:52,505 --> 00:29:53,804 a gratitude practice, 779 00:29:54,105 --> 00:29:55,164 and I do it 780 00:29:55,464 --> 00:29:57,404 every single day. 781 00:29:58,825 --> 00:30:01,164 I instituted this gratitude practice 782 00:30:02,480 --> 00:30:04,259 during one of the worst years 783 00:30:04,720 --> 00:30:07,380 of my life and business, which was 784 00:30:07,759 --> 00:30:08,580 2019. 785 00:30:10,400 --> 00:30:12,019 I had five people 786 00:30:13,200 --> 00:30:14,100 that died 787 00:30:14,480 --> 00:30:16,640 that year that I was close to, and 788 00:30:16,640 --> 00:30:17,460 two of them 789 00:30:17,775 --> 00:30:18,515 by suicide. 790 00:30:19,695 --> 00:30:22,894 Personally, it was a very devastating year for 791 00:30:22,894 --> 00:30:23,394 me. 792 00:30:24,255 --> 00:30:24,755 And 793 00:30:25,134 --> 00:30:26,275 because of 794 00:30:26,815 --> 00:30:28,755 the grief and the sadness, 795 00:30:30,380 --> 00:30:32,079 my business did not do well. 796 00:30:33,659 --> 00:30:34,640 As you can imagine, 797 00:30:35,819 --> 00:30:37,679 it's really hard to show up 798 00:30:38,940 --> 00:30:40,000 and be positive 799 00:30:40,700 --> 00:30:41,200 and 800 00:30:41,579 --> 00:30:43,519 call in high vibe clients 801 00:30:44,384 --> 00:30:44,884 when 802 00:30:45,265 --> 00:30:46,724 you are dealing with 803 00:30:47,424 --> 00:30:48,964 that level of compounded 804 00:30:49,744 --> 00:30:50,244 grief. 805 00:30:52,705 --> 00:30:53,845 But in the middle 806 00:30:54,224 --> 00:30:54,884 of that 807 00:30:55,505 --> 00:30:56,005 year, 808 00:30:58,259 --> 00:30:59,000 I decided 809 00:31:00,339 --> 00:31:00,839 that 810 00:31:01,140 --> 00:31:02,599 even though I was grieving, 811 00:31:03,380 --> 00:31:05,559 even though I was having a hard time, 812 00:31:06,179 --> 00:31:08,200 because four of those people 813 00:31:09,414 --> 00:31:09,914 died 814 00:31:10,615 --> 00:31:11,115 between 815 00:31:13,255 --> 00:31:13,755 February 816 00:31:15,255 --> 00:31:16,075 and April. 817 00:31:17,815 --> 00:31:20,535 Four out of the five. So within sixty 818 00:31:20,535 --> 00:31:24,049 days. That's a lot of compounded sadness in 819 00:31:24,049 --> 00:31:25,910 a very short period of time. 820 00:31:27,329 --> 00:31:28,470 So around June, 821 00:31:30,210 --> 00:31:32,150 I instituted a gratitude practice, 822 00:31:32,529 --> 00:31:33,910 and I wrote down 823 00:31:35,250 --> 00:31:36,470 every single day 824 00:31:37,169 --> 00:31:39,429 three things that I was grateful for. 825 00:31:40,625 --> 00:31:42,384 So I would think about what's right in 826 00:31:42,384 --> 00:31:44,144 front of me that I can be grateful 827 00:31:44,144 --> 00:31:45,284 for, or 828 00:31:45,744 --> 00:31:48,644 what's something that happened yesterday, or a person 829 00:31:48,865 --> 00:31:50,325 that I encountered yesterday, 830 00:31:50,944 --> 00:31:51,444 that 831 00:31:52,140 --> 00:31:54,080 said something positive to me, 832 00:31:54,619 --> 00:31:56,640 a person that I could be grateful for, 833 00:31:57,019 --> 00:31:57,519 or 834 00:31:57,820 --> 00:32:00,160 just grateful for the fact that I have 835 00:32:00,539 --> 00:32:02,539 running water, and I can take a hot 836 00:32:02,539 --> 00:32:04,240 shower whenever I want to. 837 00:32:04,619 --> 00:32:06,400 We can always find reasons 838 00:32:07,099 --> 00:32:07,680 to be 839 00:32:08,035 --> 00:32:08,535 grateful. 840 00:32:10,914 --> 00:32:12,694 And I have kept that up 841 00:32:13,795 --> 00:32:14,535 ever since. 842 00:32:16,515 --> 00:32:18,674 So I've been doing that for five and 843 00:32:18,674 --> 00:32:19,815 a half years now. 844 00:32:20,289 --> 00:32:23,009 Every single morning, I write down three things 845 00:32:23,009 --> 00:32:24,230 that I'm grateful for, 846 00:32:24,769 --> 00:32:27,650 and I really feel the gratitude. It's not 847 00:32:27,650 --> 00:32:28,950 just writing it down. 848 00:32:30,130 --> 00:32:30,950 I feel 849 00:32:31,329 --> 00:32:33,490 into it. I close my eyes. I think 850 00:32:33,490 --> 00:32:35,654 about that thing or that person or that 851 00:32:37,734 --> 00:32:40,695 experience, and I feel that gratitude in my 852 00:32:40,695 --> 00:32:41,195 body. 853 00:32:42,934 --> 00:32:44,715 And just by doing that, 854 00:32:45,654 --> 00:32:46,634 first of all, 855 00:32:46,934 --> 00:32:49,035 within the first year of doing that, 856 00:32:49,815 --> 00:32:50,634 my mood 857 00:32:51,480 --> 00:32:52,460 and my life 858 00:32:53,799 --> 00:32:54,779 did a complete 859 00:32:55,480 --> 00:32:56,299 one eighty. 860 00:32:59,880 --> 00:33:00,380 And, 861 00:33:00,680 --> 00:33:02,299 yes, I still have moments 862 00:33:02,759 --> 00:33:03,579 of comparison, 863 00:33:05,275 --> 00:33:07,934 But I'm able to stop myself and say, 864 00:33:09,755 --> 00:33:11,375 I am on my own path, 865 00:33:11,835 --> 00:33:13,855 and this person is on a different path. 866 00:33:14,955 --> 00:33:17,755 And if I feel that envious spark, I 867 00:33:17,755 --> 00:33:20,309 can ask myself, what is it about that 868 00:33:20,309 --> 00:33:20,809 person 869 00:33:21,269 --> 00:33:23,910 or about that situation or whatever it is 870 00:33:23,910 --> 00:33:24,809 that they have 871 00:33:25,910 --> 00:33:28,230 that might be a desire in me? Is 872 00:33:28,230 --> 00:33:30,410 there really a desire in me for that? 873 00:33:33,214 --> 00:33:34,894 If so, maybe I need to add that 874 00:33:34,894 --> 00:33:36,035 to my vision board. 875 00:33:38,335 --> 00:33:39,694 So that's what I want you to think 876 00:33:39,694 --> 00:33:40,194 about. 877 00:33:40,654 --> 00:33:42,194 I want you to think about 878 00:33:43,054 --> 00:33:43,554 comparison. 879 00:33:44,220 --> 00:33:46,000 I want you to think about 880 00:33:46,539 --> 00:33:47,039 contentment 881 00:33:48,220 --> 00:33:48,960 and envy, 882 00:33:50,940 --> 00:33:52,799 especially when it comes to money and finances. 883 00:33:55,740 --> 00:33:57,119 And increase your contentment 884 00:33:58,424 --> 00:33:59,164 by practicing 885 00:33:59,784 --> 00:34:00,284 gratitude, 886 00:34:01,065 --> 00:34:01,565 even 887 00:34:02,025 --> 00:34:03,005 as you pursue 888 00:34:03,544 --> 00:34:04,044 your 889 00:34:04,424 --> 00:34:04,924 desires. 890 00:34:05,944 --> 00:34:08,744 One of my mentors has an amazing saying, 891 00:34:08,744 --> 00:34:10,925 Melanie Ann Lehr. She says, 892 00:34:11,385 --> 00:34:12,605 Have one foot 893 00:34:13,179 --> 00:34:13,920 in gratitude 894 00:34:14,539 --> 00:34:16,320 and one foot in desire. 895 00:34:16,780 --> 00:34:19,039 So if you think about taking a walk, 896 00:34:19,980 --> 00:34:21,039 as you're walking, 897 00:34:21,980 --> 00:34:23,679 one foot is always on the ground. 898 00:34:25,355 --> 00:34:26,414 As you're transitioning 899 00:34:26,875 --> 00:34:28,714 and that back foot is coming up, your 900 00:34:28,714 --> 00:34:31,054 front foot is coming down and being planted 901 00:34:31,674 --> 00:34:32,174 firmly 902 00:34:32,714 --> 00:34:33,534 in the present 903 00:34:33,994 --> 00:34:36,734 as the other foot is moving forward 904 00:34:37,210 --> 00:34:38,030 into the future. 905 00:34:38,650 --> 00:34:40,570 So if you can think about this as 906 00:34:40,570 --> 00:34:41,469 you're walking 907 00:34:41,849 --> 00:34:42,670 through life, 908 00:34:43,210 --> 00:34:45,869 you have one foot firmly planted 909 00:34:46,570 --> 00:34:47,469 in the present 910 00:34:48,010 --> 00:34:48,829 with gratitude, 911 00:34:50,105 --> 00:34:53,005 And the other foot is moving forward 912 00:34:53,704 --> 00:34:54,684 into the future, 913 00:34:55,224 --> 00:34:57,005 stepping into those desires. 914 00:34:57,704 --> 00:34:58,844 And as you 915 00:34:59,784 --> 00:35:00,284 accomplish 916 00:35:01,670 --> 00:35:03,289 and attain those desires, 917 00:35:04,230 --> 00:35:05,210 then you feel 918 00:35:05,989 --> 00:35:06,489 grateful 919 00:35:07,349 --> 00:35:08,250 and content. 920 00:35:11,269 --> 00:35:12,329 Well, my friend, 921 00:35:12,710 --> 00:35:15,210 this is where I leave you for today. 922 00:35:15,795 --> 00:35:17,014 If you enjoyed 923 00:35:17,394 --> 00:35:18,214 this conversation, 924 00:35:19,315 --> 00:35:21,014 please leave us a review. 925 00:35:21,635 --> 00:35:23,875 This helps others to find the Money is 926 00:35:23,875 --> 00:35:24,855 Emotional podcast. 927 00:35:25,875 --> 00:35:28,449 And if you're not a subscriber yet, what 928 00:35:28,449 --> 00:35:31,190 are you waiting for? Hit the subscribe button, 929 00:35:31,570 --> 00:35:32,710 and you'll be notified 930 00:35:33,010 --> 00:35:34,710 as soon as a new episode 931 00:35:35,090 --> 00:35:35,590 drops. 932 00:35:37,329 --> 00:35:40,390 If you are interested in working with me 933 00:35:40,449 --> 00:35:43,090 one on one to sort out both your 934 00:35:43,090 --> 00:35:44,755 money and your emotions, 935 00:35:45,375 --> 00:35:48,434 please go to christinelukin.com 936 00:35:48,735 --> 00:35:50,275 forward slash apply 937 00:35:50,815 --> 00:35:52,574 and see if we are a good fit 938 00:35:52,574 --> 00:35:53,555 to work together. 939 00:35:54,974 --> 00:35:57,394 Until next time, this is Christine Lukin 940 00:35:57,750 --> 00:36:00,329 reminding you that you're good enough, 941 00:36:00,630 --> 00:36:03,829 you're smart enough, and, gosh darn it, people 942 00:36:03,829 --> 00:36:04,570 like you, 943 00:36:05,030 --> 00:36:06,010 including me. 944 00:36:06,789 --> 00:36:07,769 Bye for now. 945 00:36:11,575 --> 00:36:13,575 Thank you for listening to the Money is 946 00:36:13,575 --> 00:36:14,715 Emotional podcast. 947 00:36:15,494 --> 00:36:16,474 To get in touch, 948 00:36:16,775 --> 00:36:17,994 visit our website 949 00:36:18,375 --> 00:36:23,114 at www.christinelucan.com, 950 00:36:23,255 --> 00:36:24,900 or drop us a line 951 00:36:25,299 --> 00:36:28,760 at hello@christinelucin.com. 952 00:36:28,980 --> 00:36:31,559 And don't forget to click the follow button 953 00:36:31,699 --> 00:36:34,679 to be notified when new episodes become available. 954 00:36:35,299 --> 00:36:38,420 The information covered and posted represents the views 955 00:36:38,420 --> 00:36:40,964 and opinions of the guest and does not 956 00:36:40,964 --> 00:36:44,025 necessarily represent the views or opinions of Christine 957 00:36:44,324 --> 00:36:47,125 Luepner. The content has been made available for 958 00:36:47,125 --> 00:36:48,744 informational and educational 959 00:36:49,045 --> 00:36:52,164 purposes only. The content is not intended to 960 00:36:52,164 --> 00:36:53,940 be a substitute for professional 961 00:36:54,239 --> 00:36:57,679 investing or tax advice. Always seek the advice 962 00:36:57,679 --> 00:36:58,579 of your advisor, 963 00:36:59,039 --> 00:37:03,039 tax professional, or other qualified financial professional with 964 00:37:03,039 --> 00:37:06,000 any questions you may have regarding your personal 965 00:37:06,000 --> 00:37:06,500 finances.